feldenkrais...

reiki..

contact care....

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well... what i know about the body, is not as much as what is possible i guess.

all i know is that... we gotta feel our body more.. like.. listen to it.. move it. and try to be in tune with that it's trying to say to us.... i dont know why but when i think of "finding our own north star", i think of paying attention to what the body is telling us about

purging preconceptions

The secret country of yourself by Jenya T. BEACHY.

Pg14. Write on these places:

Santuary

A holy place. Scantum. Brings to mind the Christian song. "Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy place, past the brazen alter, Lord I want to see Your face... ". Growing up in church we use this word quite a bit. I guess it's used to refer to where God dwells. Where He can be found.

Shadow House

Sounds dark. Like a place where ghost hide. Like a haunted place. The house in Stranger Things season 4. Its gloomy. Theres spider cobwebbs.. Nobody had gone there for a long time. Shadow brings to mind the Swtichfoot lyric "the shadow proves the Sun shines". Shadows are there, no doubt. But we dont pay much attention to them. Because its stuff that we think are negstive, taboo or not nice to show to the public. However, it is there. In us. I've heard of Shadow Work. Of the Dark Night of the Soul. Computer games make use of the "shadow" term in units, skills or characters..

Temple

The church. Where Christians in other traditions call a place of gathering. A religious place for whatever religion people belive in. It has many different names. But often associated sith Buddhist. A place with statues and idols. Smoke from joss sticks. When i was young i would say "I'll never never go into a chinese temple, thats where Satan is". But when i grew up, i realise that it is not what is on the outside, but on the inside of us that either keeps us 'holy' or defiles us. Visiting other people's places of worship 

every morning i wake up.... audiobooks

 Brave New World

wow... really, makes me think of what this life is all about.

racism, sexism, cast systems.. contioning, society

am i a Beta or Gamma? 

dont think i'm an alpha or epsilon

plus minus?

my mind doesn't seem to be as sharp as what it used to be when i was younger

I'm beginning to think that everything is .... acceptable when viewed form the perspective of the other.

it's okay to be, contentended and.. stupid. ignorant

its okay to be a seeker of knowledge, but with more knowingness of things, ignorance is harder

discontentment

What's more important in life is not standing firm on one's fascists beliefs that one grew up with,

but making a choice to choose one's worldview when one has come of age.

listening to God is a real thing.

God is real.

how can we help others to experience God?

love.

some say love is silly.

some say that it is everything.

caring for others.

not caring.

i think i dont care so much nowadays.

just too... caught up with my own world.

not a nice new world.

i liked the old world where i grew up in.

i felt that it was the most relevant and real thing.

people were real. authentic...

people aren't real nowadays.

everyone's faking it...

i'm faking it.

i feel like a fraud.

God.

life isn't perfect.

i wish it was,

then again, where would the opportunity for growth be? 

I work in a cucumber glass house now.

every morning i wake up.....

The importance of pain

'My father never talked to me,
Except when we studied together.
He thought me with silence
He thought me to look into myself,
To find my own strength,
To walk inside myself in company with my soul. " - Danny, the Chosen by Chaim Potok

" one learns of the pains of others by suffering one's own pain, by turning inside oneself, by finding one's own soul.

And it is important to know pain.
It destroys our self-pride, our arrogance, and our indifference towards others. It makes us aware of how frail and tiny we are and of how much we must depend upon the Master of the Universe. "

what you can't ask by Paul Graham.

another compulsory reading for the thinker,
for the university student

"what you cant say" - by Paul Graham.

