Saturday, August 27, 2016

starting to journal?

okay, so i;m supposed to start journaling

today i decided to hang out with more human beings rather than staying at home, alone
and it pays off. i thought that it would be better to have less interaction so that i can have more time to my self to learn, read and do what i want. but only having inputs and no outputs isn't the most healthy thing to do.

i guess its more of a just get out there and do it kinda mentality that works
like have a task list and just DO. not wasting time lying on the bed feeling lazy

also another thing that happened today was that i DECIDED to go for CTK's adult cell group
which sometimes i think twice, because it isn't as interactive as Riviya in Skyline,

but then in Camp Cameron's it was made clear that i can't be in two different churches
and i just need to commit to one. i would really want to grow personally

but i think it's in contributing to where there is a need.
not where i can fill my needs. because really, life has been a blessing so far.

to prepare the day before is to succeed the next day.
i wonder how closely i stick to my blog's name.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Autistic love

In the plane taking the flight back. This kid behind me started hitting the chair. And making noises. But it wasn't normal. So I brushed it off for the first few times. Once it didn't stop, I turned around and patted his head.

He was autistic.

The guy sitting beside me was a Murut. He turned around and looked at the kid. Then started asking about him to the parents. 7 years old, he learnt slow. But he could walk and talk basic words. Then the guy beside me told me that his child too was autistic.

But he talked about him just as a father would. Full of love and compassion. He would say how they would go to the park, and he'll be running and climbing around. And when it's time to go home hell just say "Jom", and his child would understand the call. But if hadn't had enough, he would reply "Wawa". (And the father mimicked it with a smile). And he would understand that the kid wanted 5 more minutes.

He only has one child. Whole the family in the plane was of five. They still loved unconditionally.

Lord, meek and humble in heart. Grant me the grace to desire and practice, that part of love that You've placed in all of us.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

we all have our battles to fight

when comparing to others

girls are insecure about their outward looks.
you are pretty because of who you are on the inside.

guys have their pride and ego.
thanks for teaching me humility and learning to..

lose a game to win your heart.

let go and receive.

Friday, July 08, 2016

love bars to be filled

our identity is found in the love we receive from those that matter to us.

so what are the different bars of love that needs to be filled?

1. God's love
2. Love from a spouse
3. love from family (parents, children)
4. love from friends and neighbors

one may fill up multiple points, but not all.
if there is a lack in one of them, we will tend to feel:

1. purposeless without a sense of "being" in the present
2. lethargic and hard to get out of bed each morning
3. unfulfilled and unhappy, unexcited for future events.

this is why relationships with people matter.
and how a lack of it can cause use feeling like crap.

when we go to a new place, into a new community...
we tend to reset a few of those bars.

then again, we always carry with us one of it as it is always present in our hearts.
have faith.

love wins at the end of the day.

Thursday, July 07, 2016


does the body come first or the mind?

how much does our subconscious influence our decisions,
and can we influence our subconsciousness?

i guess yes, by feeding it the right inputs,
good quality information, holy stuff...

reading the Bible i guess?
memorizing scripture?

talking to God?
linking our will to His?

wait on Him...


Tuesday, July 05, 2016

the answer so far

i am an extension of God's Will,
Yet i am an individual still capable of making choices.

conscious. how

this body,

is it... an extension on something? my mind? His Will?
why does it exist as it is, why can i physically see it, confirm it with sight, with touch, with smell
am i really just a blob of elements held together by biological processes,

is DNA a language and alterable code?
what is the next step beyond this skin's boundaries.

why? why?

what makes up my conscious thoughts, my "self"
am i a ghost in a shell?
would my body be like the Ship of Theseus?

destiny, fate, whatever.
collective, all in all, pluralism, divinity,
what is the truth.

Saturday, July 02, 2016

a new canvas

as much as we change the geological topography of the earth bellow us with technology, art and culture. building cities, road networks and various infrastructure

so one day we will, alter the galaxies in this universe