Distractions

Why did I even join PM Fssa. I gave to do work once I'm inside it. (Can't just sit around not doing anything). It takes up time from what I really should be focusing on in life.

Sigh, I taught I had time. I taught I could go in to make fssa a better place. I taught I could make a change. I was wrong.

I guess I won't go where God doesn't call me to go then. Because really, its all just distractions.

Fearing God

Reading proverbs. It says so much about "fearing the Lord" and the good things that come out of it, gaining wisdom, avoiding evil, etc

I don't fear God anymore.
I've become desensitise to guilt after dwelling so long in sin.

Lord save me

How we think about the world

"It's not what we know about the world, more importantly... It's how we choose to think about it."

Sometimes the world doesn't really seem like a nice place to be in. But with the Father telling us the purpose of creating it, Chirst giving a good example of living in it and the Spirit guiding us through it...

I'm sure it is possible to have a positive outlook in the sorry state we're in.

For eternity, for His everlasting Kingdom

fruitful

started off the day with God's word,
makes a whole lotta difference in life
was really tired and ... without zeal for the past few.. weeks?

it is nice to exercise, the body feels much more energized.

met two peeps while walking back at night
Lee from Britain
Horun from America

they want to teach at the Global English center in KF.
and couldnt find the way to the house they were renting.

good thing map reading skills come in handy

also met sew when i was fetching din back from frisbee (it was a really fun game) gotta get quicker feet. and finally got my fenix E25 =D well with only three modes it is quite dull, but boy... does it pack a punch. didnt know had to hold the button for 0.5 secs. taught it was broken initially =P

hmm. life. i should get more involved with it.

Ssd

I can't take it anymore. My computer's HD is dying. Time to revive it.

Humans + ecosystem

Humans are an integral part of ecosystems.

We should destroy ourselves by thinking we can survive apart from nature.

Let's protect the sustainability of what keeps us alive.

God's truth, not man's

"In A Social History of Truth (1994), for example, Steven Shapin makes the largely sociological argument that, in 17th-century England, the mode of sociability known as civility became the primary discourse of truth; for a statement to have the potential to be considered true, it had to be expressed according to the rules of civil society."

For me, truth is what God's word says it is. Not what man sets

Problems

"A well-defined problem is half solved"

Jabra play

Got these for rm99 at the digi store. Retail sells for RM 200 plus. They were supposed to only be purchasable with a digi plan upgrade. Owh well :)

Nice thing I like about them is they can plug any headphone in to the receiver. So means at least I still get to choose the drivers.

The first set broke when the staff tried to show me how it works. But the immediately changed it to a brand new set. Love the customer service.

Black gorilla tape

Got myself some duct tape on dope from home-fix. Finally something off my mind :)

Wrong age

We have already gone past the age of enlightenment. Inspired students used to flock with much passion and desire to the University of Edinburgh to apprentice under James Black.

However, just like how we don't study about James Watt in automotive anymore, so too should we move on from studying chemistry that isn't the interest of our age nowadays.

Children get things too easily. The chemicals and concoctions in the lab are memorised forcefully without any curiosity or awe.

And people from the outskirts whim can't even string proper sentences together are also forced to go through the same centralised system for easier, lazier evaluation.

Of cause the people in the cities would do better. If there isn't an alternative form of education available to personally cater to the surroundings and environment of how a child grows up.

A wise man once told me "you can see the quality if life a child will grow up with just by one road: the road from his house, to the hospital he gets born in" .. If it passes by schools and modern infrastructure, the good for him. If I passes by shacks and plantations.....

Never the less.. With the advent of technology, anyone can study whatever they want to trough open source online courses. Anyone can form a personalised education system that fits them.

But curiosity is killed at the early stages where it is most active and also most vulnerable to being snipped at the bud.

Kids growing up nowadays don't need to learn how smartphone come about by studying basic electronic engineering in school/university... It's like.. Learning the building blocks all over again...

The foundations have already been set. Young minds should be focused to build on these foundations.

A child should learn how to develop apps that run off the platforms already available. Hence, code school and data source.

If the future of the country is to be a better place, the formal education needs to be revamped and catered to what the current generation of creative students are most potentially interested in.

Leave the past behind, embrace.. Change

Virtue

In Thomas Hobbes utilarian and consequentialist principal virtue is that which provides "the greatest happiness for the greatest numbers"

I see how it can work, sacrificing the minority for the sake of the majority (or the greater good). It is impossible to please everyone and make all happy least we end up like Romantically Apocalyptic .. Where everyone gets what they want though a Neural Interface. Or a movie "the congress".

However I don't think that giving people what they want all the time is the best thing to do. Long term effects show themselves slowly. So sometimes we have to with hold back from pleasing people all the time, for the sake of a better future.

Doesn't mean because the majority agrees to it, makes it good and acceptable in God's eyes.

Sbc ps amos

"You show me your friends, and I show you your future."

Proverbs 17:17 "a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity"

Poverty: material, spiritual, relational.

They have nothing, yet I'm jealous of something they have.  They depend in each other, they have community.

Why people have less close friends? Increasing working hours. Technology: people used to hag out outside of their house. But when air conditioning was introduced .. People spend time inside. Smartphone. Create a wall. Explosion of social media.

Does moving forward have to come at expense at losing the past?

We all need a friend whom:
David: Samuel: a friend who makes you better.

"Your problem is that you look at what people look at. But God looks at the heart. "

1 Samuel 16:12 - "this is the one"

Jonathan: A friend whom gives us spiritual strength.
Nathan: A friend whom tells us the truth.

Rest

"The more comfortable we are with mystery in our journey, the more rest we will know along the way" - John Eldredge

statistics

"Statistical worldview: a way of seeing the world that permits understanding in the face of uncertainty, and simplicity in the face of complexity." - Garrett Grolemund

i wonder why people can be bored.

next thing on the list to learn: R

Empath - Only one Way to solve it to have Life, this is the Truth

something about jumping from relationship to relationship

"I've always known it in the back of my head, but I'm only now understanding myself that I am addicted to the beginnings of relationships. In the past few months, following the end of a short but intense relationship, I've really enjoyed being a single lady. At the same time, I've also enjoyed dating. Dating multiple people. But the thing is, once I get to know them comfortably, once the relationship arrives at the point of sex (however long that takes), I'm not as interested. And I think it's because I'm addicted to getting to know people, not knowing them. I'm usually disappointed once I do. So instead of looking for that impossible long-term. yes, I'm allowing myself to have fun with the Maybes.
And I'm having fun. I'm just not sure how long it can last." - an exhibition in Singapore Art Museum

came across it reading a friend's blog. whom elaborated she wanted to try out that lifestyle.




ah, dear heart, are you tempted too?
least you find another hidden desire, polygamy
dont act on it, least you sin
present all to the Father, whom heals us in our fallen nature
transforming and sanctifying us day by day

i only know of one person that can surprise you each and everyday of your life.
on whose love is never ending, never ceasing, and which has been there even before we exsisted.
He is the answer to that searching heart.

"There is none like you,
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
and find, there is non like You"

Q: Can a sinner serve in the worship team?

1 Corinthians 4:2-5
"Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God."

Q: Can a sinner serve in the worship team?
A: Remember that a place in ministry is something entrusted to us, and not achieved by our own efforts

Q: Should we judge other sinners?
A: We often sometimes do, but as a Christian its not so much on US judging THEM. but more of, if someone else judges me then what do i do? as a Christian, we should know that what matters is God's judgement on us. So if the sinner thinks he is being judged by the church (human courts) than he really needs to take a look inside himself and the relationship between him and the Judge.
*btw, we shouldn't even judge ourselves (least we judge wrongly), we should seek God and see what He thinks of us

Q: Just because i think it is right, does it make it right?
A: even if you had passionate, genuine, all-out faith/belief in something that isn't true doesn't make it true. Even if you think you are not doing wrong, doesn't make you innocent.

