kids nowadays

But yeah, a subtle but interesting observation... As I don't think it just applies to car seating arrangements... But also how parents relationships with children have been morphed over the decades....

Plenty of other examples.

Think: canning, bowing down when walking infront of elders, not disturbing/intruding when adults speak, excusing oneself to pickup a ringing landline phone when eating family dinner, or when leaving the table earlier than others.

Lots of our culture and traditions have changed. For the better or worse? I think yes and no. Yes kids nowadays can speak up more, etc.. but Traits like patience, humility and respect kind of get eroded away by.. pop culture.

Songs on the secular radio mostly promote individualism and materialism.. money.. (Duh uh, that's what the devil wants right, to draw is away from Jesus)...

But yeah.. 

Getting too long the rant. Haha. You get my point.

life 2.0

So the 31st birthday passed by...

Only two friends made it, Jim and his kid..

And avi..

And yeah...

Old..

Rich boss of a died. Stepped on the wrong roof panel and dropped down...

Aj of Queenstown died of cancer...

PS Tim Loh, just had a heart attack during a dinner after giving a sermon at Generations...

Man.. life..

So fragile.

Time is too short.

Live life... To the most

If not now, then when?

Why wait..

no longer I

Having a baby is life changing,

You can no longer live for yourself....

That's...a really big thing btw...

Jesus loves, Jesus was there

If you're currently in a bad situation..

And someone says... There is a way out..

There is a better life waiting for you ahead..

It's tough.

It really is hard to get through.

An unloving mother,

Infertility,

Cancer..

Death of a love one.

What is the other way to say to someone grieving that Jesus loves them and wants them to have a better future...

"He is there with you"

In the darkest moments.

Christ has not forsaken us,

Not even one step of the way...

He was there there whole time.

Jesus knows my every weakness,

Jesus knows my every pain,

My every sacrifice and every shame.

Yet Jesus still choose to stay beside me,

Yet Jesus still choose the cross,

To bear my burden upon Himself,

So that I may freely live in Him.

being healthy

"Being healthy really is the best feeling" -Marcille, DiD Ep9

So I had headaches for the past two days.

It's really horrible... Can't sleep peacefully at night.. can't help around the house... 

Isotonic drinks helped...

Rest helps..

Movement and blood flowing helps...

Finally after two days.. it seems to be better now...

chemical, the horseman

https://youtu.be/uLxFazLK2Mg?si=R6tqyKF0uGnVk5L6

Environmental chemicals will be he harbinger of the end times...

Who can control what chemicals we consume unwillingly..

Mankinds extinction is very real.

And I guess to have more kids.

3 kids would be a good number

stability

As long as...

The government is stable

And the rakyat can live in harmony.

That is something to be thankful for.

baby

 the end of life as we know it

starts wit the beginning of a new one

why the curent gregonian calender?

 new year

i wonder who came u with the idea of the current calender that we're using...

i mean.. the whole world uses Jan Feb - Dec

31, 30, 28 days a month

there are ofcause other calenders out there

being malaysian, you have the fre calenders given out

they have the indian, chinese and also malay calendars there

some follow the moon

some follow.. the stars?

but its amazing to get so so many people to follow ONE time format

its crazy, its like.. the best idea won kinda thing..

like.. mine is soooo good you guys gotta follow it

and fireworks?

to celebrate..

its just a big big sign of display 

unconcious

Is it possible to loose consciousness,

But keep the body moving subconsciously?

the law

1 Timothy 1:8-9

the law is .... an interesting thing.

does it apply to some and not others? or does it apply fairly to everyone. does different interpretations of the law change how the law affects seperate individual of different levels. what is the law? how absolute or relative is it... is the law truth or the way. or is Christ the only Way and Truth. do we make the law greater than Christ in away that we uphold jugment more than forgiveness and grace. don't get me wrong, every action has its consequences to be paid. but who has the right to judge in only not the one whom has paid it all. Christ is the Way.

autonomy SCARF

So there was a session at Resolution,

That talked about losing Autonomy.

It was part of a five acronym word guiding to what makes people .. sad? I can't remember everything. One of it was A for security. sCARF

Man It just came back to memory

The SCARF model involves five domains of human social experience: status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness.

And one of it was loss of autonomy.

So... Have you ever felt like.. 

You can't make the deacons you would want to be making due to the current circumstances you're in?

Like.. there's a lack of freedom if you so will....

Freedom to do what you would want to do 

I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing 

It can be a good thing..

To be restricted.

A conservative is just a liberal whose been mugged.

Because of who I am, where am I, whom I'm with, what I've done...

There are certain choices we can make and certain some that we can't anymore 

But no regrets...

Just make the decisions

Learn from the mistakes...

And move. On

That's life.

Stuff happens

Things come and goes.

Nothing last forever

But will always be in our memories

lazer

Clarity...

To see things

Thank God for vision

Help us to be less selfish

And think about others more

Waiheke island time

So the lady at Shambala told me something called "island time"...

Where people on the island seem to be in no rush. And they just take time in their own pace

How cool is that.

"Slow down, you're already here"

Is a signboard that I've never seen anywhere else...

And another thing.

The sad story of Dwane protector of the penguins. Who lost to the capitalist.

Even the marine reserve couldn't winnagaisnt the silt caused by piles from the marina..

Owh well.

Such is life

such a good descriptions of KPIs and Metrics

From Blinkist point 3 on the book Capitalist Realism

The paradox of Market Stalinism

We now turn our attention to a phenomenon that epitomizes the paradoxical nature of contemporary economic systems: Market Stalinism. This term is a reflection of the intricate and often contradictory forces at play in our societies – forces that shape both the institutions we interact with and our very perceptions of efficiency and productivity.

Market Stalinism, which might seem oxymoronic at first glance, aptly describes a situation where the market's invisible hand is coupled with an iron fist of administrative control and surveillance. This combination results in an environment where the very forces that are supposed to liberate the market and enhance productivity end up creating new forms of bureaucracy that stifle innovation and creativity. This scenario is vividly portrayed in Mike Judge’s film Office Space, which humorously yet incisively depicts the suffocating nature of the modern corporate setting.

In this environment, workers find themselves inundated with redundant memos and trivial administrative tasks that serve more to demonstrate compliance with procedures than to contribute to any meaningful productivity. In an era often touted for its neoliberal policies – policies like deregulation, privatization, and the emphasis on free-market competition – the reality is a growing complexity and expansion of bureaucratic processes. The relentless push for ongoing evaluations, financial audits, and the measurement of performance through various metrics has given rise to a convoluted administrative maze. In seeking to streamline and optimize, these neoliberal approaches have ironically led to the very inefficiency they aimed to eliminate.

