A truth

all things will come to light sooner or later
Nothing remains hidden

https://nyti.ms/2R83SBG

30 dec 2018

"This year, I found love in the most unlikely places:

In the song of birds chirping as I tightened a noose around my neck
In the shameless confession of my vices to a hostile friend

In the stern rebuke of a lover against my love of the others
(“Others” here meaning death, alcohol, violence, sugar)

In the knowing words and quizzical stares of my thoughtful mother
In the dazzling smile and bony fingers of my would-be murderer

In the all-embracing silence of the Blessed Sacrament
(And certainly, in the delightful noise of screaming children)

In the deft hands and sureness of my mechanics
In the arbitrary gifts of several wild romantics

In the patient explanations by my nation’s and the world’s brightest
In the generous smiles of humble, billionaire titans

But most of all, inside myself, in the deepest part of my being
Where I found grace and forgiveness, intellect and meaning

...fine, I’ll admit it - a strange, subconscious manipulation was inherent
If like nothing but the soft fur and needy mews of ravenous kittens"
-Samantha Ho

this was posted on Facebook,
but i just wanna place it here so that it could be looked back on..

Cg is off

They're calling off CG because the only person that want sto attend is retarded.

I still remember when there was only three of us, my boss, mama and I. Three years back. And we would still have had CG.

And saying that there's going to be "homework"... Really??

Thats one word I disliked. And to still hear it as an adult. What do you think we are?? Some kinda kids? Who do you think you are? A more-righteous-than-you teacher?

Gah... I never got frustrated about these things.
Never felt irritated.

Why...
Why now

I don't want all these negative thoughts and feelings to keep spewing out of my heart and mind. This isn't me

I want to write all this as replies in the WhatsApp group. But that would just be mean, evil in fact.

It would bring no harmony and only harm.

What would a God of love,
Have me do?

To talk to him,
We are all intertwined

My Creator

What a world to live in,
God made it.

He is the begging of all things,
And will be at the end of it too.

There is no other gods above Him,
Although we may have created many.

It is all because He gave us freedom,
Creativity and imagination to make,
Just as He did.

Some will abhor the idea of eternal life,
And prefer a reincarnation cycle,
Some will loathe a religious order,
Detest priest and organisations,
Despise and scron sacred text and books,
Shun the written Word,
Disapprove of the laws and commandments,

In the pursuit of love, hedonism and nihilism.

Why.

Can't we see that everything around us has been created. Created by Someone. Created for a reason. Created together, for each other, for the Creator.

What does it really mean to,
Go and make disciples.

What do I follow,
What do I want others to follow?

the mind synthesis

i realise i receive insights,
when i'm talking with a friend.

My Father, 25+1

God is like a Father.. He is the original father.

He doesn't lay out a plan for you life and force you to follow it against your will.

He knows best, yes. He has a good will, yes. He has you in the best interest just as a father would to his child.

And He wants you to make your own choices, just like a father would his child.

He wants us to grow, to mature through our experiences and life decisions (of cause in consultation with Him too!).

He isn't a commanding tyrant devoid of emotions or a slave driver with only his best interest in mind.

He loves,
Just like a father would,
Just like a father should,
Love like the Father.

My King, 25 years

25 years old.
8 years leaving high school.
I wonder how much has changed.

4 years of being away
A year of wondering

It's so good to look back,
And see all the goodness

To be where we are today
To be celebrating Christmas

Thank you Lord,
Thank You for coming.

My King

Slave to Christ

I don't want to be a puppet.
I don't want to be used by anyone.
Except by You, Christ Jesus

leaving home for too long

"family doesn't say thank you"

"sometimes you're away from home so long you forget yourself" _ Eleanor Young

some truth in it.
its so different to be staying away from family,
the people that you grew up with and shaped your life.
It's not like they made the choices for me,
its just that it comes automatically choosing what was the best path based on the experience of others.
but now i find myself in a different place, and i...

i'm not sure if i want to follow the path that the rest have laid out before

really... life?

all part of being human, reality of life.

but the good news is that we have Christ =) and we know He has a good plan for us. follow after Him, focus on Him. and may He use you wherever you may be placed. be a light there i wish i could get married with my girlfriend and move in together and start a family, have a place to stay that is convenient for both our careers ... ah...

Ah, you know its just the thought of having to go through so many channels that it gets quite overwhelming.

Jesus did this

Brady boyd: Addicted to busy: recovery for the rushed soul

Day5 : jesus pace is relational

This is exactly how Jesus treated God. His times of withdrawal, of divine rest, weren’t patronizing scraps tossed God’s way; they were intentional and intimate moments of connection, during which nothing else caught Jesus’s eye. “What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything,” Pedro Arrupe said. “It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evening, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”

Jesus was in love with his Father. And that one great love drove everything he did—and did not do.

------------- end excerpt - - - - - - - 

I would not have done certain things my earthly father would disapprove off. Because I had a relationship with him and didn't want to sadden him. I did what I needed to do and I'd listen to his advice. And then I've met mentors and supervisors in life that I listen to too regarding ministry and work. And there's also the free time, what I'd spend time doing. Sometimes I just brows aimlessly on my Facebook wall, read random articles from Pocket or the News, watch endless stings of YouTube videos, scroll Pinterest, read silly 9gag or reddit posts. What am I rally doing with my life? Why have I lost 'control' over it. Why is my time consumed so much by media? Why am I tired and finding it hard to get out of bed. Why is there no drive, no guidance, nothing to follow, just going with the flow. Why does my brain feel so foggy. Where's the clarity. I think it's time to reevaluate my relationship with the one true God again, am I still in love with Him or have I fallen out of love and wandered away

Jon foreman tedX

When you're a musician and philosopher.. .

Something nice that speak to the soul amist all the...

Lifelessness to get out of bed

https://youtu.be/1w5Q4pDSwUE

2nd law of thermodynamics

If you don't put in effort
Things become chaos.

Good things take effort to build

The earth is flat

Relativity curves it into a sphere
Just like the universe,
What shape do the stars and sky take?
If not a flat piece of canvass,
We are just stuck on it,
Like a painting.

But we move and breath,
and have a being.

What are waves,
What are spinning states of sub-atomic particles,
What's entanglement,
String theory.
What is this life...

Comprehension
Of life

Where to next?

The feeling of: Anger

It's important.. to be angry.
I need to have a burning hate against:
Whatever is wrong.

Then only will I have the courage and strength to stand up against it.

To say "no, this is not acceptable"
To say "Enough is enough"

The feeling of anger and rage,
Was put there inside us for a reason.
Let God help you channel it rightly.
Towards the things that break His heart.

Reciprocated love

You love me so much
I want to love you back too

Satellite

Saw a satellite pass the sky,
A light that move so gracefully.

Redemption is right where I fell,
How many more times to be defeated.

Until..
I'm healed

There was nice.. Quotes in fantastic beast.

Write a poem she said

My friend ask me for a favour,
To pay a convocation bill,
On a Friday close to prayer,
I'll wait for next week still.

On a Monday I come to the Cansellori,
I go to the bendahari,
They ask me to go to DKP baru,
To pay along with the rest.

