Wednesday, July 30, 2014

the Mask

being teachable is one thing,
not having a stand is another

being a leader is one thing,
being arrogant and egoistic is another.

being sacrificial is one thing,
trying to self justify is another.

being joyful is one thing,
feeling happy is another.

being well occupied is one thing,
being busy is another.

being in love is one thing,
being in lust is another.

being wise is one thing,
being sarcastic is another.

being mature is one thing,
being an adult is another.

we are all growing up.
not that i have already attained anything...
but what i know, life is a stage play, with so many acts
which require a multitude of mask for one to put on.

but no matter what character he chooses to play,
yet still his heart is the one and same one saved by Love.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

eyebags and Daniel

i really think eye bags are caused by staring at technology,
be it the laptop screen, handphone or anything .. bright with light.
stupid theory, but yeah. truth is, sleep time flies away when one is on the laptop.

and i think guys with the name Daniel are quite outstanding.
just like the daniel in the bible who stood up against all that was around him,
they stand out and dare to be different.

and people with names starting with J and S seem to be abundant suddenly.

you scared bro?

Q: what is the greatest fear you have for christians?

A: 1) That they suffer the second generation/pastor's child syndrom
2) that they get stuck repeating a cyclic tradition thought from preacher to apprentice
3) that they become to skeptical about faith and superstition
4) that they stop fearing God
5) thay they become to accommodating, secular and accepting of worldly values, incorporating man's ideas and ideals into the framework of the church structure and leadership.
6) that church becomes just a social meeting place, like a pub.
7) that christianity becomes a religion and not a relationship, irrelevant and irreverent
8) church becomes too judgmental, condemning, unaccepting and fake

well then, lets take 3) for example. skeptical? well thats probably why this answers to this questions came out. many might see i in a bad way, but in a good way. i think all christians at one point come  to this. where there is a tinge of doubt in their faith.

which is good, it means we dont just follow blindly, and we do questioin what we believe in. when we recieve the answer we are all the more sure of what we've been living out the whole time (and hopefully will continue to do) is not just one big lie.

i read a quote somewhere that went something like this:
"the hardest and greatest change is when one realizes what he thought was truth all along, was a lie"

but yeah. skepticism helps people grow. if thy deal with it properly. after all, we are told to judge and discern what is good and bad. well.. not literally lah, but ... we should be wise and not just go with the flow.

 fear God, for it is the begging of wisdom.

Actions in silence

Do it without speaking

Strong silence, audible actions.

Now a days we live in a society that wants to speak out, everything.
Even when we help others, we do it with, sadly, unconsciously... pride.
While not totally egoistic nor deliberate, it is in our culture and natural desire to...
'Advertise' ourself as whatever we (the world ) would call ideal.

Such as being gentlemanly or polite.
Smart or humourous.
Sporty or humble.

Humility is something evasive and hard to grasp,
Because the moment we think we've attained it,
Is the very same moment we lose it again

Actions always do speak louder than words will ever do.
Jesus didn't just say 'I love you'

So go, preach with your life
For the testimony of a changed life is the greatest miracle one can share.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

the Catholic Church

the universal church. thats what he kept referring to when i decided to not tell which denomination i'm from. Jesus loves them, and so should i.

today, is sunday... its been feeling like sunday for the past few days since finals were over.
and sometimes the holidays make one.. lazy. almost didn't want to bother going to church today.

but glad God drags me along =P
decided to try a different church from the usual skyline.
i remembered there was a small like shack looking church right behind 1B, in the kampung area.
woke up in time, made a cup-o-oats (gotta finish my goo before i leave sabah for 2 months), browsed a little, took a bath and walked down to St. Simon. an RC church.

okay so i come form a protestant church, not anglican, but baptist.
and i probably grew up all my 20 years there,
being born in a chirstian family, one would automatically follow parents to wherever they go and.. worship
and so... it was a nice place, alot of young bumiputeras there. sat beside a nice murut girl. talked to her a little, then service started at 10am.

