Sunday, February 26, 2017


the more homework you do, the more homework you get.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Family dinners

Everyday dad come home from work. We get to eat dinner as a whole family every single day (unless someone's outstation). I remember sitting on the dinning table, being the last to finish. My parents would just be chilling in the living room watching TV. And I would be up there slowly munching away, watching the same show. Haha. Family dinners together. There was so much food cooked by mom.

Monday, February 06, 2017

day 1

but I'm still new and need guidance.
( i never knew what an "overload" is)

I thought I could handle of all this myself,
but i guess it was just overconfidence,
Had the intention, the initiative, 
but no determination and discipline to follow up.

Guess this is almost like starting form ground zero,
step by step.

Day 1
Pn Norisha's office (Head of Administration Section), got the keys. and paid the deposit.
rules of the Room, safety first, lock.
secondly cleanliness.
third: no couples in the rooms.

Met Eyen 30 minutes late from scheduled time.
should have told her we were going to the office.

Got a whole load of things up her sleeve for me
even i couldn't catch everything. but from what i remember:

1. There's an arboretum being set up in RDC, i need to compile a list of dipterocarps with the areas they occur in to check if they are in commercial forest or totally protected, and their status. so that Robert and .. erm.. someone else can see which trees they should select to be grown in the gene safe.

2. Follow Anis and Giacamo into the ...erm.. some FR to collect soil samples. and get paid an allowance 70 bucks a day. yea.. part time job.

3. when Chirs Kettle comes, see the gene mapping for Sepilok for Eyen's PhD.

4. go in with Alex to set up plots in Deramakot, for LTMP... seeing if we're taking out the good genes.

aside from that there is Colin;s work:

5. IUCN redlist.

6. FYP poster

7. IUCN online course.

and then...

8. finish of the dip lamellatus paper...


and there's also a need to go for a fish seminar on the 15th (wednesday), remind eyen to send me the fish poster tmr.

Richard helped alot, really nice guy. showed us around the biotech tissue culture.
and then the molecular lab later on after lunch (we ate at McD in mile 6).

Grateful for: a nice boss, food at night, a room all to myself, sandy getting along with hers, my gf being understanding, Jesus answering prayers.

"It is by your light, we see light"

take away the fog from my mind,
dont let my nuerons in the brain seperate from each other.
i know i dont fear you Lord.. i plot evil and wickedness,
satan controls my heart because i've allowed him to..

take me back God,
take my lips back God..

that i will speak words of love,
speak the truth in love.

life is not about the money,
it is how we can contribute back to the system,
from within, from without.

ask questions

keep asking.


what is the work you are doing?
why are you doing it,
how does it contribute back to the bigger picture?
what is it hinging on?
how do you conduct your research?
why did you choose this site?
what are you expected results/hypothesis?
when did you start and am expected to finish?
whose also on this project with you?

i have to find out,
i have to remmeber,
i have to let my mind be working

to stay sharp, to stay frosty
to be clear.. crystal clear...

not muddy and murky.

clear my mind God
clear it....


okay its 11...

i should get a note book,
to just jot and scribble down stuff.. 
i actually do have one.. hmm.. i should finish it up first right.
yeah no point buying before finishing it.

so many things to be grateful for
thank you God

for never giving up on me
 i love you

i love you

i love you both.

WIsdom: inform people, especially if unable to make it for an appoinment on time.
dont talk bad/slander/compate negatively people.... look on the bright side of things =)

Chirst in you, CHirst in me...

light, be the light..

its a good life, dont hate it.
every day is a new day to shine
to grow

to love

to love

every new day
tmr is a new day.

move on
no regrets

no pain,
no suffering

move on,
dull mind

refresh, freshen up..

God take me back

Sunday, February 05, 2017

the first and second days

it was a friday night, i only slept for one hour. packing away.
there's this feeling, inside the guts, that feels like vomiting.
it comes from leaving home. i dont know how else to describe it.

sitting in the coach from Paradigm mall to KLIA2,
i wondered how i could be more helpful,
thoughts of the past few days spend in Johor filleed my mind,
i miss you, and i doze of for a nap.
thank God i woke up when reaching the stop.

going onto the plane i forgot to text those whom needed to be informed.
especially Emmeline on the other side that the flight was on schedule.

well, i slept on the plane as well, my neck aches.
sat at the customs clearance, a guy couldn't carry on too many bags.
poor soul, i guess one should really follow the law of 7 kilos.

thank God my check in bags went though,
i calculated the two to be more than 20 kilos.
what in the world did i bring, i taught i could be minimalist.

played very much with Erwin, the trick to teaching kids is to let them experiment,
not do the things for them but ask questions on how something can be improved,
and promt with guidance here and there.

discipline is good.

slept over and woke up for church.
it was a good message, by Ps Amos,
he reminds me so much of my brother,
the style and ... charisma.
i miss worshiping.

