2020

What a year

Started it off with cmaping for five days with eric at mt kinabalu

Applied for the NZ working holiday visa in Jan. Using Digi hot-spot on a huawei mate9... Getting through the servers was a miracle. I remember praying so earnestly to God 

Flew to NZ in Feb from singapore after visiting Joshua. My first ever flight that needed a transit in Aus.

Touched down in Christchurch and got picked up by Crystal, we homestayed

Worked in timaru in a carrot juicing factory, loved caroline bay and the bay side walk, played basketball, badminton with Kinson, Hea

Lock down happened

Worked 2 days and off 2 days

We had lots of trips for hiking, Mt Nimrod the first with its beautifully cold waterfall

Made friends with a kiwi Dav and Sue, Bbq and used his airsoft gun. 

While the world was going crazy with Covid, NZ stayed chill woth Jacinda and Lvl 4 lockdown.. And its citizens generally really following guidelines 

After four months of 12 hour morning shift factory work... Winter was approaching. We resigned and did a road trip in a motor home for abt a week. Queenstown, wanaka, lake tekapo, mt Cook.

First time hiking in snow, magical

Did snow boarding too, its cool. Much more fun than skiing, well the boots were comfier 

Then road trip with 4 ppl in the car, crystal, kexin, han and I in a nissan liberty. Milford sounds (fuel up your car before going!), nelson, backpacking lots of places, homestaying too... 

Salmon, queenstown, bluff oysters, Invercargill Starbucks.. 

Then we were up north, Wellington, thanks Michelle for hosting us in your beautiful home. 

Then Auckland. Enterprise Recruitment got us into something-micro.. A warehouse for phones and laptops. But the hours were too short. So we got 12 hour night shift work at Sistema. Life there... Mele, hazel, elizabeth and her stories.. 

We also tried to to pasar malam eith sam from treasure Kitchen.. But then second round of covid came.. 

Well.. 

I JUST SAW A SHOOTING STAR! 11.03PM at. Mt eden...

Cool

Yea.. Moved houses from 2H3 to 2H5.. Becamw guan jia, clean stuff... 

Owh i bumped my head om the shower handle one day, nose started bleeding.. Hasn't stopped.. Especial when i exert too much strength at work.. I feel like a blood vessel pops.. Lol.. 

Or maybe it was just the unhealthy life in sistema.. (i wasn't sleeping properly). I'll sleep in the car. Sleep suring breaks. Be sleepy when i drive back.  And only get abt 4-5 hours sleep in the morning (its too bright!) and i probably didn't have enough hormone built up to be sleepy enough. 

And on our off days we'd need to flip back from night to day back to night. 

Erm.. Anyways.. Now i sleep alot.. Avg 7-8 hours. Sometimes 9-10 on the weekends

Anyways... 

Started attending Elim church. (we tried ABT). Wanna be more.. Integrated and involved... 

Ps Becs said 1. Reprioritise, 2. Reposition 3. Resurface 

When things are brought back up, its time to deal with them.. The right way. 

Its getting cold.. Regret not bringing a sleeping bag, blanket.. 

It just gets.. Really cold here.. 

I'm not planning anymore 

I'm not.. Being proactive and thinking ahead. 

And not.. Interacting with.. People.. 

Sigh.. 

Life.. 

Life.. 

2021..

Come quickly 

joy to the world

Its a joy just to be alive

gold crown antenna

Kings wore these pieces of metal with weird shapes to pick up frequencies from the beyond...

attention economy

Our attention is a resource,

A really valuable one. 

And cooperations are out there to grab it. 

Protect it furiously 

wisdom, knowledge. more knowledge is wiser or not?

 if the textbook answer of wisdom is: applying knowledge appropriately.
(and on a side note, understanding is being able to explain complex terms in simpleness)

then... what is if that knowledge was just a limited pool of memory?

see, our minds can only fabricate so much from the collective experiences that we've had.

and being able to come to conclusions with that... how is that wisdom? if we do not seek to know more than we already do? i dont think there's such a thing as "knowing too much". logically the more one knows, the more... comprehensive their reasoning capacity would be... no?

or does knowing too much cloud judgement, the less one knows, the simpler minded one is, the more 'cohesive' and 'coherent' (opostite of dissociation) i.e. associated or integrated one's mind would be. the easier it would be to come to conclusions that aren't conflicting with one another. gosh to be able to have the blissful non-conflicting thoughts when making a decision. zero-doubt. ignorance is bliss.

hah... anyways what i'm trying to say is.

the less one knows the better

the one more knows the better too

consolidated <--- thats the word i was looking for

strategy games are worlds

Playing strategy games is like life.

You've gotta get resources, minerals.

Thats money in real life.

You've gotaa manage logistics and caps, 

Thats the limited human resource. 

Gotta build stuff, and army, research. 

Thats a home, friends, learning new things

Playing games tesches one about managing stuff in life, in reality. 

jack bogle on covid

I wonder what would jack bogle say about covid if he were still alive

"its only 200/300..."

When i told my dad i would be selling a car cheaper than i bought it...

He says yeah as it exchanges hands the value depreciates.. And its okay its just two three hundred dollars... 

That almost brought me to tears. 

To be reminded by my dad, my origins, my culture... 

That we're not always out there to make money out of everything. There's more to life than being greedy... 

How far I've strayed from the path

Oh generosity are you still alive in there? 

Oh love and respect, shes the one above everyone else. Love her, cherish her. 

I thank God. For them, my parents, my lover. They were there in my life at the right times. Teaching me different things.

All that i may become a better and whole man. Christ, you are my role model above all

when the sell shares

Q: when should i sell my shares?

A: when you desperately need the money. 

Investing isnt the same as trading. In for the long run, not short term.

Learning so much from Sharesies lunch money podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/47AkXbg17RAmN8QfJKzLeL?si=UVA-zvyoQmWvN6AvYe9Ikw

washing pens

I dreamt that i left some pens in my pockets and washed the pants.

Happened once, the hivest jacket

why was Jesus a man?

Why did God choose the male gender when being born as Jesus?

I guess in the context of the cultural background that time.. Guys could just do things that girls couldn't. Like teach in the synagogue and stuff. Lots of roles were gender biased.

humility and respect

Staying humble is bloody hard.

Especially when you know you csn do things better than others at certain things. 

Without humility, Pride blinds one. 

We cant see the potential in others without humilty. 

We cant understand others, be empathetic, and give the other person the comfort and feeling of safety amd assurance without humilty. 

And respect. 

Everyone deserves respect. 

The incompetent, the lazy, the unfortunate, the poor by choice or just circumstances, the begger the rich, the proud, the lonely the lovely. 

proverbs: to gain wisdom, philosophise

 always wondered what proverbs was talkng about when solomon asked to find wisdom, understanding and knowledge at whatever cost..

but how does one... spend money? or time? to gain those three things..

well....

i think a good way to do it would be philosophy.

starting from the socratic era and hellenistic era... the thinkers at time ask alot of questions that many of us don't now adays. questions that we don't need to ask, we aren't required to ask, we dont have the time and liberty (away from all the distractions) to ask....  our shorthening aattention span due to the usage of smartphone and dopamine overdoes ins't helping...

hence, podcase by Philosophize this by Stephen West have been life saving for 12 hour night shift work at the Sistema factory here in NZ...

just wish i could take out a pen and paper more often to write down ideas and thoughts... to pause the audio and read a script... to take time to ponder

owh we... the good stuff sticks.

epicurean stoic

Am i an epicurean or a stoic? 

Do i seek a tranquil life through minimising suffering and hardship or the pursuit of virtue. 

Alexander the great said if he were not Alexander he would be Diogenes

In circles, there are those whom lead, thinking they know what's best and right. Theres those whom follow, loyalty out of unswerving faithfulness... And there are those whom..... Just dont care

black holes and lost civilizations

 black holes are civilisations that grew too advance in their technology,

the manage to squeeze in too much into too small a space...

until the very fabric of space time began to collapse,

forming a dense singularity... where nothing but radiation escapes the event horizon

150NZD to save a life

 I got saman by the NZ police today.

