half done exam

i dreamt last night that:

i was sitting for an exam. and by the time i got half way to finishing it, time was up.
the second part was all objective questions, so i tembak them.

was trying to read them, but couldn't understand. when the papers were collected, i didn't hand mine up.
instead, i only handed it to the lecturer afterwords.

man the feeling was crappy. wasting time on the first half, and not being able to finish an exam properly. sigh.

clear starry skies

i keep telling people that the most important thing in life is, God
yet i do not practice it myself

such a hypocrite.
i've seem to have lost all that i've learnt over the past years of being a Christian.
the elementary truths.

what has happened to my life and walk with God?
i feel so lost.

when i looked at the clear skies, sitting at the edge of the jetty.
i think to myself: "wow, thats really clear"

i wish my life could be as clear as that.
now it seems so cloudy, murky like unclean water.

i cant see past the fog.
i dont know where my life is going.

there seems to be no more purpose anymore.

i wonder why this feeling has come upon me.
i wonder when it'll go away.

i dont like

why i dislike checking facebook

technology .. zzz. i wish i could just.. stop using it

am i an extension of the laptop? or do i still control the technologies around me

i had a random taught, of how... the center of things in my life is being taken away from me... by the computer

i used to remember so much things, like directions, facts, memories, apointments (okay, maybe i was never good at this)... Bible verses

then after some long time, i felt like the technology stoles this abilities away from me, and i feel like i became part of the map that extends from the computer. (instead of it from me)

then.. i was like.. man i should really quite facebook, it takes up so much of my time and determines way too much of what i want to do, to show other people. why cant i just.. live a life without sharing it to the world? is that selfishness? or is sharing things so other people envy it selfishness? i really want to become a missionary, to live in a kampung and just teach them about God. but i dont think thats a very logical things to do, its not.. relevant or.. reality. i should just get a normal job and get security in my life.

after all, how can i really trust a God with everything, if i am not willing to be obedient to Him in everything. thats.. selfishness

God ... is realy. and He is good.
as much as disobedience hurts Him, it is real to grive the Holy Spirit.

i want to take back my life, from this world.
to get Christ back in the center, and no longer rely so much on technologies.

no longer think of dreams, and wish they came true.
and i want to grow, not just in knowledge ..

but one of the fruits of the Spirit, the last and final one: self-control

to be a master of the choices i make, choices to follow Jesus as the master.
and not succumb to ... temptations, distractions and .. worthless things in this world.

sigh, why is happiness so hard to find.

i am happy now God, with all i have.
i'm not sure if You are. sometimes it really does seem ridiculous..

to not... well.. whatever la....
thanks for helping me our in the exam...

less things

happiness is wanting less things in life?
how is that possible. Jesus....