The walk,
The sun
The time..
No fun

I'm here standing in line,
Wondering why...

Something I thougt so easy,
Ends up to be such a...

And then there is that video
I did not volunteer to make
For wai yip's farewell..
Tonight

Sigh

Women in the Bible: Deborah

Ps Phillip lyn, skyline SIB, Judges 4

A wife, a prophet, a judge, a warrior.

Gold Meir (Israel)
June 6, 1967 - six day war
Preemptive strikes. Golan heights - > Western wall

She took over Levi
Yom Kippur War (Oct 1973)
Syria and Egypt attacked. Crossed the Swiss.. She didn't launch the strike, because Israel would have been seen as an aggressor. And the airforce would be shot down by the new Sam missile provided by Russia.

Because they were not seen as agresors, USA supported with arms supply and reinforcements. Hence they csmputred back, huge territory, the sinai desert.

The surrounded Egypt back again. UN called for a cease-fire.

"to be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you cease to be" - Godla Meir

Barak - scared, he needed his wife all the time to hold his hand all the time

Judges 4:14-16 a breakthrough spirit
From being defeated to overcoming

Three poweful breakthrough truths:
1. We must learn to say "enough is enough!"... For the weeks months and years that we've been under oppression.

We are the ones responsible for getting into things that are threatening our families.

John 10:10 the thief comes to kill steal and destroy. But I have come that they may have life and life in abundance.

Tell the devil: enough is enough!!!

What mahathir did during the financial crisis

Enough of this depression

Barak - flash of lighting
Deborah - bee

This is the day the Lord will deliver me

Stop pitying yourself
Get out of your comfort zone
You need to get up

There's a phone call, a confession, a relationship to break, and apology, a debt to pay, a restitution, etc...

Take the authority

Even though you are aware of your sins, Jesus has given you the authority over it.

Get up and go in the direction He wants you to go.

2. Second know in your heart that : "God will make a way!"
They were against amazing odds
Iron VS bronze age

Siseria: iron chariots
Down at the plains, is where he had the upper hand.

Barak was counting numbers, the horses, the men, outgunned out maneuver...

Deborah wasn't counting that, she wasn't a military strategist. But she believed that God will make a way.

Isiah 43:19 I am making a way in the desert and and streams in the wasteland.

When God askes something, it might seem unreasonable, but trust Him

Isiah 55:8. His thoughts are higher, His has a way.

The Kishon River flooded. Even the stars fought against them. That's how the battle was won. The iron became a liability.

3. Thirdly give God the glory : say "Glory to God!"

Deborah arose, God gave the victory
Deborah never took the glory for her life.

Deborah's song (judges 5)

"be like the sun that comes out in full strength"

Israel saw God defeat Jabin.
Suddenly.. Your marriage gets healed, breakthrough in business, etc

the 'next' button

something about,

having the mindset of doing the next action,
that makes one not pay attention to what he's currently doing/reading/listening to

"i just want to click next"

I'm gonna cut out... everything.
so that I'm only left with so many things to do.

hopefully then my mind can be more consolidated

silence and stillness

"Silence is anything but passive waiting. It’s proactive listening. And each day God’s voice gets a little louder in our lives until He’s all we can hear. 

If you want to hear the heart of God, silence is key.

If you want the Spirit of God to fill you, be still." - mark batterson, whisper day 3.

On Being Out of Touch With One's Feelings

this hits heads on so many nails so much...



the reason why i lash out, or why i am grumpy, mangzhang..

uninterested in conversations...



i think...



extroverts dont like to talk so much.... to people whom they are very close with

like... i it's tiring, draining even.



can we just.. go about our own lives doing our own things,

and then come back together at the end of the day

this break

how could i...
not see how much...
she loves me

sorry dear,
give me time.

i will get better,
and will call you when this is all over

be VERY INTENTIONAL

be very intentional about what your eyes see and what your ears listen to,
for that is what builds up the physical memory blocks in your brain that makes up the mind.

Out of the well spring of the heart flows out what is stored in it.
what you say and what you do, will depend on what you put in.

be very intentional with the time you spend, you only have so much a day

american corner, UMS library

is it because i always want to be somewhere else,
and my eyes keep wondering about.

why can't i just.. stay, linger around....
go with the flow instead of having "oh i got another meeting to attend to"
when can i go out for lunches with the peeps that are around,
catch up with them and all..

why do i spend my time walking around the library,
i walked pass the aisle that had Logic, Kant and Contemporary thinking... ah if only i had all the time in the world to read that which interest me!
ah they have a new corner the "American corner"

interesting...

spend time reading... magazines, MAD! woah this is OLD stuff from my childhood man

i think i know why i dont get around to doing things, my mind is just too preoccupied, too easily distracted

they have books on yellowstone, BlueRay disc on movies, Mac computers, Ipads, a "Smithsonian" themed area. so cool! i think.. i'll be spending some time here...

along with the nobel laureate room!

Harmoni gathering

"the word comes before the light" -ps saw horng yuan, Emmanuel

if you want to see changes in the community and the people around,
speak the Word into their lives, constantly.

you will be the preacher before the preacher

pray for successive and progressive transformation in your friends

let the world see that Jesus is alive in UMS!

when will I ever...

there will never ever be a perfect girl.
neither am i a perfect guy.

but there are people out there that are more suitable to be together with each other that with another person. there are so many types of personalities.

some people get energy from meeting people, chatting with them and getting to know new names.
some people just prefer the time that they can have to be by themselves.
some people enjoy music, certain kinds of music, some slow some fast.
some people cant play music at all, nor are good at languages, nor dancing, but still love to dance.
still love to do new things, and not repetitions.
some people will master a single skill,
some people can't hold their focus long enough for one thing,
some people will throw away broken things, (to save time... and if they can afford it)
some people will fix whatever they can,
its not about saving money its about.. the joy that comes in constructing something back together.
some people just like to buy new things, the latest gadgets, the latest trends and fasions,
some people just like, or more accurately.. aren't bothered .. with wearing the same old cloths for 3-4 years

some people are minimalist, some people are hoarders and preppers.
i wish i could travel with just one light backpack, like i used to in school camps, with just the essentials
now i travel with so much baggage, so much "what if i need this", so much.... tools

now i emotionally travel with thinking about so many other things.
i want to let it all go....

just lay it all down,
and be.... free again

can i still be free, while still being loved?
or would you only love me if i met certain criterias?

wouldn't i love you no matter what you did?
or do i not show i love you, when i keep blaming you for the conditions that i'm facing in life

when i stop meeting people
when i stop going out for activities,
when i stop taking up responsibilities
when i stop planning
when i dont bother to learn anymore

and i keep saying "it's because of you......"
that doesn't sound very loving

i know,
yet why do i still do it?


why?...

would you still love me

its like.. i try to be my worse self,
try to be as lazy and obnoxious as i possibly can,
just to.... push you away if it is even possible..


but why?
why do i do something so contradictory to what a relationship should be?
shouldn't it be something mutual. to love to move forward,


to do the right things.

i do feel more free now,
i do feel better

but then...

so what....

