Birthday message to dad

19 nov 2015

When I was young, I could remember going up a cable car, the fog was cold but mom brought a dark blue jacket for me to keep warm. There was also a time we went to ice wonderland at the mines. I get to sleep in the master bedroom all the time too, with the super silky brown blanket and fat-fat which would get me through dad's snoring.

Dad would come home to eat lunch sometimes and never missed family dinner ever single night unless he was outstation. Mom would without fail cook 3 wonderful meals a day. My brains were kept healthy with all the fish stocked up in the fridge from all the trips. When we went back to Ipoh we would drive on un-tarred roads, an adventure, but I always trusted dad knew the way. We would set up 'camp' with the boot of the van opened. And 'sau tong' when dusk approached.

Every morning mom would make breakfast, and I would see my brothers dress up in white uniforms going out into the dark. Dad would fetch wai Yan to school first and come back home for me, on his AM799. I love sitting behind and hugging him.

We went to eat lok-lok frequently on Sunday nights after walking to the pasar malam nearby. Never once did I have to pay for my own food when out with you my parents. I miss the laksa and kit chai we had ritually weekly. Not to forget the char Siew pows and lo mai Kai before church.

I followed them to cell group and when I got home dad would carry me up to the room to sleep. Of cause I was woken up abit, but I pretended to sleep to get the free ride. It was nice to be held in your arms.

Following you on field trips was fun! Digging for fossil leafs in Jerantut/Greek? And those long rides behind the Jaguh to far away places. If we could not come, mom would fold red hearts and ask us to write stuff on it to put into his clothes luggage.

It's amazing how you two mange to juggle all 4 children with love and faith. Happy birthday dad! I love you all!! Mom, dad, tai Kor, Yee Kor, jie jie!!!

Bus

22 February 2016

Today coming to klia 2 I fell asleep on the bus. And missed the station and instead went to klia 1. The bus driver told me that I could sit the next bus of the same company back to klia 2. I went inside and asked a counter where I could take a bus back to klia 2. She pointed me to another bus. On the way walking to it, the bus driver called out to me and asked me to wait at the initial gate.

He saw me walking the wrong way and called out.

At klia 2, I've never been to boarding gates K before. K18 was really far, and I was so used to going to J gates. Surprisingly met Adib there, and we witnessed a young lad who missed his flight at a neighbouring gate. The attended did try to help him by calling using the phone, unfortunately it was just too late.

I missed a bus station, he missed a plane take off, by a few minutes.

Thank God for second chances, He is indeed gracious.

Yet sometimes there are consequences to mistakes made that are... Irrevocable

And tough to bear.

Worship

11 dec 2016

What is the meaning to worship? Pa yew Meng. PPBC 

To end the series, we're going back to the beginning

Genesis 22:1-19

The attitude of our hearts, not just the methods,

Not just on Sunday's, but outside the church.

After this things, God TESTED Abraham.

If it's not being tested, it can't be trusted 

How do we know we really love the Lord?

When something is at stake, the what is inside your heart is exposed.

A blessing given too early, at the wrong time, can become a curse.

Highlighted about the son:

1) the only son, solely, irreplaceable 

2) whom you love.

Abraham, had already lost one son, Ishmael

When he sent him away.

Who we truly are, who we truly was, who was Lord over our lives.

1) test of adversity, suffering

2) test of prosperity, blessing

Looking back, you might surprise yourself,

Eh why did I think that way.

Potential to lead you into godliness or unholiness

Potential to build you or break you.

Don't let riches lead you away astray

In that prosperity, God was going to test if Abrahams heart was still true to him

Testimony to his 

1) rose early, dedication, urgency 

2) saddled his donkey, making sure he's prepared,

Some cannot obey because they are not prepared.

3) friends that can journey along with you.

Worship: sacrifice

Frederick Lewis 

7 social sins. Affects society as a whole

Individual sins.

Church, express our worship.

Living sacrifice.

Love and reverence expressed.

Garry chapman,

5 languages of love.

1) quality time, love some you spend time

Sit at the feet of Jesus, prayer, meditate on His word

2) words of affirmation 

Share our testimony and the gospel, the good news to those around us.

Don't fear being rejected.

3) gifts.

Lord I give you everything. Tithes and offerings

4) serving.

Serve others. Unglamorous, upfront 

5) physical touch

Are we the body of Christ that reaches out and touches lives,

Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless.

Go beyond the Sunday service.

It did not involve any music.

I insist to pay for this, because I will not offer anything to God that cost me nothing.

Everything outward is already there, the fire, the wood.

The church building, the music instruments.

Dethroning the god of self.

And leaving this place differently.

What is the mark of true worship?

That it's not just say emotional time.

The fruit.

Verse 9

God will never shortchanged you.

God wants you to be free, forfuwq

Why we can't remember

The reason why we can't remember things so well nowadays is because:

There is not enough adequate time for things to sink in.

