desire

The secret to desire,

Is that what is sought after cannot be granted, 

Atleast not straight away, 

The tension must be built up.. 

Lucy Kusanagi

 Lucy in Cyberpunk is like Motoko Kusanagi from Ghost in a Shell.

the similarities that reminds me of the character

guess the both are imba peeps that can connect to the net

hand me that cup

What does it mean for our old bodies to be swallowed up by life?

Scientifically, When our body dies, we bury/burn it and it returns back to its constituent molecules of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and all other trace elements. Just like any other vegetable or animal when they die and get decomposed.

But what is it that is different for a Christian's body for our point of view when we die? Jesus didn't die on the cross and have His body buried in the tomb and left to rot... While His spirit floated away and got another new heavenly shining angelic body...

No, by the power of the Holy Spirit, Jesus was raised back to life in the same body that was in thag tomb, wounds in the hand and feet and side and all. But this resurrected body was different from the old. This new body could seemingly teleport and phase through walls (John 20:26-27).

Jesus had achived a higher state of being. A 'new' body. And he offers us this 'new' life too. Do we need to die (physically) before we inherit an eternal body? Or hasn't always the gospel preached the eternal life is this: to know You, the one true God-and Jesus Christ the one He sent to earth (john 17:3).

That was Jesus prayer. That we would come into communion with the God if the universe. To be unseperated from Him. This physical body has the mind, body and spirit; id, ego, superego; insitncts, reality, morality; logical rational, primal intuition,...

Jesus was sent from another place beyond this earth. Sent by another from beyond our realm. We call that place heaven. Jesus was sent here to guide us. To save us. To show us the way, the truth and the light. Onto salvation. Onto the path of being one with esch other just as Jesus was one with God (john17:21-26).

Now hand me that sacrament. The Holy Communion. That bread and wine. In remembrance of Christ. But be weary, we were not instructed to indulge in taking it alone and in an unworthy manner (1 Cor 11:21)

clothes and armor

 Something about wearing different materials and clothes on that gives a sense of 'wonder' to a person

In games, like MMORPGs you can equip the character with different articles, normally the head, body, legs, etc.

In real life we wear, shoes, leather belts, fancy watches on our wrist, jewelry

In scouts we had uniforms with badges showing ranks and positions

So yeah, in life we tend to judge people based on what they wear: a suit or tie.

Or a factory overall, HI-Vis vest..

so yeah...

what attributes are added to you when you wear something particular

what is a person naked?

without anything on, what is the body?

 

blistered fingers, to earn wages

Hands were blistering due to screwing on caps...

"earning money is not easy" - Lito

... 

"hows your hand? Is it pain? "

"you'll get used to it"

.... 

First hour we still have strength, 

Then the glove starts to fill up with sweat

The skin gets soft... and sore

Just at one spot, 

The same spot that keeps on getting rubbed... Over and over again... 

Life is like that ain't it. 

When something is droned about repetitively.. It digs in, makes fresh raw, tender.... Pain... 

Until you no longer feel it.. 

And just keep going on with the motion.. 

The lady comes and helps, 

She has many things to look after, 

But once in a while shr drops by to relief us of the containers flying past the convery belt... 

So much difference how one extra person on the assembly line makes. 

3 is really better than 2.

Its synergistic

Well... All we look forward to now is, 

The break time

Ah, rest

Respite 

Relief

If only for a ashort while, 

My blisering hands get to rest

the end will come one day

the sun will stop shining one day,

the earth will cease to follow it's orbit...

that is the fate of the universe we live in,

it will not last forever

in tune with nature's rythm

You'd know,

When someone's in tune

With nature's rythm 

His words and actions, 

Will be so pleasent. 

The conversations

So natural and convinient 

import photos vs copy and paste

So i tried copying/cutting files (pictures and videos) from my phone (huawei mate9) , camera (gopro hero 8), and sd card (strontium microsd-usb reader).

The large files always have errors. Especially with the videos. Made a major mistake by selecting cut instead of copy for the videos, a catastrophic error occured and the videos are gone from the source (phone) while not being copied into my hard drive.

I downloaded a program to help with the errors: tera copy. Helps by dragging the videos one by one and queing them up instead of one whole big bunch. 

Also... The import photos/videos function would work great. Somehow or another the Windows program runs differently from the normal copy and paste explorer function... 

Gonna start using that more often now. 

