Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Two types of learning

Curiosity and forced

1) curious
- spontaneous
- want to know more
- motivated
- energized

2) forced
- schedule
- quiz/test/exams
- homework
- drained
- tired

When i want to learn something, is it because i'm forcing myself? Or because I'm genuinely curious to know more?

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

some loving advice, but why do i feel so frustrated and irritated everytime i hear it

yea environment play an important role,
see what kind of environment you are bringing me up in!?

do you think i want to be like this??
I DONT! but you are freaking causing it to be like this

do my work finish so i can do what i enjoy?
can you wait for me to finish my work??
can i only talk to you are i finish everything???

Saturday, July 07, 2018

Strong winds

We could have died.

Took a plane from Kuching to KK
The pilot tried to land it twice but the winds were too strong.
So we had to come back to Kuching in the end.
Will take a flight to back tmr.

Brushed my teeth at the airport toilet.
Also to scout out if it was possible to shower there.

Took a shower at the airport.
Trying to see if i could be a backpacker.
It works!

Just needed: my clean clothes in the small blue bag, Soap & shampoo. Water was cold, but still okay. I rather feel fresh and clean than sticky after walking the whole day (Sarawak has amazing history btw, learnt about Margaret, the White Ranee of Sarawak. Quite inspiring her life, her delights in classic hobbies such as reading, writing poems, painting and making music on the piano).

Not just that, she was passionate about women empowerment and indulging in the local customs instead of hanging around her own kind.

Regret waking up late and just staying at the hotel skipping breakfast with the gang.

I think I'm going to write a backpacker's list.

Monday, July 02, 2018

ATBC day 2

woke up at 6.30 ish because jim called my phone. thanks man, cleaned up some stuff from the bag. decided to bring my laptop to the conference, not so much because of the possibility of having to use it, but more of the safety reasons of leaving it behind. I think I should have a roller luggage next time so i can lock it into the bag?

was watching a few minimalist videos lately, quite interested in the packing cubes for the clothes, not like i really need them, since i use the waterproof hypergear instead. anyways, those are just items that my mind should not be upon. there's also the sighting that the people in ABTC tend to be using MacAirs, Dells or HP. is HP a jewish brand? but, no need to think of that since my Acer works perfectly fine and I'm loving every part of it!

THe day started with me meeting Dr Colin as he was coming down the stairway going for a cup of coffee and to mark some papers. I forgot to mention to him that it was raining. and the day kinda started off... quite blurry. Because I..... I didn't have my coffee. I paid for the drinks and such, i dont think the sugar is doing me justice, i still fell asleep for a few of the talks. And then there was the time that I paid for the drinks thinking: "Owh let me get this without asking them, and then they'll be surprised to know that I paid for them" (nobel chin up pose).. what a snob.

it's not even my money, it's SEARP and rainforest trust paying for it.

Anyways, some of the sessions were good. Other than the crazy statistics that I dont really understand. The since field always seems to be repeating itself over the same 6 format over and over again: Introduction, Literature Review, Methods, Results, Discussion and Conclusion.

Three interesting people I met today was firsty Jean Linsky from BGCI, she mentioned briefly about BIo INt... argh.. i can't remember, but it was some initiative in Malaysia to try to record all the trees thatt are known.

then there is Sarah (whome Sarah Scriven) introduce  to me, she was doing birds? and wildlife. and coming up with the heat map for conservation areas. 

THen there's this guy from the Sinapore Natural Parks Hock Keung. He was chit chatting with Tab about singapore and how.. realy they're efficiency comes at a cost.

A girl named Maya from Hawaii also has an interesting poster where she's trying to get all the vertebrate IUCN status and link them to ecological functional.. erm.. gahh so many terms. bleh.

