chasing the sunset

https://www.thestar.com.my/news/world/2018/10/31/couple-die-in-yosemite-national-park-while-apparently-taking-selfie/

holidays and happily ever after,
how many of us sit on the ledge of a cliff,
how many of us realise,
that we all sit on the edge of life everyday.

We'll never know,
when will our happily ever after start.

My condolences to the family and friends.
That lost them to such risk, such pursuit of 'happiness',
may they Rest in P..e..a..c.....e?

why do we even use that acronym.
RIP..



how.. ironic

they wrote
"

holidaysandhappilyeverafters

CHASING SUNSETS or CHASING LIKES ??? 😛
...
Sooo today on #socialmediabadasstribe we are talking about limits of #doitforthegram.😶Yeah sure it can be limitless but guys, we reaaaallly need to have boundaries(this is handy as life lessons too but we will revisit that later😉)
A lot of us including yours truly is a fan of daredevilry attempts of standing at the edge of cliffs ⛰and skyscrapers🌆, but did you know that wind gusts can be FATAL??? ☠️ Is our life just worth one photo?
...
When we squirm at another selfie attempt gone south 😱 from a skyscraper, let’s remember to save that in our core memory 🧠 and not the memory dump 🛢(I am still on the Inside Out 🎬 train y'all 😬) Same applies when we get our knickers in a twist and hog a spot till we get the perfect shot🙄 I know I know, I am guilty as charged for all of this 🤦‍♀️ and if I didn’t have Mr. Two Goody Shoes, Vishnu 🤭 with me, I am not even sure if I would have written this post.
...
Let us all try to be responsible digital citizens and use our “numbers” to be transparent and honest, shall we?🤗 None of us is perfect and the more we accept it and share our flaws as much as our wins, we are one step closer to creating a sane social media without the scary brouhahas.💕✨"

sigh.....

its like... we know about the dangers,

yet we sill put ourselves in it.

boundaries and memories

“Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.” 
― Susan Forward, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Was it because of my time around people that were controlling,
that i have become fearful of being who i am?

My biological parents were wonderful, they were the ones that gave me freedom yet led me in bibical ways. Its the institutions and organisations and hierarchy of men that has polluted and made toxic my mind and heart and thoughts. As a results of me not watching over it and working out my faith with Christ.

“Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly. Praise the developing character in your child as it emerges in active, loving, responsible behavior.” 
― Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

My parents brought me up well, what have i become now? was it because i threw away my boundaries?

“Evaluating the benefits and drawbacks of any relationship is your responsibility. You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you. You can choose.” 
― Deborah Day

I don't want to constantly have to live around people that bring me down,
or should I be a light no matter where I am placed?

Grandma Eu Pui shared something on boundaries the other day,
but I can't remember. was trying to look up the phrase on the net,
came to goodreads, where they had a collection of sayings from various places
I wish i had the time to read all those books and, self heal.

but now it's not the time to do so.

adam and eve and me

i read the story of adam and eve.

and i used to think to myself:
"ah, how silly they listened to tempter and gave in,
if i was in their shoes i wouldn't have made the same mistake!"

how.. not.. true it is.. not that i look at it.

how foolish i was to think that i wouldn't have sinned

we're constantly being face with the challenge.

every day... satan is tempting us to disobey God.

and yes, many times i've failed... many times i've given in.

sigh

but then.... what is the Gospel and Good News?

that God has a way to redeem us from all our mistakes?

the grace.. and mercy.. and forgiveness and... compassion

my flesh wants to feel angry and hate your friends for asking this kind of questions, but the Spirit tells me that i should love them instead, and see that their questions are actually good questions... they are questions that come from friends that care about you

drone crash, if i was on that plane...

i want to be famous for being unfamous.

today in the morning we woke up at 5 am
we went to a flying field in tuaran.

Jim briefed me on the instructions to launch the plane.
"ARM!" the motor will start, i wait for 1 second and toss it.

He switched on te controller, the throttle started,
and i threw the plane.

He was devastated, it wasn't supposed to be like this.

it flew for about 10-20 seconds, and then crashed.
oh my goodness....

God.

i went to search for it, now i know how hard it is to find a missing plane
I walked through the fields, quite a distance off to where the plane went...

found it across the dirt path hanging on a tree..
the front part ripped out by the battery.

Gosh... this looks.. bad..

If only i could jump back in time.
If only i didn't let the plane go without listening to the code word first.
If only i'd pay more attention to instructions and listen attentively

owh well, Jim was really nice towards me.
He comforted and did not show anger
He.. loved and cared

God bless his soul.