Calm and nice guy

just before the road to Murphy's bush

sigh..

didn't ware seat belt, and i was leaning over to chit chat

should have just slept in the car,

should have just wore a seat belt

why am i worried that this will be considered a crime?

would it affect my immigration extension application..

you know that they couldn't process mine smoothly because there was a missing tick box on section E1... if i committed any offense? including driving offences...

i  couldn't even watch my TBN JOnah movie finished..

loaded it on monday 24th. (it was airing free on 21-23 weekend).. its the 28th today.. tried continuing it.. didn't work.. only manage to get in 40 plus minutes..

anyways...

if there was a car crash.. and a life was lost...

150NZD could never buy that back...

no amount of money can buy back a life that's wasted

God..... am i running away from nineveh

corona n anchanged future

Wuhan corona virus was released so that autonomous technology uptake would be faster. World is controlled by few very powerful people.

If satan cant destroy you, 

He'll distract you. 

Media access and tech is rapidly changing. Too fast for human brain to keep up with.

We live in an era where we're 

"Information rich, time poor."

Choose what we wanna spend time on. 

Prioritise, focus. 

time in nature

What is the NOW?

What does time mean to nature & the natural world? 

missing and found

Thank you Lord.

Pam's blue chiller bag with passport, phone, anz card, sistema id card was missing... 

Now its found. Hallelujah. 

siblings

Tai kor is a philosopher,

Yee kor is a theologian, 

Jie jie's empathetic, 

Me... I'm just the youngest... 

Kristol's neo-conservative:

a liberal who has been mugged by reality.

How does one related to a person hurting in feelings. While still being right? 

Being right. 

Sometimes being wrong is the right thing? 

No... World doesn't need more sinners. 

Romans. 

What is dying to self? 

What is denying ones self..

What is.. Giving up for the sake of receiving. 

What to be right about 

What to be choose to be wrong about? 

Is pleasing people more important? 

Please God first.. Then others. Or my self first. Love oneself first to love others (as we love ourselves..) 

Do i love myself? 

Do i love others? 

What would i do if i loved others? 

Listen to them.. 

Empathise. 

People are hurting

Thats the truth. 

The want to be heard

Want to be found

Want to be loved. 

So.... To be neutral, 

.... 

To be wise

Mature.. 

Hmmm

song regrets

i heard a wonderful song at work today,
but didn't manage to catch what the name of this song was..

it'll forever haunt me until i hear it again i guess

pot, fruit, pancake

A pot to cook food in

Fruits that provide vitamins 

Pancakes for breakfast at Prince Albert's, Nelson. 

warm, boots, cash for fuel

Reading the clergyman's daughter.

I'm thankful that we have enough money to buy fuel. 

That we had enough fuel to reach milford sound. 

That there was petrol at milford sound.

That i can sleep in a warm llace 

That I've got food shoes

import photos vs copy and paste

So i tried copying/cutting files (pictures and videos) from my phone (huawei mate9) , camera (gopro hero 8), and sd card (strontium microsd-usb reader).

The large files always have errors. Especially with the videos. Made a major mistake by selecting cut instead of copy for the videos, a catastrophic error occured and the videos are gone from the source (phone) while not being copied into my hard drive.

I downloaded a program to help with the errors: tera copy. Helps by dragging the videos one by one and queing them up instead of one whole big bunch. 

Also... The import photos/videos function would work great. Somehow or another the Windows program runs differently from the normal copy and paste explorer function... 

Gonna start using that more often now. 

Still windos 7. Yea! 

namaste shalom

judges 6:24
And Gideon built an altar to the Lord there and named it Yahweh-Shalom (which means “the Lord is peace”).

instead of chanting namaste1 at the end of a yoga or meditation session,
chant "shalom" which means peace in hebrew...

wait what?
chating? do christians do that? isn't that an eastern buddhist monk thing
is there any harm in doing meditation..

hmm

whatever helps to consolidate focus,
bring together a wholeness of the mind,
the fragmented parts of memory,
that brings peace.

shalom

1. btw namaste should mean namaskar: a traditional respectful greeting to a teacher by putting the hands together infront of the chest and bowing the head..
but nowadays in the age of "spirituality" it has the connotation of sepnding out peace vibes to the universe in hopes of getting something back

Orbit Protect Working Holiday Insurance

Just signed up for orbit protect insurance
When i was coming here from Malaysia i was looking for insurance that would cover Working Holiday Visa (WHV). but, there isn't any that when you googled would specifically say that it's fro WHV.

So i just got a AXA "smart traveller annual - gold" that covers NZ. it was abt RM175 bucks
BUT their FAQ states specifically that they DONT cover WHV... zz

https://digital.axa.com.my/travel-insurance-malaysia/faqs/general-travel-insurance
Can I buy travel annual plan for working holiday in New Zealand or Australia?
Travel insurance is designed for travellers who travel for leisure or business only. Working holiday is not considered as a leisure or a business trip.

so yeah..
but i just kept the policy lah, incase .. you know.. need to use it next time.
it's an annual thing anyway

sooooo...
i've been here in NZ for abt 3 months now.
survived the COViD19 lockdown wohoo!
(was working in a factory, it was considered an essential industry)

so yeah...
my whatsapp chat group talked abt getting an insurance,
so there was this one mentioned: Orbit Protect.

but i didn't think abt if for some time
until today... i searched online .. AA insurance etc.. so many out there lah.. so confusing sometimes.
but Orbit.. man.. they are good.. straightforward to the point....

says there right on their front homepage: Working Holiday Insurance

checked out their premiums.. good leh..
and once working here in NZ for a few weeks.. its affordable lah
So yeah.

Got insurance now =)
wohoo!

made to walk

"you're meant to just walk" - Geoff Chapple, founder of Te Araroa

Q: Or maybe it's more simple than that. I once asked an inveterate walker why he did it and the answer was:
A: 'because I'm here, and not there'

soul rest

There is only one true source of soul rest,

And that is God

grounding insole

Watching a documentary abt grounding

https://youtu.be/44ddtR0XDVU 

How going bare foot on earth is good. 

I used to run around alot bare foot, especially during frisbee on the grass! 

Loved it. 

But now i love shoes, 

Doc marts, boots, tennis shoes, zero raise shoes, barefoot shoes, vibrams, luna sandals, asadi slippers and adidas kampung... You name it

Hence... 

How to be grounded while still wearing shoes? An insole (in contact with the foot) made of conductivite material that has a wire running out to the bottom of the shoe sole in contact with the ground. 

The plate at the bottom is not hard as a nail as to make clacking sounds when walking such as thumbtacks in marching boots, but instead made of a soft conductive gel composite of metals and uhh.. Gel. 

Haha. One day maybe. 

on wareables

so i got a huawei band 4 pro and band 4 e

i also have a mate 9,  with huawei's health app installed.

i know they're taking a heck tonne of information from me.

and they are probably tracking me everywhere i go too with the GPS.

listening in onto everthing i say though the always on microphone,

watching me with the camera, that faces both forwards and back

as well as camera's from other phones..

this is it.. this is the state of surveillance that.. destopian stories talk about

but see, it doesn't have to be enforeced upon us... 

we willing accept it,

i willing buy and pay for it,

i willingly put it on my arm

cause in my mind, 

i'm sold out to it,

the advertising worked.

it made me think that this was something i "NEEDED"

well.. technology is only as helpful so far as it doen't master us.

cheerios

predicting what is going to be read next

funny isn't it,

how when we reaad things, somethings. sometimes we can predict what is going to be said next in the line. as if, we've read it before, there's some conception of what's coming next, a foresight, an image.

the more knowledge one has stored up in the brain, the more things seem to repeat themselves, the more things seem to be related and connected like branches to a tree trunk. the more information, the more guesses and predictions can be made, and these calculations happen so instanteneously.

i think that's why music is so nice, we sorta can know what's in the next line, what melody it'll be, and the beat helps alot too. (unless we dont know the song!) xP

too much information nowadays float around without having any proper anchor points in the mind.

and still, always be open to the unexpected happening.

precious difference

"the difference is precious"

Dear God

Thank you for coming as a light into my life, to guide me and to shine the way. May You reveal things in mylife that need to be touched & changed by you. Lord, you were here since the beginning & You are there in the future. Sometimes i worry about what is going to happen. But please let me have peace knowing you are the Light & you will provide all that I need, not more, not less, but just what you'd want me to have that would keep me relient to you. That I may know it is not things i should desire for, you You.

