He works out everything

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will." - Ephesians 1:11

everything, in this life.
is part of a plan

me sitting for exams,
going through this relationship
having a bout of one gloomy season...

its all part of a plan,
that will work out in the end,

because it is Christ at the center that holds everything together

Lord,
may you Will,
shape my purpose and goals.

give thanks

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

i wonder how he could stil be happy in prison,
eating his food with gratitude.

it's amazing,
the joy that he had inside his heart,

despite what was goin on around him
he still choose to give thanks

Joy

Joy comes from holiness.

Guilt is the enemy of it.

Joy is a product of obedience

"Joy is a serious business of heaven" - CS Lewis

When we worship in joy we bring heaven down

As a Chirstian, we have every reason to be joyful, regardless of the situation.

The joy of the Lord is our strength.

It can heal our bones

Mental stress

Postmodern problems deal more with mental stress due to expectations and the inability to reach them.

On contrary hardships apart from an easy comfortable life help shape ones character to be strong and them knowing their identity.

Work without complaining.

See the bigger picture.

Keep moving dont give up.

God loves you

base reality is God

so a whole week passed without any blog post,
guess i couldn't keep up the daily life log thing.

a few higlights of this week was the Global Leader's Summit for emerging leaders held in All Saint's
Good stuff. learnt more there than i ever did in .. the year?
they have very very good insights

however i don't think there was adeqaute time to lean how to apply them
of think them through

i wish there was more thinking time.
to ponder and contemplate, to meditate and really substantiate it
concertize.. if it even is a word.

sigh the month of november is coming to and end.
just reading a few philosophical thoughts on weather we exist because we think
or that reality is there and its how we perceive it.

i'e Kant and the idea that everything is only in our mind.
and some Maurice Blondell stuff..

anyways here's my take on it,

Base reality = God
everything stems out from Him,
since He was there at the beginning

hence,
the best course of action to take would be to base our every existence on Him,
all actions have a context, they have antecedence and consequences

structure, mystery power
action = make, practice, contemplate

A Sunday

Today was out confirmation.

I was supposed to wake up at 7.20 and get ready going to crystals place to pick her up by 8.20.

Cause we needed to be in church by 8.30 for rehearsal.

When I went to her house, she asked why wasn't my shirt ironed,

We arrived at 8.45

I really need to reconsider my time frame of things,

Don't know why I'm always late,

Always.

Was it because I subconsciously think it is better to be late?

Anyway we got confirmed into the Anglican Church

Hence, the Lord's Prayer, keeping the Ten Commandments, the apostles creed

The 39 articles of faith, etc...

Renouncing sin, the works of the devil, the desires of the world, carnal flesh,

Etc...

Yeah, hopefully no more winning after this.

By the power of the Holy Spirit,

Help me to do my utmost best for you Lord,

To dwell in your word,

And grow in you as a branch connected to the vine.

Came home after lunch

To a good nap

And then kg. Sembulan

Was worth it,

The double rainbow at the end of the day is God's promise to us

That he is with us

It is worth it,

Jesus was always for helping others.

Went to 1B for dinner and shopping with wai yip, Zoey and some juniors.

Fixed the toilet lamp,

Now ready for bed.

Goodnight

bleh, a saturday

saturday morning
i could have gone for frisbee, the UMS hat. good ol' days
but nope i was at home

woke up as late as i wanted too
is it better to fill one's day with things to do and get exhausted?
or should one have a laid back life and just enjoy the time.. that seems to pass by extra fast

how does one make time slow down?
diley-delaid until 12.30 then went to take a shower
had lunch with crystal, wai yip, zoey and sam at Bunker's cafe
took some pictures for google maps

she asked me if it was okay to wear her pejamas out,
yeah sure it was find, her friend did it too.

its comfortable

came home and decided to hardcore FYP, made some progress,
though i dont really think it's any real progress actually

sigh, this thing is eating away at my mind
dear God is it even possible?

work work work

at 4.30 we went over to zoey's place for a joint cell meeting
Zion cell is really one thing, crazy bunch of peeps
laughed, so much
and had fun, in a long time

today: the past, present and future,
am i really living out what i preach
its a different story
i dont know

i dont know anymore
to be sure of God
ontho-theo-logically
the metaphysics of being

beings and Beings
created and Creator

why, why am i in this point of life?
lost, feel so lost

Fyp

statistics
linear regression
elevational changes
statistics

zz


had lunch at Mdm Wong's near D'Archie corner
good lanb chop
but still, the most worth it has to be the chiken chop
the chiken chop wins all the time

remmeber that

i feel bad for not remembering to do push-ups for my darling
cause its her time of the month

not very caring not thinking of her all the time

i forgot to call my dad, it's his birthday today
he went for bersih
i should call him tmr

messy, so messy

i,, just want to go sleep
and run away from all the problems

anxiety

anxiousness.
dear God.. how can i present it to you
so thath your Peace that trancends all understanding will guard my heart and mind

gah

goodnight

i'm going to sleep
gotta wake up fresh for the Confirmation service tmr,
Ho;y Spirit, fill me. fill us.

to know
to know
to konw you
to be close to You

to be filled by You
to love You, more and more each and every day
 i want to love

and feel loved

18th november 2016

this morning i woke up to a nice comfortable sleep
one that i've not had for many days, yet i still find it a struggle to get out of bed
sitting there, i watched as the time ticked by

7.20..7.40... shucks class starts at 8.00
i wonder why i keep doing this, rushing myself over and over again, every single day
every single appointment. even though i tell myself that i'm not going to repeat the same mistake the next time around

then as i was walking back home it hit me. i do it for the thrill
the adrenaline rush that comes from being late and the well.. "rush" (pun intended)
in this world where the brain is constantly overloaded with stimulus
it seems hard to come across things that truely bring a sense of.. life
the numbness, i guess it can only be cured by having a break. a long break.

class, is meant to be interactive.
but it can only go so far as the students themselves responding to the good intentions of the lecturer
sitting there.. i feel like I'm lost

lost in a sea of things to do
just floating by
waiting for the next big wave to come crashing down

mingling around after class, jacking up the TP-link WR710N as an Access Point to convert the wired LAN port into a free wireless hotspot without any password required.

sandy asked me a question to tricky 2 handphone game
it was "type in the name of this level to continue" (or something like that)
and i tried the numbers, didn't work.. i decided to google, haha "main buyok", basically cheating

cheating
what does that even mean nowadays
why do we struggle so much to commit to memory so many things that are "unnecessary"
when we should be focusing our time and energy to pursue our interest

we should have more open book test.
and learn to apply knowledge instead of just repeat it.
no doubt having it on mind does help us to create links and solutions in our mind we would otherwise be unable to due to not having sufficient fundamental knowledge to base the solutions on

but yeah, basically. we should change the system.
okay enough about ranting.

it wil never end.
i guess its better to be greatful for the good things that happen

decided to attend the Harmoni Gathering. that is being held weekly this semester
it's a mistake. its too frequent and it's burning out the committee
UMS doesn't function like highschool
the Gatherings of all denominations and ministries should be done at a less frequent frequency
as in maybe once a month would be much better

there are many reasons behind this, but i shall leave going into details for another day

thank God there was a prompting to bring along the laptop today
it was needed. how i wish i could carry this lappy everywhere i went.
the desire to get a mac Air is so tempting. but until i start working on my own and earning my own
i shall put off any desire to upgrade from my perfectly working moto G (1st gen) to the Google Pixel
or this Acer Aspire which has a GT 630M, i5, 16 GB ram and a 128 samsung SSD.

