pick up the calling, learn selflessness

do things that will make a difference in this world,
not for academics, no, that is for recognition

God, i want to be done and over with this selfishness that is inside of me
i dont know what this pride is, that keeps me wanting to do things for fame,
i never taught that i would have to face this kind of challenge,
who am i, that popularity among people should matter?

yet God here i stand today, naked and weak before you,
a broken vassel? maybe not yet that far, but i wish to be of a contrite heart

You've called me out to serve You again, as if giving me a second chance to get things right before i leave. to make amends for the wrongs and mishaps of standards that i've not lived up to.

Yet i wonder why i still feel so, lazy so unwilling to take up the responsibilities in life.
as if i just wanted it to be a blissful, easy going and carefree ... worthless life of happiness.

no i am not happy in the current state i'm in.. or was in. i'm happy now, like today.
because of what You've done. i realize that not following You brings despair, tiredness and a void.

life should not be busy, but well occupied with the things that matter.
if i selected the right things to do in life that were in accordance to God's will,
then it wouldn't be such a drag to wake up each morning right?

sigh, God. keep reminding me that i'm your child and dearly loved,
that my strength is found in You and not in myself.

Amen.

Ephesians 5:1&2 "Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

HUMAN displays of love

we humans all over the world have different definitions of love.

it is our choice to choose how to explain it, to show it, to feel it.



yet, growing up, I've always been taught of one love that is above all else,

a love that only a god could show. a love that required what was meant to save all of creation.



yet, how selfish i am to keep it to myself,

to sacrifice, for the sake of it, is well known in the head,

although it is felt in the heart, it is a struggle to put into actions.



distractions.

tired

sin is tiring

knowing God is: obedience

why am i physically tired? or is it mentally, emotionally... spiritually?

i need rest, i need my cup to be refilled.
the only way it can overflow without me being empty

Jesus...

consumption

create and not just consume.
that is the way to maintain individuality.

is there another way? what is it

if i could ask one question to Dr Z.N:

what is heaven to you?
and is there any other way to go to it,
other than the one you are believing in right now?

Rent distribution

If you think. Giving more profit to the contractor firms instead of royalty to the state will decrease the amount of logging they have to do to achieve the same amount of money.

You're wrong. Greedy people will take more when more is offered to them.

So screw them, make logging something freaking hard and unprofitable to do. That'll keep our forest sustainable.

on the road

i'm still learning to make the right choices,
thank you for, your grace and mercy, to forgive and still accept me.

i'll become a better person,
and make wiser decisions

camping

it is really a joy to camp,
a blessed to find a person to enjoy it with.

will prepare better for the next one,
to be as comfortable for a cozy night.

things are not actions

rain.

went to inobong to camp the night.
went too late, the gate was closed. (it closes at 5.. so yeah)

in the tent we could hear the rumble of thunder in a distance,
that forecast a rainy night

woke up at 12 to take a piss,
tide down the flysheet and looped the ends over the edges,
realized that i didn't bring cordage to tie the guy lines that pull out the middle part of the flysheet to prevent it from touching the inner layer,

so much for being prepared.

"it is no used to be prepared in things, when no action is taken to use them"

choose - better

choose to be a better person.

"better person" is NOT a goal

to achieve the outcome,

it is by making the choice that

makes one a better person

"choose" is the goal

"better person" is just a natural response to it

make the right choices in life,

ask God what they are.

The little one

my plant has had bite marks on its leaf for quite some time.
i was looking for that little bugger...

today i saw it, green and fat...
a tiny bit of anger flushed through,
i picked it up with my fingers (a lil scared that it'll make me itchy)
it did the same thing of throwing up green goo that i saw happen when i did it to a younger one last time...

and dropped it onto the floor...
and was about to squash it,
the last time i let a younger one live,
my problem didn't go away..

then a flush of sadness came over me,
i suddenly remembered...

i haven't seen a butterfly for quite some time

i picked the cute lil guy off the scorching hot cement floor...
and placed him back on the the leaf i took him from...

"eat all you want lil guy"

i'm...... sorry

hope you get to grow up,
unlike some who don't get the chance

God over family

what francis chan was talking about on Christ Mission before Families

important that both parties see it commonly.

Seeking His Kingdom and righteousness first does equate that certain things will follow (riches over poverty, success over failures)

i've heard and met of many with "Pastor's Kid" syndrome. An absent dad/mom due to being 'too busy' with church affairs. (then again, it can happen to any occupation).

So as much as we love and serve God. We must also remember to love and serve others around us, our families and friends. For that i'm sure, is Christ Mission for us too. (A close balance, Matthew 12:47 Someone said to Him, "Behold, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak to You." 48But Jesus answered the one who was telling Him and said, "Who is My mother and who are My brothers?")

Matthew 19:29"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.

i believe there is a right time for everything. One should not misuse "God's Work" as an escape for doing the things he should do at home.

weeds

God,
i'm like the seeds that fell among weeds.
i know your Word, it's just that i'm being chocked by this world.

i wish i could be like the seed that fell among the good soil,
multiplying for you. but i'm not like that.

God i am not like that.

take out the weeds in my life.
i want to live for you

"Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” - Mark 4:7&8

A path far from where i was meant to be

I traveled down a path,
that is far from the point i should be,
took a turn somewhere along the road,
that was never meant to be,

Jesus you gave me life,
born into a wonderful family,
i learnt about it's purpose early,
yet, why am i now so weary.

There was a time i could say,
that i was in line with what You'd will,
now i cant even get the basics at bay,
i'm lost and cant seem to be still.

Lord, what is this place you've brought me to,
far away from home and the community i grew up in,
this freedom to choose a new society,
why did i pick the ones that ... were not of You.

Why Lord God, have i come to this point,
To be so uncertain about my existence,
to try life as if there was another purpose,
than the one that You have given me.

Why do i live a life that is so worldly,
gratifying the sinful natures of the flesh,
did i think i could just try this out,
and walk away freely?

did i think maturity was gaining experience,
even if it meant the cost of my integrity,
holiness and righteousness has but fled me,
i feel weak, tired and empty.

There isn't much time left on this plateau,
help me Lord to learn life's lessons early,
Jesus only you can make me holy,
you way was always the one and only.

real Tragedy

"real Tragedy is succeeding at things that don't matter" - Ps yew meng/francis
ish?

Happy Easter everybody!

the beauty of Holiness brings worship anew...

hmm..

bleh

Drought

The drainage system works as the irrigation as well

God's society

I want to be part of a society in God's Kingdom.

Not a part of this worldly one.

Tour guide

Man I need to learn my own turf.

Dean called me just this afternoon and said he's arrived with his friends from Germany at KL.

Met them up at Times Square.

But after that, it was kinda down hill.

I didn't know how to go to china town using the public transport.

And got sorta lost.

The road sin kl are soooo confusing. And my gps sucks.

Sigh, so much for being prepared.

Also, when I realised I was walking in the wrong direction, I didn't turn around.

Pride I guess?

I should come up with a 'walk through' for kL. with places of interest and personal favourites of food and such.

I really need to learn how to become a tour guide.

That can tell history, statistics and .. Generally information about the area.

Sigh, sucks to not have travelled.

the 3rd year sem holidays

the first week of the holidays kicked off with a road trip up to kudat and camping out by the beach. its nice to just, be free.

i got a lil scared of camping on privet property, if it was. but it turned out to be alright. they people are nice. and yeah, most important is there's a public toilet to bath.

tried surfing, ain't easy, couldn't catch a wave.
but the cycling was not too bad =)


the second week was a four day get away to mabul
now this was a real holiday. one day with 3 dives,
and the rest were just... blissful relaxation

one thing that struck me while being there was the.. local, the bajau lauts
i wonder what if i was born in such a surrounding.
i wonder if i'd ever have the opportunity to, escape that cycle of life

education, a willingness to learn. is vital to one's life



the third week was as road trip with family members
to kundasan, sandakan, semporna, tawau through 6-7 hours long roads
sabah is beautiful, the forest, the mountains, the oceans

except the oil palms

one thing i learnt: it is good to have friends. everywhere we go we could meet up and have a guide to the best places.


home,
meet-ups

one thing in life: it is important to have friends
to talk to

CNy gifts

some things for the holidays =)
bought a nifty key chain tool form kickstarter, they shipped it as promised =D

new shoes from dad, RM269 from sports direct. gt-2000 asics

and bro got me headphones. beyer's dtx 350p. he says it sums up christmas, birdthday and etc

happy =)