New knowledge comes too easily and we are flooded by information,

All thanks to the double edge of Internet.

When we read something, before it can materialise and matures in our minds,

It is buried by the never ending flow.

Choose.

Lining running shoes

After my blue Aesics got stolen when i left it outside the hous in KingFisher.. (they still smelled new!) =( sigh just thinking back i miss them so much...

i've been without running shoes for quite some time now,
so i was in a delima.. should i buy a pair of badminton shoes (cause i play it so much nowadays in FRC) or should i get a general purpose all rounder running shoe? (with lower heels so as not to sprain like the mizouno.. that was a really bad sprain)..

after wearing the stiff badmninton shoes i decided to go for the super light weight runners =)

there was a discount too and also lucky draw entry, fingers crossed might get the RM2k voucher, nyahahaha

RM242 after the discount, not too cheap, but owh well

thanks dad

Romoss ranger 17

always wanted a dual USB car charger that was small. but good, with proper chips and all inside it. So was contemplating either a Xiao Mi =m Anker or Romoss. I went for the latter

They are quite nice, after registering the the authentication key, they sent me a nice mail, from a girl named Chloe =)

haha, in the mail they even have this link below on "how long should you charge your powerbank for the first time", haha. i guess they get that question pretty alot!

for RM35... this is probably worth it. haven't had the chance to use it yet, but i like its design and how light it is

Sam the .. erm... socialist

Met a guy named sam, he's scottish and has traveled the world before 20.
Was just looking for a friend to send him to the hospital, but so many people are weary about him, my parents included. i think i just met a genuine guy whose been travelling around the world. wow.

https://samspeaks.blog/blog/

https://www.facebook.com/samspeaksaboutstuff/?

it was nice to listen to his stories,
he could.. just walk around with the clothes on his back,
and emergency passport

and.... a plastic bag of trash. wow.

wow.....

sub specie aeternitatis

sub specie aeternitatis

"under the aspect of eternity"

makes the problems of life seem so small.
make life fun =)

Planta fruit

Found in Sandakan, Sabah.
Very soft and spongy with a sweet taste.
Can be broken with just the hands.

Bee pairs holding each other in a ball

One of the weirdest phenomena i've seen in my life. was sitting down on a bench just as dawn was breaking. the air cold and chilly.... and suddenly these bees started dropping down from the tree above. they came down mostly in pairs and were... almost always hugging each other making a ball.

peculiar. they must be cold too

LapThor Acer Aspire V3-471G i5-2450M, nvidea GT630M 2GB VRAM, 16GB DDR3 1600mhz, 120gb SSD Samsung Evo, (+2tb Firecuda to come)

Was thinking of getting a dual M.2 NVMe adapter to SATA III for my laptop (after the HDD caddy with 2TB fire cuda) which i haven't gotten myself to do yet.

IT's no that expensive either.. (the caddy and SSHD).

But the m.2 . woahh.. those will be priceyyy
was thinking of the Samsung 960s .. i like samsung.
And if i were to upgrade the laptop, i'll splunk in a high upgrade price.
so maybe a 500gb SSD =P or the 1TB? x2.. haha

the RAM's maxed out.. sigh at 16GB DDR3 ram.. i think this is one of the reasons my battery life is so crappy.

did you konw the V3-471G has soldering points on the motherboard for a M.2 port? just that it isn't used? so sad right...

was also looking at eGPU.. but that.. would just be a heck waste of time unless i'm not moving the laptop around anymore. gosh.. i love this LapTHor.. so customisable.

and.. i'm gonna keep it at win7. NEVER ever going to upgrade to win 10.. even if it's for free (btw today was the last day for free upgrades if you have 'accessibility' needs)



I read the Dell Inspiron 15 7559 is good for upgrading easily: WIndows Central

or maybe an Eurocom? which can put in a full desktop class CPU and also MXM graphics cards.. up to 2 x M.2 and 2 x 2.5'... 4 slots of RAM up to 64gb.... crazy... who would need so much computing power??

changing engine oil for Ex5

changed engine oil for the Papa's Ex5

cant remember the last time i did. it was black

last time was because the engine couldn't start on cold mornings. lol.

went to a different shop.. Wee Maju, actually any motorbike shop is the same i guess.

just that some mechanics are more toughtful and observant

(like they will rock the bike to get out all the old oil)

and some don't pour in the whole bottle

i asked the lady at the counter which one,

she said Honda? owh that one loh

Honda 4T SL 10W-30 RM 22 0.8L calcium additive prevents clutch slipping reduce engine friction Asked the guy about oil, he said change every 2000km and he recommends Shell, cheap

but i still feel like some of them are longer lasting and better for the engine.
I mean seriously.. calcium to prevent slipping? isn't the oil supposed to make stuff more slippery