GAHHHHHHH

how long must i keep repeating this cycle, this pattern..

when will I EVER ESCAPE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS FRUSTRATING!
IRRITATING!

i neve... ever want to lash out at people
at a person....

it isn't right.. to snap

GOD...

i never had a rebel heart when i was a teenager in high school,
why do i have to go through it now..

i just want to return home...
i just want to be with my dad and mom...

gosh.. i'm 25 years old... when willl i ever grow up,
When will i ever mature

one poem two people or is it... two people one poem

i wonder if it is possible,
for two people to ever write the same poem

stop blaming her, authenticity

1) stop blaming her
2) stop saying "last time things were better.."


i'm thankful that my mom gave birth to me.
the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

There are so many things... that i feel right now.
like string theory.

as if, the strings that have bounded me have been cut off,
should i feel more free? should i feel happy?
I dont know, what if it's not a good thing?

this ia... one of the first few nights..
i called my mom, its my parents anniversary

my dad said.. don't worry
focus on your studies.

should i save some rent by going to stay with my aunt?
that would be closer to church, but how will i get to school? bike? cycle?
am i even allowed to work part time?
i mean, i'm a full time student...
i'm supposed to be in the school from 8-5?

nooo, thats why i came back from Sepilok

i HATE fixed working hours...
i want flex working hours... well they always say.. that's IF i actually can get to do any work outside of those hours...

i always "I'm traumatised....."...  by what? by work? by people? by the things of this world?

get a grip on yourself, you never used to blame anything outside your control as the reason of being in your circumstances. you could always submit it to God and know that He was in control, just like in Psalms 23.... that is until you met people that kept constantly reminding you otherwise..

toxic

Mart and Martha,
Martha could be authentic before Jesus.
she straight out told the Lord "don't you care???? that my sister as left all the work to mee??"
she didn't need to put on a mask, she just spoke out her mind,
and that's what we should be doing.. speaking it out..

not living a life of hiding

we watched this
https://www.facebook.com/redtabletalk/videos/248366862696188/

it was about .... just being able to .. talk it out
i like how they took a break... to find out what each other really desires
i think it's important for people to take breaks,
you know, sometimes people forget themselves in a relationship
and they start to feel miserable,
especially when you cant let go,
but i'm not saying that the break is going to be forever,
its just a short temporary thing,
to find one's self... and then when both are ready,
to get back together as better people

i dont understand why some people dont understand the idea of taking breaks
owh well, i'm glad i got mine... mutually

you know what...
i'm super grateful,
i really love you.
and i dont want to take you for granted
that's why i NEED this break.

so that i can learn to love you better

Listen to God's voice, again

Doing the second Bible reading plan with Abel and Kevin.
Whisper: How to hear the voice of God - Mark Batterson

--------- i wrote this there initially, but decided it should go here, cause its a rant, and i don't want to complain to humans anymore------

I would love to hear His voice everyday.
Although most of it might be rebuke,
Yet at least its better than nothing.
Maybe I've heard it but paid no heed/attention to Him before, too many times.

But everyday is a new day.
And i would like to start listening to His voice again.

-------------------- this is what i wrote for them, more optimistic and answers the question, following instructions, the positive side of things --------------------
Q: When was the last time you heard God’s voice? What did He say or ask? How did you respond? 

A: About a week ago?
The song Obsession by Delirious
God says He loves me
I just laid on the bed and let the tears stream down

Listen to the right voice

"You can give your attention, your mental alertness, your curiosity, and your intelligence. Listening is not only a function of biological acoustics; it is a spiritual skill of the soul. " - Eugene Peterson

How many times has my mind wondered about on the things that are nit of God? I would love to read and devour information regarding the occult and dark secrets of black magic, numerology, witchcraft, sorcery, transcendence, crystals and all that is perverse and disgustingly rotten.

Yet i do not. Why? Because i want to give my curiosity and intelligence to the things of God first and foremost. Theology maybe? Bible study? Worship?

I want to spend hours of days just basking in your presence listening to You Lord.

I want my soul to be able to listen

Devotion

"Disobedience is fairly easy to diagnose. Among the usual symptoms are sluggish moral reflexes, an uneasy conscience that interferes with your digestion, a load of guilt that makes you tire easily, and a low-grade depression that saps you of creative energies. " -day 1, every step an arrival by Eugene Peterson.

I thick so many boxes.
I've been living so long in it, can can eat normally...

But i choose Christ today
I will not let my past hold me back from being in the present.
And I'm excited for what the future holds!

Thank you for doing this plan with me Abel and Kelvin

chasing the sunset

https://www.thestar.com.my/news/world/2018/10/31/couple-die-in-yosemite-national-park-while-apparently-taking-selfie/

holidays and happily ever after,
how many of us sit on the ledge of a cliff,
how many of us realise,
that we all sit on the edge of life everyday.

We'll never know,
when will our happily ever after start.

My condolences to the family and friends.
That lost them to such risk, such pursuit of 'happiness',
may they Rest in P..e..a..c.....e?

why do we even use that acronym.
RIP..



how.. ironic

they wrote
"

holidaysandhappilyeverafters

CHASING SUNSETS or CHASING LIKES ??? 😛
...
Sooo today on #socialmediabadasstribe we are talking about limits of #doitforthegram.😶Yeah sure it can be limitless but guys, we reaaaallly need to have boundaries(this is handy as life lessons too but we will revisit that later😉)
A lot of us including yours truly is a fan of daredevilry attempts of standing at the edge of cliffs ⛰and skyscrapers🌆, but did you know that wind gusts can be FATAL??? ☠️ Is our life just worth one photo?
...
When we squirm at another selfie attempt gone south 😱 from a skyscraper, let’s remember to save that in our core memory 🧠 and not the memory dump 🛢(I am still on the Inside Out 🎬 train y'all 😬) Same applies when we get our knickers in a twist and hog a spot till we get the perfect shot🙄 I know I know, I am guilty as charged for all of this 🤦‍♀️ and if I didn’t have Mr. Two Goody Shoes, Vishnu 🤭 with me, I am not even sure if I would have written this post.
...
Let us all try to be responsible digital citizens and use our “numbers” to be transparent and honest, shall we?🤗 None of us is perfect and the more we accept it and share our flaws as much as our wins, we are one step closer to creating a sane social media without the scary brouhahas.💕✨"

sigh.....

its like... we know about the dangers,

yet we sill put ourselves in it.

boundaries and memories

“Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.” 
― Susan Forward, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Was it because of my time around people that were controlling,
that i have become fearful of being who i am?

My biological parents were wonderful, they were the ones that gave me freedom yet led me in bibical ways. Its the institutions and organisations and hierarchy of men that has polluted and made toxic my mind and heart and thoughts. As a results of me not watching over it and working out my faith with Christ.

“Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly. Praise the developing character in your child as it emerges in active, loving, responsible behavior.” 
― Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

My parents brought me up well, what have i become now? was it because i threw away my boundaries?

“Evaluating the benefits and drawbacks of any relationship is your responsibility. You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you. You can choose.” 
― Deborah Day

I don't want to constantly have to live around people that bring me down,
or should I be a light no matter where I am placed?