Your Word is always true. Everything you said, all the promises you made. If there was anything in this world that I should put my trust in, let it be You and your words. May it not just be memorised scriptures in my head, but help me to live it out in my daily life, to embodie it, to  be empowered by it, to find assurance, peace, guidance, rest, fullfilment, joy, love, teachings, rebuke, warnings, rewards, my portion. all that is enough for me.

Let it be in you that I find my satisfaction in life, my given purpose, my meaning.
Let my dailty thoughts be shaped by You, when I rise: Your the first thoguht on my mind,
when i lay my head down to sleep: Your the one I talk to to thank you.
That the questions i ask not just others but also myself... are influenced by You
My intentions of the day,
turn myself from me to you

"Self-righteousness has nothing righteousabout it, is is just being selfish"

Let me not miss out on who you are.

humanities

How to be a good law abiding citizen that is beneficial to the country. Hmm sad that they left out the parts on how to be a thinker and to be unfraid to ask questions and challenge opinions of others, especially the governing bodies

characteristics

The characteristics of a saved person is not the same as the way to get saved.

I.e. Good deeds is a method to earn salvation, but instead, it is a testament and proof that a person's been saved

empathy, saying things in the right way

thank you for your caring post Christine,
passings bring about times of reminiscing,
stories shared come from your eyes and mine,
your mother's, my father's, Zacharias'.

Perfect accounts we'll never have,
not while here on earth, cause humans we are.
at death, these small things wont seem to matter,
we'd realise the bigger picture's much better.

The story goes as far as it's told,
bringing about the words of Christ:
to turn another cheek, a coat not sold,
an extra mile, a question not missed.

they answered callings greater than anything,
to give away one's own life at any moment,
knowing eternal life isn't just waiting,
just walking with God is divinely potent.

ravi..

there was a moment where i found it hard to consolidate what Ravi's story was with how my dad recalled the account. To a point where i almost became disillusioned of how much i could believe what i heard or read in everything else that followed... if i spoke up, would it discredit another? if i stayed silent, was i hiding a truth and being proud of a lie being perpetuated..

then i realised i'd miss the point, it was never about any of these men (include myself) getting anything out of it... it was always about God getting all the glory at the end (and begging) of it all.

just like the textual criticism of gospels, there are and always will be variations, nothing (no-one) really is "perfectly" in agreement to another least it ceases to be human (imperfection is an unavoidable sign of being one)... but at the end of the day, what was the intention

the video recording, the document.. the stories shared from one generation to another, maybe it's a lil clearer now since it all occurred during our lifetime, who knows what it'd be told like in the future...

whatever the story, it was never about the followers, for what they had always wanted was to point to whom they were following.

grief hope

Where there's grief,

There's hope. 

secrets

Most of the times we hide things out of fear.

But what if we lived in a society that celebrates being imperfect. 

Where we can share whatever is inside us because we know it's safe to do so. 

There won't be any stigma, nor judgment or persecution. 

What if the only thing we needed to fear was God? For it is He that knows all and created all. Why would we even bother fearing man then? 

dav's house

I'm grateful that we could go to dave William's and Sue V. 's house at pleasent point today.

We got to shoot a    .2 air riffle! 

Had bbq, steamboat hotpot 

Went to vist a 1860 kiln

Played with Tommy & shaddy

And hook up a targus multi port. 

So fun. Had a good day. 

Should have let ah peng get the last shot xP

scale of cogs

Atp, mitochondria.. The energy of life, the powerhouse of living things.

I feel like a small cog in a machine.

What if... Humans are just like cells, 

That the earth is just another molecule. 

In this large large universe... 

friendship

“Friendship makes prosperity more shining,” wrote Cicero, “and lessens adversity by dividing and sharing it.”

isolation without zoom

Is the ability to meet up online through video conferencing a good thing?

I feel like it adds an obligation because the possibility is opened up.

Like, I'd rather have isolation in my home, really isolated. 

With no one contacting me at all... 

Wouldn't that be good? 

And healthy maybe? 

Some alone time... 

Forcing.. Us to be by ourselves

Introspection would be a natural outcome 

dont say something that isn't nice...

Sometimes its just better not to say anything. If theres nothing nicd to say at all. 

being kind, being strict

Being kind is one thing, being strict is another.

Emilyn's mother told her this when she was young: something about being correct at work, or taking care of relationships in the household.

Haha cant really understand chinese? 

Grey said this in English:

"The way you say a message, 

Make it open for discussion, 

Not closed for criticism."

I guess if theres one thing:

The way we say things shouldnt be sarcastic? 

Make it clear, 

Not a personal attack. 

Not emotionally written. 

Address the issue

Identify the problem,

Present a solution, 

Be open to suggestions.

Be empathetic, 

What would you feel if you were in the other persons shoes? 

How would you like to be spoken to? 

Set up the listener's heart to be open for taking in criticism, knowing this will help them imrpove to be a better person, and not just to make them feel bad.

Timing. Tone. Choice of words. 

Speak personally first, before in groups. Especially if theres a supervisor inside. 

the same God

Who created the corona virus? Where did it come from? 

Some say from chinese eating bats at a wildlife market. 

Aome say it was made in a lab. 

Either in china or USA. 

I'd say... God knows exactly what it is

And it is by Him that its exsistance is sustained. 

Same as mine. 

Gee

maturely immature?

saying someone is immature is ... so immature.
because we dont see the potential of people to mature

unique identifier for recycling plastics

plastics should have a unique identifier that helps machines automatically identify and sort them in recycling facilities

it can be a microchip,
barcode,
RF device..
or something made out of the same material as the plastic itself,
brill?
something read-able by laser scanners,
acustics?
or visual detection, next gen camera, AI?

the same God

Who created the corona virus? Where did it come from? 

Some say from chinese eating bats at a wildlife market. 

Aome say it was made in a lab. 

Either in china or USA. 

I'd say... God knows exactly what it is

And it is by Him that its exsistance is sustained. 

Same as mine. 

Gee

spot check

A girl cant check her boys phone nowadays and find nothing wrong.

If nothing is found, it means he has another phone. 

Lol

hope

I secretly hope...

That this corona virus never ends... 

:/

more introverts now adays

Introverts

I foresee more peoplw claiming to be that

Nowadays... 

Its not like I'm saying anything misjudgingly...

I believe there are two sides of the coin in personalities when it comes to this, extroverts and introverts. But unlike a coin thats clearly 50-50, this isnt so black and white. With plent of grey and a whole spectrum in between. 

Anyways, you dont read that many people are self proclaiming to be extroverts do ya? No right. But introverts, yes. Especially on social media and the net. 

I remember my form 6 chem teacher's daughter qalista to be extreamly introverted in real life, but a whole different person online. 

So yeah... 

Hmm.. 

I think more and more people will become introverts. Not by nature but because of how the internet nurtures us to become so. 

We're in our own bubble. 

And aything ww dont loke is outside of it. 

We find talking to people... 

Tiring. 

Why? Because inside us... We're dry. 

We dont have the source of life, 

That overflows like a cup overflowing. 

Into the lives of others. 

Extroverts get energy when they talk to others? Nah... They get tired too. 

Everyone gets tired,

Just like the women at the well whom's thirsty...

Yes she can drink water to quench physical thirst. But spiritual thirst? Ah

 Thats a whole other thing. 

Extroverts... 

Introverts... 

