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i never really knew what home meant,
until i came back from missing it.

brainless stuff

Archbishop William Temple:

“Your religion is what you do with your solitude.”

this was said like.. a billion years ago.. how come i never heard it before? =P

thanks weiaun for sharing with me this website.. now at least there something good to listen to when i'm doing brainless stuff

http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/adoration-hallowed-be-thy-name

"petition is how you look at the world
confession is how you look at yourself" - Dr. Timothy Keller, 1995

oO

"Quite time is not fitting God into one small slot of the day
it is devoting the whole day to God, centering it around Him."

my dream

A: "If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?"

B: "i would fly a jet plane and fire missiles"

mmhm- i think i'm too inspired by calvin's velocireptor jet-fighter =D

5 songs for Good Friday

Easter day song's in Westly Methodist church, .. eh wait.. Good friday.. not Easter.

How Great Thou Art (UMH 77)
When I survey the Wondrous Cross,
Worthy is the Lamb
At the Cross
The Rugged Cross (UMH504)

gosh the lyrics of these songs.... so gnam for the day.

the more i come to know about Christianity,
the more i see that God is Sovereign,
it is no long er by my works and efforts that Salvation has come.

it was, is and always will be... by grace
i better not forget the 'through faith' part.

i.. nailed my Savior to the Cross on Good Firday
it was my sins.

He asked the Father to forgive me,
saying that i didn't know what i was doing.

when i was deliberately standing in the crowd,
mocking Him, whenever i continue to dwell in sin.. i'm mocking my King.

i was the one shouting "crucify Him!"
and yet in love, He chose the Cross,
so that even as i hang there like a criminal beside Him,
not having much time left on this earth,
having a whole lotta sins and wrong doings in the past,

i can yet have assurance that Paradise awaits those who believe in faith.
faith that grace was all and the only way we could have ever been saved.

and in this grace, God... the challenges to show it to others will come,
grant me remembrance of how you've forgiven me, so i can forgive others.

i know and understand,
i'm undeserving and unworthy

yet it is You who Justifies me,
Sanctifies me,
changes me from the inside out,
that i may be more and more like Christ each passing day.

wash away my iniquities,
with the Precious Blood You shed today,
as you hung on the Cross at Calvary

no matter if i slowly start changing from an Armenian to Calvinist,
yet the Helmet of Salvation shall i always ware,
that no matter who we are or what we do, God is watching over us,
and as long as i come to him, in my disease, He shall heal.

By His stripes i am healed

what God would do all this for His creation,
only a God of love,
and if there was a time for me to doubt God,
i know will know that Love never fails,
His Love

on Good Friday,
Love died for me.

i cant wait for Easter to come,
where Love comes back to life and lives forevermore,

my God's not dead, He's surely alive.

but i really wonder what He did in the time between Good Friday and Easter.
hmmm

1 book voucher, 300bucks worth

so yeah i... kinda splunked 4 of the vouchers on .. the stuff in the previous post,
with only one left, and not wishing to hold on to it any longer,
the harris/popular sale held in 1B was like an answered prayer...

so i was walking around, supposedly going to buy hangers because the friends house where i do my aundry (because they have washing machine) ... erm.. doesnt have enough hangers =P

and as i was walking around the sale, i some books caught my eye,

but see, the thing is, i didn't bring my vouchers.. errr.. voucher.. down! so i asked the cashier girl to keep them from.. for.. me =) how nice of her

you know what, i like to d my reaserch before i purchase something, some of the book stores were giving out extra stuff if u used ALL your vouchers there, but like i said in a previous post, heck it, i'm just gonna use it and forget about it... i dont want to hold on to it any more and let it linger on my mind.

so got the vouchers and went back down to walk around again
then my eyes caught other books!!!! gosh how i wish i had all RM250 of vouchers now!!!
each of the stacks bellow are worth RM50-ish... some books were up to 90+% off!!

 so the first pile was books of classic stories, yeah i know u can get the e-book pdf version for free online because the copywrights old or seomthing like that.. but still.. its different from holding a physicaly book in your hands and flipping the pages.

 second pile was on managing, economics, buisness stuff... so why suddenly out of the blue? well because i realize that i have zero, .. like utter fail in entrepreneurship or anything to do with money. why so? i dunno.. maybe because i was how i was brought up, my family. my father who.. supplies us well with... love. haha. but i know i cant 'trust God' to pour money into my pocket while i sit around idling .. so yeahh.. really need to buck up on this area in life..