The impact of this phenomenon is not confined to the corporate world alone. It permeates various sectors, including education and public services, where teachers and other professionals are increasingly burdened by the need to satisfy an ever-growing array of performance indicators and targets. These measures, ostensibly designed to improve standards and accountability, often end up diverting resources and attention away from the core activities they’re meant to enhance. In educational settings, for instance, the focus shifts from the actual teaching and learning process to the production and management of data that satisfies bureaucratic requirements.

This scenario leads to what can be described as a culture of bureaucratic anti-production, where the primary output is not goods or services but an endless stream of data and documentation that serves to feed the bureaucratic machine. This culture not only stifles creativity and innovation but also demoralizes those caught in its web, leading to a sense of futility and disengagement. It represents a significant departure from the ideals of efficiency and effectiveness that are often touted as the hallmarks of market economies.

As we ponder this scenario, we should ask ourselves: How can we navigate and reshape these structures to create environments that truly enhance human potential and societal well-being? What new paradigms and approaches are needed to break free from the constraints of bureaucratic anti-production and realize the promise of a more dynamic, responsive, and human-centered system?

zzz

 what am i doing with this life

day after day....

is there anything that changes?

theta state. slipping in the sleepiness

Long sermons in church was good.

People got sleepy..and when your tripping in between the states of consciousness and sleep.. man.. that's the sweet spot..

That's why sleeping in class is good...

That's why Silva talks about it..

That's why the second universal law is about it..

It's not a mystery or unknown..

Sleepy is good..

themes for the year

So the recurring word or intention that has constantly been popping up is...

Authenticity.

What would you do,

If it was really just you?

Our thoughts and actions are so determined and influenced by our surroundings. We constantly think about what others would think about us if we did a certain thing, or not.. 

Resulting in us becoming very passive beings.. it's so much safer than being an active person.

There's no potential for rejection, no room for error. But that's a bad thing. Because humans grow when we make mistakes, that's how we learn. That's how babies learnt to crawl and talk and eat. Just try, if we fail, learn from it, what went wrong, and try again, keep trying until we get it right.

That is the spirit of resilience.

It's okay to fail,

Just... Don't keep doing the same thing and failing over and over again...

Take time to reflect.

When something has gone wrong.

What happened?

Why?

And what can we do better next time,

Especially if a similar situation pops up again.

Secondly,

Value

What do we count hlas being previous to us? This will determine our priorities in life.

The things we place the most value in, is the things that our mind will think about.

It's the things that we'll thinking into the future about. it'll determine the plans we make, the goals we'll achieve. The direction, the compass that points north.

Been watching made in Abyss season 2. And this been popping up.

Value... To each his own he determines what is precious. Something's might be more valuable to others than it would to a stranger. This is because of the intrinsic interaction that one has had with that object or person.

I value time.

I value truth.

I value my family

My wife, my son..

I value... Learning

Growing.

New things,

Presence

Growth.

Love.

Faith

Faithfulness

Grace

Forgiveness

Mercy

Generosity

Purity

Holiness

Life

Happiness

Grief

Pain

There is so much to value.

Too many things in this world,

It would be endless

We just have to choose what we value

In the moment,

In the season

In the time

what would you do if the world was ending?

Carol and the end of the world.

Episode 2. Some ppl in there kind of sums up what NZ Spirit was like.

Spiritual and removed from reality.

The world is ending..

What would you be doing?

Some ppl still find it important to "go to work". I've got a job to do...

And shut down conversations with others...

They hide behind work.

And the part of the toner.

It was like when I went to get firewood for the the central fireplace.

A little too late,

And the buggy had already brought big load. I also took the basket chair from a lady sitting on it...

Owh well.. it's the intention that counts right.

Romans 15:13

our God is the source of all hope. all. every other but of hope in this world... comes from Him. He is the one and only true source of hope... nothing else.. not money, not other religions, nor even our own selves... we might find hope in other things.. but they are all secondary ...  hope comes from God, He is the source of it

fill us with joy and peace. just happiness and having no anxiety, the ability to smile and not worry, not overthink, not be depressed about the world or environment or whatever is around us... it's all in His hands. our lives are in His hands...

as we trust in Him. the most important thing. trust. trust is so important. it's so... critical. every relationship needs trust. trust in the right person, trust is hard to earn, once broken trust is hard to get back, couples trust each other, to tell each other the truth and to support each other when needed... we trust each other to be there... trust God 

overflow with hope. into the lives of those around you. power from the Spirit. the only Spirit that is true. no other spirit in this world deserves a place in our hearts, in our lives. Christ is the master, the Father gives instructions, the Holy Spirit leads us, guides us, promts us on what is right and wrong... follow Chirstm trust him.

then you will know true hope,

true joy and true peace.

father and daughter, toilet door and finger

I went to the Waiheke fairy toilet.

The door smaller on a little girls finger.

I felt some resistance when I was closing the door, I should have pop it open straight away.......

Instead of slamming it.

The father and everyone around was really supportive.. they mentioned that it wasn't my fault over and over again...

I feel so bad tough...

Causing pain, without intention,

Accidentally...

She kept crying  . I couldn't do anything but apologize...

The dad was saying over and over.. don't worry about it. Honestly, he's so nice..

He showed what it is to be a wrong person.

He held her with love. And support.

And calmness...

The little bother kept laughing.. i told him don't put his finger in the door.. learn from his older sister...

Dad said the younger kid put his finger in the car door before... Haha.. I should have continue the convo . But the girl seem to be in So much pain... 

Nothing. I can do . Will buying an ice cream help?

NZ Spirit nye

Christianity is both the easiest and hardest of religions

It's somewhat easy, for us the humans, because all the hard work was done by God. The Trinity has done all the heavy lifting, suffering, and bashing up of Satan when Christ went to confront him and take the keys of hell away... 

All we have to do is.. accept Jesus into our lives as Saviour and Lord... Sounds easy right...

However.. it's not that simple.

Christianity is a monotheistic faith.

Hence, the narrow path.

Unlike practitioners or believers of polytheism, Christians can't worship other gods.

I.e. at the Spirit festival, there are so many cultures.. mostly Hindu (yoga, kritan mantras that repeat the names of Krisna, teachings from the Bahgavad Gitta, the Ohm sign..)... There's Moari, praying to the sky father and earth mother and rivers and sun and moon... There's Druics with their crystals, healing sounds with singing bowls, hand pans and shooting voices, there's Peruvian Macca and Cacao ceremonies... And also LGBT (contraversial topic, needs in depth explanation) There's a whole bunch of worldview there ..

So I would say .. if one is 'okay' with these kind of stuff.. it's 'easy'... Because... Who cares...

You can do anything.. and have no remorse, shame, guilt, conflicting thoughts, cognitive dissonance...

BUT, if you're a strict conservative...

You'll view chanting as... worshipping the devil. You'll view yoga as satanic, the practices as demonic....

Christ guard our minds. All truth is God's.

But it doesn't mean that one's mind cwon't be open to the possibility of other cultures and traditions

Their holy scriptures.. our holy scriptures, our God is so powerful, that all good is His. Just don't worship another god..