ask why when there are labels
watch your own thoughts from a distance
moral fashions. social customs

thoughts | speech

"Argue with idiots and you become an idiot"
probably my favourite quote from the essay

mhmm Nineteen Eighty-Four looks like a book that should go on the "to read list"

after I finish off "Three body problem" and "Ender Saga" - by scott card

In Christ, a whole different meaning

And let me make it quite clear that when Christians say the Christ-life is in them, they do not mean simply something mental or moral. When they speak of being ‘in Christ’ or of Christ being ‘in them’, this is not simply a way of saying that they are thinking about Christ or copying Him. They mean that Christ is actually operating through them; that the whole mass of Christians are the physical organism through which Christ acts—that we are His fingers and muscles, the cells of His body. And perhaps that explains one or two things. It explains why this new life is spread not only by purely mental acts like belief, but by bodily acts like baptism and Holy Communion. It is not merely the spreading of an idea; it is more like evolution—a biological or superbiological fact. There is no good trying to be more spiritual than God. God never meant man to be a purely spiritual creature. That is why He uses material things like bread and wine to put the new life into us. We may think this rather crude and unspiritual. God does not: He invented eating. He likes matter. He invented it.

C.s. Lewis - mere Christianity

Virtue

In Thomas Hobbes utilarian and consequentialist principal virtue is that which provides "the greatest happiness for the greatest numbers"

I see how it can work, sacrificing the minority for the sake of the majority (or the greater good). It is impossible to please everyone and make all happy least we end up like Romantically Apocalyptic .. Where everyone gets what they want though a Neural Interface. Or a movie "the congress".

However I don't think that giving people what they want all the time is the best thing to do. Long term effects show themselves slowly. So sometimes we have to with hold back from pleasing people all the time, for the sake of a better future.

Doesn't mean because the majority agrees to it, makes it good and acceptable in God's eyes.

Rest

"The more comfortable we are with mystery in our journey, the more rest we will know along the way" - John Eldredge

take me as i am

We abandon the most important journey of our lives when we abandon desire, We leave our hearts by the side of the road and head off in the direction of fitting in, getting by, being productive, what have you. Whatever we might gain-money, position, the approval of others, or just absence of the discontent itself-it's not worth it. "what good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?" (Matt. 16:26)

- excerpt from Desire, Chpt 1: Our heart's deepest secret. John Eldredge.

Ah Dear God,
How fa i've come, away from you. how far i've been traveeling without You by my side. How wrong was i to think that i could live this life my way. TO do the things that pleases me instead of You. To be alone and independent from the divine source of life itself.

i've tried. life suddenly seems so meaningless in all this pleasure and achievements.
Dear God, please captivate my heart once again. IN your grace and mercies, let me keep what i have obtained, yet be given wholly to You. the Sacrifice to be made seems to great a burden to bear by myself.

Yes i know it all in my head, to abandon and leave behind, to have it all. Like Abraham and Issac. You let him keep his son, cause you are faithful to your promise.

THat i dont have to ber the burden by myself, cause its with you i share the yoke with.

Gahh... why God why.. why has life gotten so busy, so messy. so fragmented. did i try to do too many things. did i ask for too much? more than i could have handled?

GOd... i need you. i Need you.. i belong to You.

2015

Snap shot taken from Time. Dec 29/ jan 5 issue.

What if you knew.. That the end was coming. What would you do with your life right now? With the time that you have left.

Everything is permissible, not everything is beneficial. Store up your treasures in heaven. Live for eternity. It starts now.

"Deserts will become flourishing forest,
Tropical greens brown dry sands.
Live as if you days were in its last,
For only a house built on rock stands."

The people we see around us

What if, everyone one we meet was just an image. Not an imagination. But just an extension of our existence. Regardless of time, we might be looking at someone we oddly know somehow, because our future or past self broke through the self made barrier that gives us the perception of reality that defines what 'now' is.

And that in essence, there is no such thing as time or materials or ideas for that matter to begin with. In the beginning, there was nothing, but creation happened. Sentience began and we received wisdom that enabled us understanding of knowledge. Powerful

We now know and are aware because we can learn and be educated.

Am currently reading a book entitled "time and the soul" by Jacob needleman, when the first paragraph popped up in my mind. Yet, thanks be to God the Original Creator that... He guards my heart and dismisses the doubts I have.