ah third stack.. actualy this isnt the third, this was the very first intial stack that cought my eyes. why these books? from the top 1. i want to read a biography, havent read any before =P 2. its a little blue book! i like things that should 'summary of all the best things' so that i dont have to go thorugh all the 'bulking meaningless junk' .. its like someone already filtered out whats best in the field and done the hard work reaserching it =) 3. how to land your dream job, seriously, this is a POV from a normal daily life with out a God. i always wondered what people do if they dont live for a transcendent cause. i junked the book anyway, no point reading something of lower grade when one has already got the best Guide Book in the universe xD 4. management, i've always been an introvert. hah! going to camps and school organization stuff, i wondered what makes a leader a leader, what makes other people want to follow, what is delegation, how should we live out life in dealings with others? ... there are so many self help books out there, nvr really read much of them.... anyone can read them right? but .. whats the point of having half truths that seem to be taken from a better source. anyways, humans learn and they always will, because ..err.. they're God's creations? . i want to learn from others. 5th book: google. how the algorithm of a giant search engine shall unite the world. wohoo, goes back the the one world order thing, i think i've written about that before. anyways, i junked the book too, cause.. it was really old.. like .5-6 years or something like that... nows 2014 bro!

then again, many things written in books of the past dont come to pass until much later =P its like the autors could predict what the future is, and the common average joe who doesn't read books, only thinks its something new when it comes out on the market. something like.. issac assimov books =)

so yup yup this final stack is the 5 books i purchased. plane and simple from the top: 1. OSCAR WILDE! i loooooveeeeee this story, though i read a small tiny book that was ment for primary school kids in england. i stil remember, the rose, the price (start child), some mermaid soul thingy, golden leaves and a bird, a giant.. good stuff... and when i read that this was sorta the on novel written by him, i just HAD to get it.... pride and prejudice can wait =P 2. inside drunke's brain: btw, i have no idea who he is, never read his name until today. owh well, lets just try a new book for fun. 3. mangement gurus: wohoo, a summary book! 4. hacking work: in the recent times, i'm slowly finding out what the true and deeper meaning of "rules are meant to be broken" line is all about. even malaysia's education system is full of indoctrination, so is its workplaces i bet! gonna break free! =P not everything we've been thought is the truth. 5. freefall: so i basically got this book because it said Noble Prize winner and Economics. i know nuts about Economics, yet its such a big part of the world aye? kla, i think this is a good place to start. haha simply wan

so yup yup this was what i spent my 1 voucher on. bet its gonna take my 4 years to finish reading em' =P

what did you spend your vouchers on?

a good pillow, lets one think much

the internet
-is so full of crap, there's wayy to many things to read nowadays,
-especially facebook, its doing more harm than good, wasting my time
-yeah my bad, no self control, cant stop checking the news feeds
-thank God i dont have twitter, instagram or other social sucking soul stealing scheme.

-the good of internet? so many people can write good stuff nowadays,
-one in a while i come across a good meaningful wall post on FB,
-almost if the guy complied all the wrote, he could make a book and publish it.
-i want to do that =)
-but so many times, meaningful things get washed away into the annals of time,
-archived into the internet's cloud memory of a billion terabytes and still expanding ever infinitely

-man has their own responsibility of education in their hands,
-especially after he gets a laptop,
-its a window the the cloud, the information, truths and lies that float in it.
-cant be blamed if we are naive

-with great opportunities, come greater risk of losing everything.

the eyes are the window to our soul indeed.
-i watched a horror movie, occulus with a friend.
-the ticket was bought without my consent, so i was 'obliged' to go
-i dont normally watch horror movies, i turn them down whenever i can
- so after such a long time of not being 'exposed' to it, my horror sense is extremely vulnerable
-gosh, now when i close my eyse to pray i imagine a lady in white robes and glowing eyes.
-evil spirit in the name of Jesus, leave me alone!
-well that worked =)
-the Blood that cover's us FTW
-careful what you watch, watch porn = lustful thoughts = pimples.
-learnt about chemical chain reaction today, haha

gays and coffee
-i drank coffee just now
-it works, i cant sleep.. and i have a gaharu workshop tomorrow
-i lay on my bed, mind wide awake, but the caffeine stimulating the synapses.
-i miss diagnose it as.. insomnia.. well sorta self induced.
-the there is an over stimulation of something, the precious things get desensitized
-so we go out on a journey to find something that will give us a new 'hype'
-thus, distorted sexual orientation like.. being gay =P

really bad stupid theory.

write a book on "a good pillow"
-how it chirstianity is like a very.. comforting thing to have.
-imaging sleeping every night without a pillow
-life without Christ is like that
-btw i just got a memory foam pillow =) a friend had popular voucers, didn't know what to get...
-i now think that a good pillow is vital to life on earth
-cant wait to go to sleep now adays.
-and good sleep i get indeed!

write a sci-fiction book about
-a dystopian cyberpunk world
-a uthopian nature orientated world
-both of the same planet, each taking half the equator
-separated by a band of neutral steampunk land
-a boy from the technological side crosses to play in the river,
-and meets a new friend who dresses in leaves.

