Tuesday, February 25, 2014

fight fight fight!

"The battle is won by not putting yourself in that position" -theresurgence

"truth doesn't change, Truth applied does" - Ps. Phillip

so the batle is to... take God's Word seriously... again?
well its a constant fight every day =)

Friday, February 21, 2014

read 'a short history of...' and you'll learn a whole lotta stuff

so the early church suffered much persecution under the early roman empire before Constantine,
we should appreciate that their test of faith was so intense for it spread fourth the Gospel to much further lands and proved its reality of Christ to help us in times of desperation
1) "Educated men had become followers of Christ and were willing to confess his name openly. They stregthed the faith of the simpler Christians and helped them to answer their critics and persecutores. Not least, the enabled us in our day to understand what the church of another time endured, to appreciate freedom of religion where we have it, and to learn that sufering for Christ's sake is not a new thing in this world" - pg 52 on Persecution in the Empire

Thank God we dont face that hard a persecution now to believe in something
the world is moving to a more 'liberal i dont care'.. thus the grave danger ahead is not 'what religion you hold?' but 'do you hold any believe in God at all?' ... and also false teaching within a church is more likely to be destructive than outside influences.. thats why interpreting the Bible cannot be done simply

the advancement of technology and a flood of ridiculous information has brought this upon us... there is wayy to much things to read, so be selective... find out what you want to focus on in life and read the articles and journals that matter

2) an unhealthy desire for martyrdom, Hermas' Shepard teaching on baptism and how it removes sins, an improper emphasis on good works, wrong allegories "In making these criticisms of the Apostolic Fathers, it is necessary to remember something that is easily forgotten. They stood at the beginning of the histor of the church and therefore at the beginning of theological thought. they did not stand where we stand today, with the help of nineteen centuries of reflection on God's Word" -pg 35

the early church developed sound doctrine and theological truths that weren't existing in the starting years after Christ ascension... stuff about who Jesus was, what the Trinity is, defenses against false doctrine

appreciate what was laid out in the foundations and beginnings... though we might not know everything that our ansestors had to put up with, they did most of the hard work in making sure we got the right stuff in this age... no longer do we need to be ambiguous, or work hard to set the foundations again (for it has already been done by them)... instead, we can focus our efforts and energies onto greater task ahead, building on the existing structures set up... on the most solid foundation ever available, Christ the solid Rock

3) "the multiplication of holy days, the veneration of the saints, martyrs, and relics, and the value attached to the pilgrimages and the holy places often pushed truly spiritual concerns into the background" -pg 142

is going to church what i seek for? is the amount of time that i spend in the 'house of God' a measure of my holiness... what does it mean to seek first His Kingdom... is it to do more ministries, go for more mission trips... make or obtain more 'Holy Relics' like flags, banners, wood chips of the Cross, pieces, and body parts of saints? ... sigh..

when will we stop chasing the signs and instead chase God
its the relationship with Him that matters

4) "the grace of God is irresistible in those who are predestined to eternal life; it is not given to those who are predestined to eternal life" - pg162

mhmm.. i still think predestination is in parallel with our choice.. we ain't robots

others to note "Man has been created that he lives his life in certain regular patterns that are constantly repeated. These patterns may be called cycles."

ascetic monastic life? .. i wonder when people will start doing that again

"Origen saw the same God at work in nature and in redemption and tried to relate both to the revelation of God in Christ" - pg 94

can you see it?

