the Catholic Church

the universal church. thats what he kept referring to when i decided to not tell which denomination i'm from. Jesus loves them, and so should i.

today, is sunday... its been feeling like sunday for the past few days since finals were over.
and sometimes the holidays make one.. lazy. almost didn't want to bother going to church today.

but glad God drags me along =P
decided to try a different church from the usual skyline.
i remembered there was a small like shack looking church right behind 1B, in the kampung area.
woke up in time, made a cup-o-oats (gotta finish my goo before i leave sabah for 2 months), browsed a little, took a bath and walked down to St. Simon. an RC church.

okay so i come form a protestant church, not anglican, but baptist.
and i probably grew up all my 20 years there,
being born in a chirstian family, one would automatically follow parents to wherever they go and.. worship
and so... it was a nice place, alot of young bumiputeras there. sat beside a nice murut girl. talked to her a little, then service started at 10am.

well it was a bahasa service, and they have all this liturgy stuff. i... dont know very much about their traditions and rituals. like making the cross sign, kneeling down and worst of all, taking the body sacrament.

but boy did i tell you how i love the old school sound system of one speaker only. i could finally hear the voice of the masses and not just the worship team. and it was like angles. Mazmur Sahutan: Malaikat Allah melindungi orang yang takwa... beauuuutiful song.

basically in a baptist my church, we would all pass out lil small cups and bread (they can be the round flakes, square cubes or even.. gosh.. roti channai.. a few times only lah). and we'll all wait till everyone has it, holding it in our hands and ..erm... remorsing over our sins?

so i lined up, like what i remember they do in St Peter's back in ipoh. then i turned around and ask my murut friend if it was okay. she said.. yeah? haha. she's so nice and innocent. so i tried to observe what the people in fornt of me were doing so that i could err... replicate them? but when i nodded and took the flake.. okay.. Jesus body... i didnt eat it right infront of the father... who ever he is when i accidentally called him that. katekis i think. and when i went to sit down.. no one was holding the flake in their hand.. so yala, i realized i missed out the eat straight away part. dude! 1 Cor 11's been drilled into my head to wait for others.. anyways.

then this man with a red ribbon around his chest tapped my on the shoulder.
asked me if i was RC, then i knew i did something.. err.. wrong?
so i walked out with him, and he started to sternly ask me if i was RC,
if i'm baptized, if i can menyambut (take the sacraments) and blablabla..
so i found out.. only anglican's can take the sacraments in an RC church =(

sorry uncle, didn't mean to desecrate or show any disrespect.
and at a time when an older person rebukes a younger one... in public...
its darn hard not to tear up. but the joy of the Lord shall and was my strength.
steeled up and spoke apologies, calmed the guy down... and tone changed.. phweh.
shoke his hand, thanked him for being so bold to pull me out..
then he let me go back in to sit down...

gahh.... was trying to suck the water back into my eye balls.
the girl beside me apologized and said she thought i was RC.

owhhhh boy. the trick here is not to point the finger back and forth.
man up, and accept it. she didn't need to appoligize for anything.

and i feel disgusted that she feels any sort of fault,
its a church for goodness sake!

any song after that made me want to burst into tears.
sigh.. so i guess asking for a soft heart isnt the best of things to get from God =l
so after the service ended. err.. mass? i went to shake a few hands of some familiar UMS students from harmoni. then i went to see the man who pulled me out. talked to him summore and his loving wife, there were people staring and gathering around us.. mhmm.. not many outsiders go into catholic churches i guess.

then we both went over and i appologized to the katekis. He was a nice guy. gave me time to explain myself, didn't speak first but listened. i was lost for words at that moment, like.. just become dumb and blank. sigh.. i could find the word for it "i didn't mean any disrespect". he too asked which church i was from

but yeahh.... after that met the third guy, Jeffrey.. the chaiman of the church. asked about the history of it. and he too asked which denomination, after answering the two many back then, i decided i'm not going to say it anymore. so he referred it to 'the universal church' ... but i could get the hint, that they do strongly believe in other denominations (except for anglicans) haha okay i should stop.

but he did speak with love, and told me about respecting the traditions and local customs, which obviously i dont do very well... sigh.. these people here are so polite. then he gave me the illustration of an RC going to another my church and doing whatever he wanted. well... okay so i guess that wouldnt be nice.

but i didnt do it intentionally! well.. i guess this would be what iniquity is.
i didn't intentionally learn to do the 'right' things either.

reminded me of so many things.. about the GGF conference my sister dragged me to.
where reformist dont lift their hands in worship (okay my sister doesnt like me for speak as if i'm ridiculing them.... but..... i dunno.. maybe one day i'll learn to speak with love =P)

i learnt not to condemn and what grace meant from that one.

here i learn what respect of other church traditions are.
and its not 'as long as i think its right and okay for me to do' sorta thing.
learn the local customs. sit at the back and watch, not the front and put up a show.