Grandma Eu Pui shared something on boundaries the other day,
but I can't remember. was trying to look up the phrase on the net,
came to goodreads, where they had a collection of sayings from various places
I wish i had the time to read all those books and, self heal.

but now it's not the time to do so.

adam and eve and me

i read the story of adam and eve.

and i used to think to myself:
"ah, how silly they listened to tempter and gave in,
if i was in their shoes i wouldn't have made the same mistake!"

how.. not.. true it is.. not that i look at it.

how foolish i was to think that i wouldn't have sinned

we're constantly being face with the challenge.

every day... satan is tempting us to disobey God.

and yes, many times i've failed... many times i've given in.

sigh

but then.... what is the Gospel and Good News?

that God has a way to redeem us from all our mistakes?

the grace.. and mercy.. and forgiveness and... compassion

my flesh wants to feel angry and hate your friends for asking this kind of questions, but the Spirit tells me that i should love them instead, and see that their questions are actually good questions... they are questions that come from friends that care about you

drone crash, if i was on that plane...

i want to be famous for being unfamous.

today in the morning we woke up at 5 am
we went to a flying field in tuaran.

Jim briefed me on the instructions to launch the plane.
"ARM!" the motor will start, i wait for 1 second and toss it.

He switched on te controller, the throttle started,
and i threw the plane.

He was devastated, it wasn't supposed to be like this.

it flew for about 10-20 seconds, and then crashed.
oh my goodness....

God.

i went to search for it, now i know how hard it is to find a missing plane
I walked through the fields, quite a distance off to where the plane went...

found it across the dirt path hanging on a tree..
the front part ripped out by the battery.

Gosh... this looks.. bad..

If only i could jump back in time.
If only i didn't let the plane go without listening to the code word first.
If only i'd pay more attention to instructions and listen attentively

owh well, Jim was really nice towards me.
He comforted and did not show anger
He.. loved and cared

God bless his soul.

He messaged his supervisor

I wonder why i live life in a fog.
like.. why is my mind.. not cleared up?
why...... can i not listen to people
or understand and comprehend language
am i always trying to master everything?

am i superficial and shallow in the many disciplines that pull my interest and distract me.
what should i focus on.

like really .. master.

i dont know.

dead poets society

watched dead poets society
i want to write more poems

to live a life,
one has to be willing,
to not hold back,
yet to know daringness from foolishness,
is why wisdom is required.

and understanding,
of how memorised knowledge should be applied

mhmm not very much like a poem.

i want to live my own life,
not to be controlled by some other person's desire.
why.. why must i follow what you want me to do?

why can i not just live.

not to do what i want to do,
but to do what i know will ... make me.. happy

what will give me energy instead of,
draining me

Ignorance is bliss

the more one's mind know, the more effort is required to filter out alternative worldviews. Hence, "ignorance is bliss" that gave happiness to children, gets more elusive as an adult.

Thankfully, we know of a greater belief that surpassess all. ANd it is a joy to have faith in it.

The more we know the more responsible we become with our knowledge. Although somethings are better not said, it is always nice to find friends that we can speak out whatever is on our mind with.

Homeopathy

Homeopathy ... mmhmm i wonder if all those nights having leg pains when i was a kid.

He would wake up use yoko-yoko and wrap my leg in a bandage.
And rub it to keep it warm (which i still do, when i get muscle leg pains)
-last i remembered getting it was when i was climbing mount K
dad would also go down stairs to get two panadol pills for me.. (western treatment)

But above all that, i think what really heals was the love that he showed.
Like, it really doesn't matter what sickness one is going through,
but what's important is that there is someone else there to be there.. and be caring

"The body will ruin itself,
if the mind thinks so."
The body will heal itself,
along with the help with give it.
Why would God make a body that succumbs to diseases,
Why would a baby be born with cell that can grow and mend themselves,
But lose that ability as time goes by.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HslUzw35mc

what is joy

Joy is perfection.
When there's no disagreements, fights or conflicts.
When the thoughts of the mind is at peace with the actions of the body.
When there is no cognitive dissonance.

It can't be achieve, not here on earth by any human strength.
Thats why we have Jesus.
He's perfection.

And hence it is in Him that we can find joy.

Kant and the Golden rule

Categorical imperative - Immanuel Kant

https://markmanson.net/the-one-rule-for-life?

one thing always has to be right or wrong no matter the situation.
how universal can this get?

but for me, i think somethings are right in certain context.
sigh

means and ends and graeeter goals
treat other humans as Ends and never as Means.

what is the goal that i've set out to achieve,
and what are the means along the way that i need to carry out to achieve it?

what do i live for?
the moement i dont know, the moement i lose it
i lose the will to live

i wake up late every day
i wont want to go to work
its a drag to get out of bed
i just cant seem to.. do any other thing

there just no wway of improving.

i wish i could be done and over with it all
georeferencing, typing out stuff and stuff and articles, and journals and stuff...
sigh

triple three

I got so drunk last Saturday.
bought 3 sets of Tiger that i owed to the shop keeper, Chi Loong (I finally got his name on a night of drinking).

paid him 3 days later.

RM153

He gave me a discount of 3 ringgit.

nice guy.

it was a really fun night, but i dont think i can afford it all the time,
financially and also physically

Two types of learning

Curiosity and forced

1) curious
- spontaneous
-questions
- want to know more
- motivated
- energized

2) forced
- schedule
- quiz/test/exams
- homework
- drained
- tired

When i want to learn something, is it because i'm forcing myself? Or because I'm genuinely curious to know more?

some loving advice, but why do i feel so frustrated and irritated everytime i hear it

yea environment play an important role,
see what kind of environment you are bringing me up in!?

do you think i want to be like this??
I DONT! but you are freaking causing it to be like this
I dont HAVE a CHOICE!

do my work finish so i can do what i enjoy?
can you wait for me to finish my work??
can i only talk to you are i finish everything???

Strong winds

We could have died.

Took a plane from Kuching to KK
The pilot tried to land it twice but the winds were too strong.
So we had to come back to Kuching in the end.
Will take a flight to back tmr.

Brushed my teeth at the airport toilet.
Also to scout out if it was possible to shower there.

Took a shower at the airport.
Trying to see if i could be a backpacker.
It works!

Just needed: my clean clothes in the small blue bag, Soap & shampoo. Water was cold, but still okay. I rather feel fresh and clean than sticky after walking the whole day (Sarawak has amazing history btw, learnt about Margaret, the White Ranee of Sarawak. Quite inspiring her life, her delights in classic hobbies such as reading, writing poems, painting and making music on the piano).

Not just that, she was passionate about women empowerment and indulging in the local customs instead of hanging around her own kind.

Regret waking up late and just staying at the hotel skipping breakfast with the gang.

I think I'm going to write a backpacker's list.

ATBC day 2

woke up at 6.30 ish because jim called my phone. thanks man, cleaned up some stuff from the bag. decided to bring my laptop to the conference, not so much because of the possibility of having to use it, but more of the safety reasons of leaving it behind. I think I should have a roller luggage next time so i can lock it into the bag?

was watching a few minimalist videos lately, quite interested in the packing cubes for the clothes, not like i really need them, since i use the waterproof hypergear instead. anyways, those are just items that my mind should not be upon. there's also the sighting that the people in ABTC tend to be using MacAirs, Dells or HP. is HP a jewish brand? but, no need to think of that since my Acer works perfectly fine and I'm loving every part of it!