The One in us, is greater than the one without..

The drumming, all cultures have a rythm, it's in us as humans, God made us with a beating heart.

The plants and medicine, chemical compounds, DNA, is all made by God. God wrote our genetics, of ever single organism on this world.... Just don't abuse drugs, it destroys... Anything excessive is toxic..

There is a balance.

Find that.

The dance, our bodies made to move.

Cacao ceremony was liberating... In safe space, where you can express to the fullest what you want. Without fear of being judged or looked at weirdly.. cause.. the truth is, everyone is a weirdo in some way, we just don't show it publicly

The meditation sessions, the men's circle, it's stuff you'd do in church. Or a group of ppl your trust. Sharing and being listened to.

The ex-addict spoke about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, pulling the hand break when we feel the triggers.

The Selenium guy knows Neuro Linguistic Programming... And FMT..  proponent for good guy health... And how excessive supplements (that do help in small amounts) can become toxic

Kritan is really like a group of Christians doing high praise, singing and harmonizing, repeating the four magical chords of G, C, D Em,... Some eventually breaking out spontaneously in tongues, oh but the dance is wildddd

But there's only so much mantras, and repeating on loop for 10 minutes... Simpletons... The mind like simplicity.. it's easy.

Christian songs go are more.. complex. They have meaning and lyrics and such.. (sort not bashing.. ) .. btw I prefer old school Christian songs to new ones....

And holy scriptures, vice verses,

NZ Spirit Resolution NYE festival

To be unchained

To be liberated

To be wiser. Like proverbs says.

To identify triggers to bad habits

And pull the handbrake before making bad decisions that I'll regret the consequences of.

To be aware of the feelings and thoughts

To change the environment that Tiggers them.

Habits

Howick time

At the beach,

Feeling the breeze.

Swimming without a care...

As of time weren't there

I was once young

But now have grown

Being old,

Where has time gone

vocation and family

There will always be nice places to see,

But not time with family.

how to be calm

 how does one prepare to be calm in a certain situations..

you have to work on your personality behind closed doors

we can't be how we want to be in the moment when it happens,

we've got to set a foundation

is not about speaking less, but listening more beforehand.

" i dont want to be a whiny CE"

but the truth is, we should rasie up more questions..

i did my performance review today with the manager.

it was good..

however i wished i composed myself a little better

not as some one desperate.

but someone calm and level headed.

not about asking questions or raising issues/concerns that have nothing to do with the benefit of the company..

but.. what does the manager want to hear that will be of use to higher ups?

what others are saying doesn't matter, dont need to jump in the same boat as others

saying the same things that have already been said...

say the things that matter

SPEAK LESS,

\but SPEAK WELL

like the bible says: be a man of less words 

Therefore, intentionally talk less and be wise. “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19)

“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” (Proverbs 17:28).

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. Proverbs 10:19  

be a light, be an encouragement,

bring joy

that is what you're here on this earth for

not about being gurmpy and all

simplicity, minimalism,

don't be grumpy

put the phone down

Fluvial, an unspoken rule in the house

When someone speaks to you,

If your on the phone, put it down.

And listen to them

At the dinner table, no phones

After a certain hour, no work stuff

do it while you can

Enjoy your life 

In this moment.

Don't live in the past, don't expect too much for the future. Just be in the present.

Your life.. all that your doing.

Right here, right now...

The best is the present.

Everyday, in everyway, we are getting better and better.

Day by day, in everyway, we are getting better.

The life styles others have, without babies., they can. Let them. Encourage them..

My goals? Be a good dad.

relationships and needs

Relationships is simply the fullfilment of needs

There is no failure in the learning process

seasons

Andrew at the kart control tower,

The young races can only get to where they are because of the support they recieve from the club..

He goes around the corners knowing what to expect ahead because of the signal lights..

Wittout them, we won't be as good as we are.

The young ones need the guidance of older ones...

It's a different seasons of life

expired DIgi

 so my digi number expired..

its the first number i got when i was in... form 5?

i used it in sooo many places..

it expired.. and i forgot to reload it...

and then it got.. like.. terminated..

thank God i remembered it during the 25 day window..

and Digi was able to reinstate the card..

phewh.....

i kinda knew this was gonnna happen one day..

 cause it has happened to Crystal.. and many others...

just didn't think it would happen to me..

sigh.

owh well..

lesson learn?

thankful?

what to do next to keep a malaysian number active

worship

 "If you don’t want to live a life of worship, why would you want to spend an eternity worshiping Him?"

3 levels of knowledge and talking about it

 1. A person doesn't know something, so doesn't/can't talk about it

2. A person knows something, and talks alot about it
3. A perosn knows something, but chooses not to talk about it

Shiro, the guy enjoying life

 SO i met up with a ex housemate, Shiro.

he asked me to come over to met him, and he was midway in the service of True Jesus church.

came up from Chirstchurch just to run the marathon this sunday.

many this guy is living it..

we talked about sooooo much stuff.

and they have such a friendly bunch of people and community in the church.

it's lovely.

James, Eunice had a baby boy too! Timothy.

just four months older than Noah. but born in Malaysia

gee, the circle of people is.. soooo small.

met a few new people. erm.. can't remember their names exactly

Thedrick

and Jakie? Kiki?

haha..

we talked about religion, what w're currently doing,

the state of the world, 

his adventures...

thinking ahead.. family planning.

God's Timing..

i love the way they pray in tongues and also how they still sing hymms

hymms are nice.

they meet 3-4 times a week

spending the whole day together as a community.

man.

thats..

life.

He's running 3-4 times a week,

rock climbing

cycling

its the NZ life,

balance of work .. and hobbies.

but the tough thing is visa

thank God for our residency

what's next?

Becoming a dad is the biggest thing

 Nothing changes life like having a baby.

Becoming a parent is one of the greatest life altering thing that has ever occurred to me.

From daily schedules to sleepless nights.

one thing i miss most is the freedom and time that we could have to ourselves before.

i could go play sports or hang out with friends.

its much harder to do that now with the responsibility of being a dad with a kid and a husband to a wife

 

 movement is life

book in advance

 so we got the flights to the soth island..

when i searched, i chosed queenstown instead of christchurch..

and boy was it so much more expensive..

almost wanted to cancle the trip

even though i alrady got my holidays approved from work.

sigh..

money money money

September 29

 So much for journaling once ever day.

Woke up this Saturday morning,

fed the baby, he did a big poop after mom went out for her facial.

came home, went for grocery shopping and badminton

gee my back.. and arms..

baby likes to make noises when we read him the bible before bed.

when we talk he talks, when we stop, he stops...

good night little one.

everyone cares about something

Everyone dies.

There's no escaping from it...

So the live the life... Now

The life that you were meant to live. 

Time is our most valuble resource,

Attention is the currency its measured with. 

How do we get more time?