Q: what is "innocent" in refference to?
A: To the law set by the One who will judge at the end of the day. Remember: He demands obedience, not sacrifice (1 Sam 15:22)

Q: what if i still really wanted to serve without any bad intentions?
A: then as a fellow loving child of God, by all means go ahead, when the Lord comes He will know the motives of your heart in all that you've said and acted out. And to each who listens to Him, they shall receive something only a God of love can do.

Sabbath

If Sabbath is a problem,
It means our relationship with God has a problem too.

Don't follow the west in enlightenment. There are something's we cannot redefine.

We ourselves cannot bless ourselves.

Encouragement

"We need encouragement, but we do not depend on it" - dean chak

complainer

Philippians 2:14: "Do everything without grumbling or arguing,"

yup. this is going to be tagged with rant.
because really... everything?

everything seems to be crumbling around me now,
all that i have built and attained, on sand

only what's left on the rocks shall stand
Philippians 3:10: "Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

what i have attained in Christ,
is what shall last form now onward

judgmental

seriously, i have no idea why this particular word is cropping up so much nowadays.
seems like globalization is taking its tol in "educating" and "empowering" people.. youngesters.. into thinking they can do anything they want, irregardless of what other people feel.

its like, any advice we give seems to be a judgment.
what we share out of love and care is taken as a harsh rebuke and hate message.

its like, people say "dont tell me what do do, unless you're already perfect yourself"
seriously?

opinions are a good thing to share, and if your friend even did care a tiny little bit about you, they would say something! even if it wasn't nice. because love hurts sometimes.. the truth hurts.

and if you cant take being hurt by other peoples "judgmental" words..
don't lash back at the and call them a hypocrite.

instead ask this:
"Thank you for telling me, how can you help me become a better person?"

Because of Christ light in our lives,
we see so much more clearly the changes that we can make in our lives.
a New life, forgetting the past, and striving on for what is ahead.

study hobby

"do not let what you are forced to study,

prevent you from doing your hobby"

Marrying for the sake of it.

What if...

A guy and a girl falls in love.
But they do not decided to commit to each other in marriage before sleeping together.

And in all their joy, pleasure and happiness... They conceive a child unintentionally..

Yes even accidents have their grave consequences.

Should they both get married even though they come from vastly different backgrounds.. Hold different principals and policies in life.. Different source of guidance.. One divinely and the other humanely.

Wouldn't they be better off unmarried. Why does one mistake have to lead to another? Why can't the unhealthy chain just stop...

Marrying the wrong person is one of the greatest mistakes. As some might say. I don't think there is a perfect person anyway. I just think that no h sides of the couple constantly puts effort into making the relationship work. This is life together without God.

In a Christian marriage. God is there. God is the one whom pulls both together. Find God first, find our ministry and calling.. Then lastly find our mate there who has the same view on life, same dreams and goals, same path to walk on.

Less strive. Less effort. Less conflicts. No.. I believe all relationships still need effort on our part, its something like.. Working out our salvation. Just that God does have a special person in mind for us to marry. I believe He had a plan.. To prosper us.. And to give us life abundantly.

Then what? Should the girl carry the baby inside her to full term? Should she abort it.. Should the kid live a bastard life all because the father choose to 'follow god'.. A missionaries child.. A pastor's kid. Those are different stories.

I want to be a dad. To have kids.. At the right time. In the right place. With the right person. But God.. It is so so hard. The temptations of this world. The sin.. The openness to adultery.

I want to stand on being pro-life. I don't know how I could live on knowing I supported pro-choice.. Aborting my very own son. I used to say that academics went everything when I was scoring all A's. I said it to people who were complaining.. no.. Who were sorrowful for what the education system made them feel like... For labeling them as failures...

I uses to say it wasn't everything, until I found myself in their shoes..

And now I say that no one should support abortion.. If I was a married man with kids and a happy family, I can see why.. It would be so easy to say so. But  a teenager.. A whole world crumbles by this event. Life plans take a big detour.. No.. A big completely different path..

I wouldn't.. I think I wouldn't be okay if I killed someone. A murderer.. I'm not sure about the girl.. I wonder if she would think anything about it. That's the fear I have, that I leave a person broken. That I leave and never come back to help. I keep thinking that they won't have it good after me... That she would be incapable of taking care of herself after all this...

Sometimes I'm wrong.. Sometimes I worry.. I have ni peace. I should believe that everyone can handle themselves perfectly fine. That their blood is ni longer on my hands. That the actions they choose to do are theirs alone and whatever burden is to be carried on their shoulders.. Without me willing to help.

I am selfish. I want only the best for me. I hate this part in me as soon as I relaised it. Why did it stay hidden for so long.

Or did it just pop up suddenly. Was I never selfish to begin with. But changing to be more evil the more I strayed away from Christ. No.. I always had this innate sin in me. In my flesh. Because I've never submitted it to death on the cross before.. To Christ to deal with it.

Keep forgetting to carry the cross daily. It's taking its toll on me. Life isn't lighter not holding up the burden of Christ (which he helps us carry) ... Life gets worse without the cross on our shoulders.

We pick up ridiculous things from the world. We marry for the sake of marrying.

criticize me please

i think its good that people offer 'criticism' to help an author review his initial idea and improve it. we all work together =) asking questions can be a positive and constrictive.

Thorns

Navigation test. Didn't prepare.. Didn't walk on the ridge. Didn't have coordinates.. Focused planning in what didn't matter. Went through 3 valleys.

Life. Like the sower scattering seed on the 4 lands. We had to go through so many thorns. Got stung by wasp.. Something that made me run for my life from something dangerous..

God, why don't I run from the temptations that are dangerous to my soul?

I want to be like the fertile land, producing harvest... Not getting choked by the weeds of this world. By the gifts and nicely wrapped presents that require me to lay down my cross to pick them up.

I want to carry the cross

When I look into Your Holiness. All in

"When I look into Your Holiness,
When I gaze into Your loveliness,
When all things that surround,
Become shadows in the light of You.

When I've found the joy of reaching Your heart,
When my will becomes enthralled in Your love,
When all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You.

I worship You, I worship You,
The reason I live, is to worship You."

Lord, i dont want to see the world in the wrong light that comes from it,
i want you to be bright in my life that even the most lustrous thing on this earth seems dull.

attract my soul to you Lord, and let me realise that all that's around me are just shadows.
let my choices and decisions i make be entwined with Your will and purpose.

You speak, I listen.
You call, I come
You send, I go
You command, I obey.

If i were not to do these things, than why remain a Christian,
I'm either all in, or not in at all.

Lvl 6 in miri library

Fun game. I've reached level 6 as an #Ingress agent.

Feelings.

Are nerves the only way to feel?
Humans search for scientific reasons,
And sometimes forget that there's more to life,
Than just what we know.

oppose what needs to be, not otherwise

This would make for a good inter-religious dialog topic.
Being a malaysian, i dont wish to take on an side that would seem to make anyone look worst than they are nor any better than they should be taught off. I'm all against segregation for one. Living in Sabah, it is truely amazing how integrated and peace multiple faiths and believes can exist harmoniously together. A true model for what i hope my entire country to practice.

Some would say in this:
1. The people protesting, are in the wrong because they are not being tolerant to others and are advocating disunity.
2. The people displaying signs in public are inconsiderate as the people living around the area in that land feel disrespected/challenged.
3. Some dont even bother whats happening and just go on with their lives, now knowing the implications of showing a blind eye to these issues may have on the future.
4. Others, say forget all this and get out of the country.

everyone has their own personal opinion. made based on multiple reasons and they way they were brought up. so it is understandable that making the choice sometimes isn't really a choice as people are brought up in circumstances that 'force' one's thinking towards a particular point of view.

As for me, what is my view.. based on the point of love, which i was brought up in. It is this "we should love one another" and that means listening when someone decides to share their opinion, in any way that is shown.

I always wondered why people would oppose things that are foreign to them? i can imagine if some big black citadel of occult practices was being established in my friendly neighborhood. One that practices satanism, hate, violence and lewd acts. That i would surely (maybe not boldly) oppose. But if it was a community loving building that did social work, helped run recycling events, gotong-royongs, spread a gospel of love, peace and joy to those around.. giving hope for a life eternal in this darkening world. That i would defiantly (maybe not with all my heart) support .Think about it, has what been taught you acceptable make other's actions contrary to yours, unacceptable?


know the reason you opposed things. Don't blindly follow a leader, not the masses.