Need

 The life waters

money and religion

some put their trust in money, finances.
others put build their whole life on chasing some other personal thing they think is of value..

of utmost value.

the word controls people,
by money...
or by religion.

lords control their samurais by a code called bushido
the samurai thinks he's doing is lord and people good.

by sacrificing so much.

by is it all worth the sacrifice?
what if the master we serve isn't all that deserving of our service?

who is the one we want to subject ourselves to?
if it isn't the King of a Kingdom that will never come to and end
then it is only temporary. even if it's building up the castle for our own selves.

brainwashed.
waiting for the end to come
that 'glorious' end.

being willing to forsake the desires and pleasure of this world in the current day.
why

is money evil? no

it is just a tool, which can be used for good or bad.
why are some so sad, when they dont get to earn as much as others?

when they can instead look and see how much they can help and give to others with what they have.

but some people know how powerful money is
and use it to control others, instead of bless them

evil, is in the intention
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
religion,
once it becomes law
and follwed just for the sake of it
that's where it derails

God saves us,
not by anything we can do
but it doesn't mean we stay the same
living out our life the same as before making Jesus our Lord
something inside us changes,
we start wanting to follow His will
we work out of faith with fear and trembling
we dont stay the same

accept the gift of salvation as it is,
a gift.
but when the Gift is received,
it doesn't leave us unchanged.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

universalism and relativism
i grew up in an armenian culture,
Christ died for us on the cross
it is up to us to choose  to accept Christ or not.
it is the gift of God, free will
to choose Him or not.

but now in my latter years
i think back and see,
if God already knew what was going to happen in the future,
doesn't it mean that we already knows if we would choose Him or otherwise?
Hence, isn't what we're going to do already predestined in a sort of sense.

predestination, to be save,
one day,
to be seated with Him in heaven.

but that doesn't give me the excuse to be lazy,
while here on earth.
no that doesn't mean what heaven is.

heaven is here, on earth,
when we pray the Lord's prayer.
Let it be, as it is in heaven.

here, right here
right now.

don't wait for the future,
make it now.

make the choice to be alive in Chirst,
right here,
right now.

love others,
forgive
don't bear grudges,
let of of anger,
let go of the chance to say "i'm right"
"i told you so"

thy will, forgive us as we forgive others

How does one balance between being

Selfless and meet, humility and authority? 

Thw first shall be last, 

And the last first. 

Christ. He bore it all on Himself. 

So that we need not to. 

In dealing with hard colleagues. 

Take the less traveled road. 

Yes seniors many always be asking juniors to do things. Thats normal. They want to assert control, dominance. 

And most of the time its because they are told to so things by the supervisor/manager. 

None of us are perfect

We all make mistakes. 

Some can be corrected, 

Some cant. 

Humility, 

Staying silent when youre in the right to speak and claim something. 

Out of loving kindess for the other party. 

Least they be blind and not see that the submission is not one of inferiority but superiority to give in. 

Like a dad playing like he lost when his child is wrestling with him.

Yes we could wrestle back and win, 

But where is the love in that? 

Only if the other is trying their best, 

And it matches with our own. 

The senior bears the mistake of the junior, 

Because their duty is to check on them. 

This responsibilty breeds a kind of... Distrust and enmity. Hence why the bigger bullies the smaller into submission. 

But... What if the smaller is actually the bigger. 

When did we see you Lord... 

God... Teach me to be more like you... 

Notnselfnsacrificial for ones own sake snd glory and fame... 

But.... 

Because the Father Wills it to be.... 

Thy will be done

Easter 2020

God of light,

God of darkness. 

God of the good times, 

God of the bad.

God of the mountain tops, 

God of the valley low. 

He is God, 

God of all. 

God in life, 

God in death.

You dont just want to be in the rooms of my heart and mind thats clean, neat and tidy. 

You want us to open, 

Up the door that we'd never dare show anyone... The darkest rooms, the one we're most ashamed off, the one we've hidden from everyone else, even our own selves. 

God... Why would you want me to invite You into that? 

Where I'm angry and frustrated,

irritated and short tempered.

Hatred and twisted, 

Tormented and suffering. 

A torn, 

A pain, 

An ache, 

A nuisance. 

God,

You made everything. 

The good the bad, 

The beautiful the ugly. 

A good God, 

Did you make evil too? 

God, the God of goodness, 

Surely You're not a god of hate, 

A God of jealousy,

A God of pain and suffering. 

When you made things, 

The esrth the sky the seas, 

Us. 

You made em good, 

But because You know all, 

You foresaw the fall. 

You knew what whats made perfect in Your image, would not stay that way. 

We would one day turn and deny, 

Disobey and run away. 

Yet... Yet You still chose to go one and make us.... 

Knowing in this world there would be suffering awaiting. 

Not just for us. 

But Yourself. 

You knew what You'd have to do. 

To redeem what You would did. 

Would did. 

The confirmation of doing something in the future in reference to the past. 

Time and space, 

Do not contain You. 

Morals dont, 

Nor do human minds. 

God of goodness. 

God whom is holy. 

Yes, 

You're not evil. 

You're not unholy. 

But yet you still chose to be there. 

For our sake. 

You bore the most evilest punishment, 

Betrayal, 

Mocking, 

Flogging, 

Spitting, 

Jeering, 

Accused, 

Stripped, 

Crowned... 

Nailed. 

Hung. 

Bled, 

Died. 

When to hades. 

You were there, 

In hell. 

With Satan. 

You were there beside him. 

Yet not on his side, 

But still remaining holy, 

You faught for us. 

You faught to bring back to order what You intended since the beggining. 

You faught for You, 

For Your glory.

For Your fame. 

Is it wrong that God should be praised? 

No, He is the only one worthy of praise. 

There is nothing else in this earth worthy. 

No riches, 

No power. 

No fame, 

No flame. 

God. 

You are. 

Who You are.

The good and the bad. 

They both belong to You. 

I acknowledge that, 

And I submit to You.

Remove from me, 

All my sins. 

The thoughts that twist me, 

That make me greedy and prideful. 

Only You can remove. 

Only You can restore, 

Only You. 

Becuase You made us, 

You once made us good.

But we turned away and disobeyed.

But our own free choice and will. 

And you paid the price to make us good again, once again.

God.

Only You are good. 

Only You can make me do good. 

I am not good. 

I cant be good on my own terms. 

Even if i tired. 

I will never be good. 

Not even just good enough, 

But just even good.

Therr is no goodness, 

Aside from God. 

I can do nothing, 

Aside from You.

Bad. 

God of, 

God of the bad. 

Not a bad God. 

But a God of, 

Everything. 

Including what would seemingly be to me,

the bad things. 

"all good things come from God, all bad things from the devil" 

Aren't You the God of all, 

The good and the bad. 

Sovereign. 

God, You are... 

Death

You died on the cross. 

To claim it. 

Death where is your sting. 

Death,

The God of death.

Death belongs to You. 

And You alone. 

You get to choose, 

Who dies and who lives. 

The wicked or the righteous, 

The rich or the poor. 

No one can escape it. 

No one can escape You, 

Everyone will have to stand before You, 

Everyone will be judge. 

Why not start to know the Judge now.

God.

The judge. 

God, 

Death. 

Life. 

God of Death, 

God of Life. 

Death isn't necessarily the worse thing. 

We finally get to meet our Creator. 

But there are more things wrose than death. 

That can happen in this life here on earth. 

Death. 

Life. 

Life, live. 

To the fullest. 

Heaven, is not a place. 

It is... A relationship. 

This is eternal life, 

To know Jesus and the One whom sent Him. 

And to obey, who wouldnt want to obey, especially when He's got our best intrest in mind for our veryvoen lives. Even better than what we could think or dream off.

Seek God, 

Obey. 

Follow His percepts and commandements

His covenant, 

A new one, 

Not made by following rules or regulations. 

But a new covenant made,

By His blood. 

Be known by God. 

To be know by Him. 

Wow

God, to know God. 

And to be known by Him. 

