goodbye my love

this morning i woke up at 9 plus.
it was a good sleep. i dreamt that i was running away with you
and we got caught because i wanted to wash my sandels.

haha. owh that reminds me i need to go and glue my sandals, they are coming out.
okay so i just put the rubber glue instead of the superglue. Astart brang not bad.
its 10.12pm now

we went to eat seng yi, love the kolo mee big and asing.
it was so much it became my brunch.

got the notice that leads came in for supa hands.
went over to school and started it.
POI religious sites. haha so intresting to work in a culture of different people.
careful not to step on the toes of anyone.

missed lunch, not really lah, i was still quite full.

then tried my hands at learning two new skills
call center and lead something.
i had to find the work email for some CEO of a swis venture capital lol.
and linkedin.. signed up fro something called RocketReach...
was abit weary of giving my phone number for them to send a verification message.
now they have my email (from FB log in) AND phone number! they could do so many things!

 after that it was about 4.30pm already
went over to jims car to fix the lock and door.
so happy that the green plastic bit helt with the UHU red gel.
and zip tied the white plastic bit
and wrapped the metal coil around it.. ah... i see how the metal coil keeps the bar towards the plastic bit

put back the door

then.. the rear left tire is flat.
had to fix that too.

while cleaning up the boot...
mira, nisa and kila came
mira helped change the tyre ..haha

then went home with iggy about.. close to 6?

chilled around, had dinner. they cooked ma la
 ate until... cant remeber what time..
wasn't too late.. about 8pm?

went downstaris to shop for car stuff..
bought a light..
wanted to buy a basin to put stuff (its so useful! when i was using kila's axia, when kok onn and i went to visit the fish market we could put it inside), radiator coolant, a strap to tie up all the loose water bottles, wiper fluid, battrey water.. haha so many things actually...

walked around for about an hour until 9pm.. then went over to popular to brows the megazines and books. mmhmm investopedia talks about auto-investing bots... i wonder how trusted they can be.

 then theres the self improvement section.
so many things on japanese stuff now. ikigai, kaizen, shinroku.. etc
and a korean thing also, something about looking into another person's eyes to see what they are feeling lol.

i miss looking into peoples eyes

you called me this afternoon when i was in the car fixing the door.
it was one of the most.. calming conversations i've ever had with you in a long time.

i felt.. liberated

thank you.

day 2 of my devotion
Test my thoughts
"The thoughts you keep in a loop determine the direction of your life" - Steven Furtick
Phillipians 4:8 think about the things that are true, nobel, excellent and worthy of praise

Q: Are the true?
A: some yes some no
- focus on that which are authentic, real and lines up with God's Word

Q: Nobel?
A: we are children of God, in highest ranks. our thoughts should be royal and regal. Not in an arrogant way, but not allowing ourselves to think in a repulsive manner

Q: Right?
A: is really what i think to be right, always the right thing? what if others have a different view of it
- accuracy and appropriateness to guide us

Q: Pure?
A: sometimes.. haha i still do think of girls sometimes
- ethical, good, upright, honest things

Q: Lovely?
A: yeah, its nice to be able to be lovely to everyone... i.. dont want to fear being lovely to people
- to see the beautiful part in life

Q: Admirable?
A: hmm, is reading manga, playing computer games, watching youtube videos... nah those aren't admirable... FIxing things/ reading books/ helping others?
- credible and distinguised, allow us to live commendabely

Q: Excellent?
A: harr.... no not currently in my masters. but definately in my supa hands work! haha. i try to do my best

Q: Worthy of praise?
A: hmmm....
- thoughts about God, His ways, His plans, His creation.

"WHen our thoughts are on Him, that's a good thing"

Reflect
philippians 4:8 in three different versions:

NIV
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things

NKJV
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lvoely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things

i like the word meditate, to constantly spend a period of time thinking about these .. good things

MSG
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things that are true, noble, reputable,authentic, compelling, gracious- the best, not the worse; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. put into practicewhat you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies

there it is again: meditate. i would like the be in harmony...

my .. darling. i believe you'll have  a wonderful life in New Zeland.
we can start living out lives when we release each other.

i pray that you'll.... live life to the fullest. as will i back here in Sabah

thanks for all the memories

day 1: Renovating my mind

day one of a five day devotion

Reset you mind: Overhauling Toxic Thoughts

thoughts are incredibly important and determine the trajectory of our lives

"Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right" - Henry Ford

"We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think" - Buddha

"Believe you can and you're halfway there" - Teddy Roosevelt

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts" - Marcus Aurelius

"Our thoughts make us what we are" - Dale Carnegie

Greek word for renewing is: anakainosis

literally meaning renovation

Q: What kind of renovation does my mind need?