Then theres the codes 10W-30
the first number on the left indicates the viscosity (how easy it flows) at a COLD start
so 10 would be before it's heated up... and so 5 would be less thicker than 10 and easier to start on cold mornings... the W stands for windete btw

the second number on the right indicates it at operating temperature, i.e. 30 at 100C
so is it better to get a ticker oil? what's the effects on the engine components? which one is better long term, which one has better fuel economy, which one is smoother, which one is cleaner ..

a 5W-30 will flow better than a 10W-30
a 10W-50 is thicker than a 10W-40

good place to read stuff:
: http://www.hcdmag.com/5w30-vs-10w30/

10W-30 is not as fluid, it's thicker.. better for older engines and protects the components thicker got more drag tough.
5W-30 is more fuel efficient, for new engines with small gaps and no need to worry about seal.

and whats the diference between wet cluch and dry?
basically if the clutch uses the engine oil for lubrication, its a wet clutch.
Dry is for when it's separated from the engine

i know some are for automatic scooters

sigh, i dont know if i bought the right one.
well i hope that it stays clean for a long time

i know theres alot of difference when chaning the oil tough, i could feel it last time
it was more smooth.

AMD APU vs Intel processors Ideapad 320-14AST

Went shopping with a a friend Suzika because her laptop fried..
instead of changing the mother board which her computer was giving other problems already..

so yeah.. got a Lenovo ideapad 320-14AST
with a AMD A9-9420 processor.. which they said was equivalent to a Intel i5
but it was cheaper... at RM1899 ..

Why lenovo over other brands like Toshiba, Asus or Acer (i personally like acer.. my Aspire V3-471G is so reliable.. well.. after changing the hardisk)

i was thinking of upgrading it even more with a HDD caddy
https://hddcaddy.eu/acer-aspire-v3-471-hdd-caddy/

putting in a 2TB seagate firecuda (cause they have that hybrid SSHD) and my current Samsung EVO 126GB is outta space... but yeah.. its pricey at RM460.. compared to the 1TB version (RM350)

sigh.. well atleast i've maxed out the 16GB ram (2x Kingston DDR3 8Gb ... well yeah i like my laptop alot..

anyways .. AMD has made a good thing by combining the CPU and GPU to allow each other to help one another process stuff.. which.. Intel and Nvidea doesn't do on mine..

APU and SSHD... these are really good technologies for laptops...
and hers has DDR4 ... (i think the extra 200 bucks is worth it for the better processor and newer RAM).. atleast she can upgrade her RAM next time easily instead of trying to find the old DDR3..

well.. i hope she's happy with the purchase and it'll last her for a long long long time to come!
and it comes with a free G03 watch worth RM400+ .. haha well

UPDATE (16 Jan 2018): something is bottlenecking it for heavy computer usage. The mouse disappears, google Earth becomes white, QGIS loads slowly... ANd i just found out that there is only ONE ram slot.. meaning she'll have to buy a 8GB DDR4 RAM to REPLACE the 4gb one, instead of just adding onto it. sigh. And the free watch is crap lah. And you can't put an M.2 NVMe SSD inside unlike the vbigger 15' version wit the number pad. LOLZ... so many things.. don;t purchase a laptop when you aren't feeling well and have fever. DOnt rush a laptop buy but do the research first. Owh well.. maybe the last saving grace would be to throw in and SSD and more RAM and hopefully that punches up the A9 to full capabilities.

frying a laptop with a universal adapter

This brought some peace into my life.

https://askleo.com/can_i_use_a_charger_that_provides_the_same_voltage_but_a_different_amperage/

Suzika's laptop wasn't turning on. When she plugs in the power adapter into the socket the green LED on it comes on.. but when she plugs the other end into her ASUS laptop it just fades off.

So i thought it was her adaptor that had the issue. And such a coincidence Biotech has a spare universal adaptor that we bought which was supposed to be used for the WD NAS (which we didn't set up in the end). I changed the plug heads and gee.. i was so sure that it'll work.

So i plugged it in. pressed the power button once, but it didn't turn on.
THen she tried and it turned on.. i was thinking it was all well and walked off

and then it started smoking oO

GG....

She quickly unplugged it..

and the smell of a toasted motherboard lingered... sigh..

i quickly went and checked the rating on the adaptor and the universal one...
yes both were running 19V.... but the amps was different.. here's was a bout 3.. the adaptor was giving out 4...

i thought... i thought i had just fried my friends laptop

sigh... but anyways, she didn't say anything about her laptop not working before this..
but yeah.. i'd like to chip in for this hard working girl.

way to remember and not memorize

we stop learning because we stop questioning.
This is due to favoring memorization over understanding.
Go back to having a curious mind, to remember better.

card reader slot on laptop not functioning

i think my card reader for the laptop almost died..
when i sorta almost  ejected the card but didn't (half press micro pressed but it didn't pop out)

restarted the computer and even reinstalled the drive..
shined a torch light and poked it with a needle...

it all didn't work...

prayed..
God..

tried again later on...