Still windos 7. Yea! 

on wareables

so i got a huawei band 4 pro and band 4 e

i also have a mate 9,  with huawei's health app installed.

i know they're taking a heck tonne of information from me.

and they are probably tracking me everywhere i go too with the GPS.

listening in onto everthing i say though the always on microphone,

watching me with the camera, that faces both forwards and back

as well as camera's from other phones..

this is it.. this is the state of surveillance that.. destopian stories talk about

but see, it doesn't have to be enforeced upon us... 

we willing accept it,

i willing buy and pay for it,

i willingly put it on my arm

cause in my mind, 

i'm sold out to it,

the advertising worked.

it made me think that this was something i "NEEDED"

well.. technology is only as helpful so far as it doen't master us.

cheerios

predicting what is going to be read next

funny isn't it,

how when we reaad things, somethings. sometimes we can predict what is going to be said next in the line. as if, we've read it before, there's some conception of what's coming next, a foresight, an image.

the more knowledge one has stored up in the brain, the more things seem to repeat themselves, the more things seem to be related and connected like branches to a tree trunk. the more information, the more guesses and predictions can be made, and these calculations happen so instanteneously.

i think that's why music is so nice, we sorta can know what's in the next line, what melody it'll be, and the beat helps alot too. (unless we dont know the song!) xP

too much information nowadays float around without having any proper anchor points in the mind.

and still, always be open to the unexpected happening.

I & You

I never liked worship or praise songs with the word "I" inside. Weird right.

I remember singing songs as a kid where the song's focus was just purely on Jesus. Like... Him, He's, You, You're.. And it was a big thing to make sure the lyrics was in capital letter for Him.

Nowadays.. So many songs are... "I" centered.. Like.. What I am, who I am...

Hmm..

the 'next' button

something about,

having the mindset of doing the next action,
that makes one not pay attention to what he's currently doing/reading/listening to

"i just want to click next"

I'm gonna cut out... everything.
so that I'm only left with so many things to do.

hopefully then my mind can be more consolidated

why did God allow desserts?

Why did God create deserts?

so that mankind could face hardships... to innovate and make cutting edge technology for agriculture.
China and Israel are making leaps and bounds in the industry.

Maybe one day these will be brought to other arid planets for terraforming

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8_Hnmty4vY&list=FL8gEnWuuNnBc6QPghEFUlhA

Hosea 13:5 "I cared for you in the wilderness, In the land of drought."

I saw a man

Fall down right infront of me, beside me.. he actually grabbed my shirt for a while.

I was reading the three body problem on my smartphone.

I couldn't react fast enough to catch him.

What have I become.

I saw a girl that seemed lost,
Didn't know which bus ticket to buy.
Didn't know where to wait,
Or where to sit

I didn't help her,

I just kept on reading,

I'm so afraid,

What have I become

Bus ticket ques

Why is everyone queuing up at the right side of the whole row of ticket counters?

Just because it is near the entry.

I'd have to wait really long if I stuck to the norm. Walked over to the left side, pass the crowds, wow. It's getting lesser and lesser.

Less than 10 people infront of me. Compared to the 20-30.

New Year Resolutions 2017

as we step into 2017 and leave 2016 behind.
there's something about transiting the boundary of a year's timeline into the next that gives one the sense of extra will power to do something differently with life.

then again if whatever situations around us change but we don'tt change internally, it doesn't matter even if we are uprooted from our current life and placed in a totally new clean slate, because the issues in the heart haven't be dealt with yet

anyways a few things i'd like to improve for the year to come is

1. have more genuine conversations and experience joy by being present in the moment, cutting down on unnecessary meetings and be actively prioritizing the important worthwhile stuff with time slots.

2. be less critical, skeptical, slanderous and live a more positive and optimistic life, being mindful of the words that i utter and my hold each negative thought accountable to the Holy Spirit for rebuke.

3. not shy away from the advancement of technology but instead embrace it as a useful servant that makes life more efficient, ensuring it does not become the master of me.

yeah i think about three would be enough. for now... until something else pops into mind.

a few thoughts from the day
6.30 wake up, snooze for 20 minutes
wore my best for church, just slacks shoes and the grey 'no need iron' shirt.
went to church early to drive the van out, 20 minutes before the set time. (i think i really want to improve on my timing for appointments too) so here's a fourth resolution:

4. be early for meetings, and not rush to places.

i arrived early at kg E, picked up 3 people, asked how many i should be taking, the reply was two, so i ASSUMED i had everyone and just left for church only to find out later that i left someone behind (not negligence), but it could have been prevented if i waited my due time.

anyways i went back to pick her up and we arrived in time for service.

PONDER: i think i know why i can't remember things so well in this "millennial" age. its because that is an inadequacy of time for the information to settle into the brain to be store properly long term. (and hence knowledge cannot be used by wisdom for any application). how to solve the problem? don't overload the brain by constantly reading a flow of new information. but instead take articles in bite sizes and allow the meaning being the words digest and settle in. i know i try to do speed reading alot, but honestly, it isn't very "efficient" as i thought it would be. the "saved" time doesn't make up for not being to recall or understand whatever i've read just moments ago, let alone through the day or even my life. -end ponder-

today's sermon was about being thankful.
we should give thanks even before going through an event, not only after.
we should give thanks, not because of what God has done or what He is going to do, but because of who He is.

anyways i left early to pick up the students for BM service, although i went out early, yet i still couldn't get everyone at 11am because i had to take two trips. the first trip was early, but the second one was quite a rush. and i feel bad, because they are university students that were told to wait at 10.20 but i arrived to pick them up at 11.50. a whole thirty minutes of waiting at the bus stop and having to skip the "fusion time" or "coffee corner food", rushing straight into the first songs on the day without time to "settle down" into the chair and calm one's self in the presence of God.

this is an issue with the pick up transportation time. that sometimes i feel is not my responsibility in setting. but we all know i shouldn't push it to others what i should be giving feedback to fro improvement. and trying to live it out.

really glad that jim liew could come and join =) thanks iggy for bringing him along.

the next issue actually happened when sending the people back.

WISDOM: send the people with less and nearer places first. and then only the further ones. this is to prevent the second round from waiting too long. (almost a whole hour!)

the it was timeto have lunch with the darling.

badminton with li ann, angie (from tawau) really good, elisha, JC, issac and esther lee.
man i got to improve on my recovery after each hit, footwork to cover the court, placement of the ball at the near side of the net and defense of incoming smashes.

2 guys vs 2 girls, we lost =P humiliating. haha nah, just kidding, we had fun.

had a really nice dinner at Thien Thien in gaya street.

had a good talk on the way home:

TRUTH: knowing that God is real is not enough. we must experience Him, then only is there an enabled power for change to happen.

while walking Happy the cutest dog,
i realized a few things. sometimes she goes to paces that i dont want to go, and she doesn't follow me. but i tell her i will take her to those places some other time.

i think its like me following God. He knows the best path for me at the current time, but i still choose to walk other ways. although i know obedience to Him, i will grow and one day be able to properly walk those paths. there is no shortcut.

i wan't to be a good dad next time. and i'm worried i can't balance love and discipline; i don't want a spoil brat nor a traumatized kid. extremes aside, i want a balanced child that knows his parent's love him the most, yet have boundaries that are there for his sake.

should i be reading "parenting books" on how to do this?
nah, i think the Bible will do just fine for the job. its the manual for life after all right.

home, spent some time with the housemates just chatting, face to face.
laughed, smiles. joy.

took a nice shower, tying this journal log out. going to read a book and sleep soon.

happy new year peeps, may you have a good one ahead.

GRATEFUL FOR: the ability to drive the van, to hold a badminton racket, to have a place to sleep.

i love you, both of you.

give thanks

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

i wonder how he could stil be happy in prison,
eating his food with gratitude.

it's amazing,
the joy that he had inside his heart,

despite what was goin on around him
he still choose to give thanks

bad day

yesterday was a good day, it started off with reading the first three chapters of Romans (cause Jeff asked for it). the day went on smoothly and i felt that it was productive and efficient. it was nice fun, and i had times to be with loved ones. well, yesterday i didnt have any class and it was blissful.

but today, oh hell, today was a bad day
i didn't have a morning class and could sleep as much as i wanted
but i woke up and used whastapp and the laptop first instead of seeking You
i said i would do it first thing in the morning to prioritize you, but heck.

distractions.

the first bad thing that happened today was that i went to school and supposed to have lunch with Crystal after cancelling lunch with Daryl because he had class (which was cancelled and he asked for lunch again, but i had to reject because i already had a "date") which didn't work out in the end because i didn't bring an extra helmet (i didn't know i was supposed to fecth) i taught that she would meet there along with joyce.but screw it, i just enojyed my rice and fried batter fish.

the second bad thing that happened was that a lady wanted to sit down, and i looked like i was going off but didn't. i should have offered my place to her (she looked like a tourist) i wasn't very hospitable or warm. i felt so guilty. later on a place with a better view opened up but i missed the opportunity by being selfish. thankfully that was rectified when i saw some juniors and offered them to share the table with me. theres something about people not sharing tables with strangers nowadays. so unfriendly.

the third thing that happened was that i came home early and instead of spending quite time was that i played far cry 3 instead. well it was fun, i enjoyed it. browsed Steam and was thinking what if i took down the path of a gamer. and life, why is there so many things to do but so little time

the fourth thing that happened was frisbee. this was fun, i'm glad i decided to cycle there. the sweat the adrenaline the jopy the fun. its all worth it. the only mistake was that i wore my xiaomi band to play, and it poped out without me knowing, i only later on founbd out about it when i got home.
owh well, it was a free gift from Chun Hao, thanks while it lasted it was fun. used it quite a bit in the beginning but later on i really didn't bother to check the apps anymore. this social fitness thing is really rubbish. why else do i want to share my results to others than to show off.

owh and i spilled Dom Benedictine (its sweet) on my freshly washed bed sheet and sunned mattress.
i tauhgt of just leaving it, but.. my housemate encouraged me to wash it again, least the ants come.

so yeah, life.
is.. hard enough.
i dont want to make it harder,
please. please just....

i'm currently waiting in the living roof for dinner.
i turned down going out with wai yip and Mivoli,
just to... shut out every one.

i feel like shutting out everyone.

Child-like freedom

The reason why children can be so free to be themselves is because they aren't affected as much by advertising and marketing.

barriers-less

went for prayer at Kokol summit hill this morning,

there was a girl named Marrisa whom never really met charlie before,
yet the seemed to be friends since forever.

something about the locals here in Sabah that have a very thin, or even non existent barrier between each other and strangers.

as if everyone was family.