-sorta inspired by
-tripping the rift: the boarder
-world of warcraft: tree loving elves =) and armor forging drenei
-matrix: cyberpunk-ish, anything gadget-ie
-.... sigh.... write a book? get real....
-shall place this on my 'things to do list'

i want to kneel by my bedside and pray,
-my heart was so hard,
-asked God to soften it..
-lo and behold, the moment i thought of "comfort and peace", tears streamed down.
-for that is what i've received, and that is what i must share.

there are just so many, too many things to share about to pray about

i imagine i was holding someone's hand, i couldn't see who i was as i trailed along from behind. then at the end of the road it turned around and stared at me, it hard the face of a skull. i had been holding Death's hand all along the way, and i never knew it. my will was whatever he led me too. i was bounded but happily followed.

then Easter day happened Christ took my hand, and now he leads me, He doesnt hide His face, but always turns to look at me, so that i know who i'm following. As i close my eyes tonight, i reach out my hand to take hold of His. Some say it's His hand that holds on to us no matter what, but i would like to think, that even a grown man, can have to joy of holding on to Him. Just like a child holding on to his Father.

i was crawling, weakened, defeated. but Christ reached out His hand, and as i grabbed it, i felt strength return to me, pulsing through my whole body. i got back up on my feet, and started to walk back on the narrow parth.

-gotta paint a picture of it one day =)

secular atheism

atheist are materialistic. everything in view is nothing but plain physical matter: there is no spiritual dimension. Because there is no God.

they exisit in two kinds, Marxists who are philosophical, theoretical and Westerners: unthinking, practical.

everythin therefore is based on experience. its the main and only ultimate teacher in life. and the relativism creeps in. anything goes, whats true for you so be it.

therefor: atheist cannot argue against people who believe in God. it would just automatically go against what what claim to believe in. That what is true for you, HAS to be true for me, in terms of viewing it from your eyes.

accepting without believing, is only possible when you know there is only one truth.

there is a dissociation in believing something that is not the truth, and why cant you see so clearly this is it.

too many times the Gospels have been quoted, but this is the original reference Isiah 6:8-10

Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!" He said, "Go, and tell this people: 'Keep on listening, but do not perceive; Keep on looking, but do not understand.' "Render the hearts of this people insensitive, Their ears dull, And their eyes dim, Otherwise they might see with their eyes, Hear with their ears, Understand with their hearts, And return and be healed.""

viewed in context, i always pray and hope that we are called by God. that he chooses us first, so that we can choose Him as he enables us, through grace.

regenerate us, Lord.

humility

pride repels grace

it does.

humilty is this: when we have the right to something, but we dont take it.
when we are ABEL, but dont USE it.

hard-stuff

i thank God in all his riches and glory, for providing me all and more than i need and ever will.
it was a blessed field trip, when it started with prayer.

thank God for fellow chirstians, that share and commune in fellowship.

"Let us not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." - Hebrews 10:25

my mom's name

grace is an amazing thing.
the more i think about it the more i realize i didn't know what i meant

so many times i've heard:
from church:
1. its receiving a gift or something i don't deserve
(and mercy is not receiving the punishment we deserve)
2. it is already given, but if we dont accept it, its goodness cant be applied in out life
(universalize salvation - arministic)
3. God chooses and predestines who he wants to show grace to
(in the sense that we couldn't choose grace even if we wanted to - calvinistic)

Eph 2:8 "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God"

from merriam-webster:
a :  unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b :  a virtue coming from God
c :  a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

but as i walk on in life, i realize that.. grace is probably the second most beautiful thing after Love.
love that never fails.

 come to think of it, grace solves so much problems in life. it brings peace when the tables aren't even. it brings joy in suffering. it brings light in times of dirty darkness.

grace what have you done. that Your very existence has forced me to change my life. to view my life so differently... if i never knew what grace was, i would be innocent of doing the things i do in the flesh. but ever since i came to know you, i cannot just live my life as i have been doing in the past. i cannot live in denial and oblivious to the fact that grace is meant to bring change.

and yet i realize that i do no know who you are.
just like i never know how my bride would be at 80,
yet its the journey i'm willing to take but committing my life to you.

grace what have you done?
murdered for me on that Cross.
Accused in absence of wrong
my sin washed away in your Blood.

teach me, Master, what you meant by grace.
how can one show grace if the opportunity does not pop up?
and boy when it does.. it isn't a nice thing to experience..