well it was a bahasa service, and they have all this liturgy stuff. i... dont know very much about their traditions and rituals. like making the cross sign, kneeling down and worst of all, taking the body sacrament.

but boy did i tell you how i love the old school sound system of one speaker only. i could finally hear the voice of the masses and not just the worship team. and it was like angles. Mazmur Sahutan: Malaikat Allah melindungi orang yang takwa... beauuuutiful song.

basically in a baptist my church, we would all pass out lil small cups and bread (they can be the round flakes, square cubes or even.. gosh.. roti channai.. a few times only lah). and we'll all wait till everyone has it, holding it in our hands and ..erm... remorsing over our sins?

so i lined up, like what i remember they do in St Peter's back in ipoh. then i turned around and ask my murut friend if it was okay. she said.. yeah? haha. she's so nice and innocent. so i tried to observe what the people in fornt of me were doing so that i could err... replicate them? but when i nodded and took the flake.. okay.. Jesus body... i didnt eat it right infront of the father... who ever he is when i accidentally called him that. katekis i think. and when i went to sit down.. no one was holding the flake in their hand.. so yala, i realized i missed out the eat straight away part. dude! 1 Cor 11's been drilled into my head to wait for others.. anyways.

then this man with a red ribbon around his chest tapped my on the shoulder.
asked me if i was RC, then i knew i did something.. err.. wrong?
so i walked out with him, and he started to sternly ask me if i was RC,
if i'm baptized, if i can menyambut (take the sacraments) and blablabla..
so i found out.. only anglican's can take the sacraments in an RC church =(

sorry uncle, didn't mean to desecrate or show any disrespect.
and at a time when an older person rebukes a younger one... in public...
its darn hard not to tear up. but the joy of the Lord shall and was my strength.
steeled up and spoke apologies, calmed the guy down... and tone changed.. phweh.
shoke his hand, thanked him for being so bold to pull me out..
then he let me go back in to sit down...

gahh.... was trying to suck the water back into my eye balls.
the girl beside me apologized and said she thought i was RC.

owhhhh boy. the trick here is not to point the finger back and forth.
man up, and accept it. she didn't need to appoligize for anything.

and i feel disgusted that she feels any sort of fault,
its a church for goodness sake!

any song after that made me want to burst into tears.
sigh.. so i guess asking for a soft heart isnt the best of things to get from God =l
so after the service ended. err.. mass? i went to shake a few hands of some familiar UMS students from harmoni. then i went to see the man who pulled me out. talked to him summore and his loving wife, there were people staring and gathering around us.. mhmm.. not many outsiders go into catholic churches i guess.

then we both went over and i appologized to the katekis. He was a nice guy. gave me time to explain myself, didn't speak first but listened. i was lost for words at that moment, like.. just become dumb and blank. sigh.. i could find the word for it "i didn't mean any disrespect". he too asked which church i was from

but yeahh.... after that met the third guy, Jeffrey.. the chaiman of the church. asked about the history of it. and he too asked which denomination, after answering the two many back then, i decided i'm not going to say it anymore. so he referred it to 'the universal church' ... but i could get the hint, that they do strongly believe in other denominations (except for anglicans) haha okay i should stop.

but he did speak with love, and told me about respecting the traditions and local customs, which obviously i dont do very well... sigh.. these people here are so polite. then he gave me the illustration of an RC going to another my church and doing whatever he wanted. well... okay so i guess that wouldnt be nice.

but i didnt do it intentionally! well.. i guess this would be what iniquity is.
i didn't intentionally learn to do the 'right' things either.

reminded me of so many things.. about the GGF conference my sister dragged me to.
where reformist dont lift their hands in worship (okay my sister doesnt like me for speak as if i'm ridiculing them.... but..... i dunno.. maybe one day i'll learn to speak with love =P)

i learnt not to condemn and what grace meant from that one.

here i learn what respect of other church traditions are.
and its not 'as long as i think its right and okay for me to do' sorta thing.
learn the local customs. sit at the back and watch, not the front and put up a show.