A; Alot, but i feel like the most important is relationships? claiming back the day? God? wow, i think there's a lot of tearing down and building up to be done.

Q: Do i find myself constantly complaining?

A: Yes and no. I don't like to be pessimistic. but sometimes i just only have negative thoughts.

"You don't listen do you? You ask the same questions every week. "Are you having any negative thoughts?". All i have are negative thoughts" - Joker

Q: Am I jealous or envious of others and how their lives seem to be better than mine?

A: not really, i would like a new pair of flat running shoes and tights from the Adidas store though. but they're pricey and i dont need them. I can run in whatever i have now. But is it just material things. or are there more things that i envy of others? freedom? the ability to travel? hmm i dont know. never really thought i was a jealous person.

Q: Do you feel overwhelmed and defeated by how you view yourself?

A: nope. but sometimes. Sometimes i just lay in bed, without the strength to get out and do anything. But it's been better lately. like today =) and the past week. I hung out with Alex and daNiel for the Joseph musical. I drank few cups of boba tea: xing fu tang and daboba. all treated. treated to meals. yeah i think food is critical to my wellbeing. if i dont eat right, i just feel realllly sluggish.

"Often, we refer to unwanted thoughts as negative or bad, but what they really are is toxic"

wow this line hit me hard!

we cant change every thought we have, but we can identify the ones that are toxic and take steps to change those first.

looking forward to the next four days of:

1) testing my thoughts

2) capturing toxic thoughts

3) fixing my thoughts on Jesus

4) making a plan to put into practice

Reflection time

Q1: THink abou my most comon thoguths. How do they make me feel?

 A: i always think about task what i should need to get done and the things that i've not done. and it really really just clutters up my mind. i feel mentally drained and unable to think about being in the hear and now. but this morning was good. i was just immersed in what i was doing, jogging, gym, stretching.

Q2: In what area of my thought life do i need a renovation?
A: hmm, priorities and focus. purpose and meaning. daily activities...

ah, social media. facebook and youtube. i really need to stop watching it mindlessly.

and feeding my brain with junk.

i need to write more, to create more and be... more me

more me time. more .. think about thinking.

more serenity and silence and stillness without having anything running in my mind that i need to get this done or that done.

Romans 12:1-2

Therefore, I urge you brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will

the body, a wonderful thing to live in

its 9.45am now
on the 25th of november
ofcause i wouldn't need to write that down.
blog post automatically save the date and time things are written

i woke up at around 6 plus today.
went for a 30 minute run around campus.
went to the gym for about an hour.
came back to do stretching for 30 minutes
while waiting for my breakfast to cool down.
milo doesn't need 30 minutes to cool, it was cold when i drank it,
along wit some hup seng biscuits from God knows when..
wanna finish off my food before i go off in.. three days time.

the body is a wonderful thing to live in
take good care of it and be present with it
feel the tensions in the ligaments when stretching
loosen out muscles by massaging trigger points
take time to breath and be in the hear and now,
don't rush

We always want to learn

We want to consume content because...
We are always looking for new things to learn.

We are thrilled by rarity,
Captivated by curiosity,
Excited with chance
And distracted by information

Novelty,
The possibility of stumbling upon a treasure..

Normal, rare, epic, legendary..

Haha sounds like terms used by game items eh.. Maybe that's how they draw us in..

Scrolling Facebook, maybe.. Just maybe I might see someone's post that interest me...

Keeps scrolling...

A broken algorithm to take away our time and attention,
Built upon marketing and advertising..

Notice what you notice,what you're distracted by attracts you.

Recycle plastics

To recycle plastics..
Find the melting point that breaks them down at a chemical level. But just before it ignites (or melt it in the absence of oxygen) a vacuum maybe? A metal sealed thick metal pipe.

Heat it up with energy.free energy would be the sun. Mirrors that focus a large area onto the metal pipe. Or solar panels that charge batteries that power heating coils.

Then extrude the molten plastic into moulds of useful items. I.e. Bricks, plant pots, wall panels, chairs and table parts..

Could make a whole school out of it.