Is by taking care of what we care about. 

wish

Wish we could be back home. Can attend so much stuff... Art exabitions, tapestry, friends weddings, MCCC anniversary...

😔

true colours

We always put on a mask.

Until we gind the one whom we can take it off infront of them.. 

We stay qith that person under one roof. 

And our true self comes out. 

That person loves us. 

And we love that person. 

For who they really are. 

A child of God. 

We all have room for improvement, 

But its all in the right timing. 

played games till my arms hurt and eyes couldnt focus

Thats how bad I was addicted to Ballons TD6..

I really like tower defense games... 

Last time i recall thia happening was in 1 Borneo.. 

Stared at the phone so long.. 

When i looked at a diatant object, 

The lenses in my eyes couldnt focus...

And my arms were bent for so long.. 

They hurt... But i still kept them there.. 

Addictive

Bad.. 

Prune out that which does no matter in life, 

Cut off whatever hinders us... 

In the pursuit of a life that matters. 

What matters?

Relationships do

growth 2

Grow in what matters

Simplified

growth

Grow in the things

that matters 

linkedin about me

So.. So.. Cringy..

Made this before i got the job at NCR

Dumping it here before a new edit

"Young adult with work experience in a myriad of industries. CompTIA A+ certified and currently studying Network+ to equip myself with skills for the tech industry which I am interested to enter. I have useable skills in IT, such as building PCs, soldering wires for sound systems, removing viruses using CMD and basic management of the home network. I am looking for employment in the tech industry and hope to grow my career along this path onwards."

real. risk

REAL... What ia real, what is perceived.

What is the RiSK you're willing to take.. 

After weighing the consequences and incentives.. 

Today's sacifice, tomorrows gain

training

Oh a road trip with the in laws, wife and baby.

First time.. 

Went to rotorua, dipped our feet in the hot springs, ate some stuff, saw the red woods and now back in the room at Grandeur Spa.. They had a spa in the room... 

Ao relaxing, reminded me of the times we had a bath tub in wilsha. 

Anways... Word of the day: training. 

Watched superman: man of steel. 

A word spoke out to me. On training. 

It really is an important thing that we do as humans.. 

Train... 

We get better and grow at things when we train. 

Like.. I really need to train baby Noah to do things.. Eat, sleep.. Probably poop too. 

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not atray from it - proverbs 22.

I myself need to train.. Train my body through exercise.. Train my memory and focus and attention...

Train my skills.. In linux and coding.. Hah.. Always a dream

.

Train.. 

ba zhan

2 June.. Friday. Its one week since baby Noah was born.. Wife seems to be doing well. Drank some black soup for dinner...

1.55am. Wakes up to feed baby. Feels a weird blob of something ooze out of the uterus.. Its a uterus shaped.. Blot clot..  Ans theres.. A big red patch on the bed.. 

Maybe its normal, feed the baby, burp him, take off his soiled nappy, run warm water to clean, air his balls, sudo cream, change his nappy...

Read up a little, seems like blot clots coming out is.. Normal? 

Go back to sleep...

5am.. Wakes up to feed.. Wife checks the pad. More blod clots.. And constant flow of blood.. This.. Doesnt look good.

Feesing baby, cant even have time to change him, wife says.. We need to go to the hospital..

Wake up the inlaws, ask them to take care of baby.

Drives the van into the tight space of 22A. Walking with the wife, supported by the dad.. She passes out just before entering the car.. Lega go wobbly, hold her up as best as i can. Calls out to dad, shes.. Pengsan.. 

He grabs her legs and i below her arms swings her in to pessanger seat, forgot to buckel her up, dad remonds me.. , slowly back out..

Wife is in dream land..  Later on when she regsined consciousness, Says she was at the beach

I was voice navigating to Auckland Hospital, where she gave birth.. She wakes up.. So thankful to hear hwr voice "Middlemore.... Its nearer...." 

Drives there. 

 Parks outside emergency. 

Gets admitted to Resuscitation 1.

I stood at the side and gave an account of what happened. Good thing wife asked to take her phone. She had photos in it. Doctor from Singapore. Nurses.. All came to check on her. Full ED, wires getting signal for vitals.. IV drips in both arms... Oxytocin, Analgesic, etc.. They clear whatever clots they can find.. Swab.. For infection test..

I stand there. 

 Thinking.. Gosh.. That was really.. Alot of blood lost.. I dont want to loose my wife.. 

Surreal feeling.. Standing in an emergency ward. 

Really professional doctors and nurses.. See them zooming in and out.... Respect. Gratitude.. Doing all they can... 

To keep my wife alive.

Trust in God. Gee. She really picks the best dates for things to happen. A Saturday. 

She stabilisers..she doesnt shiver anymore.. Doctors tell whatever they can.. And go off.

We wait there.. She lies down while i sit beside her.. 

She wants to pee.. 

We ask the nurse.. She gets a comote.. Sits up.. Waits.. Stands up.. Takes of nappy.... Two blood clots plop out... Nurse looks at it.. And says she'll come back.. 

She sits to pee.. Lots of pee... Probably from all the IV.. 

She.. Wants to vomit.. I grab a cup.. Nah.. I need to grab her.. I try to waot for the nurse to come back. But nah.. Every second is one closer to less blood in her brain.. 

I lift her up.. And plot her on the bed.. She instantly feels better... 

We just have to clean her uo and get fresh sheets again.. Maybe hust pee on the nappy next tine.. 

We wait.. And wait.. I go repark my van.. Last time at Auckland Hospital for the birthing, i kept thinking about the 5 minute rule for the drop off.. This time i didnt bother.. 

I

When she was okay. And i was ready, i asked her.. And i went  off to park the car.. Yup.. Thankfully NCR sent me here once to fix the ATMs

Hospitals can be quite a maze, especially if its ones first time.. The allies.. The foot paths.. Rhe parking.. 

We wait.. Get a ward in Gyne room 5. Single. Nice view.. Nurse says get an ambulance next time if bleeding.. 

We go to Maternity, cause she is still within 6 weeks of birth.. 

Midwife sees her.. Needs am Ultrasound scan.. Scheduled for 11, they get it done at 10.30. I drive home with the pumped milk.. And have breakfast.. 

Home.. Ah.. Cute baby.. Sleeping... 

Grab some stuff.. And drive back.. 

Just spend the afternoon and early evening chilling with her on the bed. 

Thamk you Lord, for this second chance of life. Let us cherish every moment.. And do the things in life that matter.. And forgoe all the things that dont. 

Let us use the time you've given to us wisely.. 

Every second is a precious gift. 

Thank you Jesus. 

care share

When you share, you care

25th May 2023 Contractions

 So last night, wife started to have contractions. Sh was "induced" to labour by the mid wife earlier in the afternoon of the 24th. reason being the baby was showing slowing signs of growth based on the public statistical charts..

i called in sick today to my work palce. even tough there was a major appoinment for a network upgrade that i should ave gone with Umer for..

owh well.. no work is too big for one to spend time with family for

i'm also tying this on my raspberryPi. as the laptop is curently being used by Pa to watch videos.