THe day started with me meeting Dr Colin as he was coming down the stairway going for a cup of coffee and to mark some papers. I forgot to mention to him that it was raining. and the day kinda started off... quite blurry. Because I..... I didn't have my coffee. I paid for the drinks and such, i dont think the sugar is doing me justice, i still fell asleep for a few of the talks. And then there was the time that I paid for the drinks thinking: "Owh let me get this without asking them, and then they'll be surprised to know that I paid for them" (nobel chin up pose).. what a snob.

it's not even my money, it's SEARP and rainforest trust paying for it.

Anyways, some of the sessions were good. Other than the crazy statistics that I dont really understand. The since field always seems to be repeating itself over the same 6 format over and over again: Introduction, Literature Review, Methods, Results, Discussion and Conclusion.

Three interesting people I met today was firsty Jean Linsky from BGCI, she mentioned briefly about BIo INt... argh.. i can't remember, but it was some initiative in Malaysia to try to record all the trees thatt are known.

then there is Sarah (whome Sarah Scriven) introduce  to me, she was doing birds? and wildlife. and coming up with the heat map for conservation areas. 

THen there's this guy from the Sinapore Natural Parks Hock Keung. He was chit chatting with Tab about singapore and how.. realy they're efficiency comes at a cost.

A girl named Maya from Hawaii also has an interesting poster where she's trying to get all the vertebrate IUCN status and link them to ecological functional.. erm.. gahh so many terms. bleh.

After that just chilled. called a grab to go back. Jim really can't walk, and he's in the hospital now, Loke and Azwan took him there, Eric drove. with.. Oceh? Then there was this lady named Ling too.

ah so many names, but actually really dont need to get to know every single person. JUst a few and those that are important should do fine

 Man i'm so tired, i slept at 1 last night. i really want to sleep now. but i haven't typed out what I learnt from today. Hmmm let me see what did I learn and try to recall.

theres stuff about the iNaturalist and Pl@nt Net. About klang valley green challenge by Benjamin from UM.

okay no i didn't learn much. Good night. not that I can remember, it's in my note book.

ATBC 2018 Day 1

I didn't even really know what ATBC stood for when the undergrad students from University of San Francisco were asking me about the conference I was going for.

So this Association for Tropical Biology and Conservation seems to be like a very big thing among the ecologist in this region. The first thing that came to my mind when attending something like this is how it reminds me so much of the multitudes of church camps that I've been to as a kid. So many people gathering in hotel conference rooms and just, chilling out getting to know one another.

I remember having that awe and wonder as a kid, smelling the fragrance of a living place so unfamiliar from the house, running on the carpets barefooted. Walking in an out and around the place looking for hidden paths and different routes from building to building.

Yup, here I am at an international conference. Thanks to my wonderful lecturer Dr Colin. Really couldn't be here without him. He is the one that sourced out our finances and funding. And gives us allowances and such before hand. How can such a nice selfless guy exist in this world.

The day started off with Jim knocking on my door, before I even woke up. We went down to grab breakfast at the end of the food stalls that were just opposite the place we were staying at: Place2Stay, City Center. The Kolo mee was okay okay lah, cheap but not that tasty. I learnt that if you say whatever-mee "pok", they would give you flat noodles. The mee was good.

gosh am I going to type out everything i did today? haha. I haven't done a journal log like this in AGES. I think it's because I always am so tired and fall asleep every night before I get to do something like this. Man, do I miss typing. Okay, but I don't think I have the time to type out everything. So I'm just gonna to jump all the boring details and talk about the main stuff.

1) the flight yesterday: was good. we ordered food, I should have offered my water to Dr Colin just sitting in front of me. because I know I was thirsty from the dry air, and I had a bottle of water with me while he didn't. owh well, maybe next time, and about having to tell someone about something, maybe its better to wait until they're done doing what they were doing. because... yeah, just be sensitive to their body language lah, if they are looking at something with great interest.. then it's probably not a good time to ask/tell them about something.

1c) I put my feet under the weighing platform to make it lighter, we only bought 15kg of check in. Maybe I should be safe and by 25 kilos for bringing all my stuff back from Sandakan to PJ when I fly back on the the 30th of August. I also really want to get one of those hand luggage weighing scale thing-a-maggies

1b) Owh the walk to the Waterfront was amazing! They were selling a bag similar to the one Crystal left behind in Sim-sim, Sandakan. Should I buy it and post it to her? I've so many things that I've bought for her but haven't gotten the chance to send over, letters. A notebook. Bracelets from Kaamatan. Gosh. I ain't into snail mail anymore because I get to call her everyday I think.

2) Breakfast: when i went down and out and actually a lot of times, I forgot to call Pui Kiat out. Maybe I should be more mindful to do so. Like: I'm gonna knock on his door tomorrow when I wake up for breakfast.

3) Registration: They gave us a metal straw at registration! yea! I've always wanted one! Time to say no to plastic straws.

4) Lunch: We had a good lunch of char sau, siew yuk and veggies at the "something" Barbecue Specialist.

5) Use a foldable umbrella when walking in the sunny day. Foldable umbrella's are indispensable. I gotta add that into my minimalist items.

6) Mentor session, Azwan, Fazli, Hoo and I slipped in. It was only meant for members. The session reminded me of.... how it was like to be in a camp group or a cell group. Where we introduced ourselves, something amazing we've encountered and something unique about ourselves. We didn't really follow the rules. Then there was the triple expectation of what we would like to get out of these:

i) Mentoring: guidance? and peers to talk about with that can relate to my problems? and share advice?
ii) ABTC, kuching: to meet experts in the field and learn more about the current trends and latest advancements in the industry? (SDM and statistics)
iii) long term: Forest Conservation through application.

7) met a singaporean girl studying phd in James Cook university, she was in Canada before this. She does wildlife connectivity viaducts in Peninsular. Talks so much. Tabitha hui? Has a friend that has plenty of interest, like taking undistorted photographs with Toyo cameras and collecting bricks form the historical brick factories in Singapore (they used to have a lot of brick factories)

8)  This local girl have a talk on Orang Utans mixed in with some short history of Sarawak. Form how the Dayaks were the Orang Asal (not the same as Bumiputera (Malays, Orang Asli)), and how they were only associated with 'indigenous' because of the colonisation of their land. How Native Community Rights (NCR), force them 'adat' (tradition) of going from place to place to plant crops have locked them down into un fertile land. and yeah.. conservation of a species that adapts to human intervention quite amazingly. She hopped the Chief Minister could have stay back for her talk.

9) Hi-Tea .. mingling time. Didn't be super extroverted and friendly going up to random people and chatting them up. Sigh. But Crystal allows me to do so already. Do I still blame her for the trauma of not wanting to talk to people, of not wanting to be too friendly, because that's what she says about me last time "That I love everyone one and that she is no different from anyone". Does me not talking to other people something that she cant see, show that she is more loved than everone else? Can't she see it. But she says she's different now because she's... much more busy with her own work and not like last time when she will just sit around at home....

yeah, I should talk to more people. That's the whole purpose I'm here, not network and make contacts for future collaborations. That's all part of the sciences. Crystal isn't stopping me. She never intended to. I just make it as if she does. How evil of me. Be gone, devil.