sigh, why do i keep looking to upgrade things when i dont even fully utilize the power they have.
its a sin. a sin that i need to overcome, greed. is a form of.. desiring and not being greatful with what i currently have.

came back home at around 2.30 ish. took a nice afternoon nap
i really sleep alot more now adays
i like sleeping
its like an escape from reality

woke up to getting ready to meet sir Alan from the Kebudayaan section in Anjung Siswa
i wonder why we are so fearful to meet him
he is a nice guy, just that he tries to get others to reach his expectations
well it's also partially because his job is on the line i guess
because whatever we as students choose to do, at the end he is the one held responsible
it weights heavier on him than on us in a certain way

dear God, unite us

went to play a few rounds of frisbee
sigh i miss the times being so free to toss
i wonder why i got myself into this
taking up this responsibility, was it nessasary?
i dont seem to enjoy myself doing it
i wish i could turn back time to that moment i was sitting on the bench at the ocean
and decline the offer from Mathilda.
really, its not like i'm engaging more with the people that i'm supposed to be close with
its not like i'm growing

or am i?

God, what did you get me into?
(i feel like the isrealites complaining in the desert after being brought out of "good" life in Egypt)

least i incite the wrath of the Lord
bring be remose and repentance for my ego and pride
who am i, but to be a servant for my King

do not live a life of disobedience on the wide path
though it may seem like an easier route with more fun,
with less responsibilities more time and freedom

it is the idleness that will shackle us

home, dinner

went over to Rev Eric's house for Confirmation class

Holy Spirit burn like a fire in me, consume me.
We're about to get confirmed this sunday by the Bishop of the Diocese of Sabah and be part of the Anglican church. something that the Baptist didn't do, laying of hands, transubstantiation, baptism at first believing... so many things to learn, so many things to develop, so little time. i dont like saying that. everyone has the same amount of time its just how we choose to use it.

came home to watch finding Dory
the love of parents so... never failing

owh.. 19th
today's my dad's birthday, i should wish him
maybe in the morning
and it's bersih 5.0 too
dear God, bring peace.

amen.

resolutions

i really need to get of FB, once again, been using it too much lately.

i arrived 40 minutes late for a meeting today too. really should work on "being on time"

didn't eat lunch, had no energy for excising this afternoon

today, i faced an issue of getting conformation.
growing up in a baptist church, baptism for us included knowing what we were getting ourselves into.
in the anglican church however there's this need to be confirmed by the bishop because of infant baptisms. and although i came from a baptist church and have a very clear conscience about taking the sacraments during Holy Communion, i know it doesn't do right for the Reverend giving it to me knowingly i haven't achieved the prerequisite to partaking in it along side them.

hence, instead of trying to make the church in attending conform to my beliefs as a visitor, i want to be a member of the church i have chosen to attend by subjecting myself to the law of the land. it makes more sense of me trying to understand them, then for me expecting them to understand and conform to me.

today, i decided to seek God, to read His Word.
and see.. that it does apply to my day directly and instantaneously
Luke 11 and 12 that was read came just at the right timing, that it was fresh off my mind and the Holy Spirit could use it on my lips.

the situation is such that certain people whom have grown up in a Christian environment still chose to forsake God and take the "wider" path, a bit it being more sorrowful and sad.

in this Millennials Generation, we see a mix of Heros, Prophets, Artist and Nomads.
even in one's own phases of life.

i think i'm so into travelling, backpacking and minimalism now because i'm in the Nomad stage of life (just transitioning out from... a Hero?), in the sense that i was once a very law abiding kid. and now chose to be a rebellious, rule-breaker nomad.. just trying out new things a=or being very unsatisfied with how life has been.

i wish to go back to the old ways.
maybe i'll be an artist one day.. who knows.
to create blog post does help my brains function better the past few days

 sigh,
so many things on the to do list
1. internship
2. FYP
3. HoB assignment
4. video assingment
5. ... well... wow thats almost about it.

PK, campouslife, frisbee, so ... i guess i do dont have that many things,
time to reclaim back life.

saeculum

so i got my iPad back. checked all my emails, especially the Pocket. i've not read articles, good ones for quite some time.

nor have i been journaling, writing my thoughts down.
it is nice to unravel at the end of each day, i remember i used to do it religiously back when i was a kid. first with pencil and paper and then moving on to this blog (as seen in the archives)

i've been watching some youtube videos and reading things lately regarding the goodness of writing down out thoughts, on how it helps one to clear the mind and give a good nights rest,

have you ever had that moments in life when you dont wake up from a sleep feeling rested?
but instead worst off? i do. frequently now adays actually. its horrible.

but in the last few days life has been better. i guess it comes with exercise and doing the things that one loves to do.

i think i've said all this before. i dont know why i keep repeating myself. as if.. i can't move on. i would really like the feeling of peaking again. i guess this is all just part of the natural cycle... regression.. entropy, destruction.. just waiting for regrowth and maturation once again..

today

i woke up around 9.30 something. on the most comfortable bed with the fluffiest pillow beside duckducky and dogdoggy. and a really soft red cotton blanket. a nice cotton blanket. much nicer that my blue sleeping bad (its not really mine, someone left it in the House of Joy... and i adopted it because i brought back my grey body pack one), If I had to make the choice, I would go for a nice cotton blanket that could go all the way over my head... compared to a sleeping bag.

made milo wtih oats. part of life is learning how to make a meal wherever we are in the moment. i wanted to go home to make breakfast, just because it would be a more "comfortable" place, knowing where my things were and just how accustomed I've grown to it.

staying longer had its perks, Joyce came down with my torch light, the Fenix E25 which I lent to them over the Ice Cream Project. Part of life is being no worried when sharing expensive items with friends and letting them use awesome tech.

rode the bike home, it was around 10 plus, washed clothes took a shower, watched some videos, played the guitar. and then it was time to go pick my Darling up for lunch.

we ate at the new Kingfisher food court. it was really tasty pork fat and sour vegetable laksa-ish noodles. went back over to her place, haha she taught her lab was at 2pm, but it was actually at 1. owh well... better late than never right

then i came home, rushed an assignment on Foreign Direct Investments in the IMS-Growth Triangle. Ah, I didn't know so much about it until today. a weeks worth of work in an hour. sigh...

rode the bike like a crazy maniac trying to reach school before the dateline of 4pm. i should really learn how to organize my time better so that the day is planned out in a smoother more continuous flow instead of always having to travel back and fourth so often.

came home to find her. took a nice evening nap while the rain cooled down the day.

awoke to cooking dinner time, some really funky herbal soup. watched and then went to decompost the leftovers, phewh, the papaya is really giving out a strong smell.

night has arrived. it has been a good day. my muscles are all aching from the excerises yesterday. its a good feeling . to strive, to feel the pain, to heal and... come out stronger.

its all part of a cycle. a never ending cycle. choose the outcomes of tomorrow, by preparing what to do today.

Seek God, whom has been there since the begging of time.

climate change

we are burning ourselves to extinction.
fossil fuels release too much carbon into the air,
heating the earth up to a tipping point that's gonna be catastrophic, globally.

whatever sentient life that comes after humanity will marvel at our industrial chimneys
i wonder if they'll ever know that it was our greed and pride that wiped us all out.

the One whom calms

just finished collecting data on top of the mountain for 5 days
thank You for calming the storm.
Where is my faith?

the inner man inside that has been weakened
by all the wrong choices made.

turn be back to You,
to walk Your path's again

to fulfill my vows to You

Good things, for those whom love

Woke up too late, taught i missed an appointment. Turns out the other couldn't make it either. Good things work out for those whom love Him.