And now with 3D printing... Gosh.. The possibilities.

medium reads, good questions

this is good

https://medium.com/better-marketing/10-skills-to-becoming-a-millionaire-in-5-years-or-less-e16b8b20500c

asks questions that are similar to the Me+We book.

simple, straight forward. takes a lifetime to digest.
its not for the money, its for the purpose of living

https://medium.com/@Shesreallyfat/emotional-intelligence-wont-make-people-like-you-7ba105ceeed8

"Emotional Intelligence Won’t Make People Like You
This may be a tough pill to swallow."

lol

"Capgras syndrome is a psychological condition. It's also known as “imposter syndrome” or “Capgras delusion.” People who experience this syndrome will have an irrational belief that someone they know or recognize has been replaced by an imposter."

https://medium.com/the-mission/131-actionable-ideas-from-ten-books-i-wish-i-had-read-ages-ago-d751c17402de

Expectations

"It wasn't expected of them,
They expected it of themselves." - Christopher Phillips on Xenia, socrates in love pg143

"moat people don't realise that it's easier to offer help to a stranger than it is for a stranger to ask for help" - joel

Loud

I talk softly.
You can't here me on the phone.
You want me to talk louder.
You say I'm.. Angry.

Grow up

I fear..

Growing up in age, but not maturity.
Becoming one of those 'lazy' uncles or younger brother in the family

Give to love

You won't feel love,
Unless you can give it.
You can't give it,
Unless you have the chance to.

What is listening?

Listening is wanting to hear

Convert to be converted

Sharing Christ with another person,
Begins with the conversion of our own self.
I'd have to be open to the work of God first

Read.. Slower. Speak truer

Read not with eye balls just physically moving following a line with ink. Let the meaning of the written script soak into the mind, process it, imagine it come alive, feel it.

Good advice cannot be lived out by people without the Good News. Don't leave the main point out of the sermon, Jesus.

4/11/2019

The day Crystal flew to NZ

Woke up around 9am
Daily office - parable of the seeds
Guitar
12pm Mamak - roti kosong
Bataras - milk and musli
Home - YouTube
Lunch 2.30pm
YouTube - techlead, finance
Sports 4.30pm jog. Wanted to play tennis with the wall but there was someone
6pm went over to Gordon's place for samyang celebration
11.00pm home

What was the most important thing (MIT)?
To be with people.
To call Crystal as much as possible

What was the most important question? (MIQ)
What's the condition of my heart?

Over dinner they talked alot about songs. Music. I couldn't really join in. As I don't have much of a musical or artist list.

What am I really focusing on?
If I could learn one new thing. Anything what would it be? What am I Intrested in?

Masters. I should focus on that and get that done. My masters.

Care for others, love as you are loved

"When you start caring for others, 90% of your problems go away / dissappear "

In a good way. It isn't not having enough 'time for yourself' or not dealing with problems that need to addressed. But more of like... you'd just stop over thinking so much, there isn't the space and time for pitying oneself.

When you care for others, you'd realise... or maybe it's not even a conscious thing... that really, we are very blessed in our lives.

And blessing others is a secret to unlock.. happiness and blessings for one's own self too. But blessing others in itself isn't the source, least people lose the core reason of helping others, twisting it into a selfish thing: "I help others so I would feel like their saviour". No. Instead, "I help others because I was helped before, I was saved". That's the good news.

Help others to help yourself. But the means isn't in the ends. It's in the process.

Love.

God didn't just say "love others" fullstop. He said "love others as.... you love yourself"

Now how can one love others if they don't love themselves first and foremost. You can't pour an empty jug. So it isn't, 'giving in our all in life for the sake of others and denying ourselves of anything that could possibly be' selfish' '. It's... The 4th level: loving ourselves as how God loves us.

(the first three are: 1. Loving ourselves for our own sake, 2. Loving God for his blessings to us; 3. Loving God for who He is)

I always thought that level three was the ultimate goal. I stopped.. Loving myself.

Receive to give

"The more we receive in silent prayer,
The more we can give in active life" - mother teresa

New strength - Ps Josh, sib skyline

Insanity workout - Shaun T

Isiah 40:31

How do you define stregnth?
We normally thing about physical: how heavy or fast
Or inner s. Emotional, response to problems, recover from setbacks and challenges
Or what we're good at. Gifts talents skills. Cooking? Music? Student subjects, hands. Help us to make a living

Story of three boys, talking bout their fsthers
Boys think thier dad's are the strongest and bestest. 1st boy: my dad writes a few words on a page, sends it off and gets 200 dollars.. They call it a poem.
2nd boy, my dad writes few pages, gets 1000. It's called a story
3rd boy, my dad writes on a PowerPoint, and talks about it, after that people have to go around collecting money from everyone...

Countries: military might, natural resources, global influence, tech, political stability...

Secondary school we heard: vision 2020.
Wawasan 2020. We should develop those parts to become a develop nation..

