Listening

Have you ever been with someone, and as they listened to you, you felt as though you were the only person in the room?  The person listening had no sense of needing to be somewhere else.  They had no sense of needing to interrupt you.  They simply listened.  How did that feel?

On the other hand, have you ever been chatting with someone and you could tell they were only half there?  The look in their eyes told you that they were thinking about something else?  They had a sense of urgency inside that they were supposed to be getting something else done.  How did that feel?

“Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” (David Augsburger)

Make things

Life is about taking what we have and making things out of them.

I.e. cooking: is like laying Lego. You have a few bricks and raw materials to build with, and the final outcome is a delicious meal.

Or

Our work: we have time and talents. They just need to be squished together with some effort and energy to make something out of em.

Results:
I have this phone and I made this post. I have internet and I have fingers.

I have God.
So now what?

Or is it that God has me...

Ministry

Ministry comes from the same root words a "minus"

A servant,to make ones self less, less time, money, energy,security

Why in the word would someone want to give up all this for someone else.

Why would we not want to meet our own needs first...

Well that sone of the counterculture that we go through.

Colossians 1:18

I will not forget what he did.

What Chirst has done for us on the cross.

Some give a very positive views of serving,

We serve not because of all the good things,

But we serve because of what Jesus did.

Serving can be tough, disappointing, overwhelming.

And we think...

What am i doing here...

1 Cor 12:14-18

Each one of us has a function and arrangement.

If we follow Jesus,

What areas do we follow him in?

Disciples triangle: up, in, out.

God, others, commissioned 

Sunday worship, small group, ministry and service

Kundasang

The dandelion cell group took a "retreat" trip over the merdeka and Haru Raya haji holidays.

Didn't really feel like I was celebrating merdeka on the eight month this year (but then again I haven't been for the last few years in university after leaving high school). I was hoping it'll be an independence of difference sorts, maybe a sprititual one or some kind of "break free" moment.

I guess one on the best choices I could make was to put down the phone and stare at it much less than informally would. Not just to mindlessly scroll through Facebook but even to whip it out and snap photos. I've done that plenty in the past, and what I find with the numerous photos I take with the phone is that I miss out on the joys in being in the moment, the time spent with the kids and just looking at their caricature.

A few things i remember about the trip is when we were driving up to the dairy cow farm. There was this girl who was frantically shouting "Tolong! Tolong!" (Which meant help, help in Malay). She was diving her Kancil car up the super steep slope and I guess the car just gave up. So we stopped a little further up and got out of the Hilux. Papa took over the wheel from the terrified and panicking young lass as I stood behind to push the car UP with another 'quite buff' guy... But the car just wasn't budging. Little did we both know Papa was helping her to reverse the car and make a u-turn around and not go up. Well I guess when an adult makes the call to not continue on despite the desire to do so by younger people, the earlier has to be the word taken into action.

I thought we could fetch them up I the bucket and drop them off later on as we were on our way down. But we didn't and thank God so, as it gave us the freedom to roam the hills further.

A second thing was that, shucks, I can't really remember, let me try to recall.

"All is fair in love and war". Played a game of Catan with Fiona, Joel and Shuk Lan. It was her first time. Hence I decided to "give face" as in not taking the upper hand in games at the start thinking it could be a turn around. Not so, later on it got harder to come back up. And people rarely remember the goodness shown in the beggings of games after they've progressed forwards (well not everyone forgets, a friend remembers me standing behind the crouched character to watch over in a game of counter strike). But yeah, point is... I guess we beat ourselves up too much over things that only we ourselves hold onto grudgingly, while others have long ago moved on.

Oh and our steam boat kept overflowed twice. I knew it was going to happen. There was some predicament of future events if I did not take any action. But I just spoke the word. Sigh, if I knew the better of something i should have acted on it and not brush the thought aside.

I bought a "mosquitoe chasing away" plant for 10 bucks. I shouldn't have. As it was growing and freely available at the place we were staying, Sosodikon farm stay. Pleasent Aunty. Who gave us dishwashing liquid to use, I wanted to leave it out in the common area but Joel had insisted we brining it it for safekeeping as it was entrusted to us and we should give it back to the Aunty first hand. Sigh, I guess not everyone is comfortable with sharing as freely as others are.

Oh, how friendly the sabahans are. We were taking so many selfies and trying to squeeze everyone into the picture win the majestic mountain in the background, but could not do so. The lady offered us to use her selfie stick. A totally random stranger seeing others in need. Wow. I have not seen this act of kindness for ages. But we declined as we were already done. I still feel we should have accepted although we didn't need too anymore just for the approval and encouragement it gives to the lady for her courage to offer help.

