unbridled freedom is chaos

Freedom is chaos,

When there's no boundaries... its insanity 

reflection life

Self reflection is the key to self awareness,

To live a contemplative life, present in every moment. 

chaos

 creation

is bringing order to reality: chaos

every morning i wake up at 5

 okay my alarm goes off at 5,

but i dont get out of bed straight away

i lay in it,

reach out my hand, groping in the dark to where i roughly remember placing the phone the night before to charge...

hit the snooze. 10 minutes... another ten... and another...

sometimes i turn it off and go to bed for another hour.

it's hard to get out of bed..

there's nothing to look forward to in the day,

the work..... is mundane.. and just for the money

saving up... 

it's not going to be forever...

just need to get through this time....

it's just temporary...

everyday its hard to get up.

i'm... tired.

i just want to.... rest

i pull the sheets back up over my aching body,

coving my cold feet so they can warm up under the duvet

i cherish my sleep

just before i have to go work

and come home,

and get ready for bed,

and repeat..

everyday

is

exactly

the same...

every morning i wake up.... audiobooks

 Brave New World

wow... really, makes me think of what this life is all about.

racism, sexism, cast systems.. contioning, society

am i a Beta or Gamma? 

dont think i'm an alpha or epsilon

plus minus?

my mind doesn't seem to be as sharp as what it used to be when i was younger

I'm beginning to think that everything is .... acceptable when viewed form the perspective of the other.

it's okay to be, contentended and.. stupid. ignorant

its okay to be a seeker of knowledge, but with more knowingness of things, ignorance is harder

discontentment

What's more important in life is not standing firm on one's fascists beliefs that one grew up with,

but making a choice to choose one's worldview when one has come of age.

listening to God is a real thing.

God is real.

how can we help others to experience God?

love.

some say love is silly.

some say that it is everything.

caring for others.

not caring.

i think i dont care so much nowadays.

just too... caught up with my own world.

not a nice new world.

i liked the old world where i grew up in.

i felt that it was the most relevant and real thing.

people were real. authentic...

people aren't real nowadays.

everyone's faking it...

i'm faking it.

i feel like a fraud.

God.

life isn't perfect.

i wish it was,

then again, where would the opportunity for growth be? 

I work in a cucumber glass house now.

every morning i wake up.....

Cold mornings

 The night air in the morning is cold,

yet i wake up to brace it everyday

twice in a different river

You never step into the same river twice

The river's name is always the same

the day before the birthday

 hello blog,

i woke up late today for work. haha. snoozed the alarm. woke up at 7.30am, the time that work starts. drove to work about an hour. well, it was a night of deep conversations, being woken up in the middle of it for my darling to break some news to me about her best friend.

today i listened to about three podcast along the common theme of the "brain"

The Next Big Idea: the Brain: A user's guide to the blob between your ears. where neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett debunks the three stages of brain that has been commonly taught in schools. i.e primal lizard brain, ... uhh. ah says it's not for thinking but more for budgeting and how memory works.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2b3C4dvUkYvTpOsuw0E0nH?si=cU2WaQ4RTqWaJbALe8TeUA 

and then there was erm another episode that just talked about the primal brain. lol

i think it was Your Undivided Attention. 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7tTwo8aLwKzdVfUQaGFi12?si=LsR-MJEGQ1qwQXK21Po36Q

or maybe it was something else.

anyway... i noticed that the podcast that i listen to in a day. share common themes for that day. how cool is that?? coincidence . i think not. 

i remember one time it was a bout "Responsibility" or something like that.

to be responsible for our own actions,

i would like to be able to do that. like.... take up responsibility.. really.

I messed up life quite bad now and then.

i bought a 1TB Samsung SSD for NZD180 "accidentally" and was a little hesitant to tell Crystal about it. It's one of the very useful purchases i feel.

anyways. i should lie or hide anymore things if i'm to live togther with this woman for the rest of my life. (the song "honesty" is playing in the background now..... honesty is such a lonely world... its hardly ever heard.... its what i need from you.... its playing on my google nest mini speaker... 

i wish i took the google wifi hubs from Sylvia when she offered it. instead of trying to be nice and said that i talked to Chris about it the night before and found out he bought them expensive and would be unwilling to pass them to me. well i was honest then. haha . hope i can just pick up a second hand router and set up my own personal wifi.

i'm thinking of studying to be a newwork engineer btw.

should i?

IT...

python, linux, dockers, etc.....

seems intresting, but can i do it for the long run? coding and all

there's some CompTIA certifications on sale now 98% off... so tempting

70USD... offer on stacksocial on iColledge

so yeah....

tempting. but do i have the time? yeah heck i do.. one hour a day or something.. if i could partition my life that would be good.

i think i accidentally installed a virus from some bogus website to crack the Hard Disk sentinel on my crypo mining computer too.... haha too hasty. watened to run down to cook the potato pizza.

should be more chill...

i'm quite happy with the mining actually.

11.52pm... 8 more minutes till my 28th birthday.. yea!

going for chinese massage at newmarket tmr and a fancy dinner with my darling!

no WORK! (i hope i get to skip the planting of the small plants) i heard from Tim it's the worst thing taking the baby plants out of the truck... it's back breaking.

relative Universalist

Relative Universalist 

What is my philosophy in life?