God.. it works..
the best mechanic: miracles

Born to be a king

I dreaming last night that there was a ceremony whereby the crown was to be passed down to the Kings son, but he wasn't there to receive it. So I stood in his place. Haha. To think one day you'll wake up as a King. How different would you live the daily life?

Listening

Have you ever been with someone, and as they listened to you, you felt as though you were the only person in the room?  The person listening had no sense of needing to be somewhere else.  They had no sense of needing to interrupt you.  They simply listened.  How did that feel?

On the other hand, have you ever been chatting with someone and you could tell they were only half there?  The look in their eyes told you that they were thinking about something else?  They had a sense of urgency inside that they were supposed to be getting something else done.  How did that feel?

“Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” (David Augsburger)

Make things

Life is about taking what we have and making things out of them.

I.e. cooking: is like laying Lego. You have a few bricks and raw materials to build with, and the final outcome is a delicious meal.

Or

Our work: we have time and talents. They just need to be squished together with some effort and energy to make something out of em.

Results:
I have this phone and I made this post. I have internet and I have fingers.

I have God.
So now what?

Or is it that God has me...

Ministry

Ministry comes from the same root words a "minus"

A servant,to make ones self less, less time, money, energy,security

Why in the word would someone want to give up all this for someone else.

Why would we not want to meet our own needs first...

Well that sone of the counterculture that we go through.

Colossians 1:18

I will not forget what he did.

What Chirst has done for us on the cross.

Some give a very positive views of serving,

We serve not because of all the good things,

But we serve because of what Jesus did.

Serving can be tough, disappointing, overwhelming.

And we think...

What am i doing here...

1 Cor 12:14-18

Each one of us has a function and arrangement.

If we follow Jesus,

What areas do we follow him in?

Disciples triangle: up, in, out.

God, others, commissioned 

Sunday worship, small group, ministry and service

Kundasang

The dandelion cell group took a "retreat" trip over the merdeka and Haru Raya haji holidays.

Didn't really feel like I was celebrating merdeka on the eight month this year (but then again I haven't been for the last few years in university after leaving high school). I was hoping it'll be an independence of difference sorts, maybe a sprititual one or some kind of "break free" moment.

I guess one on the best choices I could make was to put down the phone and stare at it much less than informally would. Not just to mindlessly scroll through Facebook but even to whip it out and snap photos. I've done that plenty in the past, and what I find with the numerous photos I take with the phone is that I miss out on the joys in being in the moment, the time spent with the kids and just looking at their caricature.

A few things i remember about the trip is when we were driving up to the dairy cow farm. There was this girl who was frantically shouting "Tolong! Tolong!" (Which meant help, help in Malay). She was diving her Kancil car up the super steep slope and I guess the car just gave up. So we stopped a little further up and got out of the Hilux. Papa took over the wheel from the terrified and panicking young lass as I stood behind to push the car UP with another 'quite buff' guy... But the car just wasn't budging. Little did we both know Papa was helping her to reverse the car and make a u-turn around and not go up. Well I guess when an adult makes the call to not continue on despite the desire to do so by younger people, the earlier has to be the word taken into action.

I thought we could fetch them up I the bucket and drop them off later on as we were on our way down. But we didn't and thank God so, as it gave us the freedom to roam the hills further.

A second thing was that, shucks, I can't really remember, let me try to recall.

"All is fair in love and war". Played a game of Catan with Fiona, Joel and Shuk Lan. It was her first time. Hence I decided to "give face" as in not taking the upper hand in games at the start thinking it could be a turn around. Not so, later on it got harder to come back up. And people rarely remember the goodness shown in the beggings of games after they've progressed forwards (well not everyone forgets, a friend remembers me standing behind the crouched character to watch over in a game of counter strike). But yeah, point is... I guess we beat ourselves up too much over things that only we ourselves hold onto grudgingly, while others have long ago moved on.

Oh and our steam boat kept overflowed twice. I knew it was going to happen. There was some predicament of future events if I did not take any action. But I just spoke the word. Sigh, if I knew the better of something i should have acted on it and not brush the thought aside.

I bought a "mosquitoe chasing away" plant for 10 bucks. I shouldn't have. As it was growing and freely available at the place we were staying, Sosodikon farm stay. Pleasent Aunty. Who gave us dishwashing liquid to use, I wanted to leave it out in the common area but Joel had insisted we brining it it for safekeeping as it was entrusted to us and we should give it back to the Aunty first hand. Sigh, I guess not everyone is comfortable with sharing as freely as others are.

Oh, how friendly the sabahans are. We were taking so many selfies and trying to squeeze everyone into the picture win the majestic mountain in the background, but could not do so. The lady offered us to use her selfie stick. A totally random stranger seeing others in need. Wow. I have not seen this act of kindness for ages. But we declined as we were already done. I still feel we should have accepted although we didn't need too anymore just for the approval and encouragement it gives to the lady for her courage to offer help.