Jesus said when one goes to a feast, sit behind first... and seriously.. i know why he says that now =P

mmhmm.. "if there's one think i know... is that i dont know what i think i know"

God, teach me 'respect' and how unity would come bout in Your church.
religion is not just another force that separates man, but ehno-denominational-centrism does.

so Jeff was the last guy then i walked out. couldn't take it anymore...
walked through the kampung surrounding it.

its a slump. gosh.. what did Jesus said when He was for the poor =(
then i looked up at 1B, the huge towering condominium (with i'm current in right now typing this),
i think about how rich we are, walls of brick floors of parquet..


walked .. and walked.. and walked........
will i follow you Christ? who isn't too selfish to die for others.
i have my own life, why should i give it up to save just a few people...
you were perfect Christ, your skin must have been smooth and unmarred,
a perfect complexion and radient glory..
yet Yu gave that all up,
and left heaven...

left the throne of riches and came down to earth bellow,
just because you love me..

your not just a Savior, you're the Redeemer, Healer and Friend
thank You for bringing me to my first.. mass...

"in giving, then one will know what is living."

Saturday, June 28, 2014

our weakness, a protector, the healer

satan knows our weakness,
and he uses it in the inted to destroy us.

everyone has their own battle to fight
based on the seven deadly sins.. and more
some greed for money, power or fame.
others breed deceit and jealousy
some have an extremely slightly short fuse, and blow up at anything trivial,
while yet lust is the common amongst many

if thou shall find onself in temptation,
seek to flee not fight it,just like joseph from potiphar's wife
just like how Job found that talking to friends in hard times,
accountability partners and acquaintances do help
yet know that all man are still human,
and the one one that can truly liberate is Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior

so then, what can wake a person up from his mistakes,
as much as a child being spanked by a loving mother,

what can make a man appreciate life more in all its fullness,
than to have a near death experience, once over again.

june 26, one day after my exam, i was cycling back from prayer meeting at the House of Joy in King Fisher, at the round about that goes back to UMS at a 3o'clock turn off, i was in the middle of the two lanes at 9 o'clock, when the driver from the inner lane decided to go straight.

and thats when her car met my bike,
thank God it wasn't a tragic accident,
got hit perpendicullarly and then flew into the air,
landed on my butt... it still hurts till now

she stopped the car, as i was right infront of it,
i stood up, dragged my bike to the side,
she wined down the window and ask if i was okay,
and kept repeating "do i need to go to the hospital"
how nice of her, to be so caring, if only she was a more alert driver.

but i was fine,
protected by a divine being,
who will not let me go home until i have settled my purpose here on earth.

thank you Lord.
for saving me
both physically all the time,
and spiritually too.

heal me Lord.
and use me to heal others.

"to our weakness, He is no stranger"

Thursday, June 26, 2014


"lead me to the place,
where i can see you face to face,
all i want to do is worship You.."

.. what can make a grown man cry like a child,
is when he starts believing like a child

"a child seeks to know the truth, not reasons to believe a lie." -ravi zach.

why so skeptical oh my soul,
doesn't thou get weary and heavy laden?
Christ has set me free from my burden,
so rise like the eagle and smile like a child.

a man ought to have roughly three phrases in life,
being born into this world with innocents,
all man have the potential for good,
yet in this fallen society it is only normal to be corrupted.
the world's influences and pressures will persuade thee,
but though persecuted, you shan't be crushed nor abandoned.

after a child, a man grows into adolescences,
some man do and some man don't,
some stay immature some stay childish,
and owh how vast the difference is from being childlike!
for that shall only come in the third phase.
while still here at the second pit stop, many meet a companion
called rebellion
he teaches critical thinking, skepticism, tickeries, discernment,
he's a friend who shows what wisdom is to call a bluff,
to see through lies that the eyes of weariness only can do.
he's also a foe who makes the heart harden,
and oh how sad it is to lose emotions, how devastating it is to not cry.
when one feels neither right nor wrong, hapiness or sadness,
stuck in the void like a lukewarm water, be it better for him to be spat out
to the ground and face palm the earth eating dirt.
then shall he realism that there is more to life than being a friend of rebellion.