Quite a coold thing this little box, hard to imagine that it is a full funcioning computer that fits in the palm of one's hand. I'm contemplating gettting etheir a tablet with a stylus for note taking or a MacAir with it's M1 chips

but seems like his tech works for now

democracy needs Christ at the center

 “Democracy is not merely an institution nor simply a concept, but a profound structure of faith. The root of democracy is the spirit of Christ. Without Christianity, you cannot have democracy or human rights.” - Yuan

So... if freedom is given to people.... but they don't havec the good core or foundation to use that freedom in a good way. it becomes counter productive.

stages of smartphone recovery

"why would someone want to sacrifice convince willingly" - Anthony Horn 4:40

"convince comes at a cost. Its up to you to decide what cost are you willing to pay" 11.06

Key is moderation

goving up the smartphone

Stage 1

Designing the environment

Increasing the physical resistance towards smartphone usage. 

I placed my phone outside the room on the computer table to charge everynight. It was great, when i came into the bedroom it was either to read books, talk or sleep. No phone distraction what so ever. Didn't even have the itch for it.

Started to build a daily habit of reading. 1 chapter of a book and a few pages of another book. 

Just needed a nice bed side lamp to illuminate the pages.

Stage 2

Have the phone by the bedside. But use it with intentions. Temptation will be there. But no point running away from the inevitable. We will have to live with technological advances one way or another. Its about being a good master of it so that we dont become its slave (just like money). 

Anz fraud detection system works

 my anz card got compromised

someone was using my card to make purchases on Facebook..

anz frad detection system caught it.. and cancled my card...

nice.. but now i have to change all my subscriptions to the new card.

owh well

fail

Learn to fail, or fail to learn. 

Failing is a privilege. 

chatGPT poem 1

 i asked chat GPT to write a poem about life

Life is a journey we all must take, A winding road with twists and turns, Full of joy and love, heartache and ache, A lesson in each moment we learn.

From birth to death, we live and grow, Our paths diverge in many ways, But we all share a common goal, To find meaning in our days.

Life is fleeting, it moves so fast, A blur of memories we hold, We try to make each moment last, Before they slip away, untold.

Sometimes the road is rough and steep, And we stumble, fall and cry, But with courage and faith, we keep, Moving forward, never asking why.

Life is a gift, a precious thing, To cherish and hold dear, With every breath, we can sing, And feel the beauty near.

So let us embrace this journey of life, With open hearts and minds, And through the pain and strife, We'll find the treasure that we'll find.

one note stuff up

 so i was trying to organise the sections and pages in one note.

but some how or another i manage to make four sections (GIS, exam scehdule, etc) from the section group (UMS), disappear entirely. ... tried recovering them, but cant seem to find them in the deleted pages.

owh well.... atleast they were not really critical notes.

also my lease plan address has been updated, a little show. but it has been done. three enquiries sent in, i tried calling but no one picks up..

ah let it go let it go

patience... just.. patience

incoherent images

Reach Silver fern motel at 4-5pm

Had dinner till 6..

Went back. Chilled..

Went out to get friits at 9pm..

Came back.. 

Used phone YT videos till... 3am.

Lol. That's like.. 8-9 hours of life wasted. 

"every action we do, is a vote towards whom we want to become" 

Sigh. 

desire

The secret to desire,

Is that what is sought after cannot be granted, 

Atleast not straight away, 

The tension must be built up.. 

plan execute

Prepare for the next day

Execute the plan.

Pack luggage for the trip the day before

Rehearse what to say before the event

Visualise mentally the route. 

too busy. tooo busy

 too late to sign up for Open AI's Dall.E for free.. sigh.. missed it by a month. owh well..

life was just.. too busy

goodbye hashbrown PC

 thank you for your service

a computer made out of scrap parts.. not too bad

i5, 32GB DDR3 ram, had a R9 390.. good enough for mining on nicehash...

got a fair bit out of it.. now a friend needs it.. well.. actually just the power supply..

but i guess the whole thing will do him good...

wish i  could keep some ram..

still have another Mobo with me. not sure if i'll ever build a PC.

tech nowadays is soo far advanced... nvme on the mobo itself,

DDR5.. sigh.. hard to keep up with tech.. if on wants to keep buying.

lapthor's screen is flickering and has a really noisy fan, still can use it with an external monitor.

currenlt using wife's microsoft surface pro4, which she got for cheap for her studies..

i actually kinda like this surface, so protable. just sad that it's missing the pen..

and.. battery is bulging too .. btw.. the smart watch battery popped the surface off.. hah.

these lithium polimers...

thinking of a mac M1, but thats like .. 1600. sigh. money money money.

i can do whatever the same thing is with this PC.. as long as i have access to the internet.

22 April 2023 9.00am

 its only 9 am.

woke up, lazed around the bed on a saturday morning.

read so much...

started with the Bible on Jesus beatitudes, He really liked going off y Himself into the wilderness to spend time with the Father. Blessed are those who are poor... i guess its a calling that we should..

save up fr now, and enjoy the fruits of our labour later?

then read a page from 50 spiritual classics. on Black Elk.

then Earth is Hiring by Peta, about breathing, ayahusca, vibes, circulating energy, play and such,,

then DK downloaded books... on REligion, Money (personal Finance)..

much of Finanacial literacy I've thankfully read about in the past few years since coming to NZ. i think it sort of started when i started earning my first real pay check...

golden rules: spend less than what is earned.

pay yourself first, into the savings account

pay of debs (thankfully i have none because i dont even have a credit card o begin with)

going to get an AMex from work soon tough.

but one thing that as sharply risen is the ouse rental.

we were at 160 per week, jumping up to 540 now. but we've got our own place. two rooms, a nice kitchen and bathroom for our self. no need t share with other housemates.

ah the joys of having one's own place. however.. it comes at a cost...

earnings about enough to cover... 4k per month. about 2200 is for rent. almost half . gosh.

how will it be possible to save 33% for personal savings now..

i wonder why money was such a taboo topic.

like.. we're so.. scared to tell others how much we earn or spend.. like its such a personal mater..

is it for the fear that what others will percieve us?

sigh...

owh well...

i'm also looking into using one note as PKM (personal Knowledge management) tool...

gotta start loging down my thoughts digitally, not just on the blog. or notepad.

well thats done for the morning. its rianing now, cant go for a job.. maybe just do some yoga and weights at home. haven't eaten breakfast either yet. but feeling quite alive..

feeling alive. ah yes that is what life is for..right God?

in a few weeks time, about 5m ore weeks... we're gonna bing another life into this world.

wonder how mch life will change with a new born baby.

9.16am.