Putting the phone down at dinner.
I see a father feeding his kid with an aeroplane spoon. Such love.

Did I have to buy the buns sold by the guy walking around selling them? He claimed that it was from church. Am I too cynical to believe his innocence and genuineness.

God forgive me.

Being and knowing

Do you know about Christianity?
Or are you a Christian, living out a redeemed life.

Speech

Out of what is stored in a man's heart comes out his speech.

Choose to store the good life giving things. See the best in other people and be less cynical of the world.

Took an Uber today. Many times actually. Was quite fun. Take loops instead of backtracking the same way. sunway university is so much different from UMS, especially the way they dress. learnt many lessons along the way (I.e. cancel the Uber if your giving your ride to someone else). Meeting strangers and all. Lukas, Abbo and Azizi. Thanks for the memories, fun and laughter on ridiculous conversations.

Hope for more joy to come in the following days. Cheers to being human with ethics and consciousness

Eternity is now

Eternity is always and has always been exhausting parallel to the present . What I do now affects it.

Contrary to what I've been believing all this while that eternity only starts after dying in the present world.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not only receiving the verbal words from the one we have wronged, but also the ability to accept them in all their fullness with our hearts. That the restoration of a relationship to a point that is greater than it was before would take place.

=X

do you know why i dont like talking to you?
because i don't like other people listening to what i have to say.

just like how you dont like your housemate saying "sensitive" things in the whatsapp group.
so i too dont want to become that person.

its not that i'm quite,
it's just that you always want me to me noisy.

In Christ, a whole different meaning

And let me make it quite clear that when Christians say the Christ-life is in them, they do not mean simply something mental or moral. When they speak of being ‘in Christ’ or of Christ being ‘in them’, this is not simply a way of saying that they are thinking about Christ or copying Him. They mean that Christ is actually operating through them; that the whole mass of Christians are the physical organism through which Christ acts—that we are His fingers and muscles, the cells of His body. And perhaps that explains one or two things. It explains why this new life is spread not only by purely mental acts like belief, but by bodily acts like baptism and Holy Communion. It is not merely the spreading of an idea; it is more like evolution—a biological or superbiological fact. There is no good trying to be more spiritual than God. God never meant man to be a purely spiritual creature. That is why He uses material things like bread and wine to put the new life into us. We may think this rather crude and unspiritual. God does not: He invented eating. He likes matter. He invented it.

C.s. Lewis - mere Christianity

just a consumer

dont just be a Consumer,
be a Producer

not waiting, an opened parcel

ah woke up today, was a little late for class caused i deley-delayed.

in scjool between classes i went with Miao to return the equipment i borrowed.
however i'm missing one measuring tape (that i think it's still with Gavin)
but he says no. then i came up with a scheme to take one from the outside and "replace" it.
but its evil. and thankfull God sent someone with me to watch over me.
it wasn't that bad talking to Sir David. in the end he just advised top get a replacement from a hardware shop it it really did go smissing.

sigh all these assuptions and uneeded fears that crop up because we fear to ask.

after the second class today i rushed home on the bike,.
just in time to catch the GDex courrier van driving off from the house. THANK GOD!
chased him down and stopped by the side of the road with him to get the parcel.

YESSSsssss. (the feeling of being away from home knowning that a parcel is coming is really really, uncomfortable). i'm glad i didn't miss this one./

the first parcel came today it was the D-Link router i bought on lazada.
should have waited till night time to open it with roomates to enjoy it more.
so much for delayed gratification. i should reallly learn to hold back so that the joy may be more complete.
i taught opening it up would be an exciting feeling (new stuff right)
but nope. i still feel as if there was void in me =(

anyways i packed it all back into the wraps and gdex plastic (not perfectly though)
and plan to open it up again as if it was the first time.

but i know.... its not going to be the same feeling as waiting.
its like, opening up something that has already been used/spoiled. sigh.

am i really fasting. i read a little bit of the bible today and a little in the afternoon. the day seems to be better. i wonder if it's just a psycological thing of is it really happening.

our world is so shaped by consumerism and aedversiting of marketed products.
what Do we really NEED.

bad day

yesterday was a good day, it started off with reading the first three chapters of Romans (cause Jeff asked for it). the day went on smoothly and i felt that it was productive and efficient. it was nice fun, and i had times to be with loved ones. well, yesterday i didnt have any class and it was blissful.

but today, oh hell, today was a bad day
i didn't have a morning class and could sleep as much as i wanted
but i woke up and used whastapp and the laptop first instead of seeking You
i said i would do it first thing in the morning to prioritize you, but heck.

distractions.

the first bad thing that happened today was that i went to school and supposed to have lunch with Crystal after cancelling lunch with Daryl because he had class (which was cancelled and he asked for lunch again, but i had to reject because i already had a "date") which didn't work out in the end because i didn't bring an extra helmet (i didn't know i was supposed to fecth) i taught that she would meet there along with joyce.but screw it, i just enojyed my rice and fried batter fish.

the second bad thing that happened was that a lady wanted to sit down, and i looked like i was going off but didn't. i should have offered my place to her (she looked like a tourist) i wasn't very hospitable or warm. i felt so guilty. later on a place with a better view opened up but i missed the opportunity by being selfish. thankfully that was rectified when i saw some juniors and offered them to share the table with me. theres something about people not sharing tables with strangers nowadays. so unfriendly.

the third thing that happened was that i came home early and instead of spending quite time was that i played far cry 3 instead. well it was fun, i enjoyed it. browsed Steam and was thinking what if i took down the path of a gamer. and life, why is there so many things to do but so little time

the fourth thing that happened was frisbee. this was fun, i'm glad i decided to cycle there. the sweat the adrenaline the jopy the fun. its all worth it. the only mistake was that i wore my xiaomi band to play, and it poped out without me knowing, i only later on founbd out about it when i got home.
owh well, it was a free gift from Chun Hao, thanks while it lasted it was fun. used it quite a bit in the beginning but later on i really didn't bother to check the apps anymore. this social fitness thing is really rubbish. why else do i want to share my results to others than to show off.

owh and i spilled Dom Benedictine (its sweet) on my freshly washed bed sheet and sunned mattress.
i tauhgt of just leaving it, but.. my housemate encouraged me to wash it again, least the ants come.

so yeah, life.
is.. hard enough.
i dont want to make it harder,
please. please just....

i'm currently waiting in the living roof for dinner.
i turned down going out with wai yip and Mivoli,
just to... shut out every one.

i feel like shutting out everyone.

un-used to laws

today was the first day of the semester.
i parked my bike under the foyer.

and got a saman.

sigh, gotta get back to being use.
by laws

The 9th part

Self control is a limited resource

Wash car + sand

Washing car is one of the biggest mistakes one can do... For a friend. Out of good will.

Becuase a small grain of sand is enough to scratch it up like crazy.

Gah, unnecessary stress... Small thing.. small noise.

Merdeka

spent Merdeka eve at Kg Sembulan,

was the only chinese.

it was really a sight, to see the patriotism.

and be accepted by them as one.

a Malaysian, with no other boundaries.