Next year is that... But..
We hear news of... Recession

Global recession. Strong nations, China and USA.. Germany.. Etc..

But what about us.. A small country like amalysia. We worry. We worry about our jobs, business, rising cost of oil and commodities. Think about family and children needing to go further studies..

Uncertainty of the future. We think until we despair because we had to go through so much to reach this point.

Judah was surrounded. Confused, not sure who to turn to. Feared for their lives. Things got from bad to worse they called out to God.

God do you not see the trouble I'm in, when will our help us.

This is what Isiah said to judah:
You have forgotten who God is

Have you not heard He is the everlasting God
Nations are like a drop in the bucket.
Like dust on a scale.
Nations will rise and fall
Assyria will come and it will replaced by another super power
It is God that raises, builds and tears them down

Look at the skies above, the stars, who created them? By his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one goes missing.

We think about the amazing things we've created over the years... I.e. The great Wall of China. Massive. Biggest structure ever built. No advance machinary. Just human ingenuity and strength..

The sun..
1.3 million earths in a sun..
And its not even the biggest star..

By God, not a single one is missing.

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew our strength.

Tap into this strength for our lives.

God will allow us to go things that are beyond our own. We can go ahead in Boldness...

God says to us as a church.
Don't look to this experts and forecast.. Ultimately.. All strength comes from the Lord. Don't even depend on our own strength and ability..

Barcelona Olympics 400 m men's. Derrick Rickman. Very important race to him. Previous Olympics he had to withdraw because of injury. He wanted to prove himself he could make the medal.

Snapped his hamstring. Someone runs down.. Officials tried to stop him. No one is going to stop me from being with my son.

My grace is sufficient for you.
My strength is made perfect in weakness.

In life we may fall and falter.
But God, our heavenly father is always there. He will.. Carry us and bring us to the finishing line.

Intimacy, breakthrough. Draws us into  a Living and personal relationship with Him.
To know God is to know His strength. We need to... Know what it is like again.

Story: footprints in the sand.

He there avialable for you to wrap His arms around you.

King David, the greatest King Israel had .. In psalms he says: my heart and flesh may fail, but my strength comes from the Lord.

In order to have Bold intimacy, we need to know God. If we don't know we will misunderstand Him. When we do that we misrepresent Him.

Before I forget

God will become all you need,
When God is all you have.

"I have everything I need"

Forgiveness =/= trusting again

Superiority complex buster
Meekness = I'm not better than anyone else, I still learn from the children, the old and the poor.

Have I really come to the end of myself,
If I can still live on my daily life as if there wasn't a huge effect on it...

We don't have the time to grieve,
We just keep moving on and on
Quick fix, short cut, brush away feelings, Bury it under... Act as if nothings wrong.

Slowly... Lose the ability to feel emotions. Empathy.. When people are laughing and feel joy that wells up in the inside.. Feel dry and fake a smile and laugh... When people cry and mourn, don't bat an eye and shed a tear...

I'd want to cry.. If I could. Cry more

Feel more... Be more... Affected by my actions and the consequences.

Movies have thier good and bad parts, things to learn from and maybe things that influence us too much. Chasing the culture, wanting to be unique.

Smartphone. Pa, WhatsApp... If only i could.. Just not own a phone by let my wife do the messaging for me :)

Let's look at the good things that a smart phone does... Claim it. Okay I've always talked about this topic, maybe it's time to finally move on :)

God... Are you really my lord? Or just my Saviour... Why don't I really Obey You. Is it because I don't really belive in You... Or I believe a twisted version of you.

Male.. Man should.. Uphold.. Erm.. Leadership. Claim authority and dominance. Females should.. Submit. But why? Who said so... Imagine a world where females were more authoritative in the house than the husband. What would that look like.

Psycology:
Females are more susceptible to metal issues regarding emotions. I.e. Bipolar?

Males are more.. Emotionless and one of the more dangerous ones is.. Anti-social personality.

PTSD, triggers.

I'm.. So scared to say anything that might trigger a memory flash of an event.

But... My life. Our life.. Isn't perfect.
Whom ever said that it would be.
Where did the problem really arise from?

When crystians claim that they are.. Spotless. Pure... Holy.. And.. Faultless?

"I'm better than you"
"you should come to church"

Hah..

That's when everything goes down hill.

But in the valley.. That's where..
That's where the river flows..and where things grow.

The profound thing

How are we expected to talk about something,
When we (are thought we) aren't supposed to be doing it

Something profound

I remeber I wanted to write down something profound as I was driving from the airport.

Can't remember what it is now...

#shouldwritethingsdown