There was a time we were at the poring hot springs and we went for the canopy walk. We didn't pay the initial rm5 for hand phone photography and could have just sneakly snapped some pics. However I guess with Fiona and Shuk Lan around, also the Holy Spirit, it was better to do the right thing. Integrity is this: what we do when others aren't looking. Hence we decided to but the ticket, as there was a guy sitting at one of the platforms actually selling those tickets as if they already knew forehand that many would actually change their minds halfway and buy camera tickets.

All I all I guess there are many things to learn, from looking back and reflecting and writing a blog post about. Which I haven't been doing for some time. It's nice to write once again. I miss wiriting. I feel sometimes I don't tell stories as good with my mouth vocally then I could if you just read my words. Could you do that? Find out about my day through a blog post then through a phone call?

Sigh, I love you. Have a good trip overseas.

No rest for the mind

Deuteronomy 28:65-67New International Version (NIV)

65 Among those nations you will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of your foot. There the Lord will give you an anxious mind, eyesweary with longing, and a despairing heart. 66 You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life.67 In the morning you will say, “If only it were evening!” and in the evening, “If only it were morning!”—because of the terror that will fill your hearts and the sights that your eyes will see.

Have i come to the point of having no rest... no rest of the mind...

why Chester Bennington took his own life

he must have been so distressed about losing a friend so close, to want to meet him on the other side of line. Care. He really cared.

but how ironic, its a chain that cannot be broken, not by human means.

as much as i pity him for the abusive past, current pressures of the entertainment industry, and man-concocted substances that are willingly taken ... i feel more for the family that is left behind, wife, kids...

really, if a man could choose the date of his passing. why not when we are at the climax of life and all the more in the spot light of the world, what more better way to leave than as a legend in our own minds, what better legacy than when the world is all that there is worth bowing down for... example: some men live till 70 - 80 years, contented with grandchildren and fading out from the spotlight gradually... even those great man of long ago that pass away in our current times do not receive such "grandeur"... but then again.. what is it worth when we have already left this earth.. can't hear or see anything anymore... just .. freed

Just attended a funeral this morning, it's ... something close to heart.. for some. generally, not everyone would care for a single persons passing. others more than others. some indifferent, some all the difference.

to the audience: ticks me off you guys clap and cheer, this is a mourning song for goodness sake. what the heck is wrong with people nowadays.. is entertainment all that we just seek that we've become numb?

really...

the entertainment industry's expectation.. kills just too many. to feed us. then again, some even dare have the thought if it is even wrong..

and really... i do believe song's carry on messages that are too deep to be written down without a tune.

"We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep"

- indie musicians (like the Beetles and Bob Marley)... can see things that many others cant because they spend time introspecting, listening to their heart to come up with .. well... lyrics. why is the world asleep? the unseen powers (Illuminati, Satan, etc) are .. well.. at work and suppressing us, always tempting us..

Only Jesus can break the chain and free us.

"I am the Way, the Truth and the Light. No one comes to the Father except through me"

DISCLAIMER: this are just.. late night speculations and random (or not so?) ramblings... they probably are full of biases, fallacies and other missing facts/evidence of why or what really was the reason why Chester Bennington took his own life. Honestly, i didn't know LP's lead vocal was named as so, neither do i know all about Beetles (watched the Yellow Submarine, thats about it) and Bob Marley other than that he has really cool dreadlocks and appears on memes and is associated with well.. non-conformity.

I'm sorry if i hurt anyone through whatever i've wrote about such a great person.. didn't mean any harm to anyone nor to start anything unintended.. just my.. opinion of the mind on .. suicide

Maximum fruit size

What causes a coconut to stop growing bigger? Is it a gene that determines when the soft multiplying cells should stop and move on to the next stage of hardening...

Imagine if you could hack it.. for any fruit: papaya, watermelons... I know they already have giant pumpkins.. image coconuts the size of them!

mantis and kerangas

played with a baby mantis,
he likes to jump when a finger is placed infront of him,
and will climb up to the top

then there was a trail of kerangas ants on a wire,
they pass each other and felt each others feelers,
when they sensed i was a round some stopped and came into and aleart state
as if they wanted to bite me.

the ones carrying food would rush down without stopping.

Expanding world

Looking at the world map. It looks like the continents exploded from a small round object.

I saw a man

Fall down right infront of me, beside me.. he actually grabbed my shirt for a while.

I was reading the three body problem on my smartphone.

