NZ Spirit Resolution NYE festival

To be unchained

To be liberated

To be wiser. Like proverbs says.

To identify triggers to bad habits

And pull the handbrake before making bad decisions that I'll regret the consequences of.

To be aware of the feelings and thoughts

To change the environment that Tiggers them.

Habits

Howick time

At the beach,

Feeling the breeze.

Swimming without a care...

As of time weren't there

I was once young

But now have grown

Being old,

Where has time gone

vocation and family

There will always be nice places to see,

But not time with family.

how to be calm

 how does one prepare to be calm in a certain situations..

you have to work on your personality behind closed doors

we can't be how we want to be in the moment when it happens,

we've got to set a foundation

is not about speaking less, but listening more beforehand.

" i dont want to be a whiny CE"

but the truth is, we should rasie up more questions..

i did my performance review today with the manager.

it was good..

however i wished i composed myself a little better

not as some one desperate.

but someone calm and level headed.

not about asking questions or raising issues/concerns that have nothing to do with the benefit of the company..

but.. what does the manager want to hear that will be of use to higher ups?

what others are saying doesn't matter, dont need to jump in the same boat as others

saying the same things that have already been said...

say the things that matter

SPEAK LESS,

\but SPEAK WELL

like the bible says: be a man of less words 

Therefore, intentionally talk less and be wise. “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19)

“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” (Proverbs 17:28).

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. Proverbs 10:19  

be a light, be an encouragement,

bring joy

that is what you're here on this earth for

not about being gurmpy and all

simplicity, minimalism,

don't be grumpy

put the phone down

Fluvial, an unspoken rule in the house

When someone speaks to you,

If your on the phone, put it down.

And listen to them

At the dinner table, no phones

After a certain hour, no work stuff

do it while you can

Enjoy your life 

In this moment.

Don't live in the past, don't expect too much for the future. Just be in the present.

Your life.. all that your doing.

Right here, right now...

The best is the present.

Everyday, in everyway, we are getting better and better.

Day by day, in everyway, we are getting better.

The life styles others have, without babies., they can. Let them. Encourage them..

My goals? Be a good dad.

relationships and needs

Relationships is simply the fullfilment of needs

There is no failure in the learning process

seasons

Andrew at the kart control tower,

The young races can only get to where they are because of the support they recieve from the club..

He goes around the corners knowing what to expect ahead because of the signal lights..

Wittout them, we won't be as good as we are.

The young ones need the guidance of older ones...

It's a different seasons of life

expired DIgi

 so my digi number expired..

its the first number i got when i was in... form 5?

i used it in sooo many places..

it expired.. and i forgot to reload it...

and then it got.. like.. terminated..

thank God i remembered it during the 25 day window..

and Digi was able to reinstate the card..

phewh.....

i kinda knew this was gonnna happen one day..

 cause it has happened to Crystal.. and many others...

just didn't think it would happen to me..

sigh.

owh well..

lesson learn?

thankful?

what to do next to keep a malaysian number active

worship

 "If you don’t want to live a life of worship, why would you want to spend an eternity worshiping Him?"

3 levels of knowledge and talking about it

 1. A person doesn't know something, so doesn't/can't talk about it

2. A person knows something, and talks alot about it
3. A perosn knows something, but chooses not to talk about it

Shiro, the guy enjoying life

 SO i met up with a ex housemate, Shiro.

he asked me to come over to met him, and he was midway in the service of True Jesus church.

came up from Chirstchurch just to run the marathon this sunday.

many this guy is living it..

we talked about sooooo much stuff.

and they have such a friendly bunch of people and community in the church.

it's lovely.

James, Eunice had a baby boy too! Timothy.

just four months older than Noah. but born in Malaysia

gee, the circle of people is.. soooo small.

met a few new people. erm.. can't remember their names exactly

Thedrick

and Jakie? Kiki?

haha..

we talked about religion, what w're currently doing,

the state of the world, 

his adventures...

thinking ahead.. family planning.

God's Timing..

i love the way they pray in tongues and also how they still sing hymms

hymms are nice.

they meet 3-4 times a week

spending the whole day together as a community.

man.

thats..

life.

He's running 3-4 times a week,

rock climbing

cycling

its the NZ life,

balance of work .. and hobbies.

but the tough thing is visa

thank God for our residency

what's next?

Becoming a dad is the biggest thing

 Nothing changes life like having a baby.

Becoming a parent is one of the greatest life altering thing that has ever occurred to me.

From daily schedules to sleepless nights.

one thing i miss most is the freedom and time that we could have to ourselves before.

i could go play sports or hang out with friends.

its much harder to do that now with the responsibility of being a dad with a kid and a husband to a wife

 

 movement is life

book in advance

 so we got the flights to the soth island..

when i searched, i chosed queenstown instead of christchurch..

and boy was it so much more expensive..

almost wanted to cancle the trip

even though i alrady got my holidays approved from work.

sigh..

money money money

September 29

 So much for journaling once ever day.

Woke up this Saturday morning,

fed the baby, he did a big poop after mom went out for her facial.

came home, went for grocery shopping and badminton

gee my back.. and arms..

baby likes to make noises when we read him the bible before bed.

when we talk he talks, when we stop, he stops...

good night little one.

everyone cares about something

Everyone dies.

There's no escaping from it...

So the live the life... Now

The life that you were meant to live. 

Time is our most valuble resource,

Attention is the currency its measured with. 

How do we get more time?

Is by taking care of what we care about. 

wish

Wish we could be back home. Can attend so much stuff... Art exabitions, tapestry, friends weddings, MCCC anniversary...

😔

true colours

We always put on a mask.

Until we gind the one whom we can take it off infront of them.. 

We stay qith that person under one roof. 

And our true self comes out. 

That person loves us. 

And we love that person. 

For who they really are. 

A child of God. 

We all have room for improvement, 

But its all in the right timing. 

played games till my arms hurt and eyes couldnt focus

Thats how bad I was addicted to Ballons TD6..

I really like tower defense games... 

Last time i recall thia happening was in 1 Borneo.. 

Stared at the phone so long.. 

When i looked at a diatant object, 

The lenses in my eyes couldnt focus...

And my arms were bent for so long.. 

They hurt... But i still kept them there.. 

Addictive

Bad.. 

Prune out that which does no matter in life, 

Cut off whatever hinders us... 

In the pursuit of a life that matters. 

What matters?

Relationships do

growth 2

Grow in what matters

Simplified

growth

Grow in the things

that matters 

linkedin about me

So.. So.. Cringy..

Made this before i got the job at NCR

Dumping it here before a new edit

"Young adult with work experience in a myriad of industries. CompTIA A+ certified and currently studying Network+ to equip myself with skills for the tech industry which I am interested to enter. I have useable skills in IT, such as building PCs, soldering wires for sound systems, removing viruses using CMD and basic management of the home network. I am looking for employment in the tech industry and hope to grow my career along this path onwards."

real. risk

REAL... What ia real, what is perceived.

What is the RiSK you're willing to take.. 

After weighing the consequences and incentives.. 

Today's sacifice, tomorrows gain

training

Oh a road trip with the in laws, wife and baby.

First time.. 

Went to rotorua, dipped our feet in the hot springs, ate some stuff, saw the red woods and now back in the room at Grandeur Spa.. They had a spa in the room... 

Ao relaxing, reminded me of the times we had a bath tub in wilsha. 

Anways... Word of the day: training. 

Watched superman: man of steel. 

A word spoke out to me. On training. 

It really is an important thing that we do as humans.. 

Train... 

We get better and grow at things when we train. 

Like.. I really need to train baby Noah to do things.. Eat, sleep.. Probably poop too. 

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not atray from it - proverbs 22.

I myself need to train.. Train my body through exercise.. Train my memory and focus and attention...

Train my skills.. In linux and coding.. Hah.. Always a dream

.

Train.. 

ba zhan

2 June.. Friday. Its one week since baby Noah was born.. Wife seems to be doing well. Drank some black soup for dinner...

1.55am. Wakes up to feed baby. Feels a weird blob of something ooze out of the uterus.. Its a uterus shaped.. Blot clot..  Ans theres.. A big red patch on the bed.. 

Maybe its normal, feed the baby, burp him, take off his soiled nappy, run warm water to clean, air his balls, sudo cream, change his nappy...

Read up a little, seems like blot clots coming out is.. Normal? 

Go back to sleep...

5am.. Wakes up to feed.. Wife checks the pad. More blod clots.. And constant flow of blood.. This.. Doesnt look good.

Feesing baby, cant even have time to change him, wife says.. We need to go to the hospital..

Wake up the inlaws, ask them to take care of baby.

Drives the van into the tight space of 22A. Walking with the wife, supported by the dad.. She passes out just before entering the car.. Lega go wobbly, hold her up as best as i can. Calls out to dad, shes.. Pengsan.. 

He grabs her legs and i below her arms swings her in to pessanger seat, forgot to buckel her up, dad remonds me.. , slowly back out..

Wife is in dream land..  Later on when she regsined consciousness, Says she was at the beach

I was voice navigating to Auckland Hospital, where she gave birth.. She wakes up.. So thankful to hear hwr voice "Middlemore.... Its nearer...." 

Drives there. 

 Parks outside emergency. 

Gets admitted to Resuscitation 1.

I stood at the side and gave an account of what happened. Good thing wife asked to take her phone. She had photos in it. Doctor from Singapore. Nurses.. All came to check on her. Full ED, wires getting signal for vitals.. IV drips in both arms... Oxytocin, Analgesic, etc.. They clear whatever clots they can find.. Swab.. For infection test..

I stand there. 

 Thinking.. Gosh.. That was really.. Alot of blood lost.. I dont want to loose my wife.. 

Surreal feeling.. Standing in an emergency ward. 

Really professional doctors and nurses.. See them zooming in and out.... Respect. Gratitude.. Doing all they can... 

To keep my wife alive.

Trust in God. Gee. She really picks the best dates for things to happen. A Saturday. 

She stabilisers..she doesnt shiver anymore.. Doctors tell whatever they can.. And go off.

We wait there.. She lies down while i sit beside her.. 

She wants to pee.. 

We ask the nurse.. She gets a comote.. Sits up.. Waits.. Stands up.. Takes of nappy.... Two blood clots plop out... Nurse looks at it.. And says she'll come back.. 

She sits to pee.. Lots of pee... Probably from all the IV.. 

She.. Wants to vomit.. I grab a cup.. Nah.. I need to grab her.. I try to waot for the nurse to come back. But nah.. Every second is one closer to less blood in her brain.. 

I lift her up.. And plot her on the bed.. She instantly feels better... 

We just have to clean her uo and get fresh sheets again.. Maybe hust pee on the nappy next tine.. 

We wait.. And wait.. I go repark my van.. Last time at Auckland Hospital for the birthing, i kept thinking about the 5 minute rule for the drop off.. This time i didnt bother.. 

I

When she was okay. And i was ready, i asked her.. And i went  off to park the car.. Yup.. Thankfully NCR sent me here once to fix the ATMs

Hospitals can be quite a maze, especially if its ones first time.. The allies.. The foot paths.. Rhe parking.. 

We wait.. Get a ward in Gyne room 5. Single. Nice view.. Nurse says get an ambulance next time if bleeding.. 

We go to Maternity, cause she is still within 6 weeks of birth.. 

Midwife sees her.. Needs am Ultrasound scan.. Scheduled for 11, they get it done at 10.30. I drive home with the pumped milk.. And have breakfast.. 

Home.. Ah.. Cute baby.. Sleeping... 

Grab some stuff.. And drive back.. 

Just spend the afternoon and early evening chilling with her on the bed. 

Thamk you Lord, for this second chance of life. Let us cherish every moment.. And do the things in life that matter.. And forgoe all the things that dont. 

Let us use the time you've given to us wisely.. 

Every second is a precious gift. 

Thank you Jesus. 

care share

When you share, you care

25th May 2023 Contractions

 So last night, wife started to have contractions. Sh was "induced" to labour by the mid wife earlier in the afternoon of the 24th. reason being the baby was showing slowing signs of growth based on the public statistical charts..

i called in sick today to my work palce. even tough there was a major appoinment for a network upgrade that i should ave gone with Umer for..

owh well.. no work is too big for one to spend time with family for

i'm also tying this on my raspberryPi. as the laptop is curently being used by Pa to watch videos.

Quite a coold thing this little box, hard to imagine that it is a full funcioning computer that fits in the palm of one's hand. I'm contemplating gettting etheir a tablet with a stylus for note taking or a MacAir with it's M1 chips

but seems like his tech works for now

democracy needs Christ at the center

 “Democracy is not merely an institution nor simply a concept, but a profound structure of faith. The root of democracy is the spirit of Christ. Without Christianity, you cannot have democracy or human rights.” - Yuan

So... if freedom is given to people.... but they don't havec the good core or foundation to use that freedom in a good way. it becomes counter productive.

stages of smartphone recovery

"why would someone want to sacrifice convince willingly" - Anthony Horn 4:40

"convince comes at a cost. Its up to you to decide what cost are you willing to pay" 11.06

Key is moderation

goving up the smartphone

Stage 1

Designing the environment

Increasing the physical resistance towards smartphone usage. 

I placed my phone outside the room on the computer table to charge everynight. It was great, when i came into the bedroom it was either to read books, talk or sleep. No phone distraction what so ever. Didn't even have the itch for it.

Started to build a daily habit of reading. 1 chapter of a book and a few pages of another book. 

Just needed a nice bed side lamp to illuminate the pages.

Stage 2

Have the phone by the bedside. But use it with intentions. Temptation will be there. But no point running away from the inevitable. We will have to live with technological advances one way or another. Its about being a good master of it so that we dont become its slave (just like money). 

Anz fraud detection system works

 my anz card got compromised

someone was using my card to make purchases on Facebook..

anz frad detection system caught it.. and cancled my card...

nice.. but now i have to change all my subscriptions to the new card.

owh well

fail

Learn to fail, or fail to learn. 

Failing is a privilege. 

chatGPT poem 1

 i asked chat GPT to write a poem about life

Life is a journey we all must take, A winding road with twists and turns, Full of joy and love, heartache and ache, A lesson in each moment we learn.

From birth to death, we live and grow, Our paths diverge in many ways, But we all share a common goal, To find meaning in our days.

Life is fleeting, it moves so fast, A blur of memories we hold, We try to make each moment last, Before they slip away, untold.

Sometimes the road is rough and steep, And we stumble, fall and cry, But with courage and faith, we keep, Moving forward, never asking why.

Life is a gift, a precious thing, To cherish and hold dear, With every breath, we can sing, And feel the beauty near.

So let us embrace this journey of life, With open hearts and minds, And through the pain and strife, We'll find the treasure that we'll find.

one note stuff up

 so i was trying to organise the sections and pages in one note.

but some how or another i manage to make four sections (GIS, exam scehdule, etc) from the section group (UMS), disappear entirely. ... tried recovering them, but cant seem to find them in the deleted pages.

owh well.... atleast they were not really critical notes.

also my lease plan address has been updated, a little show. but it has been done. three enquiries sent in, i tried calling but no one picks up..

ah let it go let it go

patience... just.. patience

incoherent images

Reach Silver fern motel at 4-5pm

Had dinner till 6..

Went back. Chilled..

Went out to get friits at 9pm..

Came back.. 

Used phone YT videos till... 3am.

Lol. That's like.. 8-9 hours of life wasted. 

"every action we do, is a vote towards whom we want to become" 

Sigh. 

desire

The secret to desire,

Is that what is sought after cannot be granted, 

Atleast not straight away, 

The tension must be built up.. 

plan execute

Prepare for the next day

Execute the plan.

Pack luggage for the trip the day before

Rehearse what to say before the event

Visualise mentally the route. 

too busy. tooo busy

 too late to sign up for Open AI's Dall.E for free.. sigh.. missed it by a month. owh well..

life was just.. too busy

goodbye hashbrown PC

 thank you for your service

a computer made out of scrap parts.. not too bad

i5, 32GB DDR3 ram, had a R9 390.. good enough for mining on nicehash...

got a fair bit out of it.. now a friend needs it.. well.. actually just the power supply..

but i guess the whole thing will do him good...

wish i  could keep some ram..

still have another Mobo with me. not sure if i'll ever build a PC.

tech nowadays is soo far advanced... nvme on the mobo itself,

DDR5.. sigh.. hard to keep up with tech.. if on wants to keep buying.

lapthor's screen is flickering and has a really noisy fan, still can use it with an external monitor.

currenlt using wife's microsoft surface pro4, which she got for cheap for her studies..

i actually kinda like this surface, so protable. just sad that it's missing the pen..

and.. battery is bulging too .. btw.. the smart watch battery popped the surface off.. hah.

these lithium polimers...

thinking of a mac M1, but thats like .. 1600. sigh. money money money.

i can do whatever the same thing is with this PC.. as long as i have access to the internet.

22 April 2023 9.00am

 its only 9 am.

woke up, lazed around the bed on a saturday morning.

read so much...

started with the Bible on Jesus beatitudes, He really liked going off y Himself into the wilderness to spend time with the Father. Blessed are those who are poor... i guess its a calling that we should..

save up fr now, and enjoy the fruits of our labour later?

then read a page from 50 spiritual classics. on Black Elk.

then Earth is Hiring by Peta, about breathing, ayahusca, vibes, circulating energy, play and such,,

then DK downloaded books... on REligion, Money (personal Finance)..

much of Finanacial literacy I've thankfully read about in the past few years since coming to NZ. i think it sort of started when i started earning my first real pay check...

golden rules: spend less than what is earned.

pay yourself first, into the savings account

pay of debs (thankfully i have none because i dont even have a credit card o begin with)

going to get an AMex from work soon tough.

but one thing that as sharply risen is the ouse rental.

we were at 160 per week, jumping up to 540 now. but we've got our own place. two rooms, a nice kitchen and bathroom for our self. no need t share with other housemates.

ah the joys of having one's own place. however.. it comes at a cost...

earnings about enough to cover... 4k per month. about 2200 is for rent. almost half . gosh.

how will it be possible to save 33% for personal savings now..

i wonder why money was such a taboo topic.

like.. we're so.. scared to tell others how much we earn or spend.. like its such a personal mater..

is it for the fear that what others will percieve us?

sigh...

owh well...

i'm also looking into using one note as PKM (personal Knowledge management) tool...

gotta start loging down my thoughts digitally, not just on the blog. or notepad.

well thats done for the morning. its rianing now, cant go for a job.. maybe just do some yoga and weights at home. haven't eaten breakfast either yet. but feeling quite alive..

feeling alive. ah yes that is what life is for..right God?

in a few weeks time, about 5m ore weeks... we're gonna bing another life into this world.

wonder how mch life will change with a new born baby.

9.16am.

21 april 2023

 what a day, friday. so nice to sleep..'

so tired. just waking up... driving about

bought a 300+ mm wrench from No1. tools at Onehunga

yeah, no more regrets not getting the Ron Enright's Bancho reversible wrench..

never knew if i could have tightened the nut and bolt on the 6684...

leave it for another day..

now the SR on hand is CD's Mt roskill task for the cameras.

so...

we really are all going to be surveyed.

we cant hide from the cameras anymore

20th A[irl 2023 10.44pm

 woke up early today.

spleat early last night

woke up in the middle of the night.

slept at 9pm. woke up at 1.30am. took the rubbish bins out. did some reading.

did some bible study. did more reading.. went back to bed at about 3am.

woke up with alarm at 6am. slept back till 6.45am.

got ready with a a container of cereal and milk

drove over to CBD. a 38 minute drive became close to one hour.

traffic gets really jam then

had the Hyosung training with Adam, met Angela and Chip. nice ppl

good training session.

words of wisdom from Adam:

"If you enjoy what you do at work, you'll go home a happy person, and that affects the people around you back in the house" .. or well.. something along those lines.

got stuck in the traffic coming back.. reach about 6.30 plus.

wife was waiting but she had to go off for dinner with Carolyn and Sue.

she waited fo me to cook and say goodbye. but i just couldn't make it back in time.

well she had a good time out.

i had some quite time.

cleaned up the old desktop PC for Wythe. he just needs a power supply, but i could just throw the whole thing to him.

its good that the microsoft surface connects to the large screen.. and that all our accounts are synced on it so well.

yah..

thats... about today

really want to look ino:

1. usin OneNote as a Personal Knowledge Management (PKM) tool

2. explloring more of GitHub

3. learning more about Web3.

thats all for now.

signing off. 10.49pm

isolation

 humans dont do well when they are placed in a room alone for an extended period of time.

we are social creatures.

we need community

imagine if the last human was all alone in this world

how long would he last

pslams 119:32

One of the wonderful things in life is growing right. We like to learn new stuff (thats why social media is so addictive). I guess one's innate goal would be to gain more understanding about the world. Each and every day, like a new born baby, exploring and discovering novelty. That's the beauty of wonder and curiosity. It inspires us to go read up about someting we're interested in. To search and search until we find out what information we were looking for, which was a gap in our knowledge base. Of memories in our mind. But how can one grow in a good way? (obviously there are bad ways to grow, GIGO), how can one ensure that information put in is good. That time spent pondering on something is of productive value. We'll here's the key. This bibical verse in all its godly truth. Seek after what the Lord says. His commands is what can expand our mind and understanding in a wholesome way. Way better than any other thing in this world can offer... Not just way better. The only way better. Wahtever the world has to offer.. Its counter to Christ. Its garbage.

Social Media is killing me

 this thought came into my mind when i was in the shower.

"Social media is killing me"

scrolling.. for an addiction... for a dopamine hit...

for something novel to pop up..

its robbing me of living my life..

my daily life. with friends, and family..

help me..

help me GOd

smart phone addiction

Social media is killing me

how sweet it is to hold...

 our passports once again.

what an ordeal, a total roller coaster. we came back from Malaysia on Feb,

and sent the passports through NZ Post to INZ.

it got mis sorted into international mail, thank God there was a tracking number on it.

so many calls to their customer service, they always said the investigation team are looking into it.

they had a nice person looking into our case.

So just before Crystal came to join me in Qtn, she picked it up from Botany collection point, dropped it off at Dx mail. but it had the new sticker on it, so it was redirected back to Botany. Got a friend Avi to pick it up, repackage it into a DX mail parcel and send it to INZ.

we were in Queenstown. gosh.. the anxiety.. i couldn't sleep for a few of the nights.

is this what losing sleep over worry feels like... it's horrible ...

but God there is a reason You let us go through this. through Elim's 21 day fast and prayer. You reminded me that You will not let us face anything beyond what we can bear.

INZ sighted out passports and gave us ou Residency, now just to get them back.

NZ Courier. The housemate at 19 Hangahai didn't want to show her ID to sign and receive in the parcel. hence it was taken back.. and wasn't tracked properly..

i had to go to the Depot in Highbrook myself.. and there it was sitting on the table..

our passports.

owh.. the joy when i held it back in my hand..

after almost two months of it being away from us...

gosh..

thank You Lord.

hopeful Risk

If there was ever a mottonto have the word Risk inside...

Calculated risk.. 

Risk analysis... 

I remember Jia tern having the saying "no risk, no life". Only when i dabbled in investing financially did i keep hearing this: "investing involves risk, bla bla bla".. Learnt alof of financial literacy from Sharsies podcast.

Risk... I never really used the word when i was young. Never did seem.. Christianese

Risk.... Focus

Everything in life.. Is.. A risk. 

Every choice.. 

There has never been any certainty. 

If there ever was, it would just have been a figment of our imagination. 

Only onw thing is constant, Christ. 

"the only constant is change" 

Risk, swat analysis.. 

Risk... A board game. 

Risk.. 

I risk my life for You. 

growth can only come when one is truely rested

Or restless...

Paratos esse, be ready. 

I think its time to change to "be present" 

To clear a foggy mind. 

Sleep. Excercise helps. Dont over sleep. 

This weekend was good. 

Abit the turmoil of not being able to sleep due to anxiety about the passports.. 

Rested much over the Friday and Saturday nights. Having not to wake up on the weekend mornings is such an amazing blessing. Please please never take it for granted. The time for a nap, owh how beautiful it is the rest... 

For when we rest. 

Than can we truely have the energy... 

To think, to learn, to grow. 

Rest is the start of things, 

Not the end. 

the wonder of curiosity

Wonderful how wonderful,

Amazment, 

The limits of my understanding and imahination, 

Never have i known this, 

Never could i perceive. 

How wonderful, 

How glorious, 

Beyond my mind's capabilities,

Current, past or future. 

Grow me, Lord, 

There is no other way. 

Like a baby learning to talk, 

Like a child learning to walk, 

How did i loose that wonder of the world.

How did my sense get so dull, 

I used to look at the world with amazement in everything, 

A chance to learn something new everyday, 

When Lord did i loose that and become old

When did i grow so old, 

I've forgotten how to grow. 

Just like a child, 

Juat like a baby. 

Teach me Lord

Once again

The wonder of curiosity. 

solitude is healthy, fertile solitude

“The best things in life happen to you when you’re alone,” artist Agnes Martin reflected in her final years. “Oh comforting solitude, how favorable thou art to original thought!” wrote the founding father of neuroscience in his advice to young scientists. The poet Elizabeth Bishop believed that everyone should experience at least one prolonged period of solitude in life. For in true solitude, as Wendell Berry so memorably observed, “one’s inner voices become audible [and] in consequence, one responds more clearly to other lives” — an intuitive understanding of what psychologists have since found: that “fertile solitude” is the basic unit of a full and contented life.

Excerpt from The Art of Being Alone: May Sarton’s Stunning 1938 Ode to Solitude

by Maria Popova, themarginalian.org

December 1, 2017 07:35 AM through Pocket.

I always thought that really hapiness is to be found when we are together with other people that significantly matter to us in our lives.

Maybe that was shaped by Alexander Supertramp's words: "Happiness only real when shared". Ans being an extrovert, yes. I feel happy hormones kick in when i am with others. The joy the laughter, the connection in interactions and friendships and relationships... 

But really.. At the end of the day. 

When i sit alone, by myself.. Talking to the moooooon~

Hmm okay sorry got a little carried away.. 

At the end of the day. 

Solitude 

Was something Jesus practiced as well.

Early in the mornings, late in the evenings. 

He always went to spend time with Himself, with God. 

Solitude is healthy.

Find that fertile solitude

mountain biking

Wife said.. Go cycling.

So i did. 

Got a bike on bookme. Hard tail. 40 bucks. 

Got the 6 up lifts for Skyline gondola at Queenstown. 

Tried out starva. Nice.

1st run: green lvl 2.

2nd run: mix in aome blues lvl 4

3.. Legs and arms feeling jelly

4. Legs cramping.. I just want to make it down alive without crashing. 

Just burn the last two rides up. Its getting late. Time to go home without any scratches... Just sore knees and hands. 

Rotorua redwoods was more fun in my memory. Queesntown MTB is just.. Too steep.. Maybe i would have enjoyed it more with a full suspension bike

Owh well. 

all that is enough

"Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entrie will - all that I have and call my own. You have given it all to me, Lord, I return it. Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me only yoir love and your grace. That os enough for me. " - Norman Shawchuck

anxiety peace truth

 then you will know the truth and the truth shall set you free

double think 1984

truth isn't relative

do not be anxious,

Crystal and I submitted our passports to immigration, through NZ Post courier.. but..

it has not reached them yet, and the tracking number shows that it has only been picked up but not sent to the receiver yet..

anxious.

where are our documents?

God.... i can sleep.

what could have been done better?

nothing much, trust you Lord, you know where are passports are 

Biceps Femoris tendon out of placement.... and popped back in after few weeks

 i thoguth I was having an iliotibial band pain on my right knee. the outer lower part, there's this big tendon/ligament. it was out of alignment. maybe cycling/badminton/wrong posture for too long. thought it ws IBTS... but i think it's actually the biceps femoris tendon....

was having it just after the first week of the holiday (maybe the 29th Jan?)..  now i think it is gone. after almost three weeks  with it...

hopefully

i kept feeling it, especially when bending the knee. sometimes when walking..

tonight. on the 16th.. i was lying down in bed... bent the legs in to criss cross them... and opened up to the side. heard/felt a pop/click..... yasssss.. i think the ligament/tendon popped back into its rightful place...

was so scared to move.. just moved.... really slowly.

thank you Lord... there's very few delights in life.. such as this.

having a small gnawing discomfort for weeks.. just suddenly go away when things are put right 

the male brain

So aparently, there's a bonding hormone that kicks in when a guy finds a mate. And this causes his brain to change and become less agressive. Even more so when one becomes a father...

Something hapens in the neurological structures inside that skull... 

Some say its just science, its not short of a miracle that all this even happens if you ask me. 

Relationships matter.

habits

 "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

"Success is nothing more than a few disciplines, practiced every day. Failure is a nothing more than a few errors, repeated every day." - Jim Rohn

"more than 40 percent of the actions people perform every day aren’t due to decision making, but habits." - Duke University research

"Stop obsessing over the result and start obsessing over showing up"

a storm is coming, i forgot my jacket

On the ferry ride to waiheke island now.

There was supposed to be this ex cyclone Hale that brings about so much rain it has not been seen in 20 years.

Guess I'll see how its like on the ocean. 

It was so hot walking about CBD to the office and back. I didnt bother to bring my jacket... Although I'd probably arrive back late tonight. Its gonna be cold. Hope this double shirt will hold out.

I'm not packed ready for things nowadays. 

Should put a disposable rain jacket in my bag. Its small and light enough. 

Need to plan my days and packing more. 

Minimal. Essentials 

the flaw

As deacribed in Pantheon.

I think the problem with memory is not that we lose it over time. 

But that our minds getoverloaded with too much information. 

Woth the constant stream of new knowledge to learn, the brain can keep up and the nuerons just keep making random messes. 

Thisnis an age of too much information. 