God... Happy Easter. 

Its like... Your birthday again. 

Coming back to life, 

Just as a baby is given life. 

Born again, 

Out of a tomb. 

Happy Easter day Jesus. 

made the wrong choice

My girl came to coco's room during smoco after morning CIP. Thats rare.

It was nice. Bro kinson came over and asked me to go juice room to drink. 

Gg. 

To go or to stay. 

I choose the wrong one...

Out of the feeling that she'll understand, 

And i dont want to let him down. 

Next time,

Priorities.

Choose love

on working on good friday AND Easter

Me: aiaya i didnt kena the public holiday to work, can earn 1.5 pay. 

Dad: its okay la, its juat money. You're not in need of it right.

.... Wow.... 

There's surely more to life than just chasing a higher salary eh....

I want to be like you dad

whose fame

fame, to be known by the most Famous One,
what could possibly be more wonderful than that?
to be known by the most famous person in history.

like all

But like all documentaries, i guess its always good to take in things with a pinch of salt. At the end one person might say something that isn't really reflective of the whole population. Or make generalisations when actually people are unique individuals.

lockdown sily

The lockdown rules reminds me of all the silly restrictions of university, school and kindergarden..

How does limiting four people to the pantry room... Having 2 meters apart form another... Contact dairy for people more than 15 minutes.... Do... Anything..

Why not.. 3 or 5 people, why not 1 or 3 meters or 14 minutes...

All those things dont really make a difference.. But well.. Atleast their trying

I think their focusing on the wrong things... Like.. People should be checked for covid19 instead 

the right thing

If we know something, 

Which should be reported... 

But we dont want to backstab, 

Or there's no anonymous channel.. 

The more responsible thing would be to let the person tell the story for themselves.

Tell then to tell it, 

If not you would tell it. 

Which relationships do you value,

Which relationship is above which. 

What are the backlashs if one point is tsken over the other and vice versa. 

What are the probable futures and outcomes? 

Will you cry, will. Your friensship be destroyed? Will there be.. Trust issues

to be more and more like You

Coming before the King

We'll worship you and sing. 

You are, you are... 

Holy....  Holy

God almighty, 

Grace and mercy, 

Show us more of You

God almighty, 

Love and glory, 

You are all we long for... 

Praise... We'll praise, 

Well sing, Your song..... 

From our hearts we cry out, 

From our lungs we call out,

Lord won't you see us through, 

To be more and more like You...

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1v_P0cUSq23wQUKwldle1rICUZzXlHtC_/view?usp=drivesdk

different way of cooking

You okay ah bro,

Its just different way of cooking mah.. 

Girls.. 

Haha ya man bro, 

I know how you feel

Sometimes my girls like that too, 

But its okay lah, we puy up with them.. 

With patience, 

And love. 

They've had a long day, 

Summore as supervisors they probably got alot of stress and baggage that rhey bring back home. 

They cant let it out on anyone at work,

So sometimes its the ones at home, those closes to them that get the brunt. 

But its not that they want to intentionally hurt us. The only intentional choice we should make is to be there for each other. 

Going through life, long life together.. 

Small things like these creep up, 

But thats parr of the relationship.. 

We bear with each other. 

That's love. 

28th Feb 2020

marks a new season in my life
i'm in NZ now

thanks Chiao Wenn

took a 12 hour flight
SIN-MEL-CHC

immigration, had to clear singapore, then melbourn, then NZ
flight to CHC, nice stewardess, sat beside a fellow malaysian, a chef.
customs, asked about my working holiday visa. so smooth.
declared that my hiking boots were used in the forest, nice lady, just took it in for disinfection
then though the bag scanners. nice =)

Went to the ANZ bank at Ferrymead, thx Michelle

Went to a medical clinic, thx Dr Bernard from Sarawak

Went to a car workshop, thx Mr Daniel from Taiwan
lol crystal they all rage bought transmission fluid.. poured in normal Automatic transmission fluid for a CVT..... it's too slippery. haha. changed the brake pads, they were realllly worn out.

Went to CHC central, food... thanks KeXin and Chiao Wenn
such a pleasent night. from 12pm on 17th in singapore to 11pm on 28th in NZ.. didn't shower
gah.. itchy.. but.. its okay now... thankfully

this place is full of nice people,
now i'm in a homestay.

ah changed my google play location from malaysia to NZ to install the gomoney ANZ banking app,
only can change location once a year.. so i guess this is the place =) haha

the landlady is suuuuuuper friendly.
she keeps on trying to find a adaptor for my laptop =)
thankfully NZ uses the same voltage as malaysia,
i bought a head to swap it out on my plug.
hmm... should i bless the landlady?

ah.. God you're so good. so so good.

thank you for all the prayers and well wishes....
mom, dad, abel, guo jeng, daneil, erin, joshua...
so many more

thank you God,
that i get to be together with her

faith

I believe in You,

And i just want to follow You. 

Faith... Thats the step to take, 

Not about chasing the actions or "good works". Those will come naturally and automatically, a byproduct, a fruit...

Faith is taking what is unseen and bringing it down to the world... 

By faith we take hold.

Cain and abel, 

There is worship that is acceptable to God, and one there is not. Which one are you bringing? 

Type? Lamb-veg

Portion? - the best part.. Just something?

Timing? First born- in the course of time, just suka-suka..

Writer of hebrews: what set it apart : faith. God looked into the hearts of cain and abel... He found faith in one. 

Heart of cain was exposed when God rejected his offering. 

What does it mean to worship by faith? 

Choosing to love and honor God inspite of what we're going through. 

Anyone can worship God when things are good, but it takes something else to worship Him when things aren't going well 

Abel worshiped by faith

Enoch walked by faith

Sense a sense of intimacy, 

Like evening walks... 

A walk isn't a continuous thing, a process... In the same direction, can both walk together if they are going different directions?.. When two come into ab agreement. When God calls something good, its good. When God calls something bad, its bad.

Its never a one off thing. 

"a long obedience in the same direction" 

Any relationship is like that. 

Enoch was noah's great great grandfather. A positive effect on the future generations. 

Noah... ____ by faith. 

Witnessed 

To tell people about something you known its true. God spoke to Noah, and he shared it. He acted upon it. 

It look hundreds of years. 

In a time of no rain, people didn't believe it. It is one thing to be ridicule. If you're a good person in an evil society. You'll feel unsafe. 

No one could say no one witness to us. Cause the ark was in their face.

Does our obedience bear witness to our God? Live in a way that we trust God for our salvation?

Live a life that is mindfull of the word or God,.... mighty in service

the speed of the soul

"My soul just can’t do life at the speed of smartphones." - John Eldredge

ted and ted talks

Ted kaczynski... What a genius.

He must have life good inside prison, a roof over his head and meals, isolation from the world. All the basic needs taken care off, all the unnecessary things done away like taxes and relationships.. Or the need to build relations with strangers... He still keeps in contsct with people, relationships are important... 

He can just focus.

Wow. 

That there is real genius.. Being able to do something so.. Atrocious to society. To help it. 

I wanna read his manifesto. 

Ted.. A hero? 

Ted... Hmm. Ted talks.. Haha. 

I wonder if he's linked to it and pulling strings while still behind bars or something. 

red comemoration Aukey CB-AC1

Finally decided to get the Aukey braided nylon usb3.1 Gen1 to type-C (1.2m) cable. It can quick charge my huawei mate 9. Its thick and no worries of bashing it around. Its going to be my EDC cary cable (wanna leave the original one at home with the charger, as that one does supercharging really well and dont want to spoil it by wesr and tear). This one on the other hand. Imma abuse the heck out of it.

And it is usb3.1 btw, so it transfers data at 5gbs. Even faster than the original cable that only has usb2. 

Because the two wires are different in function and tecnical aspects.. , i justify that it is worth the buy.

Haha, thats just me comforting myself.. For spending.. RM29. RRP was RM89. Aukey's official website sells it for Rm49. So 30 bucks... The digi store in 1B has had it for quite some time... And i keep eying it everytime i pass by the store.. So now... No more.... 