Kept taking the Grab back with Jim. He's leg hurts really badly, maybe I should pray for him.

Had beers. okay I'm supposed to be paying and collecting bills. becasue I have RM300 for 5 days. that equals to about 60 bucks a day. wow.

okay I think that is all. watch your mouth yew leung. don't be foul and learn to speak graciously. Let your lips always be seasoned with salt.

hope for a good day tmr! nights!

Minimalist

When you stop owning things you do not value,
You stop valuing things you do not own.
You start realizing the value of things you already own.

Grief = loving someone

"Grief is the price we pay for love" - Queen Elizabeth II

It is wonderful to be able to grief,
for then one will know that they have truly loved.

only you matter

why bother to hand out with people that put you down?
when you can be constantly be around people that make you laugh?

even when you know what the former says holds some truth,
and the joy and pleasure that comes from the latter is just.. temporal.

who will be there when you really need help?

can you stop caring for everyone?
just to love one person?

can you stop bothering to ask about others,
so that there is only one person that you should asking things about.

: when others are sick, should i bother to whatsapp them?

nay,

life is.... a community.
it isn't just an individual.

"No man is an island"

yet...

yet i find the life of an introvert quite appealing.

yes i may be fond of talking to others to get energy,
but that was the extroverted me.

which waste alot of time....
alot of time..

doing meaningless things like... making friendships.

i already have enough people around me,
all i need is just to .. dig deeper.

just to focus.

a love, those directly around me.

love..

you.

and only you.

not allowed to, so what

you dont bother to show your best anymore,
when you are around people that you can't impress.

that's why it's so important to keep your vision,
on who you should be impressing, God. He's always there.

why i am drained

maybe i know why i'm always feeling tired every single day, even just when i wake up in the morning.

its funny, how true this video is, i can no longer see the implications of my actions into the future,
i cant make any more connections, i dont remember things and life is just.... passing on day by day, just trying to get by

I once thought i could leave everyone i met around me with energy due to engaging them,
least did i know that i wasn't taking care of my own relationships that determined if i was being drained or energized.
i thought i was like a battery with infinite energy,
least i know that i'm drained and empty now.

9 may 2018

A historical day for Malaysia.
The opposition won. 113/222 seats.
The first time a change in government

The oldest prime Minister at 92.
The youngest parliament rep at 22.

The highest majority at 100,000 votes.

Despite the gerrymandering, the phantom voters, the delays in signing Borang 14 and such.

Its okay, God still has a plan.

GE 13 we weren't ready to step up.
He gave us a proper transition by overlapping the total change of government.
Now its time, when we are ready.

God's will will definitely come to pass,
When we pray we are not changing God's hand.
We are praying to know where we fit into His plan.

Thank you Jesus.

Wash all greed away from the politicians.
Let forgiveness, love and peace flow.

We are not seeking revenge,
Restore the rule of Law.

Regenerate this country.
Let there be freedom of religion.
Let the poor not be oppressed.

Give wisdom, and diligence.
Unity.

Bring back proper development.
Open tenders, let not our politicians be bought over by money.
Bring back jobs, take care of the poor, the needy, the widows, the orphans, the migrants and refugees.
Take care of the land, the environment
The social the economics.

Tony Pua for Finance minister.

Let the voice of the youth be spoken out and heard.
Let the voice of the people be heard.

May God bless Tun Mahathir with strength!

Thank you Jesus!!!

Let the media and news show the truth.
Let men not be afraid and oppressed

God... You will be done in our lives

why did God allow desserts?

Why did God create deserts?

so that mankind could face hardships... to innovate and make cutting edge technology for agriculture.
China and Israel are making leaps and bounds in the industry.

Maybe one day these will be brought to other arid planets for terraforming

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8_Hnmty4vY&list=FL8gEnWuuNnBc6QPghEFUlhA

Hosea 13:5 "I cared for you in the wilderness, In the land of drought."

M545 control plus

new mouse!

M545 Control plus. Popular was having a sale in 1B.
70% off a RM119 mouse... so it was roughly 35 bucks.

Not bad. it has a nice scoll, and some extra buttons at the side for back and fourth web browsing.

the optic laser-level also enables it to function off most surfaces.

and to think i had a dilemma in choosing the old or new package. lol!
my mouse is not equally balanced tough, not sure if its the table...

what you can't ask by Paul Graham.

another compulsory reading for the thinker,
for the university student

"what you cant say" - by Paul Graham.

ask why when there are labels
watch your own thoughts from a distance
moral fashions. social customs

thoughts | speech

"Argue with idiots and you become an idiot"
probably my favourite quote from the essay

mhmm Nineteen Eighty-Four looks like a book that should go on the "to read list"

after I finish off "Three body problem" and "Ender Saga" - by scott card

missed all the deadlines

shit, i'm missing so much deadlines

It was a free photobook from airasia, 40 pictures. I could have activated it before march and then slowly taken the time to select the photos until 31 may. now the chance is over. sigh.

I also missed adding one variable into the models. Altitude. i have to freaking do everything again, the modelling, the data entry in progress sheet, the presence absence in DIVA.. sigh

And i missed the MyBRAIN scholarship application.. shit

all the deadlines were on 31st march.

I got saman for my driving license being expired for a year too, RNM70.. renewed it and paid the saman.

Well, atleast I had a good time with my darling.

Feelings

Better to feel something than nothing.

Sheep offerings

They had to make so many goats, ram, sheep for offerings in numbers... The Israelites must have been breeding them so much... They would have good food security

Calling the free one

"The one whom is not free will constantly call the one whom is just to ... Have a feel of that freedom shared"

Drink water only when speaker does

The Malay audience only drink water when the speaker in front does. What teaching is this? Respect? I remember in school we had to ask the teachers permission to drink water xD

Prof Jacqueline, she is soooooo good. Like Dr Colin

Please just let me live my life

Hoodie airism

Thanks yee kor and lai yee

Roams 21

V21 Romans what benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death.

I gave my self to be a living stone for Christ.

Sin had left a crimson stain, but he washed it white as snow.

Will I continue to live a life of debouching or materialism,

Hoarding and touching what is not mine.

No more, in all that I do, I belong to Christ and Christ alone

He owns my all, and to him I will freely give 

1 Corinthians 16:13&14

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.

Do everything in love

Celine Joshua

Do not be too dogmatic about things.

Learn to hitch hike

6, 7, 9 rabu khamis Ahad terakhir 

Some birthdays

Jun Hao 22 October

Jia Sheng 24 May

Elle 27 October

Samuel 30 jun

Mandy 11 August

Zi Hao 

Zoey 3 Jan

Hui min 2 May

Sze Wee 25 August

Elmo 15 July

Crystal 

Hui ping 11 Jan

Lam wai yip 30 May

Unhappy

Innoprise

Forestry division

Yayasan sabah group

Rosemary, Kenneth,

Kenneth - Forest certification unit, CHP

EIA

Forget management plan 1984

Commercial 

Rakyat Bejaya

While Sabah - RIL

Pngkalan, Tanggung, Stumping

OSH

Base camps - ISO

Safety walk way

Contractors - phillipino and Indonesia

8/24 belong to Yayasan

Can't certify one by one - miniZe the cost

FSC strict

20 - 24  - certification

Policy, procedure, Tainan, wild life corridor,

6 moths, 2 years. 15/16 since 2005. Bent awash, concerted to oil palm.