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/locals-protest-outside-church-building-say-cross-challenging-islam

http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2015/04/19/Protest-agaist-church/

if i was brought up learning that the NAzi symbol linked to massacre of Jews. whenever i see the swastika... my heart dislikes it.

if i was brought up a young german boy thinking my race is the mightiest and my leader is awesome.. i would see others as infidels.

if i knew both sides, then only i could make a choice. attacking me without teaching me only will make me hate you more.

i already hate, because that is the absence of love.

oppose what needs to be opposed, not what sounds trendy to do.

fight against miseducation. it is what causes misunderstandings.

i should, i could

my friend once told me "life is not about should and should nots, do's and don'ts, can and cannot's"

i almost.. i wanted to adopt this into my life..
but then after some pondering, i realized that.. it is

no matter how much i try to make it relative or case-by-case.
somethings in life never change. Christ the rock, a solid foundation on which we built our house on..

is something that a family "should do"... as much as how a child "should not" stick a scissors into an electric socket.

my "life is about should's and do's and can's" .. and i'm fine with it

Cornerstone of Ephesian church is Jesus (not elders)

in relation to the article "church-needs-stop-pandering-trends"
here's something from a messaged with dearly beloved ones

although i agree much with what Relevant writes, yet let us remember that they are also still written by man. One downside is that they dont really put Bible verses in (but of cause we could link verses in our memory to the contents of what they write). anyways that being said, i think all churches are unique in their own sense that each caters to the need of the community around. For example, as the Holy Spirit leads the leaders to start ministering to say... the university students around... of cause they have to run it in a way that is relevant to the younger generation... and as long as the word is preached (the whole counsel, not just parts of it) , there is repentance to God and faith in Jesus, the leader doesn't look for personal profit (important!).. and careful attention is given to the flock (and the elders themselves!) against wolfs like how Paul' last words to the ephesian elders encompasses it : Acts 20:28 - "Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood." at the end of the day, no matter how it is run... those who still choose to leave a church after all this is done ... even Paul said "I am innocent of the blood of all" .. as we cant force someone to stay, its their choice and life anyway. take some time to to ponder on Paul's heavily weighted speech (made light by sharing the yoke with Christ) that starts from verse 17... which is to me the passage that all elders MUST read...
i wonder why sometimes we are so critical of how other people run their churches. didn't Paul write a letter to the Ephesians saying that "Built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit."

powerful words

what if we were just living our on lives by ourselves.
that all we see around us is just an imagination.
that we could actually determine what happens,
just by saying things...

i find that my words... when i type stuff out, come to pass..
especially complains. gosh, help me to complain less and speak words of love more.

to know that all things are possible in Christ.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

The Bible doesnt say aything by accident or for fun. whatever is written carries truth. and this is the truth:

 James 3:3-5 "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.  Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.  Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."

that is how powerful our words are

blank pages

i dream that i... didnt finish the last two questions of an exam.
and left them blank. because there was just not enough time... i took my own sweet time doing the questions in front. and when we were passing up the homework i took a glance to my right and saw the person sitting beside me had manage to fill up all the paper with written words.

lesson learnt: study!

then the second dream was quite creepy.
it was continuous over a few days. cant really remember what it was about now,
but it was something to do with.. the world ending. haha and how various super heroes were called to save it, time travelling and stuff. just in between the end of the line and the event that was occurring. i know there was a lesson to be learnt, just that .. i cant remember =P ha

so much from being warned about the future in a dream if i cant remember it

anyways an interesting thing about the second dream was that "i  was thinking about something before i slept and i think i just went stright into sleep sill thinking about that thing which later on became a dream" .... like.. skipping all the phases and going straight to REM from being awake.. is that even possible... to be thinking something so much that.. the body is asleep but the mind is still awake?

drones

why would anybody want to built something that has the same limitations of a human.
making a robot that walks requires so much effort, balancing the body weight on ankles is something biological bones, muscles, tendons and ligaments do awesomely compared to steel and plastics.

flying however, is a whole different thing altogether.

drones are the future of man.

the fly for one thing, they can access places man cant,
they're small, they're cheap, and having 4-8 rotors/blades make them much easier to make compared to legs. almost anyone can fly them and the uses are unlimited.

its so light, its much cheaper to get something (i.e camera, supplies, sensors) up in the sky compared to a helicopter that might be 2000 bucks per hour.. fuel and pilot included.

they can bring lidar, infrared, HD cameras... heck even weapons up into the air.

aerial combat .. against loggers, poachers and wildfires.

i remember when watching the movie "tree idiots" and there was a dude in MIT who committed suicide for his drone project being turned down. wow... india was doing the in thing even before it was cool.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdlmoLAbbiQ

failing fast

failing fast = learning fast
move on, dont keep making the same mistakes.
learn abandonment.
live a minimalist life style.
we dont need to hold on to so man things,
just the few things that matter.

learn to let go,
freed by Christ to do His work.

save a soul save a life

"There is no point saving a person's physical life, if his soul remains dead"

with all that is going on in the world, global warming, wars..
or to come, epidemics, natural disasters...

protecting the forest, or building a house..
what is really worth doing?

will it all last for eternity?
isn't everything that we do under the sun just a chasing of the wind...

technology.. the future is gonna be an interesting place,
for now, just tell me what i need to do in this present age

To be or not to be

Its not just about following.
Its about becoming like Him.

"Be holy, for I am holy" -1peter1:16

Restored.
To be more like the original
To go through what he did
To Carey out His will.

"Thy will be done"
There is hope

take me as i am

We abandon the most important journey of our lives when we abandon desire, We leave our hearts by the side of the road and head off in the direction of fitting in, getting by, being productive, what have you. Whatever we might gain-money, position, the approval of others, or just absence of the discontent itself-it's not worth it. "what good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?" (Matt. 16:26)

- excerpt from Desire, Chpt 1: Our heart's deepest secret. John Eldredge.

Ah Dear God,
How fa i've come, away from you. how far i've been traveeling without You by my side. How wrong was i to think that i could live this life my way. TO do the things that pleases me instead of You. To be alone and independent from the divine source of life itself.

i've tried. life suddenly seems so meaningless in all this pleasure and achievements.
Dear God, please captivate my heart once again. IN your grace and mercies, let me keep what i have obtained, yet be given wholly to You. the Sacrifice to be made seems to great a burden to bear by myself.

Yes i know it all in my head, to abandon and leave behind, to have it all. Like Abraham and Issac. You let him keep his son, cause you are faithful to your promise.

THat i dont have to ber the burden by myself, cause its with you i share the yoke with.

Gahh... why God why.. why has life gotten so busy, so messy. so fragmented. did i try to do too many things. did i ask for too much? more than i could have handled?

GOd... i need you. i Need you.. i belong to You.

Lent

You came riding on a donkey.
You did not desire the glory of the world.
Your humility puts me to shame...
My King.
Yet it is because of your choice
Your works, your grace..

That I can enter into your Kingdom.
An everlasting one

Loved

I love because I am loved.

The future

One port Usb-c
Outernet
Terraced battries

Gosh.. How is humanity going to keep up with the advancement?

Caterpillars

Caterpillars look disgusting,
And they destroy leaves too,
But one they they'll be butterflies,
Beautiful and pollinating you.

Conversations with a crush

Have you ever gotten tired of replying the message of the one you love? Maybe its just a crush..maybe its flirting..

Gosh those messages and conversations could just go on and on

Into the late nights. Into days of no end that makes months feel just like weeks.

That's how a relationship is build,
That's how we get to know one another
And desires of each other's hearts.

If only I could love you like how I love her.

Wifi

"WiFi disconnects us when we are together."

Don't bother asking for the WiFi password when going to meet a friend in his house.

Silence. Sacrifice

I came to meet Him,
Yet I desire to look at a performance.