Need to cut down on it. 

pocket 2022 dump v1

 persistence > perfection

failing > not trying

discipline > motivation

active reading > passive consumption 

single task > multi task

one deep read > many shallow reads

handwriting > typing

speak > silence

4. Authenticity: work/life balance

"I know from habit research that the lure of technology, that really quick dopamine hit you get when you have a new notification, is one of the hardest to overcome. It depletes willpower the fastest.”  -Urban “Dopamine is really about the anticipation of an event. It’s about seeking, not enjoying. So when that notification pops up – whether it’s the best news in the world, or the most annoying – all your brain knows is there’s something new you can divert your attention to. And when you’re feeling stressed or disconnected, you’re especially susceptible to this.”

“The curious paradox,” wrote the psychologist Carl Rogers, “is that when I accept myself just as I am – then I can change.”

And is there one simple limit you can set during this part of your day? For example, I have a boundary in the morning that I don’t check my phone before my routine is done. So I have a cold shower, work out, do a little meditation, and make myself breakfast. Then I start my day. I think those are the kinds of self-boundaries that can be helpful with working from home.”

So, it would be nice to have a morning habit.

I wake up, I dont touch my phone. Go make breakfast, work out, do devotion, meditate.. work starts at 8am. check the phone then. Work ends at 5pm, stop checking after that. if they wanted something done the next day, they should have planned it ahead.

A war is coming

brain doesn't do well with too much new information (the flaw as per Pantheon series).

improve brain: Dance, Instrument, foreign language, chess, read more of less, hand write

learning: say out loud,  test yourself, space out learning, handwrite, change the way, exercise, interleaving (learn different things in succession) , teach others, associative learning (build upon what you already know),

sleep in blocks of  1 and a half hours. either 1.5, 3, 6 hours... dont sleep 7 you'll wake up in the middle of a cycle. 7.5 is good.

focus on changing your mindset. Try counting your blessings before you fall asleep. It sounds cheesy, but research shows that the simple act of writing down three to five things you’re grateful for each day can significantly boost your wellbeing in as little as two weeks. Another positive mindset shift involves becoming more present. Research by Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert and colleagues shows that no matter what we’re doing, we’re usually happier when we’re paying attention. So why not commit to boosting your presence with a few minutes of meditation every morning? Finally, consider switching from a selfish me-me-me mindset to one that’s a bit more focused on others. Study after study shows that people are happier when they’re helping people in need.

people who are self-compassionate eat better, exercise more and are happier with their bodies. They also procrastinate less and bounce back more resiliently after failures.

ON MAKING CHOICES

1. Zero in on what really matters

2. Don't dwell on the small choices

3. Decide as much as you can in advance

4. Get a second (and third, 4th) opinion for the big stuff

5. Be mindful of your emotions, timing of making choies

6. Be thoughtful about how you use pros and cons lists

7. Think of decisions as opportunities

.8 choose your regrets, we can't do everything

punch a tuition mate

 reading up on effects of bullying during childhood on an adult.

when i was young, i used to go to andrea's house for BM and science tuition.

with thinakaran and a girl named joey. we had this stupid game, that was to punch each other in the arm and see who gave up first. i said i was going to punch really hard, as if asking for consent, knowing that it was gonna hurt really badly.... we were all skinny back then... i didn't hold back..... i punched with all my strength, (probably because i didn't want the other kid to think that i was weak)... the other kid cried.. i didn't know what to do, so i just ignored the other person in pain, didn't even say sorry, and sorta ran away to the upper living room where the table was...

i think from there on..... 

i throw my punches.

i'd rather hit softly and let the other person have fun hitting me as hard as they can.

i can take it

making chores something to be looked forward to

 “By combining a temptation with a chore,” Milkman says, “that chore becomes something that’s actually associated with pleasure and you start looking forward to it instead of dreading it.”

2022 in review

 January - started with NCR as a contractor

micro goals: stop: picking n, playing games (ish), negative things

start: exercising, look ppl in the eyes when talking to them

Feb - x f, < FB scrolling, s look ppl in eyes, > more say welcome, ask how are you? prep day before

march - look ppl in eyes when talking, respond 'welcome' to tak you, naps, listen.
x talk bad abt ex work place, alpha

April - focus, goals, highlights, thankful.

- study once a day, exercise & stretching, outdoors, meditate, x be malicious (fail)

may nothing in the calender

June - late for work.  study once a day, exercise, read more

July - open Git hub Acc (only done in dec), Ruby, Python, Linux

August, September, October, NOvember, December

same four goals. unachieved

consistency

 "Don’t think about being consistently great. It’s a trap. It’s impossible. Think about being great at being consistent. It’s a reliable path to growth and achieving one’s potential that makes a lot more sense." - Brad Stulberg