There was a time we were at the poring hot springs and we went for the canopy walk. We didn't pay the initial rm5 for hand phone photography and could have just sneakly snapped some pics. However I guess with Fiona and Shuk Lan around, also the Holy Spirit, it was better to do the right thing. Integrity is this: what we do when others aren't looking. Hence we decided to but the ticket, as there was a guy sitting at one of the platforms actually selling those tickets as if they already knew forehand that many would actually change their minds halfway and buy camera tickets.

All I all I guess there are many things to learn, from looking back and reflecting and writing a blog post about. Which I haven't been doing for some time. It's nice to write once again. I miss wiriting. I feel sometimes I don't tell stories as good with my mouth vocally then I could if you just read my words. Could you do that? Find out about my day through a blog post then through a phone call?

Sigh, I love you. Have a good trip overseas.

No rest for the mind

Deuteronomy 28:65-67New International Version (NIV)

65 Among those nations you will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of your foot. There the Lord will give you an anxious mind, eyesweary with longing, and a despairing heart. 66 You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life.67 In the morning you will say, “If only it were evening!” and in the evening, “If only it were morning!”—because of the terror that will fill your hearts and the sights that your eyes will see.

Have i come to the point of having no rest... no rest of the mind...

why Chester Bennington took his own life

he must have been so distressed about losing a friend so close, to want to meet him on the other side of line. Care. He really cared.

but how ironic, its a chain that cannot be broken, not by human means.

as much as i pity him for the abusive past, current pressures of the entertainment industry, and man-concocted substances that are willingly taken ... i feel more for the family that is left behind, wife, kids...

really, if a man could choose the date of his passing. why not when we are at the climax of life and all the more in the spot light of the world, what more better way to leave than as a legend in our own minds, what better legacy than when the world is all that there is worth bowing down for... example: some men live till 70 - 80 years, contented with grandchildren and fading out from the spotlight gradually... even those great man of long ago that pass away in our current times do not receive such "grandeur"... but then again.. what is it worth when we have already left this earth.. can't hear or see anything anymore... just .. freed

Just attended a funeral this morning, it's ... something close to heart.. for some. generally, not everyone would care for a single persons passing. others more than others. some indifferent, some all the difference.

to the audience: ticks me off you guys clap and cheer, this is a mourning song for goodness sake. what the heck is wrong with people nowadays.. is entertainment all that we just seek that we've become numb?

really...

the entertainment industry's expectation.. kills just too many. to feed us. then again, some even dare have the thought if it is even wrong..

and really... i do believe song's carry on messages that are too deep to be written down without a tune.

"We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep"

- indie musicians (like the Beetles and Bob Marley)... can see things that many others cant because they spend time introspecting, listening to their heart to come up with .. well... lyrics. why is the world asleep? the unseen powers (Illuminati, Satan, etc) are .. well.. at work and suppressing us, always tempting us..

Only Jesus can break the chain and free us.

"I am the Way, the Truth and the Light. No one comes to the Father except through me"

DISCLAIMER: this are just.. late night speculations and random (or not so?) ramblings... they probably are full of biases, fallacies and other missing facts/evidence of why or what really was the reason why Chester Bennington took his own life. Honestly, i didn't know LP's lead vocal was named as so, neither do i know all about Beetles (watched the Yellow Submarine, thats about it) and Bob Marley other than that he has really cool dreadlocks and appears on memes and is associated with well.. non-conformity.

I'm sorry if i hurt anyone through whatever i've wrote about such a great person.. didn't mean any harm to anyone nor to start anything unintended.. just my.. opinion of the mind on .. suicide

Maximum fruit size

What causes a coconut to stop growing bigger? Is it a gene that determines when the soft multiplying cells should stop and move on to the next stage of hardening...

Imagine if you could hack it.. for any fruit: papaya, watermelons... I know they already have giant pumpkins.. image coconuts the size of them!

mantis and kerangas

played with a baby mantis,
he likes to jump when a finger is placed infront of him,
and will climb up to the top

then there was a trail of kerangas ants on a wire,
they pass each other and felt each others feelers,
when they sensed i was a round some stopped and came into and aleart state
as if they wanted to bite me.

the ones carrying food would rush down without stopping.

Expanding world

Looking at the world map. It looks like the continents exploded from a small round object.

I saw a man

Fall down right infront of me, beside me.. he actually grabbed my shirt for a while.

I was reading the three body problem on my smartphone.

I couldn't react fast enough to catch him.

What have I become.

I saw a girl that seemed lost,
Didn't know which bus ticket to buy.
Didn't know where to wait,
Or where to sit

I didn't help her,

I just kept on reading,

I'm so afraid,

What have I become

An old man

Pusher a wheelchair,
And waited for his lady at the end of the travellator.