Jesus said when one goes to a feast, sit behind first... and seriously.. i know why he says that now =P

mmhmm.. "if there's one think i know... is that i dont know what i think i know"

God, teach me 'respect' and how unity would come bout in Your church.
religion is not just another force that separates man, but ehno-denominational-centrism does.

so Jeff was the last guy then i walked out. couldn't take it anymore...
walked through the kampung surrounding it.

its a slump. gosh.. what did Jesus said when He was for the poor =(
then i looked up at 1B, the huge towering condominium (with i'm current in right now typing this),
i think about how rich we are, walls of brick floors of parquet..

D;

walked .. and walked.. and walked........
will i follow you Christ? who isn't too selfish to die for others.
i have my own life, why should i give it up to save just a few people...
you were perfect Christ, your skin must have been smooth and unmarred,
a perfect complexion and radient glory..
yet Yu gave that all up,
and left heaven...

left the throne of riches and came down to earth bellow,
just because you love me..

your not just a Savior, you're the Redeemer, Healer and Friend
thank You for bringing me to my first.. mass...

"in giving, then one will know what is living."

our weakness, a protector, the healer

satan knows our weakness,
and he uses it in the inted to destroy us.

everyone has their own battle to fight
based on the seven deadly sins.. and more
some greed for money, power or fame.
others breed deceit and jealousy
some have an extremely slightly short fuse, and blow up at anything trivial,
while yet lust is the common amongst many

if thou shall find onself in temptation,
seek to flee not fight it,just like joseph from potiphar's wife
just like how Job found that talking to friends in hard times,
accountability partners and acquaintances do help
yet know that all man are still human,
and the one one that can truly liberate is Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior


so then, what can wake a person up from his mistakes,
as much as a child being spanked by a loving mother,

what can make a man appreciate life more in all its fullness,
than to have a near death experience, once over again.

june 26, one day after my exam, i was cycling back from prayer meeting at the House of Joy in King Fisher, at the round about that goes back to UMS at a 3o'clock turn off, i was in the middle of the two lanes at 9 o'clock, when the driver from the inner lane decided to go straight.

and thats when her car met my bike,
thank God it wasn't a tragic accident,
got hit perpendicullarly and then flew into the air,
landed on my butt... it still hurts till now

she stopped the car, as i was right infront of it,
i stood up, dragged my bike to the side,
she wined down the window and ask if i was okay,
and kept repeating "do i need to go to the hospital"
how nice of her, to be so caring, if only she was a more alert driver.

but i was fine,
protected by a divine being,
who will not let me go home until i have settled my purpose here on earth.

thank you Lord.
for saving me
both physically all the time,
and spiritually too.

heal me Lord.
and use me to heal others.

"to our weakness, He is no stranger"

childlike

"lead me to the place,

where i can see you face to face,

all i want to do is worship You.."

.. what can make a grown man cry like a child,

is when he starts believing like a child

"a child seeks to know the truth, not reasons to believe a lie." -ravi zach.

why so skeptical oh my soul,

doesn't thou get weary and heavy laden?

Christ has set me free from my burden,

so rise like the eagle and smile like a child.

a man ought to have roughly three phrases in life,

being born into this world with innocents,

all man have the potential for good,

yet in this fallen society it is only normal to be corrupted.

the world's influences and pressures will persuade thee,

but though persecuted, you shan't be crushed nor abandoned.

after a child, a man grows into adolescences,

some man do and some man don't,

some stay immature some stay childish,

and owh how vast the difference is from being childlike!

for that shall only come in the third phase.

while still here at the second pit stop, many meet a companion

called rebellion

he teaches critical thinking, skepticism, tickeries, discernment,

he's a friend who shows what wisdom is to call a bluff,

to see through lies that the eyes of weariness only can do.

he's also a foe who makes the heart harden,

and oh how sad it is to lose emotions, how devastating it is to not cry.