21 april 2023

 what a day, friday. so nice to sleep..'

so tired. just waking up... driving about

bought a 300+ mm wrench from No1. tools at Onehunga

yeah, no more regrets not getting the Ron Enright's Bancho reversible wrench..

never knew if i could have tightened the nut and bolt on the 6684...

leave it for another day..

now the SR on hand is CD's Mt roskill task for the cameras.

so...

we really are all going to be surveyed.

we cant hide from the cameras anymore

20th A[irl 2023 10.44pm

 woke up early today.

spleat early last night

woke up in the middle of the night.

slept at 9pm. woke up at 1.30am. took the rubbish bins out. did some reading.

did some bible study. did more reading.. went back to bed at about 3am.

woke up with alarm at 6am. slept back till 6.45am.

got ready with a a container of cereal and milk

drove over to CBD. a 38 minute drive became close to one hour.

traffic gets really jam then

had the Hyosung training with Adam, met Angela and Chip. nice ppl

good training session.

words of wisdom from Adam:

"If you enjoy what you do at work, you'll go home a happy person, and that affects the people around you back in the house" .. or well.. something along those lines.

got stuck in the traffic coming back.. reach about 6.30 plus.

wife was waiting but she had to go off for dinner with Carolyn and Sue.

she waited fo me to cook and say goodbye. but i just couldn't make it back in time.

well she had a good time out.

i had some quite time.

cleaned up the old desktop PC for Wythe. he just needs a power supply, but i could just throw the whole thing to him.

its good that the microsoft surface connects to the large screen.. and that all our accounts are synced on it so well.

yah..

thats... about today

really want to look ino:

1. usin OneNote as a Personal Knowledge Management (PKM) tool

2. explloring more of GitHub

3. learning more about Web3.

thats all for now.

signing off. 10.49pm

isolation

 humans dont do well when they are placed in a room alone for an extended period of time.

we are social creatures.

we need community

imagine if the last human was all alone in this world

how long would he last

pslams 119:32

One of the wonderful things in life is growing right. We like to learn new stuff (thats why social media is so addictive). I guess one's innate goal would be to gain more understanding about the world. Each and every day, like a new born baby, exploring and discovering novelty. That's the beauty of wonder and curiosity. It inspires us to go read up about someting we're interested in. To search and search until we find out what information we were looking for, which was a gap in our knowledge base. Of memories in our mind. But how can one grow in a good way? (obviously there are bad ways to grow, GIGO), how can one ensure that information put in is good. That time spent pondering on something is of productive value. We'll here's the key. This bibical verse in all its godly truth. Seek after what the Lord says. His commands is what can expand our mind and understanding in a wholesome way. Way better than any other thing in this world can offer... Not just way better. The only way better. Wahtever the world has to offer.. Its counter to Christ. Its garbage.

Social Media is killing me

 this thought came into my mind when i was in the shower.

"Social media is killing me"

scrolling.. for an addiction... for a dopamine hit...

for something novel to pop up..

its robbing me of living my life..

my daily life. with friends, and family..

help me..

help me GOd

smart phone addiction

Social media is killing me

how sweet it is to hold...

 our passports once again.

what an ordeal, a total roller coaster. we came back from Malaysia on Feb,

and sent the passports through NZ Post to INZ.

it got mis sorted into international mail, thank God there was a tracking number on it.

so many calls to their customer service, they always said the investigation team are looking into it.

they had a nice person looking into our case.

So just before Crystal came to join me in Qtn, she picked it up from Botany collection point, dropped it off at Dx mail. but it had the new sticker on it, so it was redirected back to Botany. Got a friend Avi to pick it up, repackage it into a DX mail parcel and send it to INZ.

we were in Queenstown. gosh.. the anxiety.. i couldn't sleep for a few of the nights.

is this what losing sleep over worry feels like... it's horrible ...

but God there is a reason You let us go through this. through Elim's 21 day fast and prayer. You reminded me that You will not let us face anything beyond what we can bear.

INZ sighted out passports and gave us ou Residency, now just to get them back.

NZ Courier. The housemate at 19 Hangahai didn't want to show her ID to sign and receive in the parcel. hence it was taken back.. and wasn't tracked properly..

i had to go to the Depot in Highbrook myself.. and there it was sitting on the table..

our passports.

owh.. the joy when i held it back in my hand..

after almost two months of it being away from us...

gosh..

thank You Lord.

hopeful Risk

If there was ever a mottonto have the word Risk inside...

Calculated risk.. 

Risk analysis... 

I remember Jia tern having the saying "no risk, no life". Only when i dabbled in investing financially did i keep hearing this: "investing involves risk, bla bla bla".. Learnt alof of financial literacy from Sharsies podcast.

Risk... I never really used the word when i was young. Never did seem.. Christianese

Risk.... Focus

Everything in life.. Is.. A risk. 

Every choice.. 

There has never been any certainty. 

If there ever was, it would just have been a figment of our imagination. 

Only onw thing is constant, Christ. 

"the only constant is change" 

Risk, swat analysis.. 

Risk... A board game. 

Risk.. 

I risk my life for You. 

growth can only come when one is truely rested

Or restless...

Paratos esse, be ready. 

I think its time to change to "be present" 

To clear a foggy mind. 

Sleep. Excercise helps. Dont over sleep. 

This weekend was good. 

Abit the turmoil of not being able to sleep due to anxiety about the passports.. 

Rested much over the Friday and Saturday nights. Having not to wake up on the weekend mornings is such an amazing blessing. Please please never take it for granted. The time for a nap, owh how beautiful it is the rest... 

For when we rest. 

Than can we truely have the energy... 

To think, to learn, to grow. 

Rest is the start of things, 

Not the end. 

the wonder of curiosity

Wonderful how wonderful,

Amazment, 

The limits of my understanding and imahination, 

Never have i known this, 

Never could i perceive. 

How wonderful, 

How glorious, 

Beyond my mind's capabilities,

Current, past or future. 

Grow me, Lord, 

There is no other way. 

Like a baby learning to talk, 

Like a child learning to walk, 

How did i loose that wonder of the world.

How did my sense get so dull, 

I used to look at the world with amazement in everything, 

A chance to learn something new everyday, 

When Lord did i loose that and become old

When did i grow so old, 

I've forgotten how to grow. 

Just like a child, 

Juat like a baby. 

Teach me Lord

Once again

The wonder of curiosity. 

solitude is healthy, fertile solitude

“The best things in life happen to you when you’re alone,” artist Agnes Martin reflected in her final years. “Oh comforting solitude, how favorable thou art to original thought!” wrote the founding father of neuroscience in his advice to young scientists. The poet Elizabeth Bishop believed that everyone should experience at least one prolonged period of solitude in life. For in true solitude, as Wendell Berry so memorably observed, “one’s inner voices become audible [and] in consequence, one responds more clearly to other lives” — an intuitive understanding of what psychologists have since found: that “fertile solitude” is the basic unit of a full and contented life.

