2nd law of thermodynamics

If you don't put in effort
Things become chaos.

Good things take effort to build

The earth is flat

Relativity curves it into a sphere
Just like the universe,
What shape do the stars and sky take?
If not a flat piece of canvass,
We are just stuck on it,
Like a painting.

But we move and breath,
and have a being.

What are waves,
What are spinning states of sub-atomic particles,
What's entanglement,
String theory.
What is this life...

Comprehension
Of life

Where to next?

The feeling of: Anger

It's important.. to be angry.
I need to have a burning hate against:
Whatever is wrong.

Then only will I have the courage and strength to stand up against it.

To say "no, this is not acceptable"
To say "Enough is enough"

The feeling of anger and rage,
Was put there inside us for a reason.
Let God help you channel it rightly.
Towards the things that break His heart.

Reciprocated love

You love me so much
I want to love you back too

Satellite

Saw a satellite pass the sky,
A light that move so gracefully.

Redemption is right where I fell,
How many more times to be defeated.

Until..
I'm healed

There was nice.. Quotes in fantastic beast.

Write a poem she said

My friend ask me for a favour,
To pay a convocation bill,
On a Friday close to prayer,
I'll wait for next week still.

On a Monday I come to the Cansellori,
I go to the bendahari,
They ask me to go to DKP baru,
To pay along with the rest.

The walk,
The sun
The time..
No fun

I'm here standing in line,
Wondering why...

Something I thougt so easy,
Ends up to be such a...

And then there is that video
I did not volunteer to make
For wai yip's farewell..
Tonight

Sigh

Women in the Bible: Deborah

Ps Phillip lyn, skyline SIB, Judges 4

A wife, a prophet, a judge, a warrior.

Gold Meir (Israel)
June 6, 1967 - six day war
Preemptive strikes. Golan heights - > Western wall

She took over Levi
Yom Kippur War (Oct 1973)
Syria and Egypt attacked. Crossed the Swiss.. She didn't launch the strike, because Israel would have been seen as an aggressor. And the airforce would be shot down by the new Sam missile provided by Russia.

Because they were not seen as agresors, USA supported with arms supply and reinforcements. Hence they csmputred back, huge territory, the sinai desert.

The surrounded Egypt back again. UN called for a cease-fire.

"to be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you cease to be" - Godla Meir

Barak - scared, he needed his wife all the time to hold his hand all the time

Judges 4:14-16 a breakthrough spirit
From being defeated to overcoming

Three poweful breakthrough truths:
1. We must learn to say "enough is enough!"... For the weeks months and years that we've been under oppression.

We are the ones responsible for getting into things that are threatening our families.

John 10:10 the thief comes to kill steal and destroy. But I have come that they may have life and life in abundance.

Tell the devil: enough is enough!!!

What mahathir did during the financial crisis

Enough of this depression

Barak - flash of lighting
Deborah - bee

This is the day the Lord will deliver me

Stop pitying yourself
Get out of your comfort zone
You need to get up

There's a phone call, a confession, a relationship to break, and apology, a debt to pay, a restitution, etc...

Take the authority

Even though you are aware of your sins, Jesus has given you the authority over it.

Get up and go in the direction He wants you to go.

2. Second know in your heart that : "God will make a way!"
They were against amazing odds
Iron VS bronze age

Siseria: iron chariots
Down at the plains, is where he had the upper hand.

Barak was counting numbers, the horses, the men, outgunned out maneuver...

Deborah wasn't counting that, she wasn't a military strategist. But she believed that God will make a way.

Isiah 43:19 I am making a way in the desert and and streams in the wasteland.

When God askes something, it might seem unreasonable, but trust Him

Isiah 55:8. His thoughts are higher, His has a way.

The Kishon River flooded. Even the stars fought against them. That's how the battle was won. The iron became a liability.

3. Thirdly give God the glory : say "Glory to God!"

Deborah arose, God gave the victory
Deborah never took the glory for her life.

Deborah's song (judges 5)

"be like the sun that comes out in full strength"

Israel saw God defeat Jabin.
Suddenly.. Your marriage gets healed, breakthrough in business, etc

the 'next' button

something about,

having the mindset of doing the next action,
that makes one not pay attention to what he's currently doing/reading/listening to

"i just want to click next"

I'm gonna cut out... everything.
so that I'm only left with so many things to do.

hopefully then my mind can be more consolidated

silence and stillness

"Silence is anything but passive waiting. It’s proactive listening. And each day God’s voice gets a little louder in our lives until He’s all we can hear. 

If you want to hear the heart of God, silence is key.

If you want the Spirit of God to fill you, be still." - mark batterson, whisper day 3.

On Being Out of Touch With One's Feelings

this hits heads on so many nails so much...



the reason why i lash out, or why i am grumpy, mangzhang..

uninterested in conversations...



i think...



extroverts dont like to talk so much.... to people whom they are very close with

like... i it's tiring, draining even.



can we just.. go about our own lives doing our own things,

and then come back together at the end of the day

this break

how could i...
not see how much...
she loves me

sorry dear,
give me time.

i will get better,
and will call you when this is all over

be VERY INTENTIONAL

be very intentional about what your eyes see and what your ears listen to,
for that is what builds up the physical memory blocks in your brain that makes up the mind.

Out of the well spring of the heart flows out what is stored in it.
what you say and what you do, will depend on what you put in.

be very intentional with the time you spend, you only have so much a day

american corner, UMS library

is it because i always want to be somewhere else,
and my eyes keep wondering about.

why can't i just.. stay, linger around....
go with the flow instead of having "oh i got another meeting to attend to"
when can i go out for lunches with the peeps that are around,
catch up with them and all..

why do i spend my time walking around the library,
i walked pass the aisle that had Logic, Kant and Contemporary thinking... ah if only i had all the time in the world to read that which interest me!
ah they have a new corner the "American corner"

interesting...

spend time reading... magazines, MAD! woah this is OLD stuff from my childhood man

i think i know why i dont get around to doing things, my mind is just too preoccupied, too easily distracted

they have books on yellowstone, BlueRay disc on movies, Mac computers, Ipads, a "Smithsonian" themed area. so cool! i think.. i'll be spending some time here...

along with the nobel laureate room!

Harmoni gathering

"the word comes before the light" -ps saw horng yuan, Emmanuel

if you want to see changes in the community and the people around,
speak the Word into their lives, constantly.

you will be the preacher before the preacher

pray for successive and progressive transformation in your friends

let the world see that Jesus is alive in UMS!

when will I ever...

there will never ever be a perfect girl.
neither am i a perfect guy.

but there are people out there that are more suitable to be together with each other that with another person. there are so many types of personalities.

some people get energy from meeting people, chatting with them and getting to know new names.
some people just prefer the time that they can have to be by themselves.
some people enjoy music, certain kinds of music, some slow some fast.
some people cant play music at all, nor are good at languages, nor dancing, but still love to dance.
still love to do new things, and not repetitions.
some people will master a single skill,
some people can't hold their focus long enough for one thing,
some people will throw away broken things, (to save time... and if they can afford it)
some people will fix whatever they can,
its not about saving money its about.. the joy that comes in constructing something back together.
some people just like to buy new things, the latest gadgets, the latest trends and fasions,
some people just like, or more accurately.. aren't bothered .. with wearing the same old cloths for 3-4 years

some people are minimalist, some people are hoarders and preppers.
i wish i could travel with just one light backpack, like i used to in school camps, with just the essentials
now i travel with so much baggage, so much "what if i need this", so much.... tools

now i emotionally travel with thinking about so many other things.
i want to let it all go....

just lay it all down,
and be.... free again

can i still be free, while still being loved?
or would you only love me if i met certain criterias?

wouldn't i love you no matter what you did?
or do i not show i love you, when i keep blaming you for the conditions that i'm facing in life

when i stop meeting people
when i stop going out for activities,
when i stop taking up responsibilities
when i stop planning
when i dont bother to learn anymore

and i keep saying "it's because of you......"
that doesn't sound very loving

i know,
yet why do i still do it?


why?...

would you still love me

its like.. i try to be my worse self,
try to be as lazy and obnoxious as i possibly can,
just to.... push you away if it is even possible..


but why?
why do i do something so contradictory to what a relationship should be?
shouldn't it be something mutual. to love to move forward,


to do the right things.

i do feel more free now,
i do feel better

but then...

so what....

GAHHHHHHH

how long must i keep repeating this cycle, this pattern..

when will I EVER ESCAPE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS FRUSTRATING!
IRRITATING!

i neve... ever want to lash out at people
at a person....

it isn't right.. to snap

GOD...

i never had a rebel heart when i was a teenager in high school,
why do i have to go through it now..

i just want to return home...
i just want to be with my dad and mom...

gosh.. i'm 25 years old... when willl i ever grow up,
When will i ever mature

one poem two people or is it... two people one poem

i wonder if it is possible,
for two people to ever write the same poem

stop blaming her, authenticity

1) stop blaming her
2) stop saying "last time things were better.."


i'm thankful that my mom gave birth to me.
the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

There are so many things... that i feel right now.
like string theory.

as if, the strings that have bounded me have been cut off,
should i feel more free? should i feel happy?
I dont know, what if it's not a good thing?

this ia... one of the first few nights..
i called my mom, its my parents anniversary

my dad said.. don't worry
focus on your studies.

should i save some rent by going to stay with my aunt?
that would be closer to church, but how will i get to school? bike? cycle?
am i even allowed to work part time?
i mean, i'm a full time student...
i'm supposed to be in the school from 8-5?

nooo, thats why i came back from Sepilok

i HATE fixed working hours...
i want flex working hours... well they always say.. that's IF i actually can get to do any work outside of those hours...

i always "I'm traumatised....."...  by what? by work? by people? by the things of this world?

get a grip on yourself, you never used to blame anything outside your control as the reason of being in your circumstances. you could always submit it to God and know that He was in control, just like in Psalms 23.... that is until you met people that kept constantly reminding you otherwise..

toxic

Mart and Martha,
Martha could be authentic before Jesus.
she straight out told the Lord "don't you care???? that my sister as left all the work to mee??"
she didn't need to put on a mask, she just spoke out her mind,
and that's what we should be doing.. speaking it out..

not living a life of hiding

we watched this
https://www.facebook.com/redtabletalk/videos/248366862696188/

it was about .... just being able to .. talk it out
i like how they took a break... to find out what each other really desires
i think it's important for people to take breaks,
you know, sometimes people forget themselves in a relationship
and they start to feel miserable,
especially when you cant let go,
but i'm not saying that the break is going to be forever,
its just a short temporary thing,
to find one's self... and then when both are ready,
to get back together as better people

i dont understand why some people dont understand the idea of taking breaks
owh well, i'm glad i got mine... mutually

you know what...
i'm super grateful,
i really love you.
and i dont want to take you for granted
that's why i NEED this break.

so that i can learn to love you better

Listen to God's voice, again

Doing the second Bible reading plan with Abel and Kevin.
Whisper: How to hear the voice of God - Mark Batterson

--------- i wrote this there initially, but decided it should go here, cause its a rant, and i don't want to complain to humans anymore------

I would love to hear His voice everyday.
Although most of it might be rebuke,
Yet at least its better than nothing.
Maybe I've heard it but paid no heed/attention to Him before, too many times.

But everyday is a new day.
And i would like to start listening to His voice again.

-------------------- this is what i wrote for them, more optimistic and answers the question, following instructions, the positive side of things --------------------
Q: When was the last time you heard God’s voice? What did He say or ask? How did you respond? 

A: About a week ago?
The song Obsession by Delirious
God says He loves me
I just laid on the bed and let the tears stream down

Listen to the right voice

"You can give your attention, your mental alertness, your curiosity, and your intelligence. Listening is not only a function of biological acoustics; it is a spiritual skill of the soul. " - Eugene Peterson

How many times has my mind wondered about on the things that are nit of God? I would love to read and devour information regarding the occult and dark secrets of black magic, numerology, witchcraft, sorcery, transcendence, crystals and all that is perverse and disgustingly rotten.

Yet i do not. Why? Because i want to give my curiosity and intelligence to the things of God first and foremost. Theology maybe? Bible study? Worship?

I want to spend hours of days just basking in your presence listening to You Lord.

I want my soul to be able to listen

Devotion

"Disobedience is fairly easy to diagnose. Among the usual symptoms are sluggish moral reflexes, an uneasy conscience that interferes with your digestion, a load of guilt that makes you tire easily, and a low-grade depression that saps you of creative energies. " -day 1, every step an arrival by Eugene Peterson.

I thick so many boxes.
I've been living so long in it, can can eat normally...

But i choose Christ today
I will not let my past hold me back from being in the present.
And I'm excited for what the future holds!

Thank you for doing this plan with me Abel and Kelvin