He messaged his supervisor

I wonder why i live life in a fog.
like.. why is my mind.. not cleared up?
why...... can i not listen to people
or understand and comprehend language
am i always trying to master everything?

am i superficial and shallow in the many disciplines that pull my interest and distract me.
what should i focus on.

like really .. master.

i dont know.

dead poets society

watched dead poets society
i want to write more poems

to live a life,
one has to be willing,
to not hold back,
yet to know daringness from foolishness,
is why wisdom is required.

and understanding,
of how memorised knowledge should be applied

mhmm not very much like a poem.

i want to live my own life,
not to be controlled by some other person's desire.
why.. why must i follow what you want me to do?

why can i not just live.

not to do what i want to do,
but to do what i know will ... make me.. happy

what will give me energy instead of,
draining me

Ignorance is bliss

the more one's mind know, the more effort is required to filter out alternative worldviews. Hence, "ignorance is bliss" that gave happiness to children, gets more elusive as an adult.

Thankfully, we know of a greater belief that surpassess all. ANd it is a joy to have faith in it.

The more we know the more responsible we become with our knowledge. Although somethings are better not said, it is always nice to find friends that we can speak out whatever is on our mind with.

Homeopathy

Homeopathy ... mmhmm i wonder if all those nights having leg pains when i was a kid.

He would wake up use yoko-yoko and wrap my leg in a bandage.
And rub it to keep it warm (which i still do, when i get muscle leg pains)
-last i remembered getting it was when i was climbing mount K
dad would also go down stairs to get two panadol pills for me.. (western treatment)

But above all that, i think what really heals was the love that he showed.
Like, it really doesn't matter what sickness one is going through,
but what's important is that there is someone else there to be there.. and be caring

"The body will ruin itself,
if the mind thinks so."
The body will heal itself,
along with the help with give it.
Why would God make a body that succumbs to diseases,
Why would a baby be born with cell that can grow and mend themselves,
But lose that ability as time goes by.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HslUzw35mc

what is joy

Joy is perfection.
When there's no disagreements, fights or conflicts.
When the thoughts of the mind is at peace with the actions of the body.
When there is no cognitive dissonance.

It can't be achieve, not here on earth by any human strength.
Thats why we have Jesus.
He's perfection.

And hence it is in Him that we can find joy.

Kant and the Golden rule

Categorical imperative - Immanuel Kant

https://markmanson.net/the-one-rule-for-life?

one thing always has to be right or wrong no matter the situation.
how universal can this get?

but for me, i think somethings are right in certain context.
sigh

means and ends and graeeter goals
treat other humans as Ends and never as Means.

what is the goal that i've set out to achieve,
and what are the means along the way that i need to carry out to achieve it?

what do i live for?
the moement i dont know, the moement i lose it
i lose the will to live

i wake up late every day
i wont want to go to work
its a drag to get out of bed
i just cant seem to.. do any other thing

there just no wway of improving.

i wish i could be done and over with it all
georeferencing, typing out stuff and stuff and articles, and journals and stuff...
sigh

triple three

I got so drunk last Saturday.
bought 3 sets of Tiger that i owed to the shop keeper, Chi Loong (I finally got his name on a night of drinking).

paid him 3 days later.

RM153

He gave me a discount of 3 ringgit.

nice guy.

it was a really fun night, but i dont think i can afford it all the time,
financially and also physically

Two types of learning

Curiosity and forced

1) curious
- spontaneous
-questions
- want to know more
- motivated
- energized

2) forced
- schedule
- quiz/test/exams
- homework
- drained
- tired

When i want to learn something, is it because i'm forcing myself? Or because I'm genuinely curious to know more?

some loving advice, but why do i feel so frustrated and irritated everytime i hear it

yea environment play an important role,
see what kind of environment you are bringing me up in!?

do you think i want to be like this??
I DONT! but you are freaking causing it to be like this
I dont HAVE a CHOICE!

do my work finish so i can do what i enjoy?
can you wait for me to finish my work??
can i only talk to you are i finish everything???

Strong winds

We could have died.

Took a plane from Kuching to KK
The pilot tried to land it twice but the winds were too strong.
So we had to come back to Kuching in the end.
Will take a flight to back tmr.

Brushed my teeth at the airport toilet.
Also to scout out if it was possible to shower there.

Took a shower at the airport.
Trying to see if i could be a backpacker.
It works!

Just needed: my clean clothes in the small blue bag, Soap & shampoo. Water was cold, but still okay. I rather feel fresh and clean than sticky after walking the whole day (Sarawak has amazing history btw, learnt about Margaret, the White Ranee of Sarawak. Quite inspiring her life, her delights in classic hobbies such as reading, writing poems, painting and making music on the piano).

Not just that, she was passionate about women empowerment and indulging in the local customs instead of hanging around her own kind.

Regret waking up late and just staying at the hotel skipping breakfast with the gang.

I think I'm going to write a backpacker's list.