Flight appointments

I dreamt that I missed the flight, twice.
So real.
Do my appointments with God even seem that important?

Light up my darkness

E B C#m A

Praise you when im laughing
Praise you when I'm griving
Shine, oh shine

In the darkest of my moments,
In the hardest of my times,
Shine, oh shine.

Chorus:
You are the light,
To my world,
You're the strength,
When I'm weak

Bridge
When the whole world is against me,
I will not fear, i will not be shaken,
Because you are here.

Lessons from a Spider

While i was bathing, saw a wasp struggling a little funny along the wall,
It was caught by such a thin thread,
Of spider silk (just like how one small strand of sin can catch man).

A daddy long legs came to consume it, everytime it struggled, thats when the predator knew which direction would bring him nearer to his meal. (Don't struggle, just give in and be honest)

While eating halfway, another spider came out called by the tremors. But the first spider chased away the new comer, although bigger (fight for what is precious and worth protecting, even when the obstacles that come along seems daunting).

And later on he continued on,
I too finished off my shower.

after singing`

She asked a question, i didn't know how to answer...
life has been.. getting better.. as if the path was.. finally going somewhere

i sang... i sung.. singing...... and played strings...

and after that, i felt as if there were lose things coming out from my nasal cavity.

so i went to the sink and spat them out.. and they kept coming out...
as if.. something that has been lodged and pressing against my brain... has came out..

like.. finally...

sigh... i want to think more clearly, God... help me.... help me... i need you.. to love, to love her. the right way.

Worship

"that's​ the closest that we had ever come to AoG worship".

The role of the worship leader is to lead the congregation to worship God. Just like back in the songs if the old days.

The worship leader stops singing and the congregation continues.

And he gives cues at the end of each stanza so that the people (especially projector guy and congregation, not so much the musicians), are comfortable to know where it is going to flow.

Flow, gel, these terms..

Anyways, nowadays, the speaker just blares the extremely high notes of the worship leader on stage, it has become more of a performance. And the sound ends when the ones with mics stop... The band continues to play.

Not judging. God sees our hearts and those that worship needs to be in spirit and truth.

But one needs moral authority, just like yee kor's message on Nehimiah.

Worship. Worship. Worship as a life style, worship passionately and radically

24 years old

Memories are linked to feelings and emotions.

I seem to not have feelings anymore. I type words of happiness and use smily emoticons, but i don't actually smile in real life.

Not anymore. I use the app on phones so much more than meeting people face to face.

I hate using the phone.

I just want to be alone.

The only regret i have,
Is not knowing how to say 'no' to others.

Just... Let me have time to myself.

Let me be alone.

Bird sound monitoring app

What if there was an app that could listen to bird sounds and tell what birds were in that area.

It'll be so useful for ecological monitoring.

Shereshpondosed

Not to the point of being extremely stressed, nor defeated in morale, not depressed. But a similar mix of whatever isn't delightful and affects the quality of life.

Symptoms: a clear one is not feeling rested after waking up, even if the sleep time is perceived as long enough. Maybe it comes from oversleeping, when one has had his fair share of rest, be quick to get up and jump out of bed, least laziness is given a foothold and the comfort of bed glues the body down.

A slightly mild headache. That comes in a line slightly above where the eyebrows are, crossing with the center of the nose. This goes and comes, being able to focus in when there is a time of silence, but not negligible enough to not distract one form the dialysis dealings of life.

An inability to remember. Be it names of new people or facts in stories. As if there was no foundational stem to tie the branches of endless information to. Maybe affect by just not caring enough about whom were listening to, or just not being present in the moment due to something else bothering the mind. Rushing though reading material without properly understanding is also a contributor, with the immense amount of words to skim and speed read though, we claim that there isn't enough time. Everyone has the same amount of time, we just need to be more conscious of moments.

Which brings us to the next point, feeling as if there want enough time to do everything. Piles of books that keep growing, a list of movies to watch that east the space of hard drives. Storing doesn't mean experiencing, hoarding just adds more clutter.

Leave what is behind. Let it go.

well said..

"What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture." - Andrew Postman's  Father

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2017/feb/02/amusing-ourselves-to-death-neil-postman-trump-orwell-huxley?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits

homework

the more homework you do, the more homework you get.

Family dinners

Everyday dad come home from work. We get to eat dinner as a whole family every single day (unless someone's outstation). I remember sitting on the dinning table, being the last to finish. My parents would just be chilling in the living room watching TV. And I would be up there slowly munching away, watching the same show. Haha. Family dinners together. There was so much food cooked by mom.

day 1

but I'm still new and need guidance.
( i never knew what an "overload" is)

I thought I could handle of all this myself,

but i guess it was just overconfidence,

Had the intention, the initiative, 

but no determination and discipline to follow up.

Guess this is almost like starting form ground zero,

step by step.