Thursday, February 20, 2014

mandatory attendance

did you know we are FORCED to attend all lectures and hand up all assignments
least we get an E?

why have such strong rules and laws if you are not scared

do you think the number of students coming to classes would decrease if there was no rule like this?
should the drive to be at the class come out of interest in the subject, hunger for knowledge and a keen lecturer who knows how to teach?

if you took away the law,
how many people would still go to class

do you want the true numbers? i dont think so

this education system as messed us up, it forces knowledge into a mind that doesn't want it
it constricts it by placing walls of what you should do and what you cant do

its not about the extra reading material,
its about the marking scheme, whats going to come out for the finals

they're scared, they think its for the good of the students that this laws are enacted,
they think they're wise... in their own eyes.. they think we are like sheep that need to be stuffed with grass for us to eat..

just heard us to the pastures, we'll see the fresh green grass and eat of its goodness by ourselves.. don't stuff hay into our face

so much push factors.. so little pull

students should eagerly desire to come for classes by their own free will
they should want inside their heart and mind to learn from the experience of wise men

we should see the beauty in the colonnade, arches and forum architectures and stand in awe of the beauty and meanings behind the construction of this structures

when will we ever find a Lyceum in this university

no wonder my friend told me to look further than this places,
if they cant be changed, why stay, if they cant grow up, why tolerate

i believe that there is work to be done here
i believe that there is a purpose
that there are people who are loved and who need love

stay.. hungry..
work around the rules and boundaries
respect authority, even in all its ridiculousness
it has been set above me for a reason,

if there was nothing to oppose
how would we know what striving for something would feel like

if there was nothing to stand up for
how would strength and courage have any definition

if there was just bliss in life,
how would we learn to enjoy times of peace

if there was no war to fight,
how would we taste victory

denda denda denda





ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T, SALAM SEJAHTERA, SALAM 1 UMS
ECO CAMPUS, SALAM 1 MALAYSIA

:: MAKLUMAN PENTING::

PERHATIAN KEPADA SEMUA MAHASISWA UNIVERSITI MALAYSIA SABAH, ANDA DIKEHENDAKI UNTUK MEMATUHI PERATURAN ETIKA PEMAKAIAN YANG DITETAPKAN DALAM UNIVERSITI MALAYSIA SABAH BERLANDASKAN AKTA UNIVERSITI DAN KOLEJ UNIVERSITI (AUKU). PENGUATKUASAAN ETIKA INI AKAN BERKUATKUASA BERMULA 24 FEBRUARI 2014 (ISNIN). OLEH YANG DEMIKIAN SISTEM SAMAN AKAN DIKENAKAN KEPADA PELAJAR YANG TIDAK MEMATUHI PERATURAN YANG DITETAPKAN SEMASA BERADA DALAM KULIAH ATAU KOLEJ KEDIAMAN. ETIKA PEMAKAIAN YANG DITETAPKAN PERLULAH BERDASARKAN BUKU PANDUAN PELAJAR YANG DIBERIKAN SEMASA MULA MENDAFTAR DI UNIVERSITI.


wassalmulai kum ... peace bro..

i love how rational and smart this is.. i totally feel like a university student... it is so safe to leave my bicycle outside... i totally think it is wrong to wear slippers, i should have worn shoes to climb mount kinabalu... who cares if my clothes get wet in the rain, i'll just wear them wet... because there isn't any basic necessity like a laundry service here... the canteen food is so delicious, i dont understand how 20 year olds would want to cook in their room and risk setting the whole block on fire.. how immature of them...

and another thing about denda.. money definitely makes the world go round... they say they dont want the money and its just about 'teaching a lesson' ... and i wonder how MPPM exco gets to go to DUBAI for FREE... i rather be canned in public...

seriously... then give money to your selfish funds.. why make life so hard for students! we just want to live and enjoy life! everything is about rules these days.. about how to EXPLOIT us to get MORE money for YOURSELF...

sigh.. sorry.. ranting

canning in public is a better opetion... it teaches a stronger lesson... it causes real SHAME.. to those who deserve it... what does denda's do? they just teach that you can get anyway with anything as long as you have money.. and both parties are happy

in canning... the accuser gets nothing.... only respect...
the accuser doesnt get tainted ugly money to use for indulging in world pleasures
instead the accuser upholds a higher responsibility.. it isn't easy to rebuke someone for their sake and not one's own self..

would you scold me, and get nothing?

or

would you scold me, and get money?

why bother if you think you're not going to get anything.. why rebuke... why bother care.... why even spend effort to LOVE

proverbs 13:24
"Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
    but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."

you think it is so easy to cane someone?
it hurts the accuser as much as the victim

(bad choice of words)
it huts the lover as much as the beloved

"a father who loves would cane his child even if it hurts to see the tears, but knowing what it'll produce in the future if he did or did not, that is where love must stay strong in the storms"

they dont care if i learn a lesson, they just want money

they dont CARE

okay i get the no shorts.. maybe its a religion thing.. i'm trying to be rational

but slippers???? dont you go pray in slippers???

just thinking about it makes me angry.... like a fire burning inside..
i dont want to be prejudice.. but they just make us.... hate...
inoculating hate.... through the system... a though cycle to break..

something only love could do... break down walls

https://www.facebook.com/MPPUMS/posts/608792232534136

authority has been set above us.. we have to succumb and obey
 it is all for a short while... all these hardships.. it shall all soon pass

atleast give me a reason, dont just slap it in my face..
you want us to be more 'moral' and 'beretika' ?

i'm sure there are better ways

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

please slow me down

when bad things happen, its not always a bad thing..
wait what?

"when there's a black out, thats when u see the starts shine the brightest"
-yeah it may be hot, no electricity to run your aircond or fan... after going up to kk.. u'll love the heat

"when your trekking with a slower pace friend, it gives you great time to stop and enjoy the scenery"
-seriously, it is good to not look only at the road you walk on... but just stop in you tracks.. and look up
you'll see so much more...

as in life.. dont rush through it..

take a breather...
and appreciate the friends that slow you down =P

there are wayy to many things to study in this life,
focus on something and aim towards it
you only have 24 hours a day... and it's important to get enough sleep... least you get eye bags and look like a vampire...

the ability to have one's education in our own hands is indeed a blessing
http://www.openculture.com/freeonlinecourses
http://www.youtube.com/user/UCLACourses

and wohoo! global warming is back in the picture!
http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/18/politics/climate-change-5-things/index.html?hpt=po_c1

this might help if you want to fight against chopping down the forest
http://www.globalissues.org/article/177/nature-and-animal-conservation

mount Kinabalu

so i booked a flight back to KK on the 12th when classes only start on the 17th
not knowing that many things were to fall into God's great plan at that moment,
right now in the present i look back and see His guidance and purpose

on the 12th i flew back, with a fully dismantled mountain bike in a TV box =D
what an interesting experience to bring an oversize luggage across the airport
and the best part was it fitted just nicely in a vios!

after dropping off the my stuff in the room and paying an extra Rm20 for coming back early
my aunt sent me to Crown Borneo to meet up with wei aun, awesome guy
really a good older dude that guided me and asked uncomfortable questions that i'm grateful for
bunked in his room for the night, next morning walked to a 'kampung air' instead of the sandy beach side
played with his GPS, i still cant get a hang of my own... i wonder why some are so fascinated by it, hopefully i'll see what they see in this device

anyways.. ate some awesome beef noodles near luyang area... hmmm i need to mark this points of great food... (maybe thats what the gps is for) ... with Josh Yeoh.. gosh.. he knows people in sabah who i know who know other friends i know... this world is way way too small

so anyways, tried to take a bus back to 1Borneo to walk back to my crib in UMS... so happen to stumble onto the right bus =P that went to Wawasan Terminal (something like Sentral) and the jalan jalan the city and went found the right bus back to 1B .. sigh.. so unused to taking public transport .. first world problem... when i was back in PJ, there was the Avanza, Iswara, Wira, Modenas Jaguh, Wave, Honda 65 Cup.... so many privet modes of transport to choose from... so dependent on a non-scheduled ride... so afraid/lazy to use the fixed routes of buses

anyways.. that night.. packed my stuff into a trusty 70L haversack and a Osprey sling bag... last minute to go mount kinabalu with senior Irene Yieun as a Research Assistant for her FYP... it was a 5 day trip, totally didn't prepare and pack accordingly.. i even thought of bringing a laptop! rediculous junk that i brought: too many shirts, a mosquito net.. (seriously??) and shoes... it is possible to do mount K in slippers

so much for "prius paratus larus"

met up with Apisai the cool rugby Fijian and slept over in his house at UCA... in Abbo's room =D

next morning at 5am, Mila, Nik, Api, Irene and I started our pilot test to mount K.. i bought 5 tickets for a 7am bus... but they got stuck in traffic jam.. but thank God the Tung Ma manager allowed us to change to 8am bus.. for free =D a real blessing

the budget was really really low, less than RM100.... cause she got a permit (1 year!!) and thus we go as researches and not tourist! the bus from Inanam cost RM15... the insurance is around RM37 i think and RM8 for transport up and down from HQ to the timpohon gate.. really cheap if you ask me

so first day.. we ran around getting forms and legal matters done to qualify our stay there... the hike up to layang-layang hut took... 6 hours =P .. for irene and i lah... apisai mange to reach in 3 hours... =P most people go all the way to Laban Rata on the first day..

just after we reached it started to pour.. thank you Lord for holding back the rain

we stayed at Layang2 for 2 nights... giving out questionnaires to hikers going up and down... a researches life is truly relaxing.. i would say 20% work and 80% free/chill time... 

on the third day we hiked up to Laban Rata the base camp before ppl summit... took us 4 hours... Api reached in.. 2? anyways, beautiful view on the way up...

when we reached Burlington hut (the one that scientist and researches stay in) it started to pour..

thank you Lord for holding the rain.. again

but the contion of the place was crap.. seriously.. i think they should provide better living quarters for this group of people.. there were two Ecologist staying with us there.. from the US.. university of Montana.. studying the birds there... heh heh.. and they had a air heater that runs on 110V .... plugged it into the socket .. and fried it... sigh.... stupid

"its wrong to touch other peoples things"

went for a walk from hut to hut in the rain, great fresh air
good thing the yellow fake columbia jacket was dual layered..
it was really fun walking around, without rules

at night
we sneaked in to sutera to makan their buffet dinner.. owh the lamb is so awesome... ate so much of it
talked to the US dudes about stuff, wow they are quite knowledgeable about our political situation

sigh its so sad that in malaysia we dont really care much for our forest, to gazette an area as a national park, it has to contribute economically.. or else chopping down the forest for timber would be so much more reasonable.. and politicians with money just wont bother about saving the nature for the future generations..

the US people said they come from a country who has chopped down their forest and seen the bad effects, thus they want to help us prevent the same future.... but because it is so hard to break the culture of selfishness

at 2am on the 17th.. the guide came in and told us it was still raining... so no summit-ing =( owh well guess 'luck' was not on our side.. will have to come back another time to try.. atleast it wasnt RM1500 bucks burned...

hiked back down on the fourth day and stayed another night... api and nik went back to kk.. we stayed at the Warden's Lodge.. best place! had a really good water heater and a room warmer...

on the fifth day we finished our work and Primus came to pick us up 
..zzzz... so tired.. i wanna go sleep now...

anyways here's a break down of what you'll need if you go kk...

when hiking:
cap
sunglasses
buff
t-shirt
pants
slippers

when sleeping
beanie
jacket
gloves
socks
sleeping bag

others:
toiletries: toothbrush/paste, shampoo, soap, towel
book, pen
water bottle
mesh tin, fork, spoon, chop stick
raincoat

mini day-pack

gadgets:
hand phone
Mifi- maxis broadband
charger
powerbank

yeah i only wore one long cotton pants the whole trip.. zzz.. thank God it dries even in the rain

and yeah dont forget: lots of snacks.. especially chocolate bars and nice stuff to munch on during rest stops.

