mantis and kerangas

played with a baby mantis,
he likes to jump when a finger is placed infront of him,
and will climb up to the top

then there was a trail of kerangas ants on a wire,
they pass each other and felt each others feelers,
when they sensed i was a round some stopped and came into and aleart state
as if they wanted to bite me.

the ones carrying food would rush down without stopping.

Expanding world

Looking at the world map. It looks like the continents exploded from a small round object.

I saw a man

Fall down right infront of me, beside me.. he actually grabbed my shirt for a while.

I was reading the three body problem on my smartphone.

I couldn't react fast enough to catch him.

What have I become.

I saw a girl that seemed lost,
Didn't know which bus ticket to buy.
Didn't know where to wait,
Or where to sit

I didn't help her,

I just kept on reading,

I'm so afraid,

What have I become

An old man

Pusher a wheelchair,
And waited for his lady at the end of the travellator.

Flight appointments

I dreamt that I missed the flight, twice.
So real.
Do my appointments with God even seem that important?

Light up my darkness

E B C#m A

Praise you when im laughing
Praise you when I'm griving
Shine, oh shine

In the darkest of my moments,
In the hardest of my times,
Shine, oh shine.

Chorus:
You are the light,
To my world,
You're the strength,
When I'm weak

Bridge
When the whole world is against me,
I will not fear, i will not be shaken,
Because you are here.

Lessons from a Spider

While i was bathing, saw a wasp struggling a little funny along the wall,
It was caught by such a thin thread,
Of spider silk (just like how one small strand of sin can catch man).

A daddy long legs came to consume it, everytime it struggled, thats when the predator knew which direction would bring him nearer to his meal. (Don't struggle, just give in and be honest)

While eating halfway, another spider came out called by the tremors. But the first spider chased away the new comer, although bigger (fight for what is precious and worth protecting, even when the obstacles that come along seems daunting).

And later on he continued on,
I too finished off my shower.

after singing`

She asked a question, i didn't know how to answer...
life has been.. getting better.. as if the path was.. finally going somewhere

i sang... i sung.. singing...... and played strings...

and after that, i felt as if there were lose things coming out from my nasal cavity.

so i went to the sink and spat them out.. and they kept coming out...
as if.. something that has been lodged and pressing against my brain... has came out..

like.. finally...

sigh... i want to think more clearly, God... help me.... help me... i need you.. to love, to love her. the right way.

Worship

"that's​ the closest that we had ever come to AoG worship".

The role of the worship leader is to lead the congregation to worship God. Just like back in the songs if the old days.

The worship leader stops singing and the congregation continues.

And he gives cues at the end of each stanza so that the people (especially projector guy and congregation, not so much the musicians), are comfortable to know where it is going to flow.

Flow, gel, these terms..

Anyways, nowadays, the speaker just blares the extremely high notes of the worship leader on stage, it has become more of a performance. And the sound ends when the ones with mics stop... The band continues to play.

Not judging. God sees our hearts and those that worship needs to be in spirit and truth.

But one needs moral authority, just like yee kor's message on Nehimiah.

Worship. Worship. Worship as a life style, worship passionately and radically

24 years old

Memories are linked to feelings and emotions.

I seem to not have feelings anymore. I type words of happiness and use smily emoticons, but i don't actually smile in real life.

Not anymore. I use the app on phones so much more than meeting people face to face.

I hate using the phone.

I just want to be alone.

The only regret i have,
Is not knowing how to say 'no' to others.

Just... Let me have time to myself.

Let me be alone.

Bird sound monitoring app

What if there was an app that could listen to bird sounds and tell what birds were in that area.

It'll be so useful for ecological monitoring.

Shereshpondosed

Not to the point of being extremely stressed, nor defeated in morale, not depressed. But a similar mix of whatever isn't delightful and affects the quality of life.

Symptoms: a clear one is not feeling rested after waking up, even if the sleep time is perceived as long enough. Maybe it comes from oversleeping, when one has had his fair share of rest, be quick to get up and jump out of bed, least laziness is given a foothold and the comfort of bed glues the body down.

A slightly mild headache. That comes in a line slightly above where the eyebrows are, crossing with the center of the nose. This goes and comes, being able to focus in when there is a time of silence, but not negligible enough to not distract one form the dialysis dealings of life.