I came to see Him only,
Yet I mingle with others whom I'd see outside.

I came to raise up my hands to Him,
Yet I'm so self conscious.. About the people around me.

I came to rest in Him,
Yet I fall asleep on the pews.

Silence.
I .. Don't feel this "tangible presence",
Its like there is an umbrella that blocks the Rain falling down.

This all suddenly seems so ritualistic,
Passion, energy, zeal, dreams, favour,
All seems super. .. Sigh..

The masses around me,
Speaking in strange tongues that I do not understand... Nor does anyone else...

God, you understand.
You know how I few,
When I don't feel you.

You know .. How dry I feel.
There is no song that can be sung in this desert..

Yet your Word, shall always be a light onto my feet, and a lamp onto my path.

Guide me Lord, when i am blind.

I feel like dying, i know i am..
only you can give me life.
A meaningful one.

You died for me,
Yet I can't seem to surrender to you.

Sacrifice.
Where should I go?

Wait no... Before that...
What do I need to give up...?

Careful

They say "you can never be too careful"

How does one define the minimal line of safety.. To distinguish it from the one end being carefree carelessness from the other being a psycho skeptimist..

Where should on err on the side of safety due to uncertainties... Or take the leap of faith, plunging into the risky depths...

Why should one give up the dream of finding Atlantis just because of the fear of the unknown?

Anyways, as much as we are advice by sages and those of old, I.e. parents how claim to have eaten more salt than their children rice.. Heed their words. But also realise that times are changing. Yes culture and tradition is one thing, the current fashion fad or happening "in-thing" is another...

Would you follow the masses at the expense of your soul? Of give up the desires of the flesh and save it?

Make no mistake what I'm saying here. Man never had salvation in his own hands... Jesus paid the suffering price of loving us. He chose the cross. And so too, the option to follow him is a choice.

Be prepared, in season and out of season. Fear not the future, for Christ is already there.

Instinct

"Love instinctively detects what is needed" - P. Yancy

In Vain

Vanity is creeping in,
Pride is taking over,
Altruism is dying,
Living for others is...

Temporary

Our life here is only temporary,
We're not afflicted nor persecuted,
Don't wait for death to start eternity,
Leave the world bright and salted.

He knows all

Jesus knows what i did.. everything.. what i am currently doing/facing.... what actions and choices i'll make in the future... and yet.. He loves me.

a God who knows everything.. how nice it is to know Him. to be able to converse with Him. makes life.. all the more so much meaningful.

sat down in the park this afternoon. reading "Where is God when it hurts?" .. and there were some flies buzzing around my leg..

i wonder what conditioned the mind to think that a fly landing on my leg is a bad thing. is it really because they are dirty? why cant insects crawl on my feet and i have no problem with it.. or a mosqiutoe bitting me.. or a leech D= .. sucking out bad blood? haha mosquito bites give an itch.

anyways.. an ant stung me just as i had the thought of enjoying the flies buzzing around me..

so much for being one with nature >:(

Sack n towel

Wohoo.. Got a "no fear" sack and a Glert (it was csrrimore last time!!) Micro towel... :D

evolution or creation

evolution...
so.. Neanderthal and monkeys have the same ancestors?
and.. whales... and ... birds.. and worms..
and they have the same ancestor as.. bacteria.. and viruses..

and..

gosh.. who were the ancestors of those ancestors?
as much as we believe that "life" happened by chance...
that DNA came about by random atoms colliding together...

science doesn't disagree with God.
as a matter of fact, it just shows us more of Him.

life is a wonder.
if you ever wonder why u are alive..
seek out the reason why you were created.
than life will be worth living.

no matter how advance man can get,
we will never be able to repeat what God did,
that is to give life.


we cannot remove death.
we cannot run away from it.
it is inevitable.

hmm.. AI on the other hand.. =P

Haven and hell

If haven is to know you. It is to love and be loved in a relationship.

Then hell must be to be separated. To be isolate, unable to feel your presence.

Loneliness is hell.

food and cloths

not eating food means no more life,

no cloths and you'll still survive,

what is it for your heart wants to strive,

the pain lets you know you are alive.

Humility

Is when we gave the right to say or do something. But we choose not to.

Instead of taking the credit we give glory to God from whom all good things come.

Do not let your left hand know what your right is doing.

Footwear

Got myself some hiking boots and slippers.

Dakota Wp by hi-tect for Rm120 (original price at 479) and teva mush ii for RM 30.

Well.. Technically dad got them from me :D imma happy boy

walking round the park

I like how we walk around the field at night, not saying a word to each other and then say:

"That was a nice conversation to have"

i'll read your mind one day and you too mine, we'll know each other's thoughts and desires as if it was our own, but until that day comes, lets keep having verbal dialogues

Escape to Brinchang

okay better type it all out before it gets lost somewhere in my head.

this camping trip was, sorta a success?

we planed one day before it =P what to eat, who to bring what gear, etc..
it was a a two day one night camp at the radio tower on the peak of Brinchang, Cameron Highlands,

no water supply up there, not really any place to pitch a tent.

so when we were driving up there we hit a pothole and the front left tire punctured,
Sam's new axia car.. owh boy...

we hiked up to the peak it.. gosh.. my brain... i cant really know how to write stuff anymore.

it was cold, freaking cold. down feather jackets do wonders.
the mist, cleared up and we had a nice view of the stars. so nice how justin and hoong ern could talk about the pleiades star cluster and torus ect.. they even knew which was venus.. crazy..

jusin and sam shared photography in common, both Canon users.. so funny how Sam said "We could be friends" after knowing which brand Justin uses.. haha

i really want to get myself one of those hennessy hammocks .. they really do wonders, all wrapped up in the snake skin is a dual layer sleeping base, mosquito netting and flysheet..

we could start up any fire there.. no wood.
and we had to redo the "Modern" dome tent like 3 times... learnt the saying

"Fast is slow, slow is smooth, smooth is fast" from sam. cool.. next time i should do things properly all the way from the start instead of trying to rush things through.

carried 4 X 1.5L bottles up btw! =D along with the tent.. and extra junk. gosh... thank you God that my knees didn't pop or give way..

Flipper flip flops do the trick too.

also brought up an inflatable pillow, i think it was some thing nice to use. "Manasalu" brand.. some cheap china rip off i guess. i didn't sleep on it.

because of the mist at night we also played making stupid zombie videos..
man... this is what happens when there are spot lights.

the stars were sooo beautiful!

we also played monopoly deal in the tent after dinner of pasta and mushroom soup chicken. gosh, so much so so so much to eat. also celebrated Sam's birthday up there with a swiss roll that looked like panda.

i forgot where i placed my socks in the car, so i didnt bring it up, but the green sleeping bag did save my life lah..

we camped so near the radio tower.. we had.. full signal..

anways, woke up in the middle of the night to take a piss, gosh.. so cold..
the mist came back.. i prayed that it wouldn't rain..

the sunrise the next day was.. something nice to look at... climbed up the watch tower.. so... freaking cold because of wind chill i was shivering..

we packed up, hammocks go down so fast. the modern tent took longer, cleared up the area... finally dont have to carry down so much water anymore..

took the road down, 11KM walk back to the car..

i have no pictures from GPS maps as i rarely used the garmine =( gosh, i dont really know how to use it..

the trip back down.. we... talked .. just like how friends would =)

friends stick together. learnt alot from this camp... cant remember much.. but yeah. want to experience more things in life, but so little time. want to write down more taught but .. lazy

Replacement blades

Are wrapped in "vapour phase inhibitor" paper....

Japanese...

Zephaniah, bird songs and Panda the bunny

why doesn't the church preach from the book of Zephaniah? .. its all gloom?
ppl in church dont want to hear things that aren't encouraging.. sigh..

so what if the bird shits on my car windscreen...
at least i get to hear them sing when i sit in my garden

have you ever had a butterfly land on your shoulder?
that is the weirdest feeling... i always taught animals were scared of humans..

apparently not, Panda (yew kong's bunny) actually runs to you once it likes you..
it just to run away at first when it was scared.

the righteousness of God is revealed

Romans 1:17 For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed - a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

this verse follows just after the well known Rom 1:16. being not ashamed, it being the power, the one that brings salvation, to everyone...