Treasure this relationship you have dear reader.

As I read, I realise how some are so enveloped in darkness, a thick fog clouding the eyes. Yet in Christ, light shines through. And by Him I see everything else.

You're alive.
Something made you.

Humans question believes

"This is how humans are: we question all our beliefs, except for the ones we really believe, and those we never think to question". - Speaker of the Dead talking to Human the piggie.

Relations

Part of the book "Growing deep in God" by Edmund Chan

deeper- Ed. Chan cpt 3

so picked up a few lines:

a theology that cannot stand the onslaught of anguish is worthless.

we live in an age of unmitigated anthropocentric narcissism. facebook.
malcolm muggeridge: "what will finally destroy us is not communism of fascism, but man acting like God"

"beware of placing the emphasis on what prayer cost us: it cost God everything to make it possible for us to pray." - oswald chambers

that which informs the mind must also inspire the heart
-thelogical content vs contemplation

pathetic- to see God as irrelevant to life except when we are in trouble.

childlike

"lead me to the place,

where i can see you face to face,

all i want to do is worship You.."

.. what can make a grown man cry like a child,

is when he starts believing like a child

"a child seeks to know the truth, not reasons to believe a lie." -ravi zach.

why so skeptical oh my soul,

doesn't thou get weary and heavy laden?

Christ has set me free from my burden,

so rise like the eagle and smile like a child.

a man ought to have roughly three phrases in life,

being born into this world with innocents,

all man have the potential for good,

yet in this fallen society it is only normal to be corrupted.

the world's influences and pressures will persuade thee,

but though persecuted, you shan't be crushed nor abandoned.

after a child, a man grows into adolescences,

some man do and some man don't,

some stay immature some stay childish,

and owh how vast the difference is from being childlike!

for that shall only come in the third phase.

while still here at the second pit stop, many meet a companion

called rebellion

he teaches critical thinking, skepticism, tickeries, discernment,

he's a friend who shows what wisdom is to call a bluff,

to see through lies that the eyes of weariness only can do.

he's also a foe who makes the heart harden,

and oh how sad it is to lose emotions, how devastating it is to not cry.

when one feels neither right nor wrong, hapiness or sadness,

stuck in the void like a lukewarm water, be it better for him to be spat out

to the ground and face palm the earth eating dirt.

then shall he realism that there is more to life than being a friend of rebellion.

the third phase, if one would ever mange to escape the second,

holding onto the hand of transcendence,

knowing there is something far greater than oneself of anything of this world,

something divinely pure and true.

a light that shines the way and guides the path,

a love that never fails.

then oh how much the angles rejoice, and how great the Gloria in Excelsis Deo shall be

for than the man can start believing like a child again

for then the thawing of a frozen heart shall flow fourth tears of a child.

for then one shall be able to cry again,

knowing that skepticism is all but a phase in life.

and all that matters is to trust and obey,

"for there's no other way,

to be happy in Jesus,

but to trust and obey"

and eternal life shall then come upon ones life,

just as what is said, eternal life is this = to know Him and the one who sent Him.

in the fullness of His glory, one shall leave behind the old ways, and walk on to life Everlasting.

But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

do you want to be a child in the Kingdom of God?

My soul shall sing, How i love You.

"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses,
just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul"

owh what a morbid horrifying line written by Oscar Wilde
made to be spoken by one of his characters Lord Henry,
in the book The Picture of Dorian Gray which so happens to be the book
that would be read for the study-week break.

i absolutely love how he writes his novel and especially his short stories
they always have a deep sense of moral value and abstract thinking to them,

he puts expressions i have or atleast think i have felt into such good words
that even i myself couldn't have come up with a better way to say it.

about this particular quotation,
it speaks immensely to me about the soul my God has given to my body.
sometimes, most of the time, it is in hurt, or worst still... not feeling.
the sense of void-ness, emptied out of emotions to feel either joy or empathy
is a worst of feeling than feeling something.

and when i feel like i dont have a soul,
that's where the tangible touch is so longed for

the auratic tinge that makes the hair on my skin stand,
the tugging of heart-strings and fibers or emotions
located somewhere not in the mass or nerves up in the head,
but around the heart, in the heart, encapsulating the soul

the presence that gives me assurance once again
that He is there right beside me, that He is real.