I'm satisfied and happy with my purchase.. 

The last thing i'd buy here in Sabah,

Before flying off back to PJ tonight, 

And then to NZ on 27th!

saving is all His work

The more i read..

The more i realise that..

"saving is all His idea,

And all His work" 

I've tried to save myself before.

Many times, trying to do the "good work". 

It became the goal, not a response/byproduct. 

I cannot save anyone, 

Not the ones i love, 

Nor even myself. 

If i cannot love myself, 

How am i even supposed to love others, 

More so my enemies. 

The only way, 

To Abide in Christ, 

Whats the reason for all this? 

Love

= grace + kindness

It is futile to even think that

"i can do good works"

Its like building back the old barn thats meant to be teared down. 

No one can do good, 

Not even me. 

No one can save, 

Not even me. 

Christ. 

Only in Christ. 

That i may not boast. 

Christ, 

Only Christ. 

Can save, 

And it is His work. 

And it is his goodness. 

That out flows, over flows, displays itself, reflection off, result of, transforms, changes, moulds, mends, automatic response... 

It is His good work, 

And not mine

ps josh power to prosper s2

Ah ps phillip has a cd compilation of PTP.

Fsther wanting to teach the child 

10 sen or 50 sen. You can choose which one to put into the offering bag. 

God loves a cheerful giver. 

I gave the 10 sen, casue keeping 50 eill make me happier

Abundance formula

Earning - tithe - investments = epenses

What is tithes? 

Thr ship wreck people, someonebwill find us. The pastor will find me, i tithe 10k to the church. 

Tithe is a covenantal act that is born out of love. God is the one that has enabled us to make everything.

God is not just a good God, he is a generous giver. John 3 verse 16. Gods love language, for he loved the world so much he gave his only Son. 

FLO

For lovers only. 

If all we want to do is to keep, oyr hesrts become stagnant. It becomes like the dead sea. It becomes toxic. Hoarding, hanging on.

Let our hearts be like the sea of Galile. In flow and out flow. 

Go with the flow.

Four promises of financial covenant

Malachi 3:10-13

I will open the channels between us. 

Windows of heaven. 

"sluice gate" - a dam and river, outlets. 

When God opens the floodgstes, no man can close it. 

A young man wanted to go to the big city and find employment. He took a cannel boat. The captain said to him. Someone will soon be the leading soap maker in NY. You can be that person. But remember the soap is given by God, remember to faithfully tithe to him. 

William Colgate. 10% to 20 to 30 to 50.

All that we have, truely belongs to the Lord. The life, the financial, the family, the people, the factories. 

He knew how to Flo. 

Speak Gods love language. 

I will pour out abundant blessing in Excess

Our God is no man's debtor. 

Financial blessings in excess

"bless" - to kneel or praise. 

Pour out so much that you will not have enough room to store. 

I got it all back, 

And got more than that. 

In salaries increment, in bonuses. 

We can never outgive God. 

Henry parsel Cornwell 

Massive change, people were loosing jobs. 

Ohiao factory, tuberculosis. 

Quaker oats company. 

As their buisness grew, so did their giving. 

I have never gotten ahead of God, 

He always outgives me. 

Over and over. 

When you tithe, i will close the backdoor. 

Prevent the devourer. The pest.

I will protect the blessings you receive. 

It can leak. 

There is no secular sacred divide. 

I want to make God my business partner.

Earth moving machinary. 

Still recession. 26 times in 6 years. 

Antonio. 

Its not how much money i give to God, 

Its how much of God's money i keep for myself - R. G. LeTourneau

I will bring your investments to full term

Time, energy, hiring labour.. 

Skills, company. 

Craft cheddar cheese. 

"the only investments i ever made which have paid constantly increasing dividends is the money i have given to the Lord" - James L. Kraft. 

chaos

https://youtu.be/ovJcsL7vyrk?t=995

"we're not going to throw chaos at students, but maybe we should"

freedom, actions, consequences

1. in life we have the freedom to choose what to believe in. 2. what we believe in normally determines most of our actions in life. 3. our actions all have consequences

dr dolittle

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K2HIZgzAiyE&feature=youtu.be

I would have tagged you if i could. You loved to play the sims. What a good interior decor partner you would have been.

I just wactch the dr dolittle movie.

Anjmals, you love them.

And the theme of lily inside.. Sigh 

I.. miss...

memory

Everyone can remember well. Its weather we want to train our brains to remmeber things or not. If we keep outsourcing the task of memorising to the smartphone then.. We become dumber

complaints

To believe in Jesus..

Is not to complain. 

But choose to think about love

yes no

'To do' is to 'Not do'. It's okay to say "No" to be able to say "Yes"

justin and jienn's wedding

got called to help out in registration
wore my silver watch but forgot to calibrate the date to the correct one, it showed 16 haha. but the first uncle that came in asked the date "is it the 19?" i was like uhhh...


was supposed to watch the wine, the person came to find me
i didn't take note about which meal was being served,
i took out four boxes straight (after 8 boxes were used up), maybe i should have went slow and do 2 or 3 boxes first. i told them to chill, and pour less. but then, the bartender was like, no worries.. sure can. haha okayyy

i hope he followed his way and not mine. who wants to be stingy on wine on a wedding dinner

was walking to pei about working in church.
her challenge to me: work full time. learn to commit

hmm should i do that. or should i take up part time and work with Chumbaka. I'm still thinking about going to teach the children in sembulan every day from 3-5pm. with off days on maybe friday and saturday?

when i went to another table to talk (the frisbee group)
i forgot to tell pei or eric that i was going over. they seemed busy talking with the people that were beside them. so yeah. maybe there's a rhythm to things

izzudin is working in the enforcement, crime investigation department in SFD now. cools
gabrile is in a vape shop in telupid, earning cash. he stays at the hosues in menggatal just before sepanggar.

azwan is staying in.... her old house... i used to go there so much... every.. night...

krys asked about the paul smith shoes being too big.
"yeah i know right, finally an occasion that i can wear my red formal shirt, to match the red shoes"

"yeah its a lil big in size, but just like life, we learn to grow into the shoes we wear"
"walking around in the start was tricky"

how long should lines or comments be,
when should we start listening to others.

give pauses so that they can interject in

"so emery can join frisbee one day?"
justing tried to bring jienn to play too, she was like owhh.. *hide* *hide*

haha "you can do your other sports"
e: "shopping"

me:....

"haha yeah, lots of cardio, walk more than a marathon"

so many things i wanted to say that night,
but my brain was just too slow to say it.

unlike the other night that we had the dinner,
the lines were just flowing..


let the conversations just flow.
thats nice

awkwarddd...

at the end of the dinner didn't get to say thank you to justin and jienn,
said bye to the parents tough.

and jessica. didn't get to chat much with her.
so creepy i told her to have a good flight, even tough we never talked.
it's because i found out about it form her mom. lol. she has a flight at 5 am tmr.

i asked uncle mike: so whose the wedding coordinator, planner.. event planner?
lol, none, they just do it themselves. aunty E's good at this.

"ah btw the boxes of door gifts and CD's are outside"
"would you like me to put them in the car for you first?"

"so i guess i dont have to go to your house anymore to stay over"

... so many things left unsaid...


weddings...

bleh.. who wants to get married.

so many people brought their plus ones.
some didn't..

some seemed happy.
some...

i dont know..

will i ever have a partner..
someone i can call...

my.. da.. r.. =/

=(

i..

i..

zz

goodnight,
have sweet dreams

10 ideas

Ticked the boxes for some of the points..

How I'd wish we could just stay in love with each other and all the problems will go away. 

https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/10-ideas-for-people-afraid-to-exit-a-relationship/

25 Nov 2018

Revelations 16:15
Do you have your clothes on?

Spiritual garments
1. Isiah 61:10 - garments of Salvation, robes of righteousness.

New creation, Old has passed away all become new from the inside out.