Excerpt from The Art of Being Alone: May Sarton’s Stunning 1938 Ode to Solitude

by Maria Popova, themarginalian.org

December 1, 2017 07:35 AM through Pocket.

I always thought that really hapiness is to be found when we are together with other people that significantly matter to us in our lives.

Maybe that was shaped by Alexander Supertramp's words: "Happiness only real when shared". Ans being an extrovert, yes. I feel happy hormones kick in when i am with others. The joy the laughter, the connection in interactions and friendships and relationships... 

But really.. At the end of the day. 

When i sit alone, by myself.. Talking to the moooooon~

Hmm okay sorry got a little carried away.. 

At the end of the day. 

Solitude 

Was something Jesus practiced as well.

Early in the mornings, late in the evenings. 

He always went to spend time with Himself, with God. 

Solitude is healthy.

Find that fertile solitude

mountain biking

Wife said.. Go cycling.

So i did. 

Got a bike on bookme. Hard tail. 40 bucks. 

Got the 6 up lifts for Skyline gondola at Queenstown. 

Tried out starva. Nice.

1st run: green lvl 2.

2nd run: mix in aome blues lvl 4

3.. Legs and arms feeling jelly

4. Legs cramping.. I just want to make it down alive without crashing. 

Just burn the last two rides up. Its getting late. Time to go home without any scratches... Just sore knees and hands. 

Rotorua redwoods was more fun in my memory. Queesntown MTB is just.. Too steep.. Maybe i would have enjoyed it more with a full suspension bike

Owh well. 

all that is enough

"Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entrie will - all that I have and call my own. You have given it all to me, Lord, I return it. Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me only yoir love and your grace. That os enough for me. " - Norman Shawchuck

anxiety peace truth

 then you will know the truth and the truth shall set you free

double think 1984

truth isn't relative

do not be anxious,

Crystal and I submitted our passports to immigration, through NZ Post courier.. but..

it has not reached them yet, and the tracking number shows that it has only been picked up but not sent to the receiver yet..

anxious.

where are our documents?

God.... i can sleep.

what could have been done better?

nothing much, trust you Lord, you know where are passports are 

Biceps Femoris tendon out of placement.... and popped back in after few weeks

 i thoguth I was having an iliotibial band pain on my right knee. the outer lower part, there's this big tendon/ligament. it was out of alignment. maybe cycling/badminton/wrong posture for too long. thought it ws IBTS... but i think it's actually the biceps femoris tendon....

was having it just after the first week of the holiday (maybe the 29th Jan?)..  now i think it is gone. after almost three weeks  with it...

hopefully

i kept feeling it, especially when bending the knee. sometimes when walking..

tonight. on the 16th.. i was lying down in bed... bent the legs in to criss cross them... and opened up to the side. heard/felt a pop/click..... yasssss.. i think the ligament/tendon popped back into its rightful place...

was so scared to move.. just moved.... really slowly.

thank you Lord... there's very few delights in life.. such as this.

having a small gnawing discomfort for weeks.. just suddenly go away when things are put right 

the male brain

So aparently, there's a bonding hormone that kicks in when a guy finds a mate. And this causes his brain to change and become less agressive. Even more so when one becomes a father...

Something hapens in the neurological structures inside that skull... 

Some say its just science, its not short of a miracle that all this even happens if you ask me. 

Relationships matter.

habits

 "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

"Success is nothing more than a few disciplines, practiced every day. Failure is a nothing more than a few errors, repeated every day." - Jim Rohn

"more than 40 percent of the actions people perform every day aren’t due to decision making, but habits." - Duke University research

"Stop obsessing over the result and start obsessing over showing up"

a storm is coming, i forgot my jacket

On the ferry ride to waiheke island now.

There was supposed to be this ex cyclone Hale that brings about so much rain it has not been seen in 20 years.

Guess I'll see how its like on the ocean. 

It was so hot walking about CBD to the office and back. I didnt bother to bring my jacket... Although I'd probably arrive back late tonight. Its gonna be cold. Hope this double shirt will hold out.

I'm not packed ready for things nowadays. 

Should put a disposable rain jacket in my bag. Its small and light enough. 

Need to plan my days and packing more. 

Minimal. Essentials 

the flaw

As deacribed in Pantheon.

I think the problem with memory is not that we lose it over time. 

But that our minds getoverloaded with too much information. 

Woth the constant stream of new knowledge to learn, the brain can keep up and the nuerons just keep making random messes. 

Thisnis an age of too much information. 

Need to cut down on it. 

pocket 2022 dump v1

 persistence > perfection

failing > not trying

discipline > motivation

active reading > passive consumption 

single task > multi task

one deep read > many shallow reads

handwriting > typing

speak > silence

4. Authenticity: work/life balance

"I know from habit research that the lure of technology, that really quick dopamine hit you get when you have a new notification, is one of the hardest to overcome. It depletes willpower the fastest.”  -Urban “Dopamine is really about the anticipation of an event. It’s about seeking, not enjoying. So when that notification pops up – whether it’s the best news in the world, or the most annoying – all your brain knows is there’s something new you can divert your attention to. And when you’re feeling stressed or disconnected, you’re especially susceptible to this.”

“The curious paradox,” wrote the psychologist Carl Rogers, “is that when I accept myself just as I am – then I can change.”

And is there one simple limit you can set during this part of your day? For example, I have a boundary in the morning that I don’t check my phone before my routine is done. So I have a cold shower, work out, do a little meditation, and make myself breakfast. Then I start my day. I think those are the kinds of self-boundaries that can be helpful with working from home.”

So, it would be nice to have a morning habit.

I wake up, I dont touch my phone. Go make breakfast, work out, do devotion, meditate.. work starts at 8am. check the phone then. Work ends at 5pm, stop checking after that. if they wanted something done the next day, they should have planned it ahead.

A war is coming

brain doesn't do well with too much new information (the flaw as per Pantheon series).

improve brain: Dance, Instrument, foreign language, chess, read more of less, hand write

learning: say out loud,  test yourself, space out learning, handwrite, change the way, exercise, interleaving (learn different things in succession) , teach others, associative learning (build upon what you already know),

sleep in blocks of  1 and a half hours. either 1.5, 3, 6 hours... dont sleep 7 you'll wake up in the middle of a cycle. 7.5 is good.

focus on changing your mindset. Try counting your blessings before you fall asleep. It sounds cheesy, but research shows that the simple act of writing down three to five things you’re grateful for each day can significantly boost your wellbeing in as little as two weeks. Another positive mindset shift involves becoming more present. Research by Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert and colleagues shows that no matter what we’re doing, we’re usually happier when we’re paying attention. So why not commit to boosting your presence with a few minutes of meditation every morning? Finally, consider switching from a selfish me-me-me mindset to one that’s a bit more focused on others. Study after study shows that people are happier when they’re helping people in need.

people who are self-compassionate eat better, exercise more and are happier with their bodies. They also procrastinate less and bounce back more resiliently after failures.