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Let It Go - Frozen

this song, has not just a catchy tune thats fun to sing,
it carries an abstract meaning, that deals with something deep inside our hearts

freedom

basically the song talks very much about how a typical villain would start life

"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the Queen
"
-the first thing that lets us loose is to be away from people, to be unaccountable, to be alone, where no eyes are there to fall on our actions, where we don't feel any judgement, where we know we can let out our feelings and express whatever we want to

"And when He(Jesus) came out onto the land, He was met by a man(Gerasene demoniac) from the city who was possessed with demons; and who had not put on any clothing for a long time, and was not living in a house, but in the tombs." -Luke 8:27

"The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in; Heaven knows I've tried"
-the next step is the connection of an external stimulus that would trigger what we've been suppressing inside us for a long time. be it bitterness, greed, lust, jealousy, anger, unforgiveness... something might just tip us like the straw that finally broke the camel's back. be it a harsh criticism, hate orientated response or even sometimes a rebuke that intentionally was love but somehow took on another form when being expressed due to exhaustion..

thats why its important to always, daily clear off any burden on our shoulders.. for just like snow pilling up on a roof, if uncleared.. will finally get too heavy and break the house down... repent daily, sweep off the hay, chisel off the ice, talk to someone accountable, let it out before it blows you up.

and truly heaven will know you've tried...
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet was without sin." -Hebrews 4:15
"Jesus replied, "What is impossible with man is possible with God."" - Luke 18:27

if trying man's way doesn't work.. try asking a lil help from the Big Guy up there =P

"Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well now they know"
- well this second stanza practically says it all very clearly... especially for church goers =P we always gotta be 'acting' righteous, pure and holy... on sundays, in front of people, when we're on the stage... put on a mask, fake it... be a hypocrite. do something on the outside that i dont believe on the inside

well mentoring and one-on-ones really break this point, because we can share truthfully with one another without being hindered. and by Christ, a righteous life is no longer 'impossible' or a 'chore of obligation' but it automatically comes as a delight and gift as that is what is promised to us... i know there's a great debate on whether God chooses to give it to us and we just receive it by faith, or whether we have to do our part in doing good works to 'show' and 'prove' that we have 'fruits' that would make our faith genuine..

i personally believe this: dont be lazy. take EFFORT to sit a Jesus feet and LISTEN to Him... dont run around doing 'work' for God least He answers He does not know you who claim to have done all you did in His name ..

"any will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ - Matthew 7:22-23

the works will come automatically when you listen to Him first.. trust me

"This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile" - Romans 3:22 <<< suuuper taken out of context some might say

i didn't say it would be a struggle .. but it is possible =D whether it is imparted or imputed ... its still from Jesus.. it IS possible to be a hypocrite (aren't we all with the plank in our eye? =P) .. but it IS also possible to be freed from it, and i personally think you have to choose to hold His hand and walk a path parallel to what He calls you to

well now going back to the song.. still about the 2nd stanza.... DONT conceal it.. DOnT hide it...
feelings are a beautiful thing to have, joy, sadness.. laugh, cry.. its all part of a life's beauty

let some one know, so they dont have to find out the hard way

"Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back any more"
- i love to sing this part, the tune is just beautiful... the lyrics . well.. every single time the common advice is:
"dont give up" .. well.. this line totally goes against everything that that advice fights and strives for..

just give it.. just release.. just 'dont care' anymore .. (well this is totally out of context)..

there are certain things in life worth fighting for, certain righteous stuff that would last for eternity.. work hard for those, eagerly desire them..
there are those things in life that will pass away along with this earth, material wealth, temporary pleasures, fights that have no good end either way, false dichotomy, emotional jails that are locked from the inside... work hard with Christ to let these go

"Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway"
-4th stanza only??? well.. this part made Elsa look like she was turning into the villain in the movie, and she most probably would have if Anna didn't go out and seek her sister in love... this point aside for later..
please dont slam doors... no matter how angry or frustrated .. be it physical doors in the house that hurt the ears and heart.. not to mention wallet when getting the frame and hinge fixed.... but also mental doors.. dont cut relationships that are meant to be kept .. sure there are those people in life you'll do better being away from.. but you'll know with your heart who you should always let in when they knock ...

when He comes in and dine with you, he'll talk about things that make you feel uncomfortable, things that challenge you for the good... for your sake... dont run away from these people, seek them, open up to them...

"Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed." - Proverbs 15:22 (okay so this verse doesnt really talk much about being accountable =P Got any better ones? feel free to share and recommend in the comments)

no one ever said Christ would accept everything about you. Jesus loves the sinner, hates the condition i was in, a lifestyle of wickedness and debauchery, i couldn't glorify God with it, i didn't want to stay in it.. so i looked to Him, focused on Him.. i accepted that it wasn't an overnight thing, i knew it would be a long process, and miracles dont happen with a snap of the finger as if it was magic and God a genie in a bottle... i knew that the battle will never ever truly be finally over as long as i'm on earth.. there's no such thing as once healed always healed.. the temptation to regress would come.. to indulge back in Satan's kingdom... to drink poison and bile instead of milk and honey... to just tease faith.. test God's love...

no, there is no such thing as a one time repentance, repent daily

but rest assured with the helmet of salvation to guard your mind

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" - Philippians 3:12-14

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12:1-2

- this verses says it on the spot... lots of people are watching you =) don't worry.. we dont perfect our faith by our own strength.. in our desolate state of being born with a nature to sin horribly... dont accept it as finality... focus on something far greater than yourself and limits... any you'll find that as you run.. you'll slow escape life on earth and draw closer to Christ ... be in the world but not off it...

we'll be finally free when our physical body dies on earth and our soul goes to be with the Father

well .. and stroms raging on.. dont just let a horrible tornado run amok through your life destroying everything you have held dear for the years you've lived on earth... relationships, families, homes..

the cold (associated with something negative?) never bothered me anyway..... gosh.. sin should make you feel guilty! dont get desensitized to it.. don't indulged in it too much to a point where you get used to it!

"It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all"
- taking a step back always gives a better and clearer view
erm, well there are good fears and bad fears... good ones are like.. i better not steal or sleep with another man's wife leased i get kicked into jail or sued in court.. or worst... shatter my soul...
bad fears are like... what Elsa i think refers to: she has so much power, that if uncontrolled could hurt people, being in isolation with no one allows her to practice it freely with no guilt conscience of hurting anyone... (but in reality she was even though she was a 1000 miles away.. the people back in Arendelle were suuuufffeeeering...)

if you think your actions dont hurt anyone, think again

dont be decieved, dont be selfish... thinking its 'for the better of everyone'

the blessing powers meant for good, if unchecked by responsibility and a noble heart shall ultimately turn into a curse, destroying it's wielder and all that was protected in love

sounds like some marvel/DC hero corny line

"It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I'm free!"
-haha, i wish i could just test out everything.. drugs, clubbing, sleezy stuff... 
i'm pretty sure i'll break something.. like a glass cup or my neck in a car crash
well truth and justice is not subjective, if it feels good doing it, doesn't mean that it is not wrong..
sometimes i like to break rules, not the law... but rules... to bend them, find a loophole, a glitch in life... sigh.. if only this was the matrix =P could be bending spoons...

free... reminds me about Abraham Lincoln's word: People willing to trade their freedom for temporary security deserve neither and will lose both .....

btw its benjamin franklin who said it... anyways.. dont be secured in the things of this world... companions you find in clubs, work offered by the government, the church pastor's preaching, your wife (so gonna love mine when i get her... hopefully =P), cash, car, car exhaust pipe... seriously... i duno how and why loud sounds attract people... sense of power i guess?

"Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on"
... wind and sky... hmm reminds me of the ruler of the kingdom or air..
"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath." - ephesians 2:1-3

well.. this has alot of verses.. might be over spiritualizing everything =P but owh well... who cares, hope you care, its fun xP

never see you cry infront of people... how about behind when one is in the room, or in the toilet... as long as nobody is looking.. thats good right.. atleast you still have feelings.. has you're heart ever grown so cold that all expressions of joy or sadness just doesnt seem to exist anymore

please dont stay there... take a step out of it...
dont continue on in the storm.. rise above it

"My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past"
-oookay.. this bridge is totally full of stuff i'm yet to fully understand/make up/imagine it's meaning and write about it... but gonna skip it lah..

see, what's true and whats false there is room for you to doubt, but eventually you'll find something worth placing your trust in... something that you know its better to be on than either side.. and when you know.. when you feel... you'll just go all the way... even if there are ups and downs.. He'll always be more than able to get you back up

"Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway!"
-love how Idina Menzel controls her voice for this last chorus.. especially dying down at the last part..
there was never a perfect person to begin with..

of cause this is just an interpretation of the song... from.. sadly a very skewed point of view..
i love the song, yet i know it carries something thats wrong
Disney's doing it right ... somehow shaping the minds of children subconsciously..

kla.. sorry if i was thinking too far.. back to reality

i'll fail... i will never be fully assured in the capabilities of myself...
i'll succumb to temptations, i'll fall in trials, i'll give in to iniquities..

i'll pass, beyond what i can imagine... i will be assured when i trust not in my own understanding
i trust, but not myself, not my strength, not my will
there must be will that is far greater than the puny insignificant life i'll live if i just go with the world's flow

puny mundane mediocrity
there is a much greater calling awaiting 

believe that there are bigger things to come

Sunday, February 02, 2014

experience? who needs it

Dear wife,

even though you are a long way off
i've learnt alot of things before i know who you are,
i want to make promises for you
in hopes that you'd do that too

i dont want to be good at kissing you on our wedding day,
i might really be lousy and inexperience on our first night,
i know that when our lips touch it'll be something special
for we can finally end one of life's chastity fight.

i really want to mean it,
when the words 'i love you'
comes out of my lips
as we look in each other's eyes

no more bluffing, no more faking
the feelings as genuine as it can get
you're not just another girl
who would be passing by

well get better together,
i heard practice makes perfect
and i'd only want to do that
with the very same woman every night

i'm scared

adultery is a very real thing,
its so easy to cheat and lie,
to have friends with benefits,
no attachments, no commitments.

its great to be single,
i cant cheat because of that,
but what if the other's already taken,
and i'm the third one in the net.

its sad to know the one you liked
its already being taken by someone else,
how'd i still pursue you in righteousness,
without committing something i'd regret

and what if actually got together,
the fight wont just end there,
there'll be many more challenges,
we'd have to pull through and bear

it definitely wont be easy,
to stay faithful all the time,
trials and temptations will come,
we'd have to look to something greater

a true love that surpasses all,
that we wont have to be afraid,
of being sincere and truthful,
cause repentance paves the way

i'm comforted

i know you wont be able to supply all i need,
nor i give you all that you desire, vice versa
therefore we look together each day,
to something that's much higher

in Chirst alone is where we'd find
"Contentment, Fulfillment, Joy and Peace"
the only true source that could supply them,
with an unending assurance at least

"everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial" - 1 Cor 10:23

Saturday, February 01, 2014

I've finally found the reason for living... again?

without experience theology is as good as any man made idea.
relationships and feelings matter for they create that which is immaterial

there is a meaning to existence, a purpose for it
everything has a beginning and an ending just like the stars.
all things seen shall soon pass

we constantly evolve, yes
but there is One who has a much bigger picture than any of us
One who knows no beginning or end
One who created the heavens and the universe
in all it's vastness and mysteries.

And we humans know Him as what we call God.
who has revealed Himself throughout history

not wishing to be distant and apart from us
God took on a form that would pave a way for us
He took on a human form
leaving the throne and majesty in heaven
He became the only thing that could redeem us
to sacrifice and save humans for sin's wages

God took on a human form.
and some of us know Him as Christ,
Logos, Trinity, the only existence that makes sense

and finally the ultimatum,
Christ took on the cross
and paid the price for sin
so that humanity need no longer be eternally separated from a Holy God
so that we have been given a chance to partake in His divine nature.

this is the reason for living