a text book of academics in english

there are things where we can find balance as an individual
and there are things that can only be balanced when there are two or more people

imagine trying to write your university assignments in the foreign language you took.
that is what is like to be trying to express your views in something now your mother tongue.

i struggle with learning new languages. and by God's grace, i grew up speaking.. mainly.. only english. well.. bahasa kicks in once in a while, but rarely.. apart from that, i'm practically a mute if i were to convey whats in my mind.

(okay, so i shouldn't blame God that i'm too lazy to learn chinese)

anyways, going back to the point.
they say that education is the key to break the cycle of poverty.
i wonder how many of my course mates that i sit alongside in my classroom are actually interested at all in being there. its as if, they dont really care about