Day 1

Pn Norisha's office (Head of Administration Section), got the keys. and paid the deposit.

rules of the Room, safety first, lock.

secondly cleanliness.

third: no couples in the rooms.

Met Eyen 30 minutes late from scheduled time.

should have told her we were going to the office.

Got a whole load of things up her sleeve for me

even i couldn't catch everything. but from what i remember:

1. There's an arboretum being set up in RDC, i need to compile a list of dipterocarps with the areas they occur in to check if they are in commercial forest or totally protected, and their status. so that Robert and .. erm.. someone else can see which trees they should select to be grown in the gene safe.

2. Follow Anis and Giacamo into the ...erm.. some FR to collect soil samples. and get paid an allowance 70 bucks a day. yea.. part time job.

3. when Chirs Kettle comes, see the gene mapping for Sepilok for Eyen's PhD.

4. go in with Alex to set up plots in Deramakot, for LTMP... seeing if we're taking out the good genes.

aside from that there is Colin;s work:

5. IUCN redlist.

6. FYP poster

7. IUCN online course.

and then...

8. finish of the dip lamellatus paper...

gg

and there's also a need to go for a fish seminar on the 15th (wednesday), remind eyen to send me the fish poster tmr.

Richard helped alot, really nice guy. showed us around the biotech tissue culture.

and then the molecular lab later on after lunch (we ate at McD in mile 6).

Grateful for: a nice boss, food at night, a room all to myself, sandy getting along with hers, my gf being understanding, Jesus answering prayers.

"It is by your light, we see light"

take away the fog from my mind,

dont let my nuerons in the brain seperate from each other.

i know i dont fear you Lord.. i plot evil and wickedness,

satan controls my heart because i've allowed him to..

take me back God,

take my lips back God..

that i will speak words of love,

speak the truth in love.

life is not about the money,

it is how we can contribute back to the system,

from within, from without.

ask questions

keep asking.

why

how,

what

where

when

whose

what is the work you are doing?

why are you doing it,

how does it contribute back to the bigger picture?

what is it hinging on?

how do you conduct your research?

why did you choose this site?

what are you expected results/hypothesis?

when did you start and am expected to finish?

whose also on this project with you?

i have to find out,

i have to remmeber,

i have to let my mind be working

to stay sharp, to stay frosty

to be clear.. crystal clear...

not muddy and murky.

clear my mind God

clear it....

cleanse..

okay its 11...

i should get a note book,

to just jot and scribble down stuff.. 

i actually do have one.. hmm.. i should finish it up first right.

yeah no point buying before finishing it.

so many things to be grateful for

thank you God

for never giving up on me

 i love you

i love you

i love you both.

WIsdom: inform people, especially if unable to make it for an appoinment on time.

dont talk bad/slander/compate negatively people.... look on the bright side of things =)

Chirst in you, CHirst in me...

light, be the light..

its a good life, dont hate it.

every day is a new day to shine

to grow

to love

to love

every new day

tmr is a new day.

move on

no regrets

no pain,

no suffering

move on,

dull mind

refresh, freshen up..

God take me back

the first and second days

it was a friday night, i only slept for one hour. packing away.
there's this feeling, inside the guts, that feels like vomiting.
it comes from leaving home. i dont know how else to describe it.

sitting in the coach from Paradigm mall to KLIA2,
i wondered how i could be more helpful,
thoughts of the past few days spend in Johor filleed my mind,
i miss you, and i doze of for a nap.
thank God i woke up when reaching the stop.

going onto the plane i forgot to text those whom needed to be informed.
especially Emmeline on the other side that the flight was on schedule.

well, i slept on the plane as well, my neck aches.
sat at the customs clearance, a guy couldn't carry on too many bags.
poor soul, i guess one should really follow the law of 7 kilos.

thank God my check in bags went though,
i calculated the two to be more than 20 kilos.
what in the world did i bring, i taught i could be minimalist.

played very much with Erwin, the trick to teaching kids is to let them experiment,
not do the things for them but ask questions on how something can be improved,
and promt with guidance here and there.

discipline is good.

slept over and woke up for church.
it was a good message, by Ps Amos,
he reminds me so much of my brother,
the style and ... charisma.
i miss worshiping.

after church met so many people,
Joel from Subang Jaya that is working here as an english tuition teacher. He dropped out of a degree twice due to the thesis.. wow.
Edward whom bakes at home, saving the need for paying GST (which might rise to 8%)
Aunty Florence, the wife of Johnny.
Fiona, a disciplinary teacher and Shook Lan, a biker girl whom fishes.

then home we took the bike up the Hilux,
forgot to bring the helmet along, but good thing Herbert remembered it.
gosh i need to be clear minded on what i need to bring about.