"the righteousness of God is revealed"..

"righteousness... revealed"

if anyone were to ask me:
Hey.. show me God's holiness.. where can i find that He is good?
i'd know where to point to

Our God is not a mystery, He is not hidden...
He can be found, only if one will just look .. into the gospel.
the one that reveals Him..

it isn't an "It reveals him", as if the gospel were a book, or writings or .. a thing..
the gospel, as a very matter of fact.. is Christ, a person

~For in Christ is the power, which i am not ashamed off. He reveals God~

faith? owh... now thats another story..

i hear a whistle in the wind

haha reminds me of a time i wrote a letter to an official hoping to remain anonymous...
it contained inside information of an event i so happened to be able to witness..

the next day, i was called out of class abruptly,
to face the person i spoke about...

i was punished with him, we ran 3 rounds around the field..

from that day on, i gave up trying to tell tale on my own comrades to higher ups,
i'd rather gain the favor of my peers and cause an uprising against the 'adults' that govern us..

with their ridiculous laws and whims
dividing us.. deceiving us.. restricting us

i refuse to be a dog to them

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/found-guilty-indelible-ink-whistleblower-says-see-you-in-allahs-court

Beach over Survey

Man.. i had the weirdest.. most relevant nightmare.

it goes something like this,
i agreed to go on a trip to the beach (tanjung Aru) with some friends, ex-scouts.
as i was there i had to deal with a problem of fitting 6 people into two rooms at a price of RM53 each with a budget of RM106. (yes i remember the amount... silly). the hing was that some people didn't want to sleep with others while others wanted to sleep with others... ?

the next thing i knew is that we were staying over night,
and that i had my Survey Paper final tomorrow at 9am in the morning.
i slept, woke up, couldn't even have the chance to take a hot shower, as everyone was pack ad ready to go, leaving me scrambling to get my stuff.

we were in the bus back now, and we reached taman Megah (my old primary school) for a gathering of friends. met some familiar faces, talked.. put on a smile... but all the while at the back of my mind was "crap i'm late for my  Survey paper, i'm so screwed" ... the i prayed.. ernestly, God please turn back the time.

then i noticed a good friend who came along with us to the beach, he drove... and i ask him for a lift back to the place where my exam was.. it was already around 11.30am. i thought i could still go in, answer a few questions, not get marked for being absent... screw the calculations just focus on the theories..

as we walked out, i realize that i was so close to the examination place, which was taman SEA (my old secondary school) . so i told my friend i'll reach there faster if i ran. and he said okay. as i was going, i stopped by my house which was in the middle. owh btw, it was so hard to run in black loafer shoes compared to sports runners. so i wanted to change, then i saw a motorcycle out there, my bros.. but it was blue in colour (i've never had a blue motorbike) .. then i asked my mom inside the house where yi kor was, and she said ?? .. i saw the key stuck to the ignition on the bike.. just one key without any key chain.. so i decided to ride it to school, thinking that if i ran it would be quite a distance actually...

as i was trying to put my sweaty shirt on, which i took off before i entered the house ... the buttons were not fully undone, and it was so hard to put on like a t-shirt...

and in that moment of struggling.. i woke up.

which ends my dream, it was still dark.. thank God i haven't missed my exam.. which starts in... around 3 more hours.

so my thinks in my life linked to this dream.

sigh... but at the bottom line,
do i give up my academic future,
for just a temporary fling/pleasure the night before at the beach?

Was reading a Time magazine Dec 15 issue.. "Data is addictive. So you make the first taste free. Mark Z. Wants to put the whole world online. Through an app. Get local telcos to offer basic service for free.. indefinitely. Connectivity... Internet dot org. FB z..e..r..o. Techno-colonialism.. Psychologically empower on as if you are on par with the rest of the world. Free? Were paying with attention and personal information not cash."

Bo Jio

Bo jio?

Hmmm... If a person knows about an event and still chooses not to go because he wasn't apparently personally invited by anybody in particular to attend it...

Doesn't mean Bo jio... It just means.. Zzzz

Bo jio is when a person knows nothing of an event, where he should be invited, because of his closely kit group of friends, and only found out about it after the event happened.. And then says it as a brother joke to the rest to laugh off.

If people misuse it ... As a reason not to take initiative to ASK to join something... It would lead to a solitary .. Sad life... Grow some b@lls ...

Peace out.

2015

Snap shot taken from Time. Dec 29/ jan 5 issue.

What if you knew.. That the end was coming. What would you do with your life right now? With the time that you have left.

Everything is permissible, not everything is beneficial. Store up your treasures in heaven. Live for eternity. It starts now.

"Deserts will become flourishing forest,
Tropical greens brown dry sands.
Live as if you days were in its last,
For only a house built on rock stands."

inevitable, machines that learn. lets embody them

i unsubscribed from cnet.. although interested, but i dont want to watch videos on what the latest phone model will be anymore..

instead
watched this.. cause it was TED.. and about technology.. still

Deep Learning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4kyRyKyOpo

which went to 

Quantum computing's theory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2DXrs0OpHU

which... already exist?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMdHDHEuOUE

my current play list

Erik Brynjolfsson: The key to growth? Race with the machines TED

11:57 More 

  The Internet is on fire | Mikko Hypponen | TEDxBrussels TEDx Talks

19:17 More 

  Deep Learning: Intelligence from Big Data vlabvideos

1:24:17 More 

  TED Talks - What FACEBOOK And GOOGLE Are Hiding From The World - The Filter Bubble

sigh... welcome inevitable creation

Spy

https://creationsciencestudy.wordpress.com/2014/12/28/airasia-flight-qz8501-gods-true-warning/

Sigh... I think the worst enemy is not pass the boarder.. But the one that is within the walls that is most destructive.

I remember a movie where a spy sneaked into a group of students rioting peacefully (oxymoron sorry) ... Suddenly, he took out a gun and shot at the police barricading.. A spark that ignites the fires of violence and war.... Officially legalising a response from the police.

I wonder if that happened in Bersih too.. Like.. Supporters of a particular party intentionally dress up in yellow to merge unnoticed and give a bad face to those with good intentions.

Sigh.. So sceptical.. Maybe I should just accept the fact that there are idiots who are crazy.. (Its so funny to read the comments)

At the end of the day, its up to you personally to discern which side you want to stand on. Understanding more helps. Be open to listen.

I say that to myself too. Don't become a hypocritical jack@55

Love the obnoxious,
Bless those who curse,
Pray for those who hate.

Sigh, God if this isn't what a religion of love is... Then I don't know where else to turn to.

Technology addiction

I would buy a Motorola droid turbo if I didn't tell my self I would get a Rm80 cellular dumb phone after my moto G. I love my moto G... It does all a smartphone needs to do, plus the dual sim let's me keep my cellular digi number paired with maxis mobile broadband. 1Gb data for RM 18 per month.. Not bad eh. Enough for wassap, FB messenger, typing this post and other light browsing.

But why did I decide to get out of this tech rat race? I hate myself always being constantly desiring the newest gear to come out. I just cant settle for what I have currently... My Rm3 knife, my cheap watch and torchlight... Generic fire lighters...

I feel like I live more the leas I have. Minimalist. I just need one 2tb hard drive and that's enough storage .. I gotta get rid of what I don't use or read... Cut down.. Simplify and live life...

I'm going to go back to the pen and paper.. Screw trying to write everything down in evernote, Google keep, and virtual Calender's.

All I need is you my dear blogspot. You shall be the one to log all my memories.