the third phase, if one would ever mange to escape the second,
holding onto the hand of transcendence,
knowing there is something far greater than oneself of anything of this world,
something divinely pure and true.
a light that shines the way and guides the path,
a love that never fails.
then oh how much the angles rejoice, and how great the Gloria in Excelsis Deo shall be
for than the man can start believing like a child again
for then the thawing of a frozen heart shall flow fourth tears of a child.

for then one shall be able to cry again,
knowing that skepticism is all but a phase in life.
and all that matters is to trust and obey,
"for there's no other way,
to be happy in Jesus,
but to trust and obey"

and eternal life shall then come upon ones life,
just as what is said, eternal life is this = to know Him and the one who sent Him.
in the fullness of His glory, one shall leave behind the old ways, and walk on to life Everlasting.

But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

do you want to be a child in the Kingdom of God?

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Lewi pemungut cukai

Lewi pemungut cukai mengikut Yesus.

"Ikutlah Aku!" Maka berdirilah Lewi lalu mengikut Dia. Kemudian ketika Yewsus makan di rumah orang itu, banyak pemungut cukai dan orang berdosa makan bersama-sama dengan Dia dan murid-murid-Nya.

Amin, Helleluya.

Situasi ini telah dipetik dari Markus 2:13-17.

Ia bercerita ttg bagaimana Tuhan Yesus telah menyelamatkan seseorang yang amat dipandan hina oleh masyarakat. jikalau saya rasa diri macam serong pemungut cukai, selalu berada sekeliling duit, apa-apa pun saya pikir dan lihat, ia cara untuk menguat keuntungan je, lebi-lebih lagi skema dan tipu-helah untuk punggut lebih dari apa yang sepatutnya saya ambik.

dosa saya dalam hidup ini tidak lebih teruk ataupun ringan daripada apa yang Lewi mengalami/melakukan. dosa adalah dosa adalah dosa. tak kira bertapa besar atau pun kecil ia nya.

dan apabila kita yang berdosa ini dippangil oleh Tuhan untuk ikut dia, kata kata Yesus mempunyai kuasa. kuasa unutk meliberitasi kita dari gengaman dunia yang bermata wang. saya tidak akan marah kalau seseorang berbuat dosa, kerana kita memang di lahir dengan nafsu! saya hanya marah kepada diri saya sendiri kalau tiday menceritakan dan berkongsi Berita Baik bahawa hanya di dalam Yesuslah kita dapat diselamatkan dari dosa.

Yesus tidak memandang rendah kepada orang-orang berdosa seperti Lewi dan rakan-rakan dia. Yesus melihat kita dengan mata penuh kasih. Sayang-Nya kepada kita merentasi batas-batas dunia sehingga Dia sanggup bergadai nyaway dia untuk kita.

v17 : Yesus mendengarnya dan berkata kepada mereka: "Bukan orang sihat yang memerlukan tabib, tetapi orang sakit; Aku datang bukan untuk memanggil orang benar, melainkan orang berdosa"

Yesus, tidak mahu saya melihat diri sendiri sebagai seorang yang sudah mencapai rohani dan kemuliaan, Yesus tidak mahu saya menjadi ahli Taurat yang kat luar nampak suci tapi dalam tidak mahu tolong yang lain. hanya tolong diri sendiri je.

adakan saya akan dapat mengikuti jejak Yesus Kristus, Penyelamat saya yang telah memanggil saya unutk mengikuti-Nya?

Saturday, June 21, 2014

riding on dreams

so i watched two movies,
How to Train your Dragon 2
Rise of the Guardians

when i was watching HTTYD 2, the thing that came to my mind was riding is cool. i wish i had a motorbike here =P closest thing one could get to a dragon i guess

and ROTG, talked about believing in something that is really.... erm... intangible (initially)
kinda reminds me of what faith in Christ is like, and how He protects us.

how having fear or dreams or nightmares all matter in a child's life.
how even it matter's in my life now...