after church met so many people,
Joel from Subang Jaya that is working here as an english tuition teacher. He dropped out of a degree twice due to the thesis.. wow.
Edward whom bakes at home, saving the need for paying GST (which might rise to 8%)
Aunty Florence, the wife of Johnny.
Fiona, a disciplinary teacher and Shook Lan, a biker girl whom fishes.

then home we took the bike up the Hilux,
forgot to bring the helmet along, but good thing Herbert remembered it.
gosh i need to be clear minded on what i need to bring about.

arrived at FRC guesthouse,
really nice bunch of people here.
Raiz from UPM along with a few others,
Jima, Suzy, Era, Kakak, Cina, Mel, Sherly..
and Anuar, a guy whom really knows his history.
He told me about the Dusun's not really "existing" and it was just a name they came up with to be a collective term of the smaller tribes (suku).
the history of mathematics...
parameswara going to melaka and singapura being originally Temasek..
and well sandakan, having lots of chinese and the British coming in later..
the missionary schools... and well... he could say all these without being condescending.
which is amazing, his love for sejarah.. he's working in SAFE, knows pui kiat...

then Abbo and Sandy, Cynthia and Razy dropped by.
wow they have soo many things.
spilt the rooms. i got one whole one for myself.. yeah =D
with air cond, nice shower... i couldn't ask for more. thank you God.

i could use the peace and quiteness.
we walked over to RDC to catch sight of flying squirrels . wow they are really really big.

well God it was nice..
to be reminded.
of all your goodness.
of family.
of my origins and begging.

help me to keep my eyes on you.
to speak the truth in love.
to not be critical, and generalize.
to pay attention... active listening.

to remember names and people.
to find rest.
to enjoy the moments.
to be present.

to shy away from checking my phone when people are around me.
well... here it goes.. 6 months

Thursday, February 02, 2017


First time seeing the two lines,
Such an intimate moment.
I love you my darling,
We'll have the right moment.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Instant noodles

I see two men sitting down eating hot cups. Their meal.

Memories of mom's cooking the past few days came to mind. So much food. My sister and I are really slow. The rice, the chicken, the vinegar pork, the mix vegetables. Blessed.

I bought some bread for the bus ride.


The bus passes by huge houses in the middle of nowhere. Why would anybody want to build such a grand thing out here...

How did they even manage to get such money to do so? Where they born into a powerful family? Or was it their hard work. Did their profits come without any exploitative means...

Anyways, I'm no one to be the judge of that. I come from a very powerful family too. And I leave vengeance to my Father's hands.

Let the weak say I am strong,
Let the poor say I am rich,
Becuase of what,
The Lord has done, for us.

Give thanks.

Bus ticket ques

Why is everyone queuing up at the right side of the whole row of ticket counters?

Just because it is near the entry.

I'd have to wait really long if I stuck to the norm. Walked over to the left side, pass the crowds, wow. It's getting lesser and lesser.

Less than 10 people infront of me. Compared to the 20-30.


When I was growing up my dad would take me to kindergarten and primary school on his bike, first the Honda Cup 65, then at the last day of Q-dees we arrived on a Modenas Jaguh. Making two rounds for my sister and I.

Mom would come pick me up form the school canteen at SK Taman Megah. Later on if walk he myself.

Going to high school mom would fetch both wai yan and i in the wira. When sis got her license she'd drive both of us, really early in the morning to make it for the daily CF prayer.

Then when she left three years before I would, I started to cycle, Joshua's Wheeler bike.

In form 6 after PLKN i got my driving licence. Everyone in school was getting theirs, it was a normal thing for kids in PJ.

A blessing. I never really had to sit the LRT or take the buses. Although I was living in the hub of it all.

I still remember our voyages to Catholic High as a huge CF group using the LRT for BK quiz. One of the very few times.

I never flew anywhere overseas with my family. We always made trips back to Ipoh in the Nissan Vannet and later on the Toyota Avanza.

Before I left for UMS, wei aun invited me over to Laos, one of my first few overseas trips going alone. (The first was Bangkok for the Lego competition back in standard 6, the second was an ISU camp in Indonesia at form... 5?).

Camps, there are a multitude of camps. From the school, scouts, muafakat, leadership, athletics, CF at peace haven, Genting. To church, missions at Cameron Highlands, retreats... To EARC, Camp Cameron..

A huge leap was making the trip to Redang. So many transits, so many people. I remember when friends came over, I didn't know much about the system. A horrible disgrace. I didn't grow up with it.

Now I'm sitting on a KTM making my way down to TBS, to catch a bus to Johor. I met a guy on the LRT coming from taman bahagia, whom told me of a better way than taking the masjid Jamek transit.

Owh wow.. I'm passing Midvalley, didn't know I could take the trains all they way here.

Why do I even drive. Will I ever be less independent and rely more on the infrastructure here?

Travel a begging. It's nice to look around at all the people.

Monday, January 30, 2017


the rain is pouring down again,
its been like this for a few days.

it's nice to have a reminder,
to shut off everything,
and seek God in the sound of droplets.

let me know,
that You are the one whom waters.
the see we sow, is what you grow,

and there will be a harvest