ATBC day 2

woke up at 6.30 ish because jim called my phone. thanks man, cleaned up some stuff from the bag. decided to bring my laptop to the conference, not so much because of the possibility of having to use it, but more of the safety reasons of leaving it behind. I think I should have a roller luggage next time so i can lock it into the bag?

was watching a few minimalist videos lately, quite interested in the packing cubes for the clothes, not like i really need them, since i use the waterproof hypergear instead. anyways, those are just items that my mind should not be upon. there's also the sighting that the people in ABTC tend to be using MacAirs, Dells or HP. is HP a jewish brand? but, no need to think of that since my Acer works perfectly fine and I'm loving every part of it!

THe day started with me meeting Dr Colin as he was coming down the stairway going for a cup of coffee and to mark some papers. I forgot to mention to him that it was raining. and the day kinda started off... quite blurry. Because I..... I didn't have my coffee. I paid for the drinks and such, i dont think the sugar is doing me justice, i still fell asleep for a few of the talks. And then there was the time that I paid for the drinks thinking: "Owh let me get this without asking them, and then they'll be surprised to know that I paid for them" (nobel chin up pose).. what a snob.

it's not even my money, it's SEARP and rainforest trust paying for it.

Anyways, some of the sessions were good. Other than the crazy statistics that I dont really understand. The since field always seems to be repeating itself over the same 6 format over and over again: Introduction, Literature Review, Methods, Results, Discussion and Conclusion.

Three interesting people I met today was firsty Jean Linsky from BGCI, she mentioned briefly about BIo INt... argh.. i can't remember, but it was some initiative in Malaysia to try to record all the trees thatt are known.

then there is Sarah (whome Sarah Scriven) introduce  to me, she was doing birds? and wildlife. and coming up with the heat map for conservation areas. 

THen there's this guy from the Sinapore Natural Parks Hock Keung. He was chit chatting with Tab about singapore and how.. realy they're efficiency comes at a cost.

A girl named Maya from Hawaii also has an interesting poster where she's trying to get all the vertebrate IUCN status and link them to ecological functional.. erm.. gahh so many terms. bleh.

After that just chilled. called a grab to go back. Jim really can't walk, and he's in the hospital now, Loke and Azwan took him there, Eric drove. with.. Oceh? Then there was this lady named Ling too.

ah so many names, but actually really dont need to get to know every single person. JUst a few and those that are important should do fine

 Man i'm so tired, i slept at 1 last night. i really want to sleep now. but i haven't typed out what I learnt from today. Hmmm let me see what did I learn and try to recall.

theres stuff about the iNaturalist and Pl@nt Net. About klang valley green challenge by Benjamin from UM.

okay no i didn't learn much. Good night. not that I can remember, it's in my note book.

ATBC 2018 Day 1

I didn't even really know what ATBC stood for when the undergrad students from University of San Francisco were asking me about the conference I was going for.

So this Association for Tropical Biology and Conservation seems to be like a very big thing among the ecologist in this region. The first thing that came to my mind when attending something like this is how it reminds me so much of the multitudes of church camps that I've been to as a kid. So many people gathering in hotel conference rooms and just, chilling out getting to know one another.

I remember having that awe and wonder as a kid, smelling the fragrance of a living place so unfamiliar from the house, running on the carpets barefooted. Walking in an out and around the place looking for hidden paths and different routes from building to building.

Yup, here I am at an international conference. Thanks to my wonderful lecturer Dr Colin. Really couldn't be here without him. He is the one that sourced out our finances and funding. And gives us allowances and such before hand. How can such a nice selfless guy exist in this world.

The day started off with Jim knocking on my door, before I even woke up. We went down to grab breakfast at the end of the food stalls that were just opposite the place we were staying at: Place2Stay, City Center. The Kolo mee was okay okay lah, cheap but not that tasty. I learnt that if you say whatever-mee "pok", they would give you flat noodles. The mee was good.

gosh am I going to type out everything i did today? haha. I haven't done a journal log like this in AGES. I think it's because I always am so tired and fall asleep every night before I get to do something like this. Man, do I miss typing. Okay, but I don't think I have the time to type out everything. So I'm just gonna to jump all the boring details and talk about the main stuff.

1) the flight yesterday: was good. we ordered food, I should have offered my water to Dr Colin just sitting in front of me. because I know I was thirsty from the dry air, and I had a bottle of water with me while he didn't. owh well, maybe next time, and about having to tell someone about something, maybe its better to wait until they're done doing what they were doing. because... yeah, just be sensitive to their body language lah, if they are looking at something with great interest.. then it's probably not a good time to ask/tell them about something.