Child-like freedom

The reason why children can be so free to be themselves is because they aren't affected as much by advertising and marketing.

that special moment

stop,
whatever your doing in the moment that can be done in the future,
the things that have stolen your mind's attention.

and just be in that special moment,
that can only be experienced at that particular time.

it will pass you by,
make no regrets,
by making that choice.

"Health" products

Honestly, I think these funky MLM products in elaborate sashes is just glorified starch being sold through manipulative marketing and advertising.

29 Aug 2016

woke up at 5 am this morning and drove home. wai yip gave me a call as i was about to open the door, : "bro, can fetch me to the air port ah?"

haha no one woke up to send him off. 5,30 and 6.00 makes alot of difference in the amount of the cars on the road.

in the car he asked me how i came up with the story for yesterday
"inspiration by God?" i used to day dream alot when i was a kid,
didn't have any technology or consoles to play with, so i just sat in the house...
on the stairs, in the living room or in the master bed room's parque floor.
day dreaming. now as i grow older i do it so much less... i think my creativity and imagination has taken a toll

came home close to 7. slept till 12
went over to crystal's place for lunch
then we took a ride to luyang health clinic.

took my blood results,
aww man low heamoglobin levels
took another blood test for iron deficiency or.. gaps, minor thellesimia

crystal took out the stiches from her head
she was supposed to have a letter from her previous doctor.
but didn't have any. hmm lesson learnt.

then we made our way to Likas Square to look fro uncle Caleb's friend Vivian
the owner of Olive Tree Cafe (that caters to the AMC students there).
nice lady, shared with us about Carmelian order thats found in KK. wow,
they can't go out to meet people? thats really... setting one's self apart.
devoting there whole lives to prayer and God

there was a one line that hit my mind this afternoon/
i'm trying like crazy to remember it now.
but can't... aww man life regrets.
it was really good, just that... i didn't write it down straight away when i came
and now it's left. sigh

the we went over to All Sain't cathedral for the opening ceremony of the biennial Synod.
was typing away at my phone. good thing it was silenced. Jim called and asked for what GPS softwear to use to extract data out of hand held devices.

Met Mr Wong (the landlord) over there and aunty Jenny from CTK.

drove over to Anjung Selera at Tg Lipat for dinner (around 10 ish)
the mee goreng mamak was nice. this yellow mee didn't have that much boric acid in it, or was it just that my toung's taste buds had died already

now here i am .. back home.
with a room.
hmm

i've been pouring lots of clorox into the washing machine and soaking/washing it.. in hopes to get rid of the mould build up thats been happening due to housemates leaving wet cloths inside.

sigh, all these house chores.. small things that matter.

Pengembaraan Ali dan Ah Chong

today we had Senyum Sembulan again, it's an initiative to teach underprivileged children the very core basic elements of educations. as in like, fundamentals before even the elementary essentials

such as writing your own name,
or even recognizing alphabets.

today, the opportunity presented itself for me to serve.
i've always wanted to, but have been reluctant.
thankfully God has his ways.

my part was at the end of the day where a value was to be though through any means.
taking some time, sitting down in quietness,
i'm glad God still answers with inspiration and creativity.

the theme was about helping one another or sharing.

hence this was it:

TAJUK: Pengembaraan Ali dan Ah Chong
Characters:
Ali
Ah Chong
Hujan
Singa
Durian
Burung Merpati

Props:
Roof
Wall
Rain
Lion Mask
Durian
Burung Merpati

Scene 1
Ali seorang pengembara ke negara Neverland.
Dia telah membawa barang bersama dia yang amat berat.
Di pertengahan jalan, Ali terlalu letih lalu terlepas barangnya dan pengsan.

TIba-tiba muncul Ah Chong.
Pilihan: 1) Ah Chong menolong Ali
2) Ah Chong tidak kisah Ali
1) Ah Chong, berhenti dan memberi air kepada Ali. Lalu menghulurkan pertolongan kepada Ali untuk memikul barang beratnya.
2) Ah Chong, terus berjalan, tapi Ali sedar dan meminta tolong. Ah Chong menolongnya.


Scene 2
Mereka berdua berjalan-jalan (hands over shoulders) dan bersembang macam kawan karib yang telah kenal untuk selama-lamanya.
Tiba-tiba sesuatu mula jatuh dari langit (A4 papers with raindrops) dan menjadikan mereka basah.
Soalan 1: Apa terjadi sekarang?
Jawapan 1: Hujan
Ali teringat bahawa Ah Chong sedang memegang sesuatu yang boleh menolong mereka (Mah Jong with roof)
Soalan 2: Apakah yang boleh melindungi mereka?
Jawapan 2: Bumbung/Atap
Betul, Ah Chong membuka bumbung dan mereka berdua berteduh dibawahinya sampai hujan henti

Scene 3
Ali dan Ah Chong meneruskan perjalanan mereka.
Tiba-tiba mereka terjumpa dengan seekor haiwan (lion comes out)
Soalan 3: apakah haiwan itu?
Jawapan 3: Singa!
Singa ini hendak membaham dan mencederakan Ah Chong.
Ali teringat bahawa dia telah membawa sesuatu yang boleh menolong mereka. (bring out wall)
Soalan 4: Apakah yang dapat melindung mereka.
Jawapan 4: Dinding!
(Ali sets up wall and both of them hide behind it)
Dinding ini sangat efektif, singa yang garang ini tidak dapat menembusinya. Lalu singa itu pergi mencari mangsa lain.

Scene 4
Ali dan Ah Chong keluar daripada bersembunyi, mereka melihat bahawa tanah di sekeliling mereka sangat subur. Terdapat pokok buah (bering out durian) dan haiwan yang aman (burung merpati)
Mereka membuat keputusan untuk membina rumah bersama-sama di situ dengan bekerjasama.
TAMAT

and to wrap it up,

we handed out chipsmore cookies,

it started with a teacher giving one to a kid,

and that kid had to take one and give it to another kid.

in that way they all ate something that they didn't take for themselves.

it brought forward where they started to share En Alimat's cakes with the kids outside the gates.

the gift is in being an example.

a big shoutout and thanks to the team: Carmen, Angeline, Kanae, Wai Yip, Sharly and Rebecca.

and ofcause my darling Crystal whose been with me through thick and thin, it was fun to colour with crayons was it not =P they decided to keep our props for future classes.

after having dinner together at Salim's Mamak, to a good hearty meal and fun conversations i came home to a rainy day,

with my cloths still hanging outside.

owh well, life's like that.

no reason to get worked up over it.

the main deal was over McD's that we da pow-ed.

Campus Life wants to run an orientation welcome party for the freshies in UMS

i am only as good in seeking advice from as the experience i've been through,

seek the adviser lecturer for better counsel, least we only use his name as a recognition chop.

is this event really Harmoni,

or is it just only a certain party that holds the vision,

share it, least there is no support from without that which is needed.

ah, night, i long to rest into the days ahead

barriers-less

went for prayer at Kokol summit hill this morning,

there was a girl named Marrisa whom never really met charlie before,
yet the seemed to be friends since forever.

something about the locals here in Sabah that have a very thin, or even non existent barrier between each other and strangers.

as if everyone was family.

starting to journal?

okay, so i;m supposed to start journaling

today i decided to hang out with more human beings rather than staying at home, alone
and it pays off. i thought that it would be better to have less interaction so that i can have more time to my self to learn, read and do what i want. but only having inputs and no outputs isn't the most healthy thing to do.

i guess its more of a just get out there and do it kinda mentality that works
like have a task list and just DO. not wasting time lying on the bed feeling lazy

also another thing that happened today was that i DECIDED to go for CTK's adult cell group
which sometimes i think twice, because it isn't as interactive as Riviya in Skyline,

but then in Camp Cameron's it was made clear that i can't be in two different churches
and i just need to commit to one. i would really want to grow personally

but i think it's in contributing to where there is a need.
not where i can fill my needs. because really, life has been a blessing so far.

to prepare the day before is to succeed the next day.
i wonder how closely i stick to my blog's name.