when one feels neither right nor wrong, hapiness or sadness,

stuck in the void like a lukewarm water, be it better for him to be spat out

to the ground and face palm the earth eating dirt.

then shall he realism that there is more to life than being a friend of rebellion.

the third phase, if one would ever mange to escape the second,

holding onto the hand of transcendence,

knowing there is something far greater than oneself of anything of this world,

something divinely pure and true.

a light that shines the way and guides the path,

a love that never fails.

then oh how much the angles rejoice, and how great the Gloria in Excelsis Deo shall be

for than the man can start believing like a child again

for then the thawing of a frozen heart shall flow fourth tears of a child.

for then one shall be able to cry again,

knowing that skepticism is all but a phase in life.

and all that matters is to trust and obey,

"for there's no other way,

to be happy in Jesus,

but to trust and obey"

and eternal life shall then come upon ones life,

just as what is said, eternal life is this = to know Him and the one who sent Him.

in the fullness of His glory, one shall leave behind the old ways, and walk on to life Everlasting.

But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

do you want to be a child in the Kingdom of God?

Lewi pemungut cukai

Lewi pemungut cukai mengikut Yesus.

"Ikutlah Aku!" Maka berdirilah Lewi lalu mengikut Dia. Kemudian ketika Yewsus makan di rumah orang itu, banyak pemungut cukai dan orang berdosa makan bersama-sama dengan Dia dan murid-murid-Nya.

Amin, Helleluya.

Situasi ini telah dipetik dari Markus 2:13-17.

Ia bercerita ttg bagaimana Tuhan Yesus telah menyelamatkan seseorang yang amat dipandan hina oleh masyarakat. jikalau saya rasa diri macam serong pemungut cukai, selalu berada sekeliling duit, apa-apa pun saya pikir dan lihat, ia cara untuk menguat keuntungan je, lebi-lebih lagi skema dan tipu-helah untuk punggut lebih dari apa yang sepatutnya saya ambik.

dosa saya dalam hidup ini tidak lebih teruk ataupun ringan daripada apa yang Lewi mengalami/melakukan. dosa adalah dosa adalah dosa. tak kira bertapa besar atau pun kecil ia nya.

dan apabila kita yang berdosa ini dippangil oleh Tuhan untuk ikut dia, kata kata Yesus mempunyai kuasa. kuasa unutk meliberitasi kita dari gengaman dunia yang bermata wang. saya tidak akan marah kalau seseorang berbuat dosa, kerana kita memang di lahir dengan nafsu! saya hanya marah kepada diri saya sendiri kalau tiday menceritakan dan berkongsi Berita Baik bahawa hanya di dalam Yesuslah kita dapat diselamatkan dari dosa.

Yesus tidak memandang rendah kepada orang-orang berdosa seperti Lewi dan rakan-rakan dia. Yesus melihat kita dengan mata penuh kasih. Sayang-Nya kepada kita merentasi batas-batas dunia sehingga Dia sanggup bergadai nyaway dia untuk kita.

v17 : Yesus mendengarnya dan berkata kepada mereka: "Bukan orang sihat yang memerlukan tabib, tetapi orang sakit; Aku datang bukan untuk memanggil orang benar, melainkan orang berdosa"

Yesus, tidak mahu saya melihat diri sendiri sebagai seorang yang sudah mencapai rohani dan kemuliaan, Yesus tidak mahu saya menjadi ahli Taurat yang kat luar nampak suci tapi dalam tidak mahu tolong yang lain. hanya tolong diri sendiri je.

adakan saya akan dapat mengikuti jejak Yesus Kristus, Penyelamat saya yang telah memanggil saya unutk mengikuti-Nya?

riding on dreams

so i watched two movies,
How to Train your Dragon 2
Rise of the Guardians

when i was watching HTTYD 2, the thing that came to my mind was riding is cool. i wish i had a motorbike here =P closest thing one could get to a dragon i guess

and ROTG, talked about believing in something that is really.... erm... intangible (initially)
kinda reminds me of what faith in Christ is like, and how He protects us.

how having fear or dreams or nightmares all matter in a child's life.
how even it matter's in my life now...

poverty and prosperity

DEB is bullocks.

education is the key out of poverty.
any how can one even classify poverty based on material possensions?
what if the person is MORE happy than a wealthy rich person.

what if there was another definition from success and prosperity
than how the world would see it?

