I had a chance to talk to friends today about Christ. But... It didn't really come out the right way. My life wasn't showing what an abundant life was, I'm down and I just repeated the story of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins like... A pharisee...
It felt so... Confrontational.
Like. Although I knew it was the right facts, but it probably wasn't the right time or way to say it.
I learnt,
That instead of answering through what I know, it's better to ask questions that prompts the listener to think about the right answers.
For example:
Q: did God create the earth?
A: I believe in a Creator and He made something out of nothing in the beginning.
Vs
A: how do you think all around us came into existence?
I think both answers lead to the same truth, but through different pathways. Jesus always showed kindness and compassion to those outside the Kingdom: the prostitutes, adultress, tax collectors... Sinners. They always felt loved and welcomed with open arms.
But He was harsh on the pharisees and saducees (at times). Scolding them and correcting their "misguided" faith (which they genuinely believed). It always irritated them...
I learnt,
That my life is the greatest testimony by what I do daily, not by what I say.
Its horrible to live a life that is opposite of what I belive in my head. Not practicing what I preach and just... Being a empty can, clanging cymbal.. Its just puts people off, especially the ones I really hope would come to know Chirst.
"to come to know Christ, to have a relationship with Him" <- this line doesn't work on someone whose ears and heart just don't want to hear it...
But then again I always have this thought in my head: maybe I should just scatter the seed, who knows if it'll sprout one day on which ever soil it lands on? After all, it may be watered by someone else and at the end of the day it is God whom makes it sprout..
But then I'm corrected of this false.. Seemingly error free belief...
I can turn people away from Christ by 'preaching' in a harsh way. But making it seem like I'm trying to 'convert' them. It feels so.. Mechanical, so... Fake...
Although I keep trying to convince myself... Its not easy to evangelise.. And it's uncomfortable.. And it's... Going against my logic...
I don't think it should be...
I think sharing Christ should be the most comfortable thing ever...
But.. I can only do it by coming out of the right position with God first.. To be a Mary and not Martha. To sit at Jesus feet first and listen to Him first before trying to do any form of... "work"
The last lesson I learnt, and. I really want to implement in conversations is...
The intentional usage of "we" and less of "I" and "you". (or atlest the more appropriate times to use them)
So this is weird to say but, I think I picked up a very bad habit of saying "you should...." or "it's because you..." or "you think that..."... It makes alot of assumptions, and it sounds very confrontational. And makes the listener uneasy, putting up defensive mechanisms in the subconscious that can be physically felt.. Like, a wall. It's just... Bad vibes.
Same goes with I, it comes out strong on my opinion on things. At times this can be a good thing. It should be used. Sometimes instead of owning up to something that I personally go through, I remove it from being attached to me by saying... "you" followed by the matter at hand. I've learnt that I need to use "I" in cases like this.. Like... Very intentionally.
I used to hate using the word "I". I thought it was selfish, I thought I was prideful (the saying where "I" is in the middle of pr-i-de always comes to mind). But now I want to embrace it, in its proper usage.
And I find it so much more friendly to use the term "we"...
We can grow together,
We can learn together,
We aren't perfect,
We are friends,
You and I have something in common,
Theres a middle ground for us.
Owh okay.. There's one more thing too:
Self-care
So this is different from 'love yourself first' or 'it's okay to be selfish' or 'I did it my way~'... I'm currently really working on this.. Like...
I don't want to live it out the way the world does by saying "oh you need to put yourself before others" or "help yourself first so you can help others"...
I believe that
"I don't need to be perfect to help others, after all it is God that works through me right?" or things like "it's okay if I'm suffering and being persecuted..."
Or at least that's what I used to...
I feel tired.
And my non-Christian friends have helped me to see why.
They do genuinely care for me
They don't mind confronting me to make me a better person.
Although I don't 100% agree with what they say or their worldviews (I mean, how can a Christian have the same world view as one whose not right?)...
But.. Yeah there are things when put in the right perspective makes lots of sense...
Like
How can I be helping others when I myself does not let myself be helped by God in. The first place?
Mary and Martha comes to mind again...
God... When will I ever get out of this valley.
I know You bring us through the hard times for a reason, to grow us, to train us, to show us how to be more relient on You, to only be relient on You, to crucify our old self, to be put through the furnace and crucible to burn away the dross... Purifying us...
But God.. This is such a.. Dark valley.
Why are there no more highs.
But I do still remember the highs in the good ol' days.
And I believe that there'll be a day where...
Well...
Who knows.
Only You do
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