Jesus had to shed blood and get nailed to a cross to show it,
how far would you go, dear heart...
how much can you endure dear body...
how long would you walk, dear legs
how dirty would you get, dear hands

as far as grace enables me to.

go get prepare.

why bother to stand up for apologetics?
i think all people who believe in their faith should atleast know how to talk about it
as a kid we can reason as a kid, but as time passes, we do grow up, and so must our 'spirit man'

without giving food to the soul, it'll starve, shrink and wither.
feed it bread, good solid food: the Word, consume it digest it. stay hungry for it, daily
water it so that its not parched and dry: Praise, Worship with music, a lifestyle, every waking moment and breath
see the fruits: witnessing, good works, small works, unnoticed deeds, gifts like tongues. it edifies

be edified. life is a race. there are people on the sidelines to cheer you on. morale support.
its also a mind over matter thing, make a conscious decision move those legs and hands,
run. pray, kneel down, speak.. as the Holy Spirit enables

the is never a Christian who isn't ready to do God's work,
each and every small task IS preparation.
for the greater things to come, do the small things

Luke 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much."

MOVE ON. dont be dishonest about your faith that was given at the cost of Jesus sacrifice.

atleast read a book =)

truthfully, i dont need to tell you the truth

to tell you the truth,
people who dont or cant appreciate the truth,
dont deserve it.

that being said, one doesn't need to tell the truth all the time to everyone,
cause they just  wont cherish it

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what a world way of thinking,
yeah ofcause people keep secrets and dont blurt out every single scheme and plan
thats the whole purpose of staying mysterious, top of the game, one in a million different.

but seriously, not telling why one actually does something to be.. manipulative?

now thats a really wrong posture of heart to have.
i heard there was a wise quote 'dont throw your pearls to pigs'
cause seriously, how can they see and value in something so precious?

but that being said, the truth will set you free,
without lying there's no need to be afraid of being exposed,
with out hiding anything in the dark, one can walk in the broad day light,
without always watching the back, one can face foward and walk on...

share the truth, love others. because God loves you.

yes i had to put that in, i fear that sometimes i should be worldly politically democratically correct,
please the masses and push aside the minors... but i just cant,
my God is just too too too big, huge! magnanimous..

my very actions, words, movements, goals, aims, passion, life..|
each breath i breath, let it be for God

april's fool - i feel like dying

fun ..er.. not-so-fun fact, i had a granduncle that died on April's fool,
i'm sure people thought it was a joke... and kidded that death shouldn't be something to be made fun of

well he did actually die..

i guess that one can still make people laugh by dying =P
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heh heh so basically that's like a post to put on FB wall and make people think one is.. suicidal
seriously? if i wanted to kill myself i would just do it, why would anyone tell the world what they are going to do and give others a chance to thwart the plan.

i think people who post depressed emo things on their walls are just seeking attention,
like if you really needed help you would call your best friend and talk to them in PRIVET

gosh.. so i tried to be 'emo' and post stuff that .. would make people automatically assume something is wrong... (like seriously, why are Christian's still depressed??)

and what i found out was.. people actually  do care! genuinely..
but i as the 'victim' was .. eagerly waiting for people to reply.. i was selfish and WAITING for replies..

i taught i wanted to die, not talk to people.

haha... so it was quite a fun trial to run. standing on the other side and see-ing things from a pseudo-depression POV

had some really really really good people come and bring up conversations...

and when they stop replying, and cease to play the game, it gets boring...
and i just decided to stop playing too...

it helps to not 'layan' this kinda emotional-baby-fits of childishness

happy apirl's fool btw
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GOSH! that is really really really bad! some people who actually do SUFFER from depression, like medically confirmed, pill-popping and seeing a specialist

what i know is.. Love never fails..

in a time where one actually wants to kill themselves ... it really works to have someone to talk to, someone to be beside them and know they can yum-cha with

mhmm rebuking doesn't work sometimes i guess.. like "grow up!" .. it just makes a person even.. sadder.. to know that they cant buck up to what people expect them to be
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so yeah. remember LOVE NEVER FAILS!
i feel so bad.. so so so bad of making a mockery out of this..
as if.... this wasn't a real problem...

sigh, when will i stop playing this games,
and finally grow up..
get mature and be dull and grey

hmm.. probably never... =)