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth,
meditate on it day and night
so that you may be careful to do everything that is written in it,
then you will be prosperous and successful"

joshua 1:8

its not inter racial/ethnic issues that causes  segregation in the economy,
its the intraethnical issues. there are way too little percentage being rich
using a false education to keep the rest suppressed.

pointing the finger at the wrong enemy so as not to become a target himself.
the reason why bersih was so succesful was because it wasnt interracial conflict.
it was the voice of malaysians .. 1 malaysia. bangasa malaysia.. our true united nationality

coming against the corruption of the real enemies.
the enemy of the state isnt the rebels.
communist might have used violence back then,
but look whose using the law for their own good, unjustly now.

the ones who fear their power taken away from them
who fear exposure of all the've done wrong in the past,
digging up skeletons from the closets

those who fear change, although it is inevitable,
those who fear being corrected, being challenged,
having competition.

competition is good, it helps one grow,
helps one to asses his own flaws,
to take time and ponder on how we could be better,
how to avoid mistakes and make wiser decisions,
how to innovate and not be too above himself.

power corrupts, but the humble in heart will master it.

there are rich malays who shouldn't be allowed to misuse the DEB scheme and gain eve more shares than they need, especially since it straves out their own brothers and sisters of a kind.

and thus there also also poor chinese who should be allowed to use the DEB. not everyone in the ethnic group is rich. but they thing is we always try to help out one another, not of the same skin, but of the same heart. one malaysian,

stereotyping, prejudice, discrimination. we cant run away from it.
its innate.

we have to stand up against it, face it. fight it.

just....

"just"

the word added before or after a sentence,
that shifts the focus from 90% of what was said/written to a marginal proportion blowing up.

studying Hubungan Etnik now. i always have so much rants about how malaysia's education system to the majority is so grossly skewed and selective. time and time again they keep repeating that chinese work in bijih timah = rich. indians were in the ladang getah, and malays were "petani dan nelayan SAHAJA". no seriously, whats what they wrote in a book to university students.

i dont know what i'd be thinking if i was from another ethnic group. my chinese friends say HE just tembak the chinese whole way.... and if i would to agree with that and say that too... what difference would i be from the rest of them.

they whole idea is to to get past this obstacle and work together. but obviously, constant dronning and drilling of this ridiculous idea that we are still segregated as it was in the past, some being treated unfairly, is.... just going to keep it the way it is.

i say bullocks to history. well... propagandic history anyway.

if a man were to make the world a better place, he must as well start with himself. like.. the man in the mirror. thats what education should be centered around, improving oneself, and thus it would automatically contribute to society.

just like how we in our sin go to God, and the consequence of that is good works. for faith without actions is dead. not the other way around, where we do good to get good karma/pahala to cover up our sins or balance the scale of justice to be made presentable to God.

it is by grace we have been saved through faith, not by works, so that none can boast.

sigh. boast. just.

"just me having lunch" *snaps a picture* .. of some super awesome meal... while someone out there is dying of hunger.

"just my bro checking out his new bmw" ... yup.. probably just taking it for a test drive. cause if he bought it with his own money, ..mmhmm.. cool.

"just the church doing renovation and installing a 5mil dollar sound system" ... as the brother yuan said, ... i dont think that's what churches need.

the moment we take God out of the church, something else has to take the place on top. and if it isn't pride or power, its money. Balam.

now look here, i'm not saying that rich is bad, that hard working people shouldn't be earning their wedges,.. er.. wages .... that communism equity where the poor lazy people parasitically sucking of the people who strive for excellence is the way to go. no.

i'm just saying that, sometimes we get our priorities wrong.
sometimes we forget what humility is.

like saying "i'm trying to be humble"

seriously? announce the word from the lips and it blows up everything you've been doing. but, its jsut so sososososo hard to keep it in and do-the-behind the scenes good stuff with out announcing it out to the whole wide world. especially since there is facebook in your palm and twitter/insta/whateva technolog-thingamagiky..

the Word says, do not let your left hand know what your right hand did.
how in the zzzz should my brain split into half....

do not even bother to dwell upon the fact i did something good out of my own strength,
when all glory should go to God for the goodness he has allowed me to do,
for the opportunities and the talents He has given.
He has given, and not we have earned. nor did we aquire by eager desire and petition.

the parable of the talents.
gave 5 earned 5
gave 1 earned none.

just me, doing a rant.