Tilas

VLO AND VLC

Different contractor, guide, monitor, human factors

Biggest hindrance, mentality

Principal owner bears the cost.

Wisdom

Wisdom

Stress is the feeling that we have when we perceive that we have a need or obligation [but] inadequate resources to handle it,

We allow our minds to run in circles of bitching and moaning and then wonder why we feel too tired to make anything happen. We leave ourselves zero energy left to deal with the actual problems (which probably are way different than the ones we imagined).

Your trust changes your perspective

Intellectual love

3 nov 2014

I wasn't fighting for the sake of intellectual recognition,

I was just doing what I love and felt fight in my heart to do so.

Why no post grad

19 Mac 2015

 Spoke to Dr Colin about why UMS students don't want to continue postgraduate studies here.

Why? What is the problem.

No interest

No idea what is forestry or the academic life like.

No background or foundation to build upon.

Think that other universities are better

No budget.

Elementary

No exposure.

No testimonies.

What's the purpose of coming to university.

Focus on those who are interested

Don't force anyone to what they don't want to

The degree is not like an SPM cert.

Bakelalan

21 July 2015

Bakelalan

It brings peace to the soul. Rejuvenation and rest to a weary one.

The air brings a sense of peace and seri its that can't be found in the city.

To hear the birds chirping in the early mornings and watch a horse gallop by,

To see the fish splashing at edges of pools and dogs chasing each other.

The water to bath is extremely cold, shakes you to the bones.

There's no electricity here at certain hours, making life apart from technology a norm.

Very good to escape the grasp that the Internet holds those in addiction to.

Life vision, mission, goals

8 good 2015

Vision in life

To know and be known by God 

Mission

To be the salt and light

The great commission

Goals

To be transformed daily and changed into the likeness of Christ.

To fear the Lord in awe and reverence.

How

Spend time each day consistently in

Reading and meditation on the Word

Scripture memorisation

Prayer and supplication in the Holy Spirit

Praise and worship from the heart and soul

Life principals

Work smart, play hard

Do what you need to do, so that you can do what you want to do

Early is on time, on time is late

Remember the teachers, mentors and coaches in life.

Commitment, sacrifice to one focus

Protect reputation: hard to build, easy to destroy

Habits to cultivate

Elevate in the mornings

Chinese

30 minutes of exercise a day

30 minutes of music instrument a day

Sleep at 10pm

Random quotes

Live each day as if it was your last

Cultivate a genuine interest in life long learning. Grasps and understand concepts until you can convey and explain it in simple terms to others through a clear communicating presentation.

It's not about think positively or having self confidence, it's knowing and being sure of who you are in God's eyes. It's how the Father sees you not now you see yourself.

All time is God's time, for which we must give account as a steward.

Speaker of the dead quotes

8 August 2015

Speaker of the dead

Page 165

It was the Bishop's own fault. From his vantage point, calling the Speaker satanic put him at the farthest extreme from himself and all good Catholics: The Speaker is the opposite of us. But to those who were not theologically sophisticated, while Satan was frightening and powerful, so was God. They understood well enough the continuum of good and evil that the Bishop referred to, but they were far more interested in the continuum of strong and weak-- that was the one they lived with day by day. And on that continuum, they were weak, and God and Satan and the Bishop all were strong. The Bishop had elevated the Speaker to stand with him as a man of power. The people were thus prepared to believe the whispered hints of miracles. 

Page 225

Compassionate enough," she said, "to put the hot iron into the wound when that's the only way to heal it."

As one who had felt his burning iron cauterize her deepest wounds, she had the right to speak; and he believed her, and it eased his heart for the bloody work ahead. 

Page 242

"It's also like being born," said Ender. "As long as you keep getting born, it's all right to die sometimes." 

Xenotime

Page 63

And yet that was how human beings satisfied their sense of responsibility-- checking again even when they knew it was unnecessary. 

Page 72

Someone once told me that the only teacher who's worth anything to you is your enemy." 

Page 85

Then I judge that it's no sin to speak to the unbelievers in the language of their unbelief," said Qing-jao. 

Page 126

The gods had caused Wang-mu to say that it was unjust to punish Qing-jao for simply hearing another person's disrespectful opinions. Perhaps Wang-mu's statement was true. But it was also true that the gods could not be unjust. Therefore it must be that Qing-jao was not being punished for simply hearing the treasonous opinions of the people. No, Qing-jao had to purify herself because, in her heart of hearts, some part of her must believe those opinions. She must cleanse herself because deep inside she still doubted the heavenly mandate of Starways Congress; she still believed they were not just. 

Page 127

Servants are always happier when they know their voices are heard by their master. 

Page 143

Quim smiled to see how easily Andrew turned away the quarrel that Grego wanted to pick. Grego was no fool. He knew he was being handled. But Wiggin hadn't left him any reasonable grounds for showing his disgruntlement. It was one of the most infuriating skills of the Speaker for the Dead. 

Page 190

People only really believe in what they've seen before. 

Page 232

When you have wisdom that another person knows that he needs, you give it freely. But when the other person doesn't yet know that he needs your wisdom, you keep it to yourself. Food only looks good to a hungry man. 

Page

Field course on tropical forestry

6 October 2015

Eth Zurich field course on tropical forestry.

Glenn Reynolds.

Searrp

Palm oil and habitat fragmentation.

Commercial forest to totally protected.

Lowland forest under pressure.

Sabah foundation concession.

Is there Redd in pristine forest? Or other carbon mitigation.

Are we able to sell the biodiversity? Rich, not just tourism, scientific research.

What is the ration of corruption to integrity in maintaining? Non logging.

Dominance forest structure, dipterocarps.

Elective logging, choosing the largest .

Impacts of timber harvesting, recovery, natural regeneration. Restoration

Enrichment planting, silviculture,

David

Long term records, weather, it's getting warmer and wetter, more erratic

Less scientist in Danube valley, more in plantations.

Soy stem functions and services.

Do you advocate the change/conversion from forested areas to oil palm plantations that are sustainably managed?

Long term forest dynamics In Terms of climate change.

Forest fragmentations due to plantations.

Restoration

Payment for ecosystem services

How can human modified landscapes support livelihood & economic returns, ecosystem services and biodiversity conservation?

Win-win natural values and human values.

No one expects developing country to maintain its land under forested areas.

Land use policy is under state government not federal.

Areas that are best protected are the sites with the most activity in it.

Sabah foundation so rich, could they not fund it?

Playing out the scenario is to attract carbon trading.

Permian global.

 Currently Sabah forest is not in carbon trading due to lack of scientific data to prove.

Forest reserves can be oil palm plantations.

Paying carbon credits is paying corruption.

Highly fragmented but still rich in wildlife.

The conversion of forest is inevitable.

