stop blaming her, authenticity

1) stop blaming her
2) stop saying "last time things were better.."


i'm thankful that my mom gave birth to me.
the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

There are so many things... that i feel right now.
like string theory.

as if, the strings that have bounded me have been cut off,
should i feel more free? should i feel happy?
I dont know, what if it's not a good thing?

this ia... one of the first few nights..
i called my mom, its my parents anniversary

my dad said.. don't worry
focus on your studies.

should i save some rent by going to stay with my aunt?
that would be closer to church, but how will i get to school? bike? cycle?
am i even allowed to work part time?
i mean, i'm a full time student...
i'm supposed to be in the school from 8-5?

nooo, thats why i came back from Sepilok

i HATE fixed working hours...
i want flex working hours... well they always say.. that's IF i actually can get to do any work outside of those hours...

i always "I'm traumatised....."...  by what? by work? by people? by the things of this world?

get a grip on yourself, you never used to blame anything outside your control as the reason of being in your circumstances. you could always submit it to God and know that He was in control, just like in Psalms 23.... that is until you met people that kept constantly reminding you otherwise..

toxic

Mart and Martha,
Martha could be authentic before Jesus.
she straight out told the Lord "don't you care???? that my sister as left all the work to mee??"
she didn't need to put on a mask, she just spoke out her mind,
and that's what we should be doing.. speaking it out..

not living a life of hiding

we watched this
https://www.facebook.com/redtabletalk/videos/248366862696188/

it was about .... just being able to .. talk it out
i like how they took a break... to find out what each other really desires
i think it's important for people to take breaks,
you know, sometimes people forget themselves in a relationship
and they start to feel miserable,
especially when you cant let go,
but i'm not saying that the break is going to be forever,
its just a short temporary thing,
to find one's self... and then when both are ready,
to get back together as better people

i dont understand why some people dont understand the idea of taking breaks
owh well, i'm glad i got mine... mutually

you know what...
i'm super grateful,
i really love you.
and i dont want to take you for granted
that's why i NEED this break.

so that i can learn to love you better