Autistic love

In the plane taking the flight back. This kid behind me started hitting the chair. And making noises. But it wasn't normal. So I brushed it off for the first few times. Once it didn't stop, I turned around and patted his head.

He was autistic.

The guy sitting beside me was a Murut. He turned around and looked at the kid. Then started asking about him to the parents. 7 years old, he learnt slow. But he could walk and talk basic words. Then the guy beside me told me that his child too was autistic.

But he talked about him just as a father would. Full of love and compassion. He would say how they would go to the park, and he'll be running and climbing around. And when it's time to go home hell just say "Jom", and his child would understand the call. But if hadn't had enough, he would reply "Wawa". (And the father mimicked it with a smile). And he would understand that the kid wanted 5 more minutes.

He only has one child. Whole the family in the plane was of five. They still loved unconditionally.

Lord, meek and humble in heart. Grant me the grace to desire and practice, that part of love that You've placed in all of us.

we all have our battles to fight

when comparing to others

girls are insecure about their outward looks.
you are pretty because of who you are on the inside.

guys have their pride and ego.
thanks for teaching me humility and learning to..

lose a game to win your heart.

let go and receive.

love bars to be filled

our identity is found in the love we receive from those that matter to us.

so what are the different bars of love that needs to be filled?

1. God's love
2. Love from a spouse
3. love from family (parents, children)
4. love from friends and neighbors

one may fill up multiple points, but not all.
if there is a lack in one of them, we will tend to feel:

1. purposeless without a sense of "being" in the present
2. lethargic and hard to get out of bed each morning
3. unfulfilled and unhappy, unexcited for future events.

this is why relationships with people matter.
and how a lack of it can cause use feeling like crap.

when we go to a new place, into a new community...
we tend to reset a few of those bars.

then again, we always carry with us one of it as it is always present in our hearts.
have faith.

love wins at the end of the day.

wait...

does the body come first or the mind?

how much does our subconscious influence our decisions,
and can we influence our subconsciousness?

i guess yes, by feeding it the right inputs,
good quality information, holy stuff...

reading the Bible i guess?
memorizing scripture?

talking to God?
linking our will to His?

how...
wait on Him...

wait...

the answer so far

i am an extension of God's Will,
Yet i am an individual still capable of making choices.

conscious. how

this body,

is it... an extension on something? my mind? His Will?
why does it exist as it is, why can i physically see it, confirm it with sight, with touch, with smell
am i really just a blob of elements held together by biological processes,

is DNA a language and alterable code?
what is the next step beyond this skin's boundaries.

why? why?

what makes up my conscious thoughts, my "self"
am i a ghost in a shell?
would my body be like the Ship of Theseus?



destiny, fate, whatever.
collective, all in all, pluralism, divinity,
what is the truth.

a new canvas

as much as we change the geological topography of the earth bellow us with technology, art and culture. building cities, road networks and various infrastructure

so one day we will, alter the galaxies in this universe

life in truth

truth in life,
life in truth.

Get in touch with reality,
stop living a fantasy.

Carry out the Plan,
Make His Will, yours.

Old people infront?

Wait watched the boboboi emergency thing in the cinema again.

Let the old people out first?

Let's say there are two options:
1. Old people first, young ones stuck behind them. Manu people die

2. Found ones infront run out first, old ones behind.

Which would you choose?

thirsty?

do you feel as if your soul is dry?

like you're in a desert place.

well, its because you haven't been going to the source of:

Living Waters

go there, be refreshed, find peace and rest for your weary soul.

the mind separates from the body when we feed our fleshly desires.

why does the mind feel like it's detached from the body?
because the mind is in conflict with the desires of the flesh.

the more we feed the body (by giving in to temptations, after all it's a free choice)
we strengthen the flesh, and hence the mind feels more and more absent.

if we hang in the middle always tripping the line,
sooner or later we start to feel "depressed" as if there is a great dis-conjunction with the world.

and then, we are more and more likely to.
be.
lost.

however, if the flesh takes over all the way, in which we just give into the desires of it,
lust, temptations and evil.. materialism.

it becomes who we are. and we start to be comfortable with ourselves.

where is the soul then?
holiness and our conscience

Uber drivless cars

Next time you call Uber, a driverless cars will come pick you up.

Think about that moving into the future... taxi drivers.

Purpose

The purpose of life is to find life's purpose

everyone thinks he's a hero

an undercover journalist infiltrated and went behind the ranks of a terrorist group,and this is what she got out of it:

"Everyone thinks he's a hero."

and the 'good' military side retaliating against them also thinks the same "We are the hero"

if only they would just stop fighting with violence and "listen to each other"

then, much things could be resolved.

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a drug rehab worker said there was one thing in common with those whom give in to addiction:

"That they are missing a relationship with a higher power/being. A relationship that allows them to share about who they truly are"

And he was an atheist. believing that that the highest power is Love

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Still seeking for the meaning of life?

a purpose? is it burdensome?

well why don't you just lay it down at the Cross.

Let Jesus carry that for you.

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whats the one thing that you've learnt from university life?

"Is that we can never be too friendly, because people get annoyed and others talk bad behind your back". this was so sad to hear, life could have been so much more if this wound was healed. i guess being judgmental and condescending never really helped anyone.

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whats the one thing that you've learnt from university life?

"to adapt to change"

quarter life crisis

been browsing a few blogs... when i should be studying for final exams tomorrow.
sigh, came across so many christian blogs especially with missionaries (and mormon's too)
(something about google predictions that i dislike)

it's amazing, the life of these people.
so... all out.. dedicated... to Jesus.

aren't i a christian too? why am i not doing things like that.
not.. having a full time missionary life.

well... i always say to myself that "God has placed me where i am for a purpose"
and that my job for now is.. to finish off university... find a job? work.. get married and have a family.. and then what..?

share Christ along the way? i've tried. i've learnt from Crystal that..

Love is spoken with Actions.

how true, God.... please help me.. i.. don't want to be a hypocrite,
just learning the law, and trying to impose it on others..

in.. judging.. and .. contempt.. condescending..

gosh... i need to STOP COMPLAINING so much...
(i notice i've been very negative the past few months,
as if.. laughter and joy has left my body)

GOd.. help me to see the brighter side of things.
Gosh...

it feels like a dilemma in life.

heck, if all else fails,
just give up everything and become a missionary right?
hah.. that's not how it works..

we're all called to different offices and service.

I for one.. right now... have to... focus on what would bring glory to God.
focus on.. my relationship with God..

it seems like it's fleeting,
as if... its becoming more superficial

what is life?
why can't i be a pluralistic guy believing in all religions,
heck i would to try out tao-ism or zen buddishm one day

but i've been thought as a kid that i should have no other gods before You.
(as goes the Sunday School song)

haha wait a minute... it says "before" ... so does it mean that i can have some "after" You?
lol.

nah, I know who the real God is,
I have felt Him before, seen His works in my life,
read His Living Word...