arrived at FRC guesthouse,
really nice bunch of people here.
Raiz from UPM along with a few others,
Jima, Suzy, Era, Kakak, Cina, Mel, Sherly..
and Anuar, a guy whom really knows his history.
He told me about the Dusun's not really "existing" and it was just a name they came up with to be a collective term of the smaller tribes (suku).
the history of mathematics...
parameswara going to melaka and singapura being originally Temasek..
and well sandakan, having lots of chinese and the British coming in later..
the missionary schools... and well... he could say all these without being condescending.
which is amazing, his love for sejarah.. he's working in SAFE, knows pui kiat...

then Abbo and Sandy, Cynthia and Razy dropped by.
wow they have soo many things.
spilt the rooms. i got one whole one for myself.. yeah =D
with air cond, nice shower... i couldn't ask for more. thank you God.

i could use the peace and quiteness.
we walked over to RDC to catch sight of flying squirrels . wow they are really really big.

well God it was nice..
to be reminded.
of all your goodness.
of family.
of my origins and begging.

help me to keep my eyes on you.
to speak the truth in love.
to not be critical, and generalize.
to pay attention... active listening.

to remember names and people.
to find rest.
to enjoy the moments.
to be present.

to shy away from checking my phone when people are around me.
well... here it goes.. 6 months

Moments

First time seeing the two lines,
Such an intimate moment.
I love you my darling,
We'll have the right moment.

Instant noodles

I see two men sitting down eating hot cups. Their meal.

Memories of mom's cooking the past few days came to mind. So much food. My sister and I are really slow. The rice, the chicken, the vinegar pork, the mix vegetables. Blessed.

I bought some bread for the bus ride.

Mansions

The bus passes by huge houses in the middle of nowhere. Why would anybody want to build such a grand thing out here...

How did they even manage to get such money to do so? Where they born into a powerful family? Or was it their hard work. Did their profits come without any exploitative means...

Anyways, I'm no one to be the judge of that. I come from a very powerful family too. And I leave vengeance to my Father's hands.

Let the weak say I am strong,
Let the poor say I am rich,
Becuase of what,
The Lord has done, for us.

Give thanks.

Bus ticket ques

Why is everyone queuing up at the right side of the whole row of ticket counters?

Just because it is near the entry.

I'd have to wait really long if I stuck to the norm. Walked over to the left side, pass the crowds, wow. It's getting lesser and lesser.

Less than 10 people infront of me. Compared to the 20-30.

Transport

When I was growing up my dad would take me to kindergarten and primary school on his bike, first the Honda Cup 65, then at the last day of Q-dees we arrived on a Modenas Jaguh. Making two rounds for my sister and I.

Mom would come pick me up form the school canteen at SK Taman Megah. Later on if walk he myself.

Going to high school mom would fetch both wai yan and i in the wira. When sis got her license she'd drive both of us, really early in the morning to make it for the daily CF prayer.

Then when she left three years before I would, I started to cycle, Joshua's Wheeler bike.

In form 6 after PLKN i got my driving licence. Everyone in school was getting theirs, it was a normal thing for kids in PJ.

A blessing. I never really had to sit the LRT or take the buses. Although I was living in the hub of it all.

I still remember our voyages to Catholic High as a huge CF group using the LRT for BK quiz. One of the very few times.

I never flew anywhere overseas with my family. We always made trips back to Ipoh in the Nissan Vannet and later on the Toyota Avanza.

Before I left for UMS, wei aun invited me over to Laos, one of my first few overseas trips going alone. (The first was Bangkok for the Lego competition back in standard 6, the second was an ISU camp in Indonesia at form... 5?).

Camps, there are a multitude of camps. From the school, scouts, muafakat, leadership, athletics, CF at peace haven, Genting. To church, missions at Cameron Highlands, retreats... To EARC, Camp Cameron..

A huge leap was making the trip to Redang. So many transits, so many people. I remember when friends came over, I didn't know much about the system. A horrible disgrace. I didn't grow up with it.

Now I'm sitting on a KTM making my way down to TBS, to catch a bus to Johor. I met a guy on the LRT coming from taman bahagia, whom told me of a better way than taking the masjid Jamek transit.

Owh wow.. I'm passing Midvalley, didn't know I could take the trains all they way here.

Why do I even drive. Will I ever be less independent and rely more on the infrastructure here?

Travel a begging. It's nice to look around at all the people.

rain

the rain is pouring down again,
its been like this for a few days.

it's nice to have a reminder,
to shut off everything,
and seek God in the sound of droplets.

let me know,
that You are the one whom waters.
the see we sow, is what you grow,

and there will be a harvest

Sqeeze die

I just saw a cute kid joke to his small brother that the train machine would sqeeze die him if he went too slow between the doors...

pet

a lady walking her dog in the rain.
the lengths people would go to to meet the needs of those they love.

Repentance, and attitude

Repentance is a change of attitude towards sin. Not just technically stopping the act of sinning.

read slower

read at your own pace,
slow enough to understand and let it stick.