1c) I put my feet under the weighing platform to make it lighter, we only bought 15kg of check in. Maybe I should be safe and by 25 kilos for bringing all my stuff back from Sandakan to PJ when I fly back on the the 30th of August. I also really want to get one of those hand luggage weighing scale thing-a-maggies

1b) Owh the walk to the Waterfront was amazing! They were selling a bag similar to the one Crystal left behind in Sim-sim, Sandakan. Should I buy it and post it to her? I've so many things that I've bought for her but haven't gotten the chance to send over, letters. A notebook. Bracelets from Kaamatan. Gosh. I ain't into snail mail anymore because I get to call her everyday I think.

2) Breakfast: when i went down and out and actually a lot of times, I forgot to call Pui Kiat out. Maybe I should be more mindful to do so. Like: I'm gonna knock on his door tomorrow when I wake up for breakfast.

3) Registration: They gave us a metal straw at registration! yea! I've always wanted one! Time to say no to plastic straws.

4) Lunch: We had a good lunch of char sau, siew yuk and veggies at the "something" Barbecue Specialist.

5) Use a foldable umbrella when walking in the sunny day. Foldable umbrella's are indispensable. I gotta add that into my minimalist items.

6) Mentor session, Azwan, Fazli, Hoo and I slipped in. It was only meant for members. The session reminded me of.... how it was like to be in a camp group or a cell group. Where we introduced ourselves, something amazing we've encountered and something unique about ourselves. We didn't really follow the rules. Then there was the triple expectation of what we would like to get out of these:

i) Mentoring: guidance? and peers to talk about with that can relate to my problems? and share advice?
ii) ABTC, kuching: to meet experts in the field and learn more about the current trends and latest advancements in the industry? (SDM and statistics)
iii) long term: Forest Conservation through application.

7) met a singaporean girl studying phd in James Cook university, she was in Canada before this. She does wildlife connectivity viaducts in Peninsular. Talks so much. Tabitha hui? Has a friend that has plenty of interest, like taking undistorted photographs with Toyo cameras and collecting bricks form the historical brick factories in Singapore (they used to have a lot of brick factories)

8)  This local girl have a talk on Orang Utans mixed in with some short history of Sarawak. Form how the Dayaks were the Orang Asal (not the same as Bumiputera (Malays, Orang Asli)), and how they were only associated with 'indigenous' because of the colonisation of their land. How Native Community Rights (NCR), force them 'adat' (tradition) of going from place to place to plant crops have locked them down into un fertile land. and yeah.. conservation of a species that adapts to human intervention quite amazingly. She hopped the Chief Minister could have stay back for her talk.

9) Hi-Tea .. mingling time. Didn't be super extroverted and friendly going up to random people and chatting them up. Sigh. But Crystal allows me to do so already. Do I still blame her for the trauma of not wanting to talk to people, of not wanting to be too friendly, because that's what she says about me last time "That I love everyone one and that she is no different from anyone". Does me not talking to other people something that she cant see, show that she is more loved than everone else? Can't she see it. But she says she's different now because she's... much more busy with her own work and not like last time when she will just sit around at home....

yeah, I should talk to more people. That's the whole purpose I'm here, not network and make contacts for future collaborations. That's all part of the sciences. Crystal isn't stopping me. She never intended to. I just make it as if she does. How evil of me. Be gone, devil.

Kept taking the Grab back with Jim. He's leg hurts really badly, maybe I should pray for him.

Had beers. okay I'm supposed to be paying and collecting bills. becasue I have RM300 for 5 days. that equals to about 60 bucks a day. wow.

okay I think that is all. watch your mouth yew leung. don't be foul and learn to speak graciously. Let your lips always be seasoned with salt.

hope for a good day tmr! nights!

Minimalist

When you stop owning things you do not value,
You stop valuing things you do not own.
You start realizing the value of things you already own.

Grief = loving someone

"Grief is the price we pay for love" - Queen Elizabeth II

It is wonderful to be able to grief,
for then one will know that they have truly loved.

only you matter

why bother to hand out with people that put you down?
when you can be constantly be around people that make you laugh?

even when you know what the former says holds some truth,
and the joy and pleasure that comes from the latter is just.. temporal.

who will be there when you really need help?

can you stop caring for everyone?
just to love one person?

can you stop bothering to ask about others,
so that there is only one person that you should asking things about.

: when others are sick, should i bother to whatsapp them?

nay,

life is.... a community.
it isn't just an individual.

"No man is an island"

yet...

yet i find the life of an introvert quite appealing.

yes i may be fond of talking to others to get energy,
but that was the extroverted me.

which waste alot of time....
alot of time..

doing meaningless things like... making friendships.

i already have enough people around me,
all i need is just to .. dig deeper.

just to focus.

a love, those directly around me.

love..

you.

and only you.

not allowed to, so what

you dont bother to show your best anymore,
when you are around people that you can't impress.

that's why it's so important to keep your vision,
on who you should be impressing, God. He's always there.