Lord, i've been dulled by the world,
the masses of information (that's so ridiculous)
is subtly over-sensitizing what's sacred.

Awaken me.
with not what i know, but what i feel.

1 book voucher, 300bucks worth

so yeah i... kinda splunked 4 of the vouchers on .. the stuff in the previous post,
with only one left, and not wishing to hold on to it any longer,
the harris/popular sale held in 1B was like an answered prayer...

so i was walking around, supposedly going to buy hangers because the friends house where i do my aundry (because they have washing machine) ... erm.. doesnt have enough hangers =P

and as i was walking around the sale, i some books caught my eye,

but see, the thing is, i didn't bring my vouchers.. errr.. voucher.. down! so i asked the cashier girl to keep them from.. for.. me =) how nice of her

you know what, i like to d my reaserch before i purchase something, some of the book stores were giving out extra stuff if u used ALL your vouchers there, but like i said in a previous post, heck it, i'm just gonna use it and forget about it... i dont want to hold on to it any more and let it linger on my mind.

so got the vouchers and went back down to walk around again
then my eyes caught other books!!!! gosh how i wish i had all RM250 of vouchers now!!!
each of the stacks bellow are worth RM50-ish... some books were up to 90+% off!!

 so the first pile was books of classic stories, yeah i know u can get the e-book pdf version for free online because the copywrights old or seomthing like that.. but still.. its different from holding a physicaly book in your hands and flipping the pages.

 second pile was on managing, economics, buisness stuff... so why suddenly out of the blue? well because i realize that i have zero, .. like utter fail in entrepreneurship or anything to do with money. why so? i dunno.. maybe because i was how i was brought up, my family. my father who.. supplies us well with... love. haha. but i know i cant 'trust God' to pour money into my pocket while i sit around idling .. so yeahh.. really need to buck up on this area in life..

ah third stack.. actualy this isnt the third, this was the very first intial stack that cought my eyes. why these books? from the top 1. i want to read a biography, havent read any before =P 2. its a little blue book! i like things that should 'summary of all the best things' so that i dont have to go thorugh all the 'bulking meaningless junk' .. its like someone already filtered out whats best in the field and done the hard work reaserching it =) 3. how to land your dream job, seriously, this is a POV from a normal daily life with out a God. i always wondered what people do if they dont live for a transcendent cause. i junked the book anyway, no point reading something of lower grade when one has already got the best Guide Book in the universe xD 4. management, i've always been an introvert. hah! going to camps and school organization stuff, i wondered what makes a leader a leader, what makes other people want to follow, what is delegation, how should we live out life in dealings with others? ... there are so many self help books out there, nvr really read much of them.... anyone can read them right? but .. whats the point of having half truths that seem to be taken from a better source. anyways, humans learn and they always will, because ..err.. they're God's creations? . i want to learn from others. 5th book: google. how the algorithm of a giant search engine shall unite the world. wohoo, goes back the the one world order thing, i think i've written about that before. anyways, i junked the book too, cause.. it was really old.. like .5-6 years or something like that... nows 2014 bro!