An inability to remember. Be it names of new people or facts in stories. As if there was no foundational stem to tie the branches of endless information to. Maybe affect by just not caring enough about whom were listening to, or just not being present in the moment due to something else bothering the mind. Rushing though reading material without properly understanding is also a contributor, with the immense amount of words to skim and speed read though, we claim that there isn't enough time. Everyone has the same amount of time, we just need to be more conscious of moments.

Which brings us to the next point, feeling as if there want enough time to do everything. Piles of books that keep growing, a list of movies to watch that east the space of hard drives. Storing doesn't mean experiencing, hoarding just adds more clutter.

Leave what is behind. Let it go.

well said..

"What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture." - Andrew Postman's  Father

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2017/feb/02/amusing-ourselves-to-death-neil-postman-trump-orwell-huxley?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits

homework

the more homework you do, the more homework you get.

Family dinners

Everyday dad come home from work. We get to eat dinner as a whole family every single day (unless someone's outstation). I remember sitting on the dinning table, being the last to finish. My parents would just be chilling in the living room watching TV. And I would be up there slowly munching away, watching the same show. Haha. Family dinners together. There was so much food cooked by mom.

day 1

but I'm still new and need guidance.
( i never knew what an "overload" is)

I thought I could handle of all this myself,

but i guess it was just overconfidence,

Had the intention, the initiative, 

but no determination and discipline to follow up.

Guess this is almost like starting form ground zero,

step by step.

Day 1

Pn Norisha's office (Head of Administration Section), got the keys. and paid the deposit.

rules of the Room, safety first, lock.

secondly cleanliness.

third: no couples in the rooms.

Met Eyen 30 minutes late from scheduled time.

should have told her we were going to the office.

Got a whole load of things up her sleeve for me

even i couldn't catch everything. but from what i remember:

1. There's an arboretum being set up in RDC, i need to compile a list of dipterocarps with the areas they occur in to check if they are in commercial forest or totally protected, and their status. so that Robert and .. erm.. someone else can see which trees they should select to be grown in the gene safe.

2. Follow Anis and Giacamo into the ...erm.. some FR to collect soil samples. and get paid an allowance 70 bucks a day. yea.. part time job.

3. when Chirs Kettle comes, see the gene mapping for Sepilok for Eyen's PhD.

4. go in with Alex to set up plots in Deramakot, for LTMP... seeing if we're taking out the good genes.

aside from that there is Colin;s work:

5. IUCN redlist.

6. FYP poster

7. IUCN online course.

and then...

8. finish of the dip lamellatus paper...

gg

and there's also a need to go for a fish seminar on the 15th (wednesday), remind eyen to send me the fish poster tmr.

Richard helped alot, really nice guy. showed us around the biotech tissue culture.

and then the molecular lab later on after lunch (we ate at McD in mile 6).

Grateful for: a nice boss, food at night, a room all to myself, sandy getting along with hers, my gf being understanding, Jesus answering prayers.

"It is by your light, we see light"

take away the fog from my mind,

dont let my nuerons in the brain seperate from each other.

i know i dont fear you Lord.. i plot evil and wickedness,

satan controls my heart because i've allowed him to..

take me back God,

take my lips back God..

that i will speak words of love,

speak the truth in love.

life is not about the money,

it is how we can contribute back to the system,

from within, from without.

ask questions

keep asking.

why

how,

what

where

when

whose

what is the work you are doing?

why are you doing it,

how does it contribute back to the bigger picture?

what is it hinging on?

how do you conduct your research?

why did you choose this site?

what are you expected results/hypothesis?

when did you start and am expected to finish?

whose also on this project with you?

i have to find out,

i have to remmeber,

i have to let my mind be working

to stay sharp, to stay frosty

to be clear.. crystal clear...

not muddy and murky.

clear my mind God

clear it....

cleanse..

okay its 11...

i should get a note book,

to just jot and scribble down stuff.. 

i actually do have one.. hmm.. i should finish it up first right.

yeah no point buying before finishing it.

so many things to be grateful for

thank you God

for never giving up on me

 i love you

i love you

i love you both.