Screw virtual to do list. They don't work for me :(

Please dont pass away

 "Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." - 1 Corinthians 13:8

prophecies, tongues, knowledge

love

the machine 2013

just watched "the machine" the other day. so closely linked to "her" and "transcendent".

in the movie, looks like the key for Artificial intelligence is..
to be able to learn from conversations.

come to think of it, if i had a super power, i would love to be able to read other people's conversations. come to think of it, i would just talk to them =)

this is the core of humanity, relationships. when we talk to people, we mold not only ourselves, but also those around us. our personalities, our consciousness, our ideas.. not just our own, but we also take in the beliefs of others, its a collection of all our experiences and memories.

yet, our identity is still found in God, as He is the one who gives us life.
thats why there is still hope for the human soul.

a machine is however created by man, if it was to take on the image of its creator,
a man's heart is prone to sin, war, death, hate, greed... pride

or could it be possible for love to exist in a machine.. one that cares, one that nurtures

technology, the brain: search engine preferences.
they guess and assume what we want to look at based on our search and browsing history,
very much like reading our conversations with other people,

just that: it replaces community interaction between two or more people with
a very individualistic introverted interaction between man and machine.

.. thats it..

i'm gonna cut myself off the internet and get a cellular phone with no data, wassap or instant fb messaging.

soon =)

Education = Less blue collar workers

"The G.I Bill of Rights changed American society because it meant that enormous numbers of people who would never have thought of going to college went to college." said Drucker "And once you have been to college you dont... want to be a blue-collar worker on the plant floor. The supply created the knowledge society, not the demand."

So, with education comes .. sort of enlightenment.. where people get smarter, too smart for their own good... and dont want to do hard labor or work in service to others. this is how knowledge can puff up and destroy, if there is no balance in education of teaching the matter of the heart and the matter of the mind.

in this unbalanced society, i think people need to focus more on heart issues. with a good core, people in society would be nicer to each other, there will be more smiles and laughter, as in the case of villagers. the total opposite would not be entirely true: educated people getting too arrogant, cold towards each other and un-community like (too much extreme). i know its possible to be educated and still be a nice person.

i'm just saying.

merry Christmas everyone =)
on this day a Saviour has been born to us,
one that deals with the core.
heart of the matter: Education with Christ = Educating others in love.

world's system

was looking down from a condominium..
after cramp studying for and upcomin APK exam later

decided to take a breath of fresh air and enjoy the view
at a distance
i could heard the sound of cars in a near by highway..
the kampung was filled with coconut palms and other trees..
so different from the developed area

then i heard
engines starting doors closing from the car park bellow me,
a lady was taking some catering trays
i presume are home cook food for her stall

sigh... is life really made to be working to earn money and following the organization
to mold our daily activities around societies norms and expectations?

"the more integrated we get into the system of the world,
the further away we are drawn from God"

What to eat, what is in my bag

If the poor can still be alive to see the next day, then who am i to worry about what i should eat tomorrow, what should i wear where should i live or rest my head at night to sleep?

Take with you no bag, least you become sentimental to the things of this world, and start worrying about thieves that steal your possessions ... Truth is, when they take away what is outside, they are freeing you. What they cannot take away is in your heart. What fire they cannot quench with cold shoulders, false accusations and bullying words. Shall only cause your passion and dependence on God to grow stronger.

Take with you no riches of your own, and find that your Father in heaven owns the storehouses of gold and everything else on earth.

Who even gave the value to 'precious metals' and gold chains anyway? Aren't they just rocks spewed out from the earth?

"Hold My Hand dear Child"

>>there something about kneeling down.
not just a methphorical sign of submission...

but when the one on stage says to himself
"i'm not just going to sing words that my actions dont follow"

i am falling to my knees,
i need you Lord to Breath in me...
my prayer is still the same

>>and then there something about just saying
"Hello"
and waiting for His reply

>>then as i hold His hand in my heart,
i realize how stupid i was to no have known the Father all this time,
to not have sleeked His counsel daily
my my heart weeps

i have not felt your touch for so long,
thus how could i have been touching others with Your love if it wasnt in me in the first place.

>>then the door opens
and i realize how true it is that one should "go into a closet and lock the door to pray"
disruptions, distractions... friends, love.

or waking up early in the wee hours of the morning at 6am..
there you can find solace

make up

at the end of the day,
when the sun goes down and night's shadows come up
no body see's the face anymore

the only part i dont like,
is removing the make up.
washing my hair with all that wax inside

why do people have to put foundation, powder and eye liners,
why do i need to look like a doll and put on a cheesy smile

for the musical, for the audience, no for God
for an audience of One

i love being in this musical, the 60 days of countdown,
the every-night 2 week long practices from 8-11

thank God its only 3 days.
i dont think i can put make up on everyday for the rest of my life,

i wonder how people who have to do it live,
its probably like wearing cloths to them,

judge not shall i, least i am judged.
but still... i feel its like ..a .. mask.. masquerading truly

that make up gives us a shell to hide behind,
our emotions are blocked in as much as our skin suffocates from breathing

thats why when we see people with mascara rolling down their cheeks,
washed away by tears... owh how it reminds me that His Blood washes me whiter than the snow

at the end of the day,
before we lay our head to rest,
we shall remove this layer

until then, the Son of Man has no place to lay his head,
but He promises to give rest and refuge to those who are weary and heavy laden.

i'm not weary...
because im not working.

count not my days Lord,
for i dont want to know when my time is up,
yet remind me each day, that every one is a blessing,
least i take for granted
"every breath i breath i breath in you,
you make me move, Jesus"

you make me sing,
you make me dance,
this musical is for you.

Secular Songs

As a christian.. Can i sing secular songs...?

That go against the Word of God..
Glorifying the flesh.

Even if they have nice melodies,
What good is my voice box..

If my lips and tongue don't praise my Lord,

Christ... I'm beginning to sing empty praise and worship songs.. Memorised ... And focused on melodies, harmonising, 2nd and 3rd voices... instead of You

God, you aren't my centre anymore.

Draw me back,
Andi shan't sing
Till my heart means it,
Till my actions speak it.

Hippocrite

When I pray, it's not in accordance to your will. I pray you will bless and anoint me... So that I can show off to others how good I am. Not how good You are. At the core of my life is still me. My ego and my pride.

I can't bear to sing the songs or "restoring to me the joy of your salvation" or "this is my desire"

I don't honour you. I memories words and articulate them without meaning them. Focusing more on the melody and harmony more than the person I'm presenting it to.

My audience is not You. It is the people around me in the room.

Just like how a lot of other things I do by rituals: "preaching and doing things in Your name" ... Without knowing You.

You've called me countless times, gave me advice and counsel ... Told me what's wrong and right... But all the time I always turned away.

Just like how flowery one can sing a song without meaning it, so can one preface a gospel without a living God.

Yet judge not should I.
For it is Thee that enables us.
I am wicked and wretched,
Far from saving myself in anyway.

I trust in my abilities,
My skills and talents to earn me a living.
I dare not trust You.

Even if I say I do,
"Give you my life",
Yet truthfully I do not.

Yet honestly, I am but a hippocrate

I love the world me re than you,
Choose to serve it as my master instead if you.

Truth in Your Word, one can only serve one. I will hate You and love the other, the world.

I will stand in the crowds mocking and calling out to release the criminal and thus... to crucify you.

You've called me out in the waters... Yet I still deny you.

And only when the night darkens... When the earth shakes... And the sky rips apart. .

Shall I woefully bear my chest.
And ponder upon all the time I have wasted.
Not living the life Eternally.

" now this is eternal life, to know you and the one who sent you"

I do not know,
I know about.
I do not follow,
I act to look like I do.
I do not listen,
I hear and disobey.

I like a grass... Swaying in the best wind.
Waiting for my day to come,
To be thrown into the fire and burnt.

Forget me not Lord,
Like the little silver and gold that purifies in a crucible...

Let your fire,
Burn away all that is not of You.

Consume me.
Flame.

Life's time equation

:l philosofy anyone?

The people we see around us

What if, everyone one we meet was just an image. Not an imagination. But just an extension of our existence. Regardless of time, we might be looking at someone we oddly know somehow, because our future or past self broke through the self made barrier that gives us the perception of reality that defines what 'now' is.

And that in essence, there is no such thing as time or materials or ideas for that matter to begin with. In the beginning, there was nothing, but creation happened. Sentience began and we received wisdom that enabled us understanding of knowledge. Powerful

We now know and are aware because we can learn and be educated.

