Thursday, September 14, 2017


Have you ever been with someone, and as they listened to you, you felt as though you were the only person in the room?  The person listening had no sense of needing to be somewhere else.  They had no sense of needing to interrupt you.  They simply listened.  How did that feel?

On the other hand, have you ever been chatting with someone and you could tell they were only half there?  The look in their eyes told you that they were thinking about something else?  They had a sense of urgency inside that they were supposed to be getting something else done.  How did that feel?

“Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” (David Augsburger)

Monday, September 11, 2017

Make things

Life is about taking what we have and making things out of them.

I.e. cooking: is like laying Lego. You have a few bricks and raw materials to build with, and the final outcome is a delicious meal.


Our work: we have time and talents. They just need to be squished together with some effort and energy to make something out of em.

I have this phone and I made this post. I have internet and I have fingers.

I have God.
So now what?

Or is it that God has me...

Saturday, September 02, 2017


Ministry comes from the same root words a "minus"
A servant,to make ones self less, less time, money, energy,security

Why in the word would someone want to give up all this for someone else.
Why would we not want to meet our own needs first...

Well that sone of the counterculture that we go through.
Colossians 1:18

I will not forget what he did.
What Chirst has done for us on the cross.

Some give a very positive views of serving,
We serve not because of all the good things,
But we serve because of what Jesus did.

Serving can be tough, disappointing, overwhelming.

And we think...
What am i doing here...

1 Cor 12:14-18
Each one of us has a function and arrangement.

If we follow Jesus,
What areas do we follow him in?

Disciples triangle: up, in, out.
God, others, commissioned 
Sunday worship, small group, ministry and service


The dandelion cell group took a "retreat" trip over the merdeka and Haru Raya haji holidays.
Didn't really feel like I was celebrating merdeka on the eight month this year (but then again I haven't been for the last few years in university after leaving high school). I was hoping it'll be an independence of difference sorts, maybe a sprititual one or some kind of "break free" moment.

I guess one on the best choices I could make was to put down the phone and stare at it much less than informally would. Not just to mindlessly scroll through Facebook but even to whip it out and snap photos. I've done that plenty in the past, and what I find with the numerous photos I take with the phone is that I miss out on the joys in being in the moment, the time spent with the kids and just looking at their caricature.

A few things i remember about the trip is when we were driving up to the dairy cow farm. There was this girl who was frantically shouting "Tolong! Tolong!" (Which meant help, help in Malay). She was diving her Kancil car up the super steep slope and I guess the car just gave up. So we stopped a little further up and got out of the Hilux. Papa took over the wheel from the terrified and panicking young lass as I stood behind to push the car UP with another 'quite buff' guy... But the car just wasn't budging. Little did we both know Papa was helping her to reverse the car and make a u-turn around and not go up. Well I guess when an adult makes the call to not continue on despite the desire to do so by younger people, the earlier has to be the word taken into action.

I thought we could fetch them up I the bucket and drop them off later on as we were on our way down. But we didn't and thank God so, as it gave us the freedom to roam the hills further.

A second thing was that, shucks, I can't really remember, let me try to recall.

"All is fair in love and war". Played a game of Catan with Fiona, Joel and Shuk Lan. It was her first time. Hence I decided to "give face" as in not taking the upper hand in games at the start thinking it could be a turn around. Not so, later on it got harder to come back up. And people rarely remember the goodness shown in the beggings of games after they've progressed forwards (well not everyone forgets, a friend remembers me standing behind the crouched character to watch over in a game of counter strike). But yeah, point is... I guess we beat ourselves up too much over things that only we ourselves hold onto grudgingly, while others have long ago moved on.

Oh and our steam boat kept overflowed twice. I knew it was going to happen. There was some predicament of future events if I did not take any action. But I just spoke the word. Sigh, if I knew the better of something i should have acted on it and not brush the thought aside.

I bought a "mosquitoe chasing away" plant for 10 bucks. I shouldn't have. As it was growing and freely available at the place we were staying, Sosodikon farm stay. Pleasent Aunty. Who gave us dishwashing liquid to use, I wanted to leave it out in the common area but Joel had insisted we brining it it for safekeeping as it was entrusted to us and we should give it back to the Aunty first hand. Sigh, I guess not everyone is comfortable with sharing as freely as others are.

Oh, how friendly the sabahans are. We were taking so many selfies and trying to squeeze everyone into the picture win the majestic mountain in the background, but could not do so. The lady offered us to use her selfie stick. A totally random stranger seeing others in need. Wow. I have not seen this act of kindness for ages. But we declined as we were already done. I still feel we should have accepted although we didn't need too anymore just for the approval and encouragement it gives to the lady for her courage to offer help.