I just need to.. focus ...

focus...

get away from all this distractions
so many distractions.. man.. Satan, you doing a good job.

but i hope i wont fall into temptation,
just like how my lord Jesus didn't give in when he was hungry .. didn't eat the stone..
nor bow down to the devil to get all of the cities on this earth...
nor jump down... to test the angles.

i should stop testing God...
and start.. living for Him...

will i ever grow up?
or will i continue to play computer games, watch animea and stuff..
and waste.. waste.. waste my life away..

always seaching for the next new smartphone,
headphones, camera.. bla bla bla..

without ever using the one i have to its fullest potential.
without ever being contended..

really.. really.. knowing...
about something

zzz

what if everything around us was just, air.

what if,

God was so powerful.
That actually He only made one of us.
Like you (the reader) or I (the writer)... am actually the only person in this world world?
and that everything, everyone around us... is just... made up, imaginary (to a point of become reality)

that, the people we meet and talk to are all actually just like.. air?
that the whole purpose of this one human universe is so that we could.. develop our existence,
in this world of one person, we cannot redefine our purpose of existing,

but it is still our job to.. make the choices, that will help us fulfill why we are actually here.

well ofcause, i believe very much that my friends beside me are actually humans and not just a figment of my imagination.

i could never imagine being the only person on earth, that would we very... lonely.

xiao mi

 got a xiaomi band from Chun Hao. He got it free with the purchase of a Mi4 during some special promotion and didn't want it. thanks a bunch! i've been wearing it for quite some time now, to log my activities, steps, jogs, tried to pari it up with Google FIt, but i think i'll leave it aside, or should it sync them? i heard that it counts a little bit of extra steps. but owh well, who really cares right?

i like the sleep function where it tells me how long i've slept that night and if i manage to have deep sleep. looking forward to the Mi band S1 where it can measure the pulse.

so i got a little itchy and visited the site and saw that they had some dual speaker ear phones (one armature, one diaphragm) its pretty cool, so i taught i'd pick it up. made a MI account, placed in my KF address, and viola, it arrived.

i was very happy with the two mi golden piston headphones i bought back then. they were really really good. but i lost one and gave another away. so yeah.... taught i'd get myself this new ones, and owh bow... so worth it.. the bass and hi's are so clear.

so i needed to top up till i hit hundered to get the free shipping, threw in a powerbank, fan and extra mi band strap.

i think my favorite color now is blue =P (last time it was.. red?)

andways, happy with the purchase, thank God i was home when GDex arrived.

and yeah, shold i get the XiaoMi weighing scale.... and XIao Yi action camera too? xD sigh not sure if my next phone will be a google nexus of a xiaomi.... (the head phones volum functions dont work properly with other UI's)

i want to go full google, but then they dont make all that much products .. yet.... and xiao mi can use google apps very much too.

choosing fewer things? present in the moment

I realised that i do too many things in life.
and that I should cut down and abandon things to have a more meaningful one.
I still remember a quote my friend Rachel shared with me

"Too everywhere to be somewhere"

and i think that we all should be aware of this.
part of minimalism is that isn't it: to have fewer things so that life will be more... in the present

i notice that my mind keeps running to things that i "should do" in the future.
so much to a point that i can't focus on what i am doing in the present.
it's really frustrating, to a point that i think its becoming stress or depression.

knowing that there are so many things that should be done but are not done.

or well. atleast i'll try to trun it into a positive notification to my brain that i have work to be done.
and once i finish what needs to be done first than i can go on and do other things, to be distracted. and not procrastinate.

i want to be genuinely interested in one thing at a time,
so that i'll really read and absorb whatever it is for the moment,
not just marginally having a fling and the going on to the next factually info after obligatory reading something i put into my Pocket list.

(maybe i should unsubscribe to Pocket weekly suggestions?) nah.. its good Brain Pickings.

like what yew meng said; "Do what you need to do, so that you can do what you want to do"

if i can somehow or another be disciplined enough to finish off all my school work first, than i can really enjoy playing in the park. to be really present in the moment.

niah caves - Dose Progress kill traditional culture?

So i just got back from our small road trip through Brunei and Miri and Niah Caves.

While reading the book on Bruno Manser, and having a lil conversation with the native Iban Josman, and one of the friends Kim Qin and ofcause Crystal,

It made me ask a question:

Does progress bring about the death of traditional culture?

Must something be sacrificed to gain something?

I.e. we ate canned food instead of local dishes,

there was electricity, running water and air conditioning

we sorta experienced the village lifestyle.

our Host talked alot about politics.

anyways, i got a lil uneasy when my friend said that "thats what the Christians did last time" in reply to the islamisation of school children by west malaysian teachers in the primary school. And its true to some sense that the iban's were all animistic before the missionaries came and shared the Gospel to them. so what's the difference with Islam?

well.. i think that one can believe in Jesus without giving up traditional customs.

in the beginning of it all, it was God and Adam and Eve. 

that was the original custom, and then when sin came in, a whole lotta prostitution to other gods were brought up to distract us from our true purpose, a realationship with Christ.

so if people were to say that Christianity destroys traditional customs by making one forget their roots. actually the opposite is more true, traditional customs have destroyed what was even earlier than themselves. and the Gospel is just reminding one of what it was all about in the beginning to time.

to bring one back.

hence i think the resolve to share one's experience with God is still something that's very applicable in the mordern world today. especially with all the developoment in technology, post-mordenism first world problems, and materialism.

p.s. on a side note, i really want to quit facebook and Whatsapp. or at least cut down on them.

maybe i should fast it just like the Muslims are doing now =P a month without FB? let me post up my niah cave pictures first

God is not to be explained, but to be experienced

was typing a response to a friend about purgatory.

i think Christians should focus more on the common things that bind us together,
(which is Christ the Head of the Body)
instead of.. well.. trying to discredit each other's believes/doctrine.

we should accept their believes (i'm not saying to be relative),
because at the end of the day, it is still the same Jesus whom saves.

Sin is to me: disobedience to God.
life is not about accumulating knowledge, but applying and experiencing it.

i learn that we need to have a relationship with God as a Christian
do i really take time to cultivate the relationship?


do i sit down on my bed, undistracted, and pray?
do i kneel down and ask for my daily bread?

do i feel God like how i would feel a friend.
its not just in the head, its in the heart.

"God is not to be explained, but to be experienced"

facebook's philosophy

i wonder what philospohy facebook teachers us.
and that if it is possible to reset the news feed preference.

i think it boarders around us being addicted to "likes"

getting attention, very narcissistic, surrounding ourselves in a bubble of our own kind.

very little room to question what we currently like,

unless... we joing a very purposeful forum that specifically discusses things like that

two types of suffering

there are two types of suffering
one that the world experiences, which is not by choice.
which is outside of our locus of control

and then there is the suffering that is chosen
Jesus asked us to pick it...

would you rather live a life that's determined by the world and suffer it's consequences of not being able to control what happens to you no matter how hard you try,
or would you submit yourself to God, the Sovereign One whom created all and that can gives us the greates joy that the world could never provide, suffer from Him, and gain life.

Too fast in gaining knowledge without application

Knowledge is something that is so easy to gain nowadays.

Especially with the internet nowadays 

But the problem is that we tend to acquire too much before we can fully utilise what we've studied

Not actually learning anything in a short cut process that should have taken time.

Take it slow.

You already know enough.