Am currently reading a book entitled "time and the soul" by Jacob needleman, when the first paragraph popped up in my mind. Yet, thanks be to God the Original Creator that... He guards my heart and dismisses the doubts I have.

Treasure this relationship you have dear reader.

As I read, I realise how some are so enveloped in darkness, a thick fog clouding the eyes. Yet in Christ, light shines through. And by Him I see everything else.

You're alive.
Something made you.

The only way to

Tremendous power..

Human says that power corrupts .
As evident in history, it does.

It blinds us. Makes us greedy for more.
However, there was one guy who showed power... Over sickness, death, chaos... Tremendous power..

Yet utterly controlled.

And He, is the only one that can help and enable you if you want the same... The only way... This is the truth.

You're alive.

God is love, but love isn't God

Don't mess up the sequence.

Sometimes one might think that love actually can replace God.

It can't.

Look around you, all of creation, God is there.

Your very being, breathing and living, God made you.

Your personalities, experiences and struggles, God knows it.

Don't go looking for love in the world to fill the void in your heart

Once you come to know the creator, that void fills up.

With his voice.

That ssooths and clams.

That ignites and burns.

Tha breaks and destoryes

Yet heals and restores.

Unconditionally

a text book of academics in english

there are things where we can find balance as an individual
and there are things that can only be balanced when there are two or more people

imagine trying to write your university assignments in the foreign language you took.
that is what is like to be trying to express your views in something now your mother tongue.

i struggle with learning new languages. and by God's grace, i grew up speaking.. mainly.. only english. well.. bahasa kicks in once in a while, but rarely.. apart from that, i'm practically a mute if i were to convey whats in my mind.

(okay, so i shouldn't blame God that i'm too lazy to learn chinese)

anyways, going back to the point.
they say that education is the key to break the cycle of poverty.
i wonder how many of my course mates that i sit alongside in my classroom are actually interested at all in being there. its as if, they dont really care about the degree...

i'm torn
should i just not bother about everyone else around me, and just focus on myself as an individual, study hard, get good grades, work, get money, buy a big house and a nice car.... maybe have a lovely happy family

what about others around me. should i ever care. if they aren't wiling to help themselves, then why should i?

well thats not true, i'm pretty sure that there are some people who care very much about their studies, its just that they struggle with it. language

but they've been given 9 years to study for it in primary and highschool.. shouldn't we already be on the same level of grasping it? how different a level in proficientcy and command of the language get

you cant even spell proficiency right, anyways... well it really depends who your teach was in highschool. you were blessed. coming from a town. good teachers. who actually spoke english well.

yeah my room mates laugh and chuckle when they say just two or three lines... erm.. words of english. it... amuses me to see they're jovial smiles. yet it pains my heart. to wonder if they can be helped.

didn't you ever have that dream: to just go into a kampung and sit down by the wooden stairs. and the children will rush to gather around you... sitting down, staring up in awe... as you pass down what you have.

"Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." - peter to the lame beggar

sim and naruto

something about

the sims game that teaches kids about adultery

and... owning the best of everything in this world.

and people still complain about the younger generation being too materialistic

they should go read Naruto 668.

and find out what it is to have an Attitude like Guy-sensei

haha.. okay that last part was totally random,

anyways... glad Naruto ended. very nice how it puts things from the past being reincarnated in the next generation. something that many other religions have built its self on.

when you meet someone who is oddly similar to another person you've met before in your past,

as if that doppelganger was ... a clone

of play the specific role and character of another friend you had in that old circle of friends.

something about, personalities being cyclic

In news

Finances

A greedy politician in the government will cause the destruction of a nations future.

Buying votes by bribing its citizens. A false image if wealth

Think

Finally some one on their own side of the fence has spoken out against his own people. Well not finally lah, he's been at it for some time now.

Don't just follow the bureaucracy blindly. Don't be a mute stone following the kicking tradition and laws set by men.

Matters

What doesn't concern God,
Doesn't concern me

Humans question believes

"This is how humans are: we question all our beliefs, except for the ones we really believe, and those we never think to question". - Speaker of the Dead talking to Human the piggie.

Pickup trucks

I love sitting at the back of pickup trucks. Feeling the cool breeze across face

I am bankrupt

What does it mean to be that? Totally devoid of funds? Unable to work my lecturer says..  In dept... Someone else says...

Well it made me think about love and grace.

Am I bankrupt and devoid of love and grace? No. But I would be apart from Christ.. The one true unending source of it.

Yes people might be able yo provide it... But not all the time, not in all circumstances, not in all co conditions..

Richness ( not in terms of money) is given in the fullness of it all.. Found by the one who brought everything into being. The Creator.

And because He is my Father.. Just like how our earthly father provides for us, so I know He will provide for me

God demands sacrifice

Why do gods in all religions desire.. Or demand a sacrifice to be made to them. Be it abaddon from the wicker man.

But they all demand blood to be spilled and things to die...

Our God however... Paid the price himself... Died and shed his blood on the cross.. And rose again on the third day.

No other God resurrected like that, others reincarnate or get reborn.. Not Jesus

He is a living god. One whose not defeated by death nor bound to the grave

Hence, as a living God... He demands a living sacrifice...

He calls us to give our all to him... As a sacrifice for following Him. It pleases Him. Carry your cross daily... Keep focus on Christ. Eyes fixed on that which matters.

Mucus Charging Sweating Tehory

okay so nope its not a single thing, its three

Mucus Theory
- When one has a soar throat and there is constantly phlegm (hard to spell!) being made, thne one wants to spit it out as much as he can right? (no i'm not gonna ask you to swallow it).

- what i think is this, after spitting out the yellow-greenish phlegm, prevent yourself from spitting in 1 or 2 hours. Why? because the theory is this, that phlegm contains anti-bacterial properties and kills the germs. if you spit it out too often, then the germs dont die and the mucus is always white/transparent.

-its like.. dont waste your body making goo. keep it inside you longer for a better result in healing...

Charging Theory
on phones and other devices. since now they have 500mA and 2.1Amps. or the general 1Amp.. all devices plug into microUSB which is conviniet. however, i believe that the slower you charge the phone's batteries the longer they will last (not just long term, but the moment you unplug it). why so? i duno. but i find that if i charge my moto G with a 2.1Amp output.. it dies faster than when i use a slower 750mAmp

Sweating Theory
active boys who exercise regularly sweat more easily than people who live sedentary lifestyles. its like.. if you usually go running, the momment your body start doing walking movements, it triggers the sweat glands to go crazy and start preparing for a workout. or well atlesat thats what your body is condition to think your doing to do.

and people who sit all day long at home, can walk miles without breaking a sweat, because: one, either thier pores are stuck/mulfuntioning due to the lack of use of it... or two, they sweat galnds just dont anticipate the owner to do sports. which... he isnt going to do.. becaseu he's just walking to the bus...

well this three theories are totally unsound. they have no scitific backing. and they are just written for fun.

our lil field trip

In KKWC, the boarder is shared with a housing area that seems to be put up without much concern of its effects on the mangrove ecosystem nearby. Due to the lack of education and awareness, we actually witness first-hand the young children trespassing into the KKWC boundaries to collect shell fish as a source of food. Even though the management (SWCS) as placed warning signs multiple times, it always goes missing. Same with the metal fences they erect to keep out trespassers. Police reports cannot do anything as they have no legal right to convict the trespassers without a warning sign board nearby as prove of efforts to inform them not to do so.

Our guide was greatly distressed as she called out loudly multiple times to ask them to go away but all she was answered with was a rude and arrogant remark. The young village boys just did not bother about her and continued collecting their produce. One of the children even was carrying a parang (machete).

Although personally I don’t think they are causing much harm as they were just 4 little children. The greater destruction comes from big conglomerate companies who barge into wetlands with heavy machinery costing millions of Ringgit. They are the ones who destroy nature’s wetlands in the name of development. Those who support the development of shopping malls and concrete buildings are non-other than us locals. However it is the administrative bodies that have to certify and clarify the development plans giving them the green light to go ahead with their destruction.