The language of the Bible defines us.
The prodigal son. Like a pig. He is a son. Not a slave. There are rights and privileges given to us, because of 'relationship'. We serve Him, with eh right mindside. Because we love Him, He is wonderful, He...

The best robe. The kind worn by Kings. King of Kings. Revelations 1:6 we are Kings and priest. We are Kings.

He tells us how to operate under Him. He directs us.

A garment of praise

Ephesians 4:22
Put off the old man, Old lifestyle
Put on the new man, new creation

When you read the Bible
It changes the way you think about things
And when you think about things
You act upon those things

When you think about something long enough,
You want to do it

Change the way you act
Spending time in the word renewing your mind

Philippians 2:12
Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

The fact that you have a desire to change, is a fact that God is already working in you.
He wills in you, he enables you. As we yield to the Holy Spirit that is in us.

4. Ephesians 6:10-18
Spiritual armour

5. Luke 24:49
Endued with power from on high
Live the way you ought to live.
It will bring confusion if your lifestyle doesn't not line up with God's power in our lives. 

19 Jan 2019 yby

Private public partnership.
Comit sharing of savings.
Enerygy efficiency goal.

Finance by: bank
Because of the government backing.

Think creatively.
Easier for minister to do it than civil sefvants to execute it. As a subordinate you need to find a way to lobby the leader.

Peace. That burden to be somewhere. Didn't heard God's voice. Try to hear God's leading thorough leaders and pastors.

Conviction not

Is an open door. Things just happen. God open. If you become a ministry or is from God, and of our from God take our with faith and do it excellently. Get yourself busy and be prepared.

Q10. Background. Empatieze. Go see chief minister. Even if it was a private trip. Good thing I change clothes. Sensitive to their needs. Baju luring. Malaysian politician. They want to see you are a part of them. How you dress, will portray. Who you are.

Dressing alone alot edi.

Racist. Framing. How do you frame the discussion. Economic on the race and religion lense. Don't fall into the frame of the enemy. The perspective. I focus on delivery. Noises instead of voice that will bring the country forward.

Q11. Which character. Moses. I thought we won't rezch the promise land. Esther, that position, what we should do. Ezekiel. Different times, different biblical characters in spiritual life.

Science and tech, we don't focus on particular fields. What is strategic for the economy of the country. Tangible. How to commercialise more tech.

Climate change. Its happening. COP24.

Q12. Your so successful. Politics is temporarily. Its just a responsibility. Entrusted. It'll pass. What to improve on, EQ. I'm an impatient person, it's my character. When I'm angry, I eat chocolate. I'm angry at this character. I send my staff to them. Prepare them to see me. Working on Patience. Long meetings, long winded.

I must be a good person. Let the staff do the dirty work xD

Confidence, build or natural? When you know your thing you'll be confident. Public speaking. She couldn't do it back then, two weeks before speaking cant eat. Speak and repeat then you get better. Practice more. Problem with malay, Chinese... And English. So she go kampung speak more.

Hobby. Something you do natrualy. When you're free do will do it wan. YbY is holiday, the beach. Reading, watch TV. 1 two days off, she go beach. Clears the mind, can make better dicisions.

Q13. Regrest or failures.
She can't think off anything her head now.
Didn't spend enough time with her late aunt.
Passed away a non believer.

Make dicisions: will I regret.

Bee Hong.
Brought youth to the parliament. Life change. Feedback. How do we move forward. Not being able to express or advocate what we believe in. Thought to listen to authority, without questioning.

Critises and analyse.

How to ask the correct question and look intelligent.
I just like making jokes. Cheeky person. Depends on my mood. Leaders need to ask questions.

4W. Quite helpful. Ask the process of it. Meticulously in asking. Must do your homework. Processes are the same.

Normal meeting: so this is what we're doing and how and when? When can you come back to me.

What is a good question to ask?

If you don't want to answer, stick to not answering.

Q14. How to balance. Time. Priority.
What is the one thing you do, other things don't matter. Task, urgency and critically.

Urgent: time
Critical: importance.

Q15. Two years 5 years 10 years plan.
A reshuffle. How do you see things down the line. Set it in a way that is not reversible. An ecosystem. It's uncomfortable and inconvient to do. If it's easy to reverse and change.

50 years goal. 28 open day.

ADUN. Counselors. How they get things done. High performing. Engineer. Approve.? He likes to bring down other people.. Shot-stirrer. He is very toxic. Keep on saying want to quit and resign. Gave up on him. This person bring negative spirit to the team, effects me emotionally. He want to feel importance.

I regret not doing it much earlier.
People whom you know you should kot be a part of what you do. You should remove them immediately.

There is no one that is indispensable.

Talk to him. Understand the situation. Curable? People have weaknesses. As a leader help them. If they forever cannot change.. Cut them off.

Cut the tumours off.

22 Mar 2019

Social media does impact our patience,
How things become faster and faster

Patience correlates with how fast technology is

Less patient to the ones we love (graph)

No matter how slow you walk,
You will arrive

17 Feb 2019

3 keys to spiritual success - Gary soon, PPBC

Proverbs 3:7-10

True wisdom, in the Word of God

Nature of knowledge.

Church theme is Ascend

1. Humily

2. Holiness

3. Honor

V7. Do not be wise in your own eyes

A) pride is the first step to a downfall (porv 16:18)

-sometimes we think we are so good at doing something, we forget God is the one that enables us

- self conceited. Don't give attention to instruction and improvement. 

- become hasty in judgments and over confident, doing whatever you want without seeking God. Even in matters of importance, not asking for advice. 

- guard against the fascination of novelty, I.e. The Internet. 

James 1:5 - worse sign: neglecting to ask the council of God. 

:) consider the humility of Jesus (Phil 2:5-7)

2) holiness identifies us as Christians

I) fear the Lord and depart from sin

Romans 11:20 - do not be proud/arrogant but tremble.

Nehemiah 5:15 - out of reverence for God, I did not act like the others did

In all our dealings, make sure because God sees us, we are mot doing anything in private. If we have healthy fear, we will do what is right. 

ii) reverential trust in Him

iii) we recognizer the Holy life of Jesus as our example.

Knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. With the HG, we can understand better. 

When sin comes into play, it is harder to be intimate with God. 

What you say to others makes alot of difference. 

3. Hornoring God in Giving, increases His blessings. 

i) honor the Lord with your wealth. With the firstfruits of all your crops (v9)

-put your money where your mouth is

You cannot give leftovers

-Not how much money I give to God, but how much of God's money do I keep for myself

-The amount is not important, its the heart. Remember the widow with the two coins. 

- even when you don't have enough

- don't steal from God

ii) giving teaches us the joy of living by faith

a) fear says "I am afraid to give" 

b) faith says "I'm so blessed I can't withhold" 

Health: the physical benefits that flow from being right with God

1) we are able to forgive because we have been forgiven

2) we can stop worrying because we have learn to trust God

3) we find real joy because we walk in God's eill

4) new life in Christ kmrpives health in both body and soul

When God calls you, do it

Reputation for good judgement

Pleasure, peace, protection

You are not against God

God's favour is with you

No life is so sinful

That God cannot turn around

Proverbs 3

dissonance

Jesus has overcome the power of death.
even the death of three.
He is the one that gives life,
even life to us.

Our lives need to revolve around Him,
He is the center of it all.
If ever my life were to revolve around myself,
or even you... then we would be off course

We would be deviant from the plan
the original plan.
yes we've got free will,
but what is it good if we use it to choose,
that which is not meant for us.

I want the best,
for both of us.
i try to make the choice,
i make the wrong choices,

i try to turn things around
i try to fix things,

but not everything can be fixed.
not everything can be brought to perfection

not by my own hands,
its time for me to learn that
that i cannot fix everything

its time for me to understand that,
i dont need to watch videos to the end
or listen to songs to the last beat
or read a book from cover to cover.

dis..

dissonance

You Foolish Men - Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz

"You foolish men who lay

the guilt on women,

not seeing you're the cause

of the very thing you blame;

if you invite their disdain

with measureless desire

why wish they well behave

if you incite to ill.."

-Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz 

the first two paragraphs by a nun,

she didn't want to get married

but instead pursue the hunger for knowledge.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wSOt3z_-YY

well... when i read this,
i feel like this is what i've done to you.

i'm so sorry the one i love,
i've ruined, both of us.

how can this be non tragic!

https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/a-non-tragic-view-of-breaking-up/

Can break ups be good?

I really want the best for you. 

You're a wonderful person

I might not be the right one :(

14 for the 13

didn't write a log yesterday
morning: school, forgot to turn off the water when refilling my water bottle

afternoon: 2-4pm badminton coaching with cherose, maybe we can just pay for one hour next time

night: karaoke with Jim, Loke and Denice

came back home so tired and went to sleep

i miss you, i hope you're healing well

pain after running

So last time it was my sartorius when playing Frisbee.

Then it was my glut when badminton.. 

Now my left inner knee, bursitis

12/1/2020 this is day three, yesterday was day two

Picked up tatsuro and shogo for church. Japanese guys aren't religious nowadays, but they're very respectful.

Sembulan was amazing. Went around to houses. Don't promise kids what you can't keep. Some have IC's they should go school. 

Took the wrong bus (to Likas instead of sepanggar) the bus driver didn't charge me when I hopped off. How nice. Only in sabah. 

Hmm.. Today is the first day... 

Wow

11/1/2020 thirdy day?

i think it's the third day.
saturday.

woke up naturally.
didn't need to use the alarm

was deciding where to go
watched a short animea with Jim
Bofuri: I don't want to get hurt so i maxed out my defence

such a funny anime, it's almsot like Naofumi, the shield hero
\or the time i got reincarnated as a slime

then, i took a trip down to Likas Complex to watch Niel take part in a chinese traditional costume contest.

it was nice to find out that the chinese do this kinda things once every year.
two weeks before CNY (on the 24th Jan). all the lions, dragons and unicrons come togethr for something called "the Gathering"

had a good time trying out super ultra broken mandrin,
and kantonese.. lol

had free lunch

Daniel dropped me back off,
had a good chat in the car
he's going to try t fix his back bone at Body Care, took a x-ray at gleneagles
its really senget, makes me think about what my back looks like

took a nap in the afternoon

woke up to chat with nicole,
crystal called

we sorta.. broke up =/
again

because of my inablitiy to not flirt with other girls
sigh

really?
is it really considered as cheating to give passing compliments to others?
man life sucks for it to be so dull

well... whatever

sigh

T.T

tears..
sadness?

no..

apathy
the lack of being able to feel emotions
she cried, i try to empathise
but something in me is.. relief

sigh

why

this is serious
she was the love of my life
i just got a post card from her

am i willing to throw away everything just for this
gahhh



break up?
stay together?

break up?

what the heck am i supposed to do?
keep fighting for you?
call you back?


but.. but... youre not supposed to be the center of my life
my life is in ruins now

cant you see!

i hate my bloody life right now
it sucks

really badly....


i just want to be ...

alone..

give me some time to be by myself


i'm just so sorry..

i cannot be there for you now..

not right now


i need to take care of my own self first right now.

goodbye for now.. maybe forever... i dont know

god...


God

10/1/2020 the first day

okay so lets try to restart the year .. well this time.

woke up naturally, i took a nap in the afternoon. woke up by a phone ring, half way

gee, there was a little bit of... slow response from the body

i think this is like a hangover, would take a few days to recover i guess

had the simple breakfast of cereal and almond soya

god hungry by lunch time,

i cooked one whole cup of rice, which i manage to eat with vegetables bought form downstairs, ladies fingers. RM1.80 for a full meal. not bad.

wen to the gym and swim in the morning.

slow morning.

hmm what did i achineve today.

walked around the mall.

homeware shops. wanted to buy a food contained, then i remmebred that i have some at home.

and i.. can always use one of those containers in the house, doesn't need to be a fancy one.

how do i center my life around God?

watched a youtube by mark from KC on taking the next step

thanks fro sharing elisha.

yeah sometimes we really dont know what the destination would be.

and we think tyhat we just want to reach the end, but not going through the journey.

its follwing Jesus that transforms us.

am i being transformed? gee.. i dont feel like it.

i think the world is transforming me more often than not

if only i could just take one hour a day to write my thesis.

man the discipline is bloooody hard.

not everything we do would be spectacular,

\somethings.. most things would be ordinary.

but its in doing all the ordinary things constantly,

that leads up to something spectacular

many. i should really really try to quite facebook and social media.

today was good,

i had a moment of.. epiphany.

could feel the frontal cortex of my brain being in a .. relaxed state.

it was a nice feeling.

caught Final Space episode 3. man.. sooo sooo dark

i laughed. but yeah.. it is dark!

also watched Sadie from Passion 2020

wah she's so young, 1997 but married,.

the way she talks is so.. raw

about haveing a relationshyip with Jesus

i learnt one new thing today!

when Jesus came back after his ressurection and peter came to him on the beach..

it was to.. fish cooked over fire

over fire, that's where peter deined Jesus

wow.

there would be things that remind us of our past.

but the maazing thing about Jesus is that...

he can literally turn anything around for His good.

if we just let Him..

God.....

where are you?

i know this isn't a real question.. rethoric.

but. yeah..

i know its not a bout feeling You and all,

but is sooo hard..

to live life these days.

daily every day

dada by dad just waking up..

wondering..

what would i be doing today.

sigh

9/1/2020 second day

woke up this morning after having my first night of sleeping
second thing in the morning

triggers. catching up with Final Space season 2.
tought of going for gym and swim
didn't manage to do my chinese lesson
didn't get anything done today really.

except at 2.30 i went down to plaza shell using the bus
and sat at Der something.. should have ordered a salad. could feel the hunger cruch
owh i was in bataras, buying.. v-soy. walked aroudn looking at groceries, no moood to cook.
ingredients, why? i tought cooking would be fun... isn't it not? maybe not for some people

after the meeting with tatsuro, shogo and daniel..
sent them home to likas sqaure, invited them for church
had october yougrt salad with Abel, he's vegan now. haha after watching game changers on netflix during the silent retreat after being overstimulated by Moana.

all the puns that night, the pun game is streong with ethan adn elisha
soething about people being able to make puns when their mind is sharp

mine wasn't i was blurr... and spacing out
had a life update,
1 minute silence.
learning to empathise with others

campuslife review,
updates

christmas clothes from Abel
got a pair of paul smith's.. haha krystina made a comment that they were well made.
yeah they were comfrotable

why did i take them? because of the value?
i should have said no?

"do you want to keep them? i mean, they belong to you as much as abel cause youre.. soul mates" haha

sould mates: officially.

to be equally yoke or not.
tell crystal about what happens in my life,
ask her questions about what happens in hers.
what;s her friends and housemate names/?
i dont know.. she'll be moving soon anyway

the conversation i had with abel was relaly good.
he asked about walk with God

is He the center of my life?
or am i the center?

he says so many good quotes,
why cant i remmeber them

paying attention to God or
giving attention to God

there's a difference

when we pay we expect to get something back in return
when we give we're just there. expecting nothing

just like best friends calling each other,
no intetion to ask for things

just catching up

why cant i do that more now adays,
build relationships more than... waste time on social media
social media isn't social

its anti-social

quite youtube,
quit facebook
quit....

2020 the year of...

journalling,
reading the bible
praying

at night

just finishied a call with joshua 12.13 am
it was nice to just call up a friend and chat about things
not calling them to ask for something

or did i? did i call him to ask him to help me to apply for the NZ working visa?
i hope not.

i shouldn't contact people just becasue i want something from them.
i should call them to establish a real relationship with them

how about my cell group memebers?
dod i call them up to cehck how they are ddoing?

mman i haven't typed so long with a keyboard
i see a tonne of spelling mistakes
just like how when i used to type last time

haha

this is nice..
typing agian