I couldn't react fast enough to catch him.

What have I become.

I saw a girl that seemed lost,
Didn't know which bus ticket to buy.
Didn't know where to wait,
Or where to sit

I didn't help her,

I just kept on reading,

I'm so afraid,

What have I become

An old man

Pusher a wheelchair,
And waited for his lady at the end of the travellator.

Flight appointments

I dreamt that I missed the flight, twice.
So real.
Do my appointments with God even seem that important?

Light up my darkness

E B C#m A

Praise you when im laughing
Praise you when I'm griving
Shine, oh shine

In the darkest of my moments,
In the hardest of my times,
Shine, oh shine.

Chorus:
You are the light,
To my world,
You're the strength,
When I'm weak

Bridge
When the whole world is against me,
I will not fear, i will not be shaken,
Because you are here.

Lessons from a Spider

While i was bathing, saw a wasp struggling a little funny along the wall,
It was caught by such a thin thread,
Of spider silk (just like how one small strand of sin can catch man).

A daddy long legs came to consume it, everytime it struggled, thats when the predator knew which direction would bring him nearer to his meal. (Don't struggle, just give in and be honest)

While eating halfway, another spider came out called by the tremors. But the first spider chased away the new comer, although bigger (fight for what is precious and worth protecting, even when the obstacles that come along seems daunting).

And later on he continued on,
I too finished off my shower.

after singing`

She asked a question, i didn't know how to answer...
life has been.. getting better.. as if the path was.. finally going somewhere

i sang... i sung.. singing...... and played strings...

and after that, i felt as if there were lose things coming out from my nasal cavity.

so i went to the sink and spat them out.. and they kept coming out...
as if.. something that has been lodged and pressing against my brain... has came out..

like.. finally...

sigh... i want to think more clearly, God... help me.... help me... i need you.. to love, to love her. the right way.

Worship

"that's​ the closest that we had ever come to AoG worship".

The role of the worship leader is to lead the congregation to worship God. Just like back in the songs if the old days.

The worship leader stops singing and the congregation continues.

And he gives cues at the end of each stanza so that the people (especially projector guy and congregation, not so much the musicians), are comfortable to know where it is going to flow.

Flow, gel, these terms..

Anyways, nowadays, the speaker just blares the extremely high notes of the worship leader on stage, it has become more of a performance. And the sound ends when the ones with mics stop... The band continues to play.

Not judging. God sees our hearts and those that worship needs to be in spirit and truth.

But one needs moral authority, just like yee kor's message on Nehimiah.

Worship. Worship. Worship as a life style, worship passionately and radically

24 years old

Memories are linked to feelings and emotions.

I seem to not have feelings anymore. I type words of happiness and use smily emoticons, but i don't actually smile in real life.

Not anymore. I use the app on phones so much more than meeting people face to face.

I hate using the phone.

I just want to be alone.

The only regret i have,
Is not knowing how to say 'no' to others.

Just... Let me have time to myself.

Let me be alone.

Bird sound monitoring app

What if there was an app that could listen to bird sounds and tell what birds were in that area.

It'll be so useful for ecological monitoring.

Shereshpondosed

Not to the point of being extremely stressed, nor defeated in morale, not depressed. But a similar mix of whatever isn't delightful and affects the quality of life.

Symptoms: a clear one is not feeling rested after waking up, even if the sleep time is perceived as long enough. Maybe it comes from oversleeping, when one has had his fair share of rest, be quick to get up and jump out of bed, least laziness is given a foothold and the comfort of bed glues the body down.

A slightly mild headache. That comes in a line slightly above where the eyebrows are, crossing with the center of the nose. This goes and comes, being able to focus in when there is a time of silence, but not negligible enough to not distract one form the dialysis dealings of life.

An inability to remember. Be it names of new people or facts in stories. As if there was no foundational stem to tie the branches of endless information to. Maybe affect by just not caring enough about whom were listening to, or just not being present in the moment due to something else bothering the mind. Rushing though reading material without properly understanding is also a contributor, with the immense amount of words to skim and speed read though, we claim that there isn't enough time. Everyone has the same amount of time, we just need to be more conscious of moments.

Which brings us to the next point, feeling as if there want enough time to do everything. Piles of books that keep growing, a list of movies to watch that east the space of hard drives. Storing doesn't mean experiencing, hoarding just adds more clutter.

Leave what is behind. Let it go.

well said..

"What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture." - Andrew Postman's  Father

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2017/feb/02/amusing-ourselves-to-death-neil-postman-trump-orwell-huxley?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits