two types of suffering

there are two types of suffering
one that the world experiences, which is not by choice.
which is outside of our locus of control

and then there is the suffering that is chosen
Jesus asked us to pick it...

would you rather live a life that's determined by the world and suffer it's consequences of not being able to control what happens to you no matter how hard you try,
or would you submit yourself to God, the Sovereign One whom created all and that can gives us the greates joy that the world could never provide, suffer from Him, and gain life.

Too fast in gaining knowledge without application

Knowledge is something that is so easy to gain nowadays.

Especially with the internet nowadays 

But the problem is that we tend to acquire too much before we can fully utilise what we've studied

Not actually learning anything in a short cut process that should have taken time.

Take it slow.

You already know enough.

"You already know enough. So do I. It is not knowledge we lack. What is missing is the courage to understand what we know and to draw conclusions." - Sven Lindqvist

stability is innovation

the way to maintain stability is not through doing the same things over and over again,

but it's by changing as the time progresses.

this is because what is stable today, might not be tomorrow.

was just reading up on Elon Musk, he, is really radical. great inspiration to what the future might possibly hold.

my lips.. gosh i need to read the Bible first

today i felt like i over stepped my boundary of a TP.
spoke out too much after the President talked in a group whatsapp chat.
as if i was gonna take over his place.
why do i feel this? is it good? is it bad?

i asked the Lord when i was showering,
He prompted me to personally message the pengarah
so yeah. i did, and he was okay with it.. phweh

thank you Lord.

pray for:
the new committee

went to Kg Sembulan today
to help out
the kids
whom cant even write their names
they just like to play
so rowdy
how to teachers take care of such huge crowds.
respect.
love.

stepping down and up. be: happy

grateful: for CTK and the van. back in PJ, it was so easay to deal with things concerning PPBC, need the sanctuary for camp worship practice? no problem. need a dance studio? done. need a place to chill out and sleep over, with showers? tick tick tick

coming to Sabah, taught me that i should learn how to ask for help, and that people are very willing to give it actually. that... showing a need, i taught it was a weakness, but actually its strength that's required to ask. and asking: builds bridges, creates bonds, fosters friendships.

Ps Darren is such a cool dude, we needed a van to transport the students from campus to PPKS in likas, normally we would need to rent a van/bus (if the people whom owned cars weren't enough). but yeah, FOC.. grace. love. community. family. i felt all those things.

i want to feel more of the present moment. than being detached from it.
i want to be able to have the energy to live for the day, by choosing to delay gratification of things that are not meant to be as of yet.
i want to choose Christ, and know His power, in His goodness and fullness of His Glory.

pray:
for healing on aunt aggie
for Kg Sembulan tomorrow (bring the fan!)
for Alon and his grandma

plan:
for PK05
date&venue
meeting with the old comm (Anthon)
Next meeting with the committee

Alpha
20 May
27 May
3&4 June

just three more sessions to go and we'll be done with the series.
Gosh, how time flies. i never taught it would be possible to run the whole thing.
How i only wished we had more time for application.

God, what do you want?
me to Humble myself as i seek You
to daily refresh myself with Your Word, few times a day.
to worship.

owh well.
atleast we're gonna have a party on 22 May for the Campus Life leavers
at Party Play Lifestyle Cafe. Crystal and i will be incharge of games. its a costume theme, we plan to go as harley quinn adn the joker. haha.. its gonna be some crazzzy games.

loves of love,
blogging.

pray: boldly or humbly?

there's something about... prayer
to pray to God, should one be soft and humble and .. contrite?
or should one speak boldly with charisma and power?

is it a stance that we come before God knowing that He is so much greater and we small?
or because of what Jesus has done on the cross, we can come before the Father confidently?

i grew up with the latter train or taught, and only when i reached university i see a different form of praying to God. i guess it really does depend on the situation that we are in at the moement and how the Holy Spirit uses us.

Matthew 10:19&20: "But when they hand you over, do not worry about how to respond or what to say. In that hour you will be given what to say. For it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you"

so yeah, this verse always come to my mind when i'm about to pray.
its not about what i know as a human, but how available i am as a vessel for God to use right?

also another big contradiction
there's something about.... ministries.
i see that CLC is very strong in evangelism and a very go-out and get em method.
and CL is more of focus on the ones whom come into the fold method

both reaches out to non-believers (or pre-beleivers as some prefer the term) but in a different way.
its so interesting. as if, the wester tries to improve one's own personal self more, and the eastern has its considerations on others. which is deeper which shallow. which is the great commission which is just... a tradition.

never the less, as long as Christ is preached. we all have our different ways to serve the same body.

pick up the calling, learn selflessness

do things that will make a difference in this world,
not for academics, no, that is for recognition

God, i want to be done and over with this selfishness that is inside of me
i dont know what this pride is, that keeps me wanting to do things for fame,
i never taught that i would have to face this kind of challenge,
who am i, that popularity among people should matter?

yet God here i stand today, naked and weak before you,
a broken vassel? maybe not yet that far, but i wish to be of a contrite heart

You've called me out to serve You again, as if giving me a second chance to get things right before i leave. to make amends for the wrongs and mishaps of standards that i've not lived up to.

Yet i wonder why i still feel so, lazy so unwilling to take up the responsibilities in life.
as if i just wanted it to be a blissful, easy going and carefree ... worthless life of happiness.

no i am not happy in the current state i'm in.. or was in. i'm happy now, like today.
because of what You've done. i realize that not following You brings despair, tiredness and a void.

life should not be busy, but well occupied with the things that matter.
if i selected the right things to do in life that were in accordance to God's will,
then it wouldn't be such a drag to wake up each morning right?

sigh, God. keep reminding me that i'm your child and dearly loved,
that my strength is found in You and not in myself.

Amen.

Ephesians 5:1&2 "Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

HUMAN displays of love

we humans all over the world have different definitions of love.

it is our choice to choose how to explain it, to show it, to feel it.



yet, growing up, I've always been taught of one love that is above all else,

a love that only a god could show. a love that required what was meant to save all of creation.



yet, how selfish i am to keep it to myself,

to sacrifice, for the sake of it, is well known in the head,

although it is felt in the heart, it is a struggle to put into actions.



distractions.

tired

sin is tiring

knowing God is: obedience

why am i physically tired? or is it mentally, emotionally... spiritually?

i need rest, i need my cup to be refilled.
the only way it can overflow without me being empty

Jesus...

consumption

create and not just consume.
that is the way to maintain individuality.

is there another way? what is it

if i could ask one question to Dr Z.N:

what is heaven to you?
and is there any other way to go to it,
other than the one you are believing in right now?

Rent distribution

If you think. Giving more profit to the contractor firms instead of royalty to the state will decrease the amount of logging they have to do to achieve the same amount of money.

You're wrong. Greedy people will take more when more is offered to them.

So screw them, make logging something freaking hard and unprofitable to do. That'll keep our forest sustainable.

on the road

i'm still learning to make the right choices,
thank you for, your grace and mercy, to forgive and still accept me.

i'll become a better person,
and make wiser decisions

camping

it is really a joy to camp,
a blessed to find a person to enjoy it with.

will prepare better for the next one,
to be as comfortable for a cozy night.

things are not actions

rain.

went to inobong to camp the night.
went too late, the gate was closed. (it closes at 5.. so yeah)

in the tent we could hear the rumble of thunder in a distance,
that forecast a rainy night

woke up at 12 to take a piss,
tide down the flysheet and looped the ends over the edges,
realized that i didn't bring cordage to tie the guy lines that pull out the middle part of the flysheet to prevent it from touching the inner layer,

so much for being prepared.

"it is no used to be prepared in things, when no action is taken to use them"

choose - better

choose to be a better person.

"better person" is NOT a goal

to achieve the outcome,

it is by making the choice that

makes one a better person

"choose" is the goal

"better person" is just a natural response to it

make the right choices in life,

ask God what they are.

The little one

my plant has had bite marks on its leaf for quite some time.
i was looking for that little bugger...

today i saw it, green and fat...
a tiny bit of anger flushed through,
i picked it up with my fingers (a lil scared that it'll make me itchy)
it did the same thing of throwing up green goo that i saw happen when i did it to a younger one last time...

and dropped it onto the floor...
and was about to squash it,
the last time i let a younger one live,
my problem didn't go away..

then a flush of sadness came over me,
i suddenly remembered...

i haven't seen a butterfly for quite some time

i picked the cute lil guy off the scorching hot cement floor...
and placed him back on the the leaf i took him from...

"eat all you want lil guy"

i'm...... sorry

hope you get to grow up,
unlike some who don't get the chance

God over family

what francis chan was talking about on Christ Mission before Families

important that both parties see it commonly.

Seeking His Kingdom and righteousness first does equate that certain things will follow (riches over poverty, success over failures)

i've heard and met of many with "Pastor's Kid" syndrome. An absent dad/mom due to being 'too busy' with church affairs. (then again, it can happen to any occupation).

So as much as we love and serve God. We must also remember to love and serve others around us, our families and friends. For that i'm sure, is Christ Mission for us too. (A close balance, Matthew 12:47 Someone said to Him, "Behold, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak to You." 48But Jesus answered the one who was telling Him and said, "Who is My mother and who are My brothers?")

Matthew 19:29"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.

i believe there is a right time for everything. One should not misuse "God's Work" as an escape for doing the things he should do at home.

weeds

God,
i'm like the seeds that fell among weeds.
i know your Word, it's just that i'm being chocked by this world.

i wish i could be like the seed that fell among the good soil,
multiplying for you. but i'm not like that.

God i am not like that.

take out the weeds in my life.
i want to live for you

"Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” - Mark 4:7&8