ON MAKING CHOICES

1. Zero in on what really matters

2. Don't dwell on the small choices

3. Decide as much as you can in advance

4. Get a second (and third, 4th) opinion for the big stuff

5. Be mindful of your emotions, timing of making choies

6. Be thoughtful about how you use pros and cons lists

7. Think of decisions as opportunities

.8 choose your regrets, we can't do everything

punch a tuition mate

 reading up on effects of bullying during childhood on an adult.

when i was young, i used to go to andrea's house for BM and science tuition.

with thinakaran and a girl named joey. we had this stupid game, that was to punch each other in the arm and see who gave up first. i said i was going to punch really hard, as if asking for consent, knowing that it was gonna hurt really badly.... we were all skinny back then... i didn't hold back..... i punched with all my strength, (probably because i didn't want the other kid to think that i was weak)... the other kid cried.. i didn't know what to do, so i just ignored the other person in pain, didn't even say sorry, and sorta ran away to the upper living room where the table was...

i think from there on..... 

i throw my punches.

i'd rather hit softly and let the other person have fun hitting me as hard as they can.

i can take it

making chores something to be looked forward to

 “By combining a temptation with a chore,” Milkman says, “that chore becomes something that’s actually associated with pleasure and you start looking forward to it instead of dreading it.”

2022 in review

 January - started with NCR as a contractor

micro goals: stop: picking n, playing games (ish), negative things

start: exercising, look ppl in the eyes when talking to them

Feb - x f, < FB scrolling, s look ppl in eyes, > more say welcome, ask how are you? prep day before

march - look ppl in eyes when talking, respond 'welcome' to tak you, naps, listen.
x talk bad abt ex work place, alpha

April - focus, goals, highlights, thankful.

- study once a day, exercise & stretching, outdoors, meditate, x be malicious (fail)

may nothing in the calender

June - late for work.  study once a day, exercise, read more

July - open Git hub Acc (only done in dec), Ruby, Python, Linux

August, September, October, NOvember, December

same four goals. unachieved

consistency

 "Don’t think about being consistently great. It’s a trap. It’s impossible. Think about being great at being consistent. It’s a reliable path to growth and achieving one’s potential that makes a lot more sense." - Brad Stulberg

there is no reason for excuse

 life is a choice.

stop passing the buck,

there is no one else to blame.

take up the responsibility,

and do what needs to be done.

Discipline eat motivation for breakfast

truth is absolute

 So the NEXLeaders course on SUMO has this quote:

"Each person sees the world in a different way.

There is not a single, unifying, objective truth.

We're all limited by our perspective" - Siri Hustvedt

but i still stand that truth is absolute and not relative.

a ball is a ball, no matter if you see whatever colour it is.. or whatever side

there is not two balls ... according to the SUMO guy Paul

but i get what he's trying to see... people has different prespective on things.

and its good to be empathetic 

wallow hippo wallow

 i was sitting down,

when felt down.

nothing i can do,

but do what hippos do.

wallowing

wallowing

half a day went by,

my mind couldn't come by,

nothing else could be done,

couldn't blame someone

wallow wallow

move on, move on,

life goes on.

i lost my seed phrase

 judging the judgmental

today. i woke up... and saw a coinbase notification.

clicked on it... hmm.. about eth... tried to sign into Coinbase wallet.. haven't done so for quite some time. ah... it's a new lay out, they must have updated the app.... use fingerprint to authenticate... failed..

hmm.. i remember i almost got locked out once from coinbase wallet before... it's okay i'll just sign out and restore it from the google drive backup..

sign out... confirm sign out....

try to sign back in..... restore from google drive.....

no back ups found

what the....

hmmmm i'm pretty sure i wrote my 12 seed phrase somewhere..

look through 5-6 books.... my gosh..... it was arbout the timing of april 2021..

checked through screenshots, etc...

god....

its .. not here...

owh well..

lesson learnt

there was about 5 transections to that wallet..... nzd56 of AMP and about nzd85 of eth....

gosh... well..... whatever.......... life goes on

Lucy Kusanagi

 Lucy in Cyberpunk is like Motoko Kusanagi from Ghost in a Shell.

the similarities that reminds me of the character

guess the both are imba peeps that can connect to the net

Kindness > fairness

 you can be kind to the one you love.

Matthew 20:1-16

Kindness > Fairness

be kind, just like Halsey sang so

26/10/2022

7.30 wake up, breakfast

8-5pm work

5-6 gym, cook dinner

7-8 eat, watch Disney

9-10 YT, FB

10.23 now

rinse, repeat

excess golgi apparatus - mucus

 so here's another dumb theory.... as dumb as why people get pimples if they don't release their pent up juices. 

the organelle (almost forgot what it was called in biology) Golgi apparatus is responsible for creating mucus. if we use up all the resources by shooting too frequently, the body has a deficit of mineals and nutrients and mitochondria energy to supply to other parts of the body.

signs include not having mucus in the nasal and throat areas (although i think this is also caused by damaged mucus linings from trying to hold kerosene in the mouth for fire breathing), 

so after being able to have a break for a few weeks... almost a month.. the longest it's ever been actually! there is a build up of resources once again... 

and i've got the flue, nose keeps running. but its been running so much better than it was previously.

odd eh...

weird stupid theories of the body and mucus

bee oil

There is a bee colony on the water.

That had the queen in stasis for a long time cause the owner nicholas left it for an adventure. When he came back he brought her back to life by melting honey with a blowtorch and calling her name Emelda.

I pushed a trolley and it hit a stack of extrs virgin olive oil in green bottles. Three fell down and broke.

health: habits and routines.

"Healthy habits are key to leading a healthy life, but it's nothing without self-discipline and routine. Start on your health journey." - Huawei health app

opinion nazi

3. You are entitled to your opinions, but the line is drawn when you try to impose it on others.

4. Dont be a Nazi, if you were born in Germany that time and everyone was doing it... So you think that its okay to do..

Thats like saying its okay to kill a certain people group... Just because they were born in a differrnt ethnic or belief. 

rush slowly..

1. What if the earth doesnt have a finate amount of resources? As we now think it does...

I mean.. What if the sun light brings in more mass (does light carry more than just energy wave lengths? Is a photon something that can contribute to atoms? And smaller atoms just keep combining to form bigger ones? Eventually all the elements on the periodic table are fabricated

2. What if wind and wave energy is actually detrimental?

Whobsaysbthat capturing the currents and velocity of the skies bring about no ill effect to the earth as a whole? Maybe becasue we slow down the movement of undercurrents, the global metrological patterns go out of whack and droughts and monsoons and typhoons happen in a seemongly erractic way.. But they are all part of the same earth's equation.

Theres no such thing as gaining someyhing without a sacrifice. Every action has a equal and oppoaite reaction. Every benefit has a price to be paid.

3.... 

dont worry, doesnt matter

You gotta play,

While you enjoy your stay. 

Sydney