then again, many things written in books of the past dont come to pass until much later =P its like the autors could predict what the future is, and the common average joe who doesn't read books, only thinks its something new when it comes out on the market. something like.. issac assimov books =)

so yup yup this final stack is the 5 books i purchased. plane and simple from the top: 1. OSCAR WILDE! i loooooveeeeee this story, though i read a small tiny book that was ment for primary school kids in england. i stil remember, the rose, the price (start child), some mermaid soul thingy, golden leaves and a bird, a giant.. good stuff... and when i read that this was sorta the on novel written by him, i just HAD to get it.... pride and prejudice can wait =P 2. inside drunke's brain: btw, i have no idea who he is, never read his name until today. owh well, lets just try a new book for fun. 3. mangement gurus: wohoo, a summary book! 4. hacking work: in the recent times, i'm slowly finding out what the true and deeper meaning of "rules are meant to be broken" line is all about. even malaysia's education system is full of indoctrination, so is its workplaces i bet! gonna break free! =P not everything we've been thought is the truth. 5. freefall: so i basically got this book because it said Noble Prize winner and Economics. i know nuts about Economics, yet its such a big part of the world aye? kla, i think this is a good place to start. haha simply wan

so yup yup this was what i spent my 1 voucher on. bet its gonna take my 4 years to finish reading em' =P

what did you spend your vouchers on?

read 'a short history of...' and you'll learn a whole lotta stuff

so the early church suffered much persecution under the early roman empire before Constantine,
we should appreciate that their test of faith was so intense for it spread fourth the Gospel to much further lands and proved its reality of Christ to help us in times of desperation
1) "Educated men had become followers of Christ and were willing to confess his name openly. They stregthed the faith of the simpler Christians and helped them to answer their critics and persecutores. Not least, the enabled us in our day to understand what the church of another time endured, to appreciate freedom of religion where we have it, and to learn that sufering for Christ's sake is not a new thing in this world" - pg 52 on Persecution in the Empire

Thank God we dont face that hard a persecution now to believe in something
the world is moving to a more 'liberal i dont care'.. thus the grave danger ahead is not 'what religion you hold?' but 'do you hold any believe in God at all?' ... and also false teaching within a church is more likely to be destructive than outside influences.. thats why interpreting the Bible cannot be done simply

the advancement of technology and a flood of ridiculous information has brought this upon us... there is wayy to much things to read, so be selective... find out what you want to focus on in life and read the articles and journals that matter

2) an unhealthy desire for martyrdom, Hermas' Shepard teaching on baptism and how it removes sins, an improper emphasis on good works, wrong allegories "In making these criticisms of the Apostolic Fathers, it is necessary to remember something that is easily forgotten. They stood at the beginning of the histor of the church and therefore at the beginning of theological thought. they did not stand where we stand today, with the help of nineteen centuries of reflection on God's Word" -pg 35

the early church developed sound doctrine and theological truths that weren't existing in the starting years after Christ ascension... stuff about who Jesus was, what the Trinity is, defenses against false doctrine

appreciate what was laid out in the foundations and beginnings... though we might not know everything that our ansestors had to put up with, they did most of the hard work in making sure we got the right stuff in this age... no longer do we need to be ambiguous, or work hard to set the foundations again (for it has already been done by them)... instead, we can focus our efforts and energies onto greater task ahead, building on the existing structures set up... on the most solid foundation ever available, Christ the solid Rock

3) "the multiplication of holy days, the veneration of the saints, martyrs, and relics, and the value attached to the pilgrimages and the holy places often pushed truly spiritual concerns into the background" -pg 142

is going to church what i seek for? is the amount of time that i spend in the 'house of God' a measure of my holiness... what does it mean to seek first His Kingdom... is it to do more ministries, go for more mission trips... make or obtain more 'Holy Relics' like flags, banners, wood chips of the Cross, pieces, and body parts of saints? ... sigh..

when will we stop chasing the signs and instead chase God
its the relationship with Him that matters

4) "the grace of God is irresistible in those who are predestined to eternal life; it is not given to those who are predestined to eternal life" - pg162

mhmm.. i still think predestination is in parallel with our choice.. we ain't robots

others to note "Man has been created that he lives his life in certain regular patterns that are constantly repeated. These patterns may be called cycles."

ascetic monastic life? .. i wonder when people will start doing that again

"Origen saw the same God at work in nature and in redemption and tried to relate both to the revelation of God in Christ" - pg 94

can you see it?