After that just chilled. called a grab to go back. Jim really can't walk, and he's in the hospital now, Loke and Azwan took him there, Eric drove. with.. Oceh? Then there was this lady named Ling too.

ah so many names, but actually really dont need to get to know every single person. JUst a few and those that are important should do fine

 Man i'm so tired, i slept at 1 last night. i really want to sleep now. but i haven't typed out what I learnt from today. Hmmm let me see what did I learn and try to recall.

theres stuff about the iNaturalist and Pl@nt Net. About klang valley green challenge by Benjamin from UM.

okay no i didn't learn much. Good night. not that I can remember, it's in my note book.

ATBC 2018 Day 1

I didn't even really know what ATBC stood for when the undergrad students from University of San Francisco were asking me about the conference I was going for.

So this Association for Tropical Biology and Conservation seems to be like a very big thing among the ecologist in this region. The first thing that came to my mind when attending something like this is how it reminds me so much of the multitudes of church camps that I've been to as a kid. So many people gathering in hotel conference rooms and just, chilling out getting to know one another.

I remember having that awe and wonder as a kid, smelling the fragrance of a living place so unfamiliar from the house, running on the carpets barefooted. Walking in an out and around the place looking for hidden paths and different routes from building to building.

Yup, here I am at an international conference. Thanks to my wonderful lecturer Dr Colin. Really couldn't be here without him. He is the one that sourced out our finances and funding. And gives us allowances and such before hand. How can such a nice selfless guy exist in this world.

The day started off with Jim knocking on my door, before I even woke up. We went down to grab breakfast at the end of the food stalls that were just opposite the place we were staying at: Place2Stay, City Center. The Kolo mee was okay okay lah, cheap but not that tasty. I learnt that if you say whatever-mee "pok", they would give you flat noodles. The mee was good.

gosh am I going to type out everything i did today? haha. I haven't done a journal log like this in AGES. I think it's because I always am so tired and fall asleep every night before I get to do something like this. Man, do I miss typing. Okay, but I don't think I have the time to type out everything. So I'm just gonna to jump all the boring details and talk about the main stuff.

1) the flight yesterday: was good. we ordered food, I should have offered my water to Dr Colin just sitting in front of me. because I know I was thirsty from the dry air, and I had a bottle of water with me while he didn't. owh well, maybe next time, and about having to tell someone about something, maybe its better to wait until they're done doing what they were doing. because... yeah, just be sensitive to their body language lah, if they are looking at something with great interest.. then it's probably not a good time to ask/tell them about something.

1c) I put my feet under the weighing platform to make it lighter, we only bought 15kg of check in. Maybe I should be safe and by 25 kilos for bringing all my stuff back from Sandakan to PJ when I fly back on the the 30th of August. I also really want to get one of those hand luggage weighing scale thing-a-maggies

1b) Owh the walk to the Waterfront was amazing! They were selling a bag similar to the one Crystal left behind in Sim-sim, Sandakan. Should I buy it and post it to her? I've so many things that I've bought for her but haven't gotten the chance to send over, letters. A notebook. Bracelets from Kaamatan. Gosh. I ain't into snail mail anymore because I get to call her everyday I think.

2) Breakfast: when i went down and out and actually a lot of times, I forgot to call Pui Kiat out. Maybe I should be more mindful to do so. Like: I'm gonna knock on his door tomorrow when I wake up for breakfast.

3) Registration: They gave us a metal straw at registration! yea! I've always wanted one! Time to say no to plastic straws.

4) Lunch: We had a good lunch of char sau, siew yuk and veggies at the "something" Barbecue Specialist.

5) Use a foldable umbrella when walking in the sunny day. Foldable umbrella's are indispensable. I gotta add that into my minimalist items.

6) Mentor session, Azwan, Fazli, Hoo and I slipped in. It was only meant for members. The session reminded me of.... how it was like to be in a camp group or a cell group. Where we introduced ourselves, something amazing we've encountered and something unique about ourselves. We didn't really follow the rules. Then there was the triple expectation of what we would like to get out of these:

i) Mentoring: guidance? and peers to talk about with that can relate to my problems? and share advice?
ii) ABTC, kuching: to meet experts in the field and learn more about the current trends and latest advancements in the industry? (SDM and statistics)
iii) long term: Forest Conservation through application.