WIsdom: inform people, especially if unable to make it for an appoinment on time.

dont talk bad/slander/compate negatively people.... look on the bright side of things =)

Chirst in you, CHirst in me...

light, be the light..

its a good life, dont hate it.

every day is a new day to shine

to grow

to love

to love

every new day

tmr is a new day.

move on

no regrets

no pain,

no suffering

move on,

dull mind

refresh, freshen up..

God take me back

the first and second days

it was a friday night, i only slept for one hour. packing away.
there's this feeling, inside the guts, that feels like vomiting.
it comes from leaving home. i dont know how else to describe it.

sitting in the coach from Paradigm mall to KLIA2,
i wondered how i could be more helpful,
thoughts of the past few days spend in Johor filleed my mind,
i miss you, and i doze of for a nap.
thank God i woke up when reaching the stop.

going onto the plane i forgot to text those whom needed to be informed.
especially Emmeline on the other side that the flight was on schedule.

well, i slept on the plane as well, my neck aches.
sat at the customs clearance, a guy couldn't carry on too many bags.
poor soul, i guess one should really follow the law of 7 kilos.

thank God my check in bags went though,
i calculated the two to be more than 20 kilos.
what in the world did i bring, i taught i could be minimalist.

played very much with Erwin, the trick to teaching kids is to let them experiment,
not do the things for them but ask questions on how something can be improved,
and promt with guidance here and there.

discipline is good.

slept over and woke up for church.
it was a good message, by Ps Amos,
he reminds me so much of my brother,
the style and ... charisma.
i miss worshiping.

after church met so many people,
Joel from Subang Jaya that is working here as an english tuition teacher. He dropped out of a degree twice due to the thesis.. wow.
Edward whom bakes at home, saving the need for paying GST (which might rise to 8%)
Aunty Florence, the wife of Johnny.
Fiona, a disciplinary teacher and Shook Lan, a biker girl whom fishes.

then home we took the bike up the Hilux,
forgot to bring the helmet along, but good thing Herbert remembered it.
gosh i need to be clear minded on what i need to bring about.

arrived at FRC guesthouse,
really nice bunch of people here.
Raiz from UPM along with a few others,
Jima, Suzy, Era, Kakak, Cina, Mel, Sherly..
and Anuar, a guy whom really knows his history.
He told me about the Dusun's not really "existing" and it was just a name they came up with to be a collective term of the smaller tribes (suku).
the history of mathematics...
parameswara going to melaka and singapura being originally Temasek..
and well sandakan, having lots of chinese and the British coming in later..
the missionary schools... and well... he could say all these without being condescending.
which is amazing, his love for sejarah.. he's working in SAFE, knows pui kiat...

then Abbo and Sandy, Cynthia and Razy dropped by.
wow they have soo many things.
spilt the rooms. i got one whole one for myself.. yeah =D
with air cond, nice shower... i couldn't ask for more. thank you God.

i could use the peace and quiteness.
we walked over to RDC to catch sight of flying squirrels . wow they are really really big.

well God it was nice..
to be reminded.
of all your goodness.
of family.
of my origins and begging.

help me to keep my eyes on you.
to speak the truth in love.
to not be critical, and generalize.
to pay attention... active listening.

to remember names and people.
to find rest.
to enjoy the moments.
to be present.

to shy away from checking my phone when people are around me.
well... here it goes.. 6 months

Moments

First time seeing the two lines,
Such an intimate moment.
I love you my darling,
We'll have the right moment.

Instant noodles

I see two men sitting down eating hot cups. Their meal.

Memories of mom's cooking the past few days came to mind. So much food. My sister and I are really slow. The rice, the chicken, the vinegar pork, the mix vegetables. Blessed.

I bought some bread for the bus ride.

Mansions

The bus passes by huge houses in the middle of nowhere. Why would anybody want to build such a grand thing out here...

How did they even manage to get such money to do so? Where they born into a powerful family? Or was it their hard work. Did their profits come without any exploitative means...

Anyways, I'm no one to be the judge of that. I come from a very powerful family too. And I leave vengeance to my Father's hands.

Let the weak say I am strong,
Let the poor say I am rich,
Becuase of what,
The Lord has done, for us.

Give thanks.