"You already know enough. So do I. It is not knowledge we lack. What is missing is the courage to understand what we know and to draw conclusions." - Sven Lindqvist

stability is innovation

the way to maintain stability is not through doing the same things over and over again,

but it's by changing as the time progresses.

this is because what is stable today, might not be tomorrow.

was just reading up on Elon Musk, he, is really radical. great inspiration to what the future might possibly hold.

my lips.. gosh i need to read the Bible first

today i felt like i over stepped my boundary of a TP.
spoke out too much after the President talked in a group whatsapp chat.
as if i was gonna take over his place.
why do i feel this? is it good? is it bad?

i asked the Lord when i was showering,
He prompted me to personally message the pengarah
so yeah. i did, and he was okay with it.. phweh

thank you Lord.

pray for:
the new committee

went to Kg Sembulan today
to help out
the kids
whom cant even write their names
they just like to play
so rowdy
how to teachers take care of such huge crowds.
respect.
love.

stepping down and up. be: happy

grateful: for CTK and the van. back in PJ, it was so easay to deal with things concerning PPBC, need the sanctuary for camp worship practice? no problem. need a dance studio? done. need a place to chill out and sleep over, with showers? tick tick tick

coming to Sabah, taught me that i should learn how to ask for help, and that people are very willing to give it actually. that... showing a need, i taught it was a weakness, but actually its strength that's required to ask. and asking: builds bridges, creates bonds, fosters friendships.

Ps Darren is such a cool dude, we needed a van to transport the students from campus to PPKS in likas, normally we would need to rent a van/bus (if the people whom owned cars weren't enough). but yeah, FOC.. grace. love. community. family. i felt all those things.

i want to feel more of the present moment. than being detached from it.
i want to be able to have the energy to live for the day, by choosing to delay gratification of things that are not meant to be as of yet.
i want to choose Christ, and know His power, in His goodness and fullness of His Glory.

pray:
for healing on aunt aggie
for Kg Sembulan tomorrow (bring the fan!)
for Alon and his grandma

plan:
for PK05
date&venue
meeting with the old comm (Anthon)
Next meeting with the committee

Alpha
20 May
27 May
3&4 June

just three more sessions to go and we'll be done with the series.
Gosh, how time flies. i never taught it would be possible to run the whole thing.
How i only wished we had more time for application.

God, what do you want?
me to Humble myself as i seek You
to daily refresh myself with Your Word, few times a day.
to worship.

owh well.
atleast we're gonna have a party on 22 May for the Campus Life leavers
at Party Play Lifestyle Cafe. Crystal and i will be incharge of games. its a costume theme, we plan to go as harley quinn adn the joker. haha.. its gonna be some crazzzy games.

loves of love,
blogging.

pray: boldly or humbly?

there's something about... prayer
to pray to God, should one be soft and humble and .. contrite?
or should one speak boldly with charisma and power?

is it a stance that we come before God knowing that He is so much greater and we small?
or because of what Jesus has done on the cross, we can come before the Father confidently?

i grew up with the latter train or taught, and only when i reached university i see a different form of praying to God. i guess it really does depend on the situation that we are in at the moement and how the Holy Spirit uses us.

Matthew 10:19&20: "But when they hand you over, do not worry about how to respond or what to say. In that hour you will be given what to say. For it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you"

so yeah, this verse always come to my mind when i'm about to pray.
its not about what i know as a human, but how available i am as a vessel for God to use right?

also another big contradiction
there's something about.... ministries.
i see that CLC is very strong in evangelism and a very go-out and get em method.
and CL is more of focus on the ones whom come into the fold method

both reaches out to non-believers (or pre-beleivers as some prefer the term) but in a different way.
its so interesting. as if, the wester tries to improve one's own personal self more, and the eastern has its considerations on others. which is deeper which shallow. which is the great commission which is just... a tradition.

never the less, as long as Christ is preached. we all have our different ways to serve the same body.

pick up the calling, learn selflessness

do things that will make a difference in this world,
not for academics, no, that is for recognition

God, i want to be done and over with this selfishness that is inside of me
i dont know what this pride is, that keeps me wanting to do things for fame,
i never taught that i would have to face this kind of challenge,
who am i, that popularity among people should matter?

yet God here i stand today, naked and weak before you,
a broken vassel? maybe not yet that far, but i wish to be of a contrite heart

You've called me out to serve You again, as if giving me a second chance to get things right before i leave. to make amends for the wrongs and mishaps of standards that i've not lived up to.

Yet i wonder why i still feel so, lazy so unwilling to take up the responsibilities in life.
as if i just wanted it to be a blissful, easy going and carefree ... worthless life of happiness.

no i am not happy in the current state i'm in.. or was in. i'm happy now, like today.
because of what You've done. i realize that not following You brings despair, tiredness and a void.

life should not be busy, but well occupied with the things that matter.
if i selected the right things to do in life that were in accordance to God's will,
then it wouldn't be such a drag to wake up each morning right?

sigh, God. keep reminding me that i'm your child and dearly loved,
that my strength is found in You and not in myself.

Amen.

Ephesians 5:1&2 "Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

HUMAN displays of love

we humans all over the world have different definitions of love.

it is our choice to choose how to explain it, to show it, to feel it.



yet, growing up, I've always been taught of one love that is above all else,

a love that only a god could show. a love that required what was meant to save all of creation.



yet, how selfish i am to keep it to myself,

to sacrifice, for the sake of it, is well known in the head,

although it is felt in the heart, it is a struggle to put into actions.



distractions.

tired

sin is tiring

knowing God is: obedience

why am i physically tired? or is it mentally, emotionally... spiritually?

i need rest, i need my cup to be refilled.
the only way it can overflow without me being empty

Jesus...

consumption

create and not just consume.
that is the way to maintain individuality.

is there another way? what is it

if i could ask one question to Dr Z.N:

what is heaven to you?
and is there any other way to go to it,
other than the one you are believing in right now?

Rent distribution

If you think. Giving more profit to the contractor firms instead of royalty to the state will decrease the amount of logging they have to do to achieve the same amount of money.

You're wrong. Greedy people will take more when more is offered to them.

So screw them, make logging something freaking hard and unprofitable to do. That'll keep our forest sustainable.

on the road

i'm still learning to make the right choices,
thank you for, your grace and mercy, to forgive and still accept me.

i'll become a better person,
and make wiser decisions

camping

it is really a joy to camp,
a blessed to find a person to enjoy it with.

will prepare better for the next one,
to be as comfortable for a cozy night.

things are not actions

rain.

went to inobong to camp the night.
went too late, the gate was closed. (it closes at 5.. so yeah)

in the tent we could hear the rumble of thunder in a distance,
that forecast a rainy night

woke up at 12 to take a piss,
tide down the flysheet and looped the ends over the edges,
realized that i didn't bring cordage to tie the guy lines that pull out the middle part of the flysheet to prevent it from touching the inner layer,

so much for being prepared.

"it is no used to be prepared in things, when no action is taken to use them"

choose - better

choose to be a better person.

"better person" is NOT a goal

to achieve the outcome,

it is by making the choice that

makes one a better person

"choose" is the goal

"better person" is just a natural response to it

make the right choices in life,

ask God what they are.

The little one

my plant has had bite marks on its leaf for quite some time.
i was looking for that little bugger...

today i saw it, green and fat...
a tiny bit of anger flushed through,
i picked it up with my fingers (a lil scared that it'll make me itchy)
it did the same thing of throwing up green goo that i saw happen when i did it to a younger one last time...

and dropped it onto the floor...
and was about to squash it,
the last time i let a younger one live,
my problem didn't go away..

then a flush of sadness came over me,
i suddenly remembered...

i haven't seen a butterfly for quite some time

i picked the cute lil guy off the scorching hot cement floor...
and placed him back on the the leaf i took him from...

"eat all you want lil guy"

i'm...... sorry

hope you get to grow up,
unlike some who don't get the chance

God over family

what francis chan was talking about on Christ Mission before Families

important that both parties see it commonly.

Seeking His Kingdom and righteousness first does equate that certain things will follow (riches over poverty, success over failures)

i've heard and met of many with "Pastor's Kid" syndrome. An absent dad/mom due to being 'too busy' with church affairs. (then again, it can happen to any occupation).

So as much as we love and serve God. We must also remember to love and serve others around us, our families and friends. For that i'm sure, is Christ Mission for us too. (A close balance, Matthew 12:47 Someone said to Him, "Behold, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak to You." 48But Jesus answered the one who was telling Him and said, "Who is My mother and who are My brothers?")

Matthew 19:29"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.

i believe there is a right time for everything. One should not misuse "God's Work" as an escape for doing the things he should do at home.

weeds

God,
i'm like the seeds that fell among weeds.
i know your Word, it's just that i'm being chocked by this world.

i wish i could be like the seed that fell among the good soil,
multiplying for you. but i'm not like that.

God i am not like that.

take out the weeds in my life.
i want to live for you

"Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” - Mark 4:7&8

A path far from where i was meant to be

I traveled down a path,
that is far from the point i should be,
took a turn somewhere along the road,
that was never meant to be,

Jesus you gave me life,
born into a wonderful family,
i learnt about it's purpose early,
yet, why am i now so weary.

There was a time i could say,
that i was in line with what You'd will,
now i cant even get the basics at bay,
i'm lost and cant seem to be still.

Lord, what is this place you've brought me to,
far away from home and the community i grew up in,
this freedom to choose a new society,
why did i pick the ones that ... were not of You.

Why Lord God, have i come to this point,
To be so uncertain about my existence,
to try life as if there was another purpose,
than the one that You have given me.

Why do i live a life that is so worldly,
gratifying the sinful natures of the flesh,
did i think i could just try this out,
and walk away freely?

did i think maturity was gaining experience,
even if it meant the cost of my integrity,
holiness and righteousness has but fled me,
i feel weak, tired and empty.

There isn't much time left on this plateau,
help me Lord to learn life's lessons early,
Jesus only you can make me holy,
you way was always the one and only.

real Tragedy

"real Tragedy is succeeding at things that don't matter" - Ps yew meng/francis
ish?

Happy Easter everybody!

the beauty of Holiness brings worship anew...

hmm..

bleh

Drought

The drainage system works as the irrigation as well

God's society

I want to be part of a society in God's Kingdom.

Not a part of this worldly one.

Tour guide

Man I need to learn my own turf.

Dean called me just this afternoon and said he's arrived with his friends from Germany at KL.

Met them up at Times Square.

But after that, it was kinda down hill.

I didn't know how to go to china town using the public transport.

And got sorta lost.

The road sin kl are soooo confusing. And my gps sucks.

Sigh, so much for being prepared.

Also, when I realised I was walking in the wrong direction, I didn't turn around.

Pride I guess?

I should come up with a 'walk through' for kL. with places of interest and personal favourites of food and such.

I really need to learn how to become a tour guide.

That can tell history, statistics and .. Generally information about the area.

Sigh, sucks to not have travelled.

the 3rd year sem holidays

the first week of the holidays kicked off with a road trip up to kudat and camping out by the beach. its nice to just, be free.

i got a lil scared of camping on privet property, if it was. but it turned out to be alright. they people are nice. and yeah, most important is there's a public toilet to bath.

tried surfing, ain't easy, couldn't catch a wave.
but the cycling was not too bad =)


the second week was a four day get away to mabul
now this was a real holiday. one day with 3 dives,
and the rest were just... blissful relaxation

one thing that struck me while being there was the.. local, the bajau lauts
i wonder what if i was born in such a surrounding.
i wonder if i'd ever have the opportunity to, escape that cycle of life

education, a willingness to learn. is vital to one's life



the third week was as road trip with family members
to kundasan, sandakan, semporna, tawau through 6-7 hours long roads
sabah is beautiful, the forest, the mountains, the oceans

except the oil palms

one thing i learnt: it is good to have friends. everywhere we go we could meet up and have a guide to the best places.


home,
meet-ups

one thing in life: it is important to have friends
to talk to

CNy gifts

some things for the holidays =)
bought a nifty key chain tool form kickstarter, they shipped it as promised =D

new shoes from dad, RM269 from sports direct. gt-2000 asics

and bro got me headphones. beyer's dtx 350p. he says it sums up christmas, birdthday and etc

happy =)

half done exam

i dreamt last night that:

i was sitting for an exam. and by the time i got half way to finishing it, time was up.
the second part was all objective questions, so i tembak them.

was trying to read them, but couldn't understand. when the papers were collected, i didn't hand mine up.
instead, i only handed it to the lecturer afterwords.

man the feeling was crappy. wasting time on the first half, and not being able to finish an exam properly. sigh.

clear starry skies

i keep telling people that the most important thing in life is, God
yet i do not practice it myself

such a hypocrite.
i've seem to have lost all that i've learnt over the past years of being a Christian.
the elementary truths.

what has happened to my life and walk with God?
i feel so lost.

when i looked at the clear skies, sitting at the edge of the jetty.
i think to myself: "wow, thats really clear"

i wish my life could be as clear as that.
now it seems so cloudy, murky like unclean water.

i cant see past the fog.
i dont know where my life is going.

there seems to be no more purpose anymore.

i wonder why this feeling has come upon me.
i wonder when it'll go away.

i dont like

why i dislike checking facebook

technology .. zzz. i wish i could just.. stop using it

am i an extension of the laptop? or do i still control the technologies around me

i had a random taught, of how... the center of things in my life is being taken away from me... by the computer

i used to remember so much things, like directions, facts, memories, apointments (okay, maybe i was never good at this)... Bible verses

then after some long time, i felt like the technology stoles this abilities away from me, and i feel like i became part of the map that extends from the computer. (instead of it from me)

then.. i was like.. man i should really quite facebook, it takes up so much of my time and determines way too much of what i want to do, to show other people. why cant i just.. live a life without sharing it to the world? is that selfishness? or is sharing things so other people envy it selfishness? i really want to become a missionary, to live in a kampung and just teach them about God. but i dont think thats a very logical things to do, its not.. relevant or.. reality. i should just get a normal job and get security in my life.

after all, how can i really trust a God with everything, if i am not willing to be obedient to Him in everything. thats.. selfishness

God ... is realy. and He is good.
as much as disobedience hurts Him, it is real to grive the Holy Spirit.

i want to take back my life, from this world.
to get Christ back in the center, and no longer rely so much on technologies.

no longer think of dreams, and wish they came true.
and i want to grow, not just in knowledge ..

but one of the fruits of the Spirit, the last and final one: self-control

to be a master of the choices i make, choices to follow Jesus as the master.
and not succumb to ... temptations, distractions and .. worthless things in this world.

sigh, why is happiness so hard to find.

i am happy now God, with all i have.
i'm not sure if You are. sometimes it really does seem ridiculous..

to not... well.. whatever la....
thanks for helping me our in the exam...

less things

happiness is wanting less things in life?
how is that possible. Jesus....