Orang utans building nest in oil palm plantations.

Elephants and orang utans seen in very degraded forest.

So what your saying is an altered forest is better for wildlife. Better than their natural habitat 100s of years ago.

Forest will never be paid for ecosystem services.

Acacia is a naturally invasive species

Something fundamentally wrong, morally, ethically.

Ss8048lss5845b

Field course for tropical forestry, eth Zurich 

I flew back to Sabah from KL on the 29th January and slept over night at UMS in my own room at the university hostel. Met Abang Shafiq and helped him to plant some ornamental plants outside of Ibnu Khaldun. Had a good dinner with Sam and hui xian, we went to McDonald's after that for ice-cream. We talked about music and how pop culture is influencing the younger generation.

On the 30th morning I took the motorbike out with Jeph to 1B to buy stuff. We forgot the shopping list given to us by the chef and ended up not buying the right ingredients. Lesson learnt, take the small effort to prevent a big hiccup. So we couldn't eat steamboat that night and instead ate rice with salted fish. I had to leave early to meet Dr. Chris Kettle down in upper star KK. Took the bus too late and it was a little jam. Lesson learnt: go to the meeting point earlier, factor in travel time and traffic. Walked around and found them all seated around. 9 girls and 5 boys. Anna x2, carol x2, Liea, Diana,  Rebecca, Dezzerie and the guys were Jonas, Lukas, Fabian and Herzi (who is Malaysian and lives in Taman Tun). After the rain stopped we walked over to the Phillipino market and ate sea food. Slept over in the grades hotel, walked up to the rooftop bar and pool side, beautiful.

On the 31st Jan 2015, we woke up and had a buffet breakfast, we packed our bags and went over to the air port to fly to Lahad Datu. Arriving at LD we were picked up and brought over to the Danum Valley Conservation Center (DVCC). There we had a short walk through the jungle as Chris explained about various expects in the forest to us. Stressing other importance of dipterocarps. Every few meters we walked he would tell us something. We went to the tree tower where some climbed up while others walked around the trial. We left Daisy behind after coming out of the forest. It rains so much there. We should really head count and check before moving from one place to another.

On the 1st February, Fabian and I woke up at 5 am to go to the watch tower and catch sunrise and see some birds. We saw a pair or hornbills fly pass us. Next we went back to the lodge and waited for breakfast and our field trip into the forest again trekking all the way to a waterfall. Long track and I accidentally left my packed food there. When we got out we waited for Glenn Raynolds to give a talk. We asked question that probed into him sharing genuinely how corrupt the politics in the state is and how political will is what will change things. Oil palm. Secondary forest. It's not so much the results from experiments that protect the land is the running of the experiments that do. We also swam in the river after coming out of the forest. It wasn't that high.

On the 2nd February we had a talk by Charlotte about the work she was doing in enrichment planting and tree rehabilitation. We walked into the jungle again to see some 50 hectares plots that were being marked out and surveying done. Really tedious work. We came back through the river way. Lesson learnt: don't put on boots straight after coming out of the river, water from the pants will flow into the socks. And I should probably a set of forest cloths. Lesson learnt: don't swim in muddy rivers with white shirts, they get stained with silt pretty badly... And stink too. The river water rose significantly. Saw Professor David Nubrey. 

On the 3rd February we all woke up at 5 am in the morning to catch sunrise st the watch tower near the global climate weather station was. But it was too cloudy and we didn't see much. Glenn brought us to places where logging was carried out whereby a Center would just pull and drag logs with chains into the middle where it stood. We went to places that were logged twice and also to a place where reduced impact logging was carried out. Then we went to meet Mikey who was doing a biodiversity experiment in Danum Valley. Embolism and ground water potential. Type of plants that open and close their stomatal.  In the afternoon we were to go to the Borneo Rainforest Lodge (where old rich bird lovers pay USD 300 per night to stay) to have a nice dinner. The gate was locked so Herzi and I ran 3 kilometres, in my new Teva flip flops. I should have walked much slower in the canopy walk. Sigh, regrets. The dinner that night was super. 

On the 4th February we took a long road trip. Travelling from DVCS back to Lahad Datu. We then went to an oil palm plantation called Sabahmas which is under Wilmar. Mr Frederick Chok gave us a nice presentation. We were told not to ask too much probing questions as the field course would like to come back next year. Their mill and operations are run so efficiently that it is RSPO certified. They take care of their workers welfare and health. Genuinely having good intentions they retained the riparian strip beside the river as a wildlife corridor going beyond the required 20 meters to 50 meters. We then went to a Tropical Rainforest Biodiversity bank. Malaysian NGO that works to maintain genetic resources. They gave a nice tea time with local snacks such as banana fritters and 'kuih cincin'. Next we made our way to Sepilok and the butterfly resort. We arrived at 9 pm ish, went for dinner and after s good shower used the Internet and had a goodnights sleep at 12.30. I washed my cloths in the sink and hung them to dry outside on the balcony, which I realised had a fan only the next day. They have laundry services here, Rm 10 for 1 kilo.

5th February, we met James Margove and Collin Maycock. We walked over to RDC where we had lunch and had a presentation by Reuben, Betty, Huebert and Robert Ong. We met some local girls doing LI there it was a good talk with them. Next we went to FRC where we saw James work on drowning dipterocarp seedlings and then we went to the entomology library where a huge collection of bugs were.

On the 6th February, Fabian and I woke up at 5.30 to go to the observation tower where the birds only come out at 7am. Next, we went to the RDC again and had a talk by Benoit. He was doing remote sensing on snow leopards, elephants, civets and monitor lizards around Kinabatangan. Next we went to the Sunbear conservation center. Along the way we ate lunch in the forest.  And enthusiastic wong gave a wonderful presentation on how sunbeams are important to the ecosystem. Working as forest doctors, eating termites and preventing population boom, turning over rotting logs and tearing them apart, making nest for the hornbills in trees way up high. Then we walked to the observational tower. After that we went back to B&B to take a shower and go meet Robert Ong where we asked hard question. We had dinner and went back for a good nights sleep early. Just do the small things, show interest and get the right contacts. That's how you move up, don't worry too much about the funding. Step out from being so conservative about the Church, listen to others and the way they think. Life isn't always fair. Especially if your dad died at a young age. Some people's hearts can be very broken. It is not us who heals it, but Christ at the end of the day. We... Just.. Listen and shine zoos light of hope. Diana doesn't believe that God created the world and that he isn't always good. I really should read the book where is God when it rots by Phillip Yancy. And maybe even pass it to her.

On the 7th we packed our bags and squeezed into room 4 as a new group was coming in. Forgot to bring over my towel. A few of the people had money stolen from them which included Chris, Diana and Anna. Quite a large substantial amount. Thank God their passports didn't get touched. We walked through the jungle for quite some time to get out at the mangrove area where there was a nice riverside hut built. We hiked back and I talked to Colin along the way. Learnt so much things on how UMS is run and why people like Azizi can't transfer to Geology cause they would have to run the whole course in English then. The next VC is also preferably a Sabahan which makes it hard to get people who actually has leadership skills in running things. I really need to focus on my studies. And be specialised. I can't be everywhere..