The only thing that is absolute, 

Is everything is relative. 

The only constant, 

Is change (or growth) 

Doubt is an uncomfortable position, 

But certainty is absurd. - Voltaire 

I wish i could accept everyone's point of view in life without being judgmental or bringing my own biases into my thoughts about that person. But its hard considering how we've all be brought up in a certain way of thinking. 

To be empathetic, showing care and kindness. To try to understand the person's feelings and condition before making an assumption. 

To juat be true and accept that not everyone will like me. Its impossible to be liked by two opposing sides. We either love one and hate the other or love neither. That was what i was thought. 

We cannot love both. 

Can we not? 

Is it really not possible. 

Maybe. 

We have to choose our own path in life. 

Of casue if we had a partner we have to take their views into consideration too. For that is the responsibility and commitment when we made the choice to belong to another. 

Be true to yourself, 

No matter what. 

Travel is good, 

It opens up the mind to different cultures. 

Culture shock. 

Because we never really crawled out of the the rock we hid under all our lives. Our nice little comfort space. Our eco chamber where all views, ideas and opinions are unified in a synchronised consolidation 

Go out into the open. 

Listen to the left and right. 

Be a centralist, neutral at first. 

And then pick the side to stand on. 

It'll be an informed decision. 

And be consistent with it. 

I accept that i might be wrong. 

I acknowledge that i dont have complete knowledge of everything. 

I'm open

Yet i respect, 

First myself

And then others. 

God. 

There comes a choice when we are no longer infants. No longer living under the shelter of of parents, the house and community we were born into. Our lot in life. Our nature and nurture. 

To mature. 

What is growing up, 

What is coming of age? 

Its about making choices. 

Tough hard choices. 

Decisiveness. 

Decisions that will make or break the future. About looking long term. 

Defining who we are in the current moment. By whom we've been in the past

Our decisions along life's journey, 

Will be the test of our character. 

Did we show resilience when tempted to do wrong? Cause harm. Hurt people we love and care about? 

Or did we fight back against the tide. 

Ride it

Flow with it 

Or drown

Fight it. Resist it. But surf it. 

Dont be crushed by it.

Stand on the firm foundation, 

A solid rock. 

God. 

Makes

All things.... Good

Yet life is imperfect. 

Its full of bad stuff. 

God is good

He always is. 

Its not a contradiction. 

Its whom He is, 

And He gave us a choice. 

The freedom to choose. 

A better life

A life for Him and His values. 

Or a free life, free from slavery. 

No. 

Freedom is only truely found in Him.

When we forsake all others. 

For the singular choice we make. 

We cannot have our cake and eat it. 

We cant have everything in this world. 

Or cease ro be anything at all. 

Cease to come to be anything of significance. 

Life. 

Why did God give it to me. 

And you. 

Why did i meet you

Why are you reading this

Why did our paths cross, 

The unseen strings of this infinite web. 

Mingling and intertwining 

Into a beautiful array of... 

Nothingness 

Somethingness

God

We are all one. 

In Him

We are all seperate individuals 

Yet choose 

United by choices

Not against our free will. 

Self control 

The last and hardest part of the fruit of the Spirit. 

Yet with the wise Counsellor, 

The Holy Ghost,

It is obtainable. 

Love, 

Joy.. 

Peace

Patience 

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness 

Gentleness 

and

Self control 

dont know everything, cant know everything

Its okay to not know stuff,

Ask

Just don't make up things

And end up a liar 

I want to give an answer to a question 

Something, anything rather than "i dont know". 

Just to seem or be perceived to be intelligent. I'm not fooling anyone but myself. 

I cant control it sometimes, its a reflex. 

But all things can be tamed, rhe tongue is especially hard to. But nothing is impossible.. with Christ.

Just put away the pride and ego. 

Ask, not assume

It makes an "ass" of "u" and "me" 

tattoos and pure skins

The people in religion try to keep themselves holy. They are like the pure breed. White skins, no tattoos. Faultless.

And those that dare to tatto themselves, their faces their bodies. They are rebellious. They fight the system that they grow up surrounded by.

Yet we still choose to love them. Is it a superiority complex? That we are greater because we can love another? 

No i think we are just fooling ourselves. 

The better person is the one that can choose to do what he wants despite of what outside pressures are. If we are to make choices that require us to take into consideration too many factors, the final decision will not be of our own making. 

We will cease to live truely to ourselves. 

Friend of friends

freedom and limits

Freedom is not being able to do whatever you'd want, but its choosing the things that are in line with your core value.

Limiting choices, setting boundaries, and turning down offers to whatever is not in line. 

To chase after what really matters

making choices

Travelling makes one grow up,

Because choices have to be made

right and wrong

If everyone is right

Then everyone is wrong 

the war is fabricated

https://youtu.be/1lr8_OUa58c

I feel like the war is fabricated

Something to.. Keep people distracted 

What if they were all actors, 

Why would they follow such a script

Or a way of life?