Joseph from Arimathea's tomb.

the grave, or tomb.
imagine making your own coffin.

thats what Joseph of Arimathea did.
he had a hole dug out of rock!
boy was that a solid place.

no doubt it was expensive to do it too,
well, he was a rich man after all.
hah, see not all rich people are bad =P

but the part that really stuck a heart sting was this,

matthew 27:58
"But going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus body, and Pilate ordered that it be given to him"

did he just ask for a dead body? well he sure did.
he ask for the lifeless corpse hanging on that cross,
to be given to him... where were the 12 apostles that Jesus walked with,
were not they all like Peter to deny their Savior?

yet here stood up a man from a far away land,
believing Jesus as the Messiah, he really had some huge guts to walk up to a high ranking roman official and ask for a 'cursed'* body, one that has undergone the punishment of a criminal.
one that was bloody and dripping with pain all over,
one that had its flesh torn and ripped out, hanging in bits from the skin and muscles underneath.

and having be granted his desire, Joseph held..
he held the body of God in his hands.
probably one of the very few only to have had the chance to touch it.
the body that was broken and marred for us.
the body that was wounded and crushed for our sins.
so that he, and those who believe in it should be healed.



Matthew 27:59,60
"Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away"

taking the body and wrapping it in a clean linen cloth.
have you ever held a dead body in your arms?
and feel it slowly getting cold?
the heat dissipating away after the last breath was breathed.

well Joseph didn't get to hold Jesus at the point of death,
but he did get to do this, wrap Jesus.

and taking what belonged to him, a tomb.
he gave it to Jesus.

he gave it all, he gave his final resting place that was meant for him.. to Jesus.
Jesus took the place of Joesph's death.
He took the my place in Hell that was the rightful judgment meant for me in all my sins.

and rolling the stone over the entrance,
it was meant to seal it for eternity,
nobody opens up tombs that are close.

but we all the the story of Easter,
that we have a risen King, a God who lives.



oh Lord,
why do i stand in the crows mocking and jeering at You while You hung there and died on the cross,
why was i not knowing what i was doing in foolishness, yet you still cried to the Father to forgive me.
in all the pain and agony you bore, you still though of me, the one you love.
and because of you grace and mercy, i know my soul shall live for all eternity.

the grave on earth.
will be the final resting place for this physical flesh and bones,
i will however go to a place truly called home.




*curse is the man who hangs on a tree. Jesus was made a curse for us, so that the curse of death would be taken from us and unto Him.

back to the elementary

love. grace. i'm losing all of it.
i'm not seeking Jesus anymore as my source,
i'm seeking books about religion, websites about facts,
intellectual conversations, all talk

and no action.

i realize i'm not speaking out of love anymore,
that each word is forced out and carries a tone of stern harshness

and about speaking, why do i even start bringing up the negatives.
yeah its only right for people to talk when there news which is bad
but specifically pointing it out? well, it's avoidable.

people can already clearly see when things are going wrong,
they have the same thought running around in their head,
but just maybe shy or out of respect, choose not to say it.
maybe it was the they were brought up

and i dont think its called living in denial.
i just think its choosing to live above the circumstance.
to see the glint of good in the vast sea of darkness.

well, but some things need to be spoken out.
and those things not everyone can say so easily,
either because of fear of being marginalized by the majority,
the want to stay in comfort, or just clearly being blind and unable to see.

those things require not guts to speak out,
but knowing who we are when we speak out.

knowing our identity.
in Christ, i am first loved.

and thats why i can love.
its not that i'd speak out bluntly to anything because i dont care about other people's feelings.
its just that, we'd should only confront if we love first.

sigh. i should stop talking so much and learn to listen more.
learn, back.... all over again.. elementary stuff

8gb RAM and 512PenDrives

so in the midst of the exams.

i decided to cycle all the way to karamungsing.. why?
because a guy just sold me a kingston DDR3 SODIMM RAM 1600Mhz for.....

RM150!! =D wohoo!! ori price would have been ... 250?
so yup.. =) 100 bucks saved...

and... i mange to pick up two old school pendrives 512mb for 5 bucks each =D.. i'm a happy tech guy today

dreams the days of future past

so yeah, watch a pretty neat show with an interesting concept.
reminds me of what dream might be.

sometimes you stand at a certain place, with certain people...
and as if you knew what the next scene would be, it falls into place.
like deja vu.

i think i've learnt much from dreams,
especially those that are regarding events that relate to real life.
as if, they were trying to warn me of what is to come.

dreams...
mhmm... how i miss them