So rather than blaming the kids for mangrove degradation, the bigger bully to me would be the rich and greedy developers who bribe environmental consultants without integrity. Why do we willingly take “gifts and fruit baskets” which are meant to show sincerity in our joy to work with each other? It is because of the system that we’ve grown up in. Bribery is ingrained into our culture.

Which will go on to the next point of the Anti-Bribery commission not really doing its job, which would lead to a whole other discussion about their ‘contribution’ to wetland degradations.

If I were a conservation officer, the first thing on my mind on how to conserve and protect the remaining wetland areas is this: social forestry. I believe in the community to protect what benefits them. Apart from policies and law enforcement by the government. I believe that the local community around the wet land areas can do much more help. Especially in looking out for illegal loggers or poachers. Yes they may come in once in a while to collect shell fish, but this only rightfully due to them as they reap the harvest for protecting what feeds them.

                The real destroyers are development companies, and the ones that can effectively fight against them are the petitions of the local communities who base their livelihood off the mangrove areas. Take for example the little children we saw in KKWC. They do less harm than and money greedy developer would do at the minimal scale. The children are the ones who are brave and tread through the waters knowing the mangrove area as their home. Developers come in knowing nothing about the species richness and how precious the land they are trotting underfoot.

                Thus if I were an officer, I would get the locals to be involved with conservation efforts by educating them and bringing awareness. I would marco-manage wetlands and leave the micro-managing to the local communities. its not all about writing reports and paperwork, its about knowing how to live and love the forest that brings us life.

God's kindness leads to repentance

Romans 2:4

Do you show contempt for the richness of someone else's kindness towards not the deserving but those who seem fit only to receive wrath and suffering.

We meet many people along life's path. Some are so outright repulsive that you wonder how anyone can not be annoyed or irritated by his obnoxious selfish behaviour.

Yet in Christ we are to show forbearance and patience to such as these. We are to love them with the love that comes from the Father. One that could only have been imparted upon us through the Blood of the Lamb when He made the sacrifice of His Body on Cross at Calvary.

For it isn't our kindness that leads others to Salvation. But so that man may realise all glory goes back and shall always belong to the Father now and forever more.

It is God's kindness which is intended to lead one to repentance.

Harsh discipline does not lead to repentance, loving kindness shown through grace does

Relations

Part of the book "Growing deep in God" by Edmund Chan

Apologies

Why did I have to do all those things and walk away. What could I ever do to make it up to you. To come back into your embrace and feel the warmth of your grace.

Its horrible of me, irresponsible. To be given so much and yet still not cherish it. To be trusted to be loved to be allowed into the deepest parts of your heart.

Why does it always have to be the same season. Just as the trials of examinations are coming up the blissful holidays are always set just before them.

Go and move on. Go and be learned. Study and gain knowledge apart from thinking about what shouldn't be.

I too will see you. Far on the other side. As much as I want to walk together with you in the storms. It may seem i am a far off distance. Yet know that I'll never let your hand go. I've never ever intended to.

Sweet words. Oh how destructive they can be. Sweet as honey comes a little bitterness, that adds up to all its goodness. Sweet words, now how wonderful it is to hear praises.

Only if one means it.

What separates us from the rest?

I was just cycling past the road side cleaners. And wondered to myself, what makes an individual make it or break it in life?

Well.. Firstly.. What does it even mean to have "made it". It all depends on the individuals preference for that word. Some define success in terms of monetary value, others in power or fame.

Capitalism. How the world evaluates us.

What if success wasn't define like that. What if the real purpose was to live out not one's personal agenda, but sacrifice his individual life for the greater good. A cause far beyond his own life's value.

Communities. Not communism.. Like ants.

Well whatever it is. We are in the very fact moving towards a finishing line. And its not how well we start, it's how we end.

So what separates us?

Its this three E s.

Education, experiences, excellence

Education brings empowerment
Which leads to breaking out of not just poverty bondages passed down through generations but also.. The truth will tear down strong hold walls on lies.

Whatever we may have been thought in our past. Weather we like it or not... Does make us more intelligent

Unlike closing our eyes to not see something unsightly, we can't really stop listening to things we don't want to hear.

What's hear then after processed by the brain, its up to us to accept it or not. This is the part where we have the choice.

If it is a false scam and we rightfully discern it, then good for you. It it is the truth by we doubt it, then live in denial. If it is false and we think it to be true, through reasoning we'll be relevistic about everyone's beliefs. If it was true, and you knew it and accepted it.. Then you'll be set free

Experiences through encounters.
We are who we are today because of what we went through in our past. He cannot and should not say that the past doesn't have any effect in making up our characteristics and personalities. We are after all products of something created. Some say our consciousness is a collection of memories and peoples personalities.

Yet what I believe, is that although we can't chance the past, we can forget about it to focus on what is ahead. For you to he who you want to be in the future, it'll start in the choices you make now.

As you meet the right people, ( were there any wrong ones in the first place, as if we couldn't have helped someone lesser than us. Or we always had to surround yourself with people greater. Then how would one ever start off if no one wanted to mingle first. Take the sacrifice, for you have been blessed enough. For in giving, you shall receive ), the mentors, the tutors.. The ones who teach you a lesson by being so wicked, and grace through acts of revenge and hatred, mercy in unkindness and strife ..

You learn, when you choose to do so. No matter the situation.

Excellence? Hmm I don't think so. Righteousness know what the end is. Your end point. Where will you be standing once this is all over. Knowing what is ahead, helps you to keep your mind in the mission. The commission. The greater calling.

Don't get tied up in trivial side skirmishes. Time is an invaluable thing. For the end is coming.

The calling

This is really quite a good read.

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/sex-and-the-single-woman

In our life we pass by so many people who mentor, encourage and guide us. Always being reminded at the right time about the path that we choose to walk. Yet what is it really to belief in God. What's the point of keeping pure and claiming to be a Christian. Is this a label that we strive to achieve by our own means.

The sceptic and disobedient will always be running around in circles. The same cycle. But in Christ, if one were really to give his life as a living sacrifice... That is how we'll break out of the cycle.

What I'm trying to get at is this, there is more to the life that you are currently living now by your own means by your own standards. There is more.

So much more.

You'll know who created the stars

Missing you

"Hey darling

How was your day?"

You know after watching two movies 'the awkward moment' and wolf of Wall Street.

Gosh I should have listened to my sister not to watch that second movie. Horrible.

Why did the girls have to say 'I don't love you anymore'

And btw, they're married. It's like... Movies are advocating divorce now.

Sigh..

It's NOT okay.

Lost phone

but not lost identity.

in Christ, even if i was to be put to death, satan shall have no hold over me
yes indeed i couldn't sleep last night, woke up 2 or 3 times.
kept on thinking of the possibilities and senarios and life after that,
what if i found it, what if i didn't
what if its somewhere and .. gosh, my brain.. over processed

but you know what brings peace?
God... his Word to us...

i was just sharing about seeking things for eternity not that which is material.
sigh.. walk the talk? learn the hard way? nah its just my careless foolishness

=(

but yeah, God ..

God is sovereign (He is in control)
God is love (He cares)
God is wise (Everything happens for a reason)

Jesus.. you know where exactly it is.. your omipotence, omipresence, ominscience..

sigh...

i realized i only seek God when in need.
when i want some thing.

as if... when all is good and comfortable God takes the passenger seat.

 "Do what you need to do to me Lord,
as gold and silver is tested in the crucible,
so you test my heart"

my heart, i could finally feel it last night

this.. is.... a turning point in life

love's shortcomings

love is not just looking beyond someone's shortcomings and accepting them as who they are.

love is taking the responsibility of helping the other person change for the better.

yes it isn't going to be easy, its not a breeze, it might get in the way of the current care-free life.

thats commitment

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18

i fear, that i am wasting my time.
i fear that after all this it will be in vain.
i fear that what i do will not be reciprocated.
i fear that my efforts...

sigh. GOd in you. i do not fear.