There was a time we were at the poring hot springs and we went for the canopy walk. We didn't pay the initial rm5 for hand phone photography and could have just sneakly snapped some pics. However I guess with Fiona and Shuk Lan around, also the Holy Spirit, it was better to do the right thing. Integrity is this: what we do when others aren't looking. Hence we decided to but the ticket, as there was a guy sitting at one of the platforms actually selling those tickets as if they already knew forehand that many would actually change their minds halfway and buy camera tickets.

All I all I guess there are many things to learn, from looking back and reflecting and writing a blog post about. Which I haven't been doing for some time. It's nice to write once again. I miss wiriting. I feel sometimes I don't tell stories as good with my mouth vocally then I could if you just read my words. Could you do that? Find out about my day through a blog post then through a phone call?

Sigh, I love you. Have a good trip overseas.

Friday, August 11, 2017

No rest for the mind

Deuteronomy 28:65-67New International Version (NIV)

65 Among those nations you will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of your foot. There the Lord will give you an anxious mind, eyesweary with longing, and a despairing heart. 66 You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life.67 In the morning you will say, “If only it were evening!” and in the evening, “If only it were morning!”—because of the terror that will fill your hearts and the sights that your eyes will see.

Have i come to the point of having no rest... no rest of the mind...

Saturday, July 22, 2017

why Chester Bennington took his own life

he must have been so distressed about losing a friend so close, to want to meet him on the other side of line. Care. He really cared.

but how ironic, its a chain that cannot be broken, not by human means.
as much as i pity him for the abusive past, current pressures of the entertainment industry, and man-concocted substances that are willingly taken ... i feel more for the family that is left behind, wife, kids...

really, if a man could choose the date of his passing. why not when we are at the climax of life and all the more in the spot light of the world, what more better way to leave than as a legend in our own minds, what better legacy than when the world is all that there is worth bowing down for... example: some men live till 70 - 80 years, contented with grandchildren and fading out from the spotlight gradually... even those great man of long ago that pass away in our current times do not receive such "grandeur"... but then again.. what is it worth when we have already left this earth.. can't hear or see anything anymore... just .. freed

Just attended a funeral this morning, it's ... something close to heart.. for some. generally, not everyone would care for a single persons passing. others more than others. some indifferent, some all the difference.

to the audience: ticks me off you guys clap and cheer, this is a mourning song for goodness sake. what the heck is wrong with people nowadays.. is entertainment all that we just seek that we've become numb?


the entertainment industry's expectation.. kills just too many. to feed us. then again, some even dare have the thought if it is even wrong..

and really... i do believe song's carry on messages that are too deep to be written down without a tune.

"We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep"
- indie musicians (like the Beetles and Bob Marley)... can see things that many others cant because they spend time introspecting, listening to their heart to come up with .. well... lyrics. why is the world asleep? the unseen powers (Illuminati, Satan, etc) are .. well.. at work and suppressing us, always tempting us..

Only Jesus can break the chain and free us.

"I am the Way, the Truth and the Light. No one comes to the Father except through me"

DISCLAIMER: this are just.. late night speculations and random (or not so?) ramblings... they probably are full of biases, fallacies and other missing facts/evidence of why or what really was the reason why Chester Bennington took his own life. Honestly, i didn't know LP's lead vocal was named as so, neither do i know all about Beetles (watched the Yellow Submarine, thats about it) and Bob Marley other than that he has really cool dreadlocks and appears on memes and is associated with well.. non-conformity.

I'm sorry if i hurt anyone through whatever i've wrote about such a great person.. didn't mean any harm to anyone nor to start anything unintended.. just my.. opinion of the mind on .. suicide

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Maximum fruit size

What causes a coconut to stop growing bigger? Is it a gene that determines when the soft multiplying cells should stop and move on to the next stage of hardening...

Imagine if you could hack it.. for any fruit: papaya, watermelons... I know they already have giant pumpkins.. image coconuts the size of them!

Monday, May 29, 2017

mantis and kerangas

played with a baby mantis,
he likes to jump when a finger is placed infront of him,
and will climb up to the top

then there was a trail of kerangas ants on a wire,
they pass each other and felt each others feelers,
when they sensed i was a round some stopped and came into and aleart state
as if they wanted to bite me.

the ones carrying food would rush down without stopping.