7) met a singaporean girl studying phd in James Cook university, she was in Canada before this. She does wildlife connectivity viaducts in Peninsular. Talks so much. Tabitha hui? Has a friend that has plenty of interest, like taking undistorted photographs with Toyo cameras and collecting bricks form the historical brick factories in Singapore (they used to have a lot of brick factories)

8)  This local girl have a talk on Orang Utans mixed in with some short history of Sarawak. Form how the Dayaks were the Orang Asal (not the same as Bumiputera (Malays, Orang Asli)), and how they were only associated with 'indigenous' because of the colonisation of their land. How Native Community Rights (NCR), force them 'adat' (tradition) of going from place to place to plant crops have locked them down into un fertile land. and yeah.. conservation of a species that adapts to human intervention quite amazingly. She hopped the Chief Minister could have stay back for her talk.

9) Hi-Tea .. mingling time. Didn't be super extroverted and friendly going up to random people and chatting them up. Sigh. But Crystal allows me to do so already. Do I still blame her for the trauma of not wanting to talk to people, of not wanting to be too friendly, because that's what she says about me last time "That I love everyone one and that she is no different from anyone". Does me not talking to other people something that she cant see, show that she is more loved than everone else? Can't she see it. But she says she's different now because she's... much more busy with her own work and not like last time when she will just sit around at home....

yeah, I should talk to more people. That's the whole purpose I'm here, not network and make contacts for future collaborations. That's all part of the sciences. Crystal isn't stopping me. She never intended to. I just make it as if she does. How evil of me. Be gone, devil.

Kept taking the Grab back with Jim. He's leg hurts really badly, maybe I should pray for him.

Had beers. okay I'm supposed to be paying and collecting bills. becasue I have RM300 for 5 days. that equals to about 60 bucks a day. wow.

okay I think that is all. watch your mouth yew leung. don't be foul and learn to speak graciously. Let your lips always be seasoned with salt.

hope for a good day tmr! nights!


When you stop owning things you do not value,
You stop valuing things you do not own.
You start realizing the value of things you already own.

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Grief = loving someone

"Grief is the price we pay for love" - Queen Elizabeth II

It is wonderful to be able to grief,
for then one will know that they have truly loved.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

only you matter

why bother to hand out with people that put you down?
when you can be constantly be around people that make you laugh?

even when you know what the former says holds some truth,
and the joy and pleasure that comes from the latter is just.. temporal.

who will be there when you really need help?

can you stop caring for everyone?
just to love one person?

can you stop bothering to ask about others,
so that there is only one person that you should asking things about.

: when others are sick, should i bother to whatsapp them?


life is.... a community.
it isn't just an individual.

"No man is an island"


yet i find the life of an introvert quite appealing.

yes i may be fond of talking to others to get energy,
but that was the extroverted me.

which waste alot of time....
alot of time..

doing meaningless things like... making friendships.

i already have enough people around me,
all i need is just to .. dig deeper.

just to focus.

a love, those directly around me.



and only you.

not allowed to, so what

you dont bother to show your best anymore,
when you are around people that you can't impress.

that's why it's so important to keep your vision,
on who you should be impressing, God. He's always there.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

why i am drained

maybe i know why i'm always feeling tired every single day, even just when i wake up in the morning.

its funny, how true this video is, i can no longer see the implications of my actions into the future,
i cant make any more connections, i dont remember things and life is just.... passing on day by day, just trying to get by

I once thought i could leave everyone i met around me with energy due to engaging them,
least did i know that i wasn't taking care of my own relationships that determined if i was being drained or energized.
i thought i was like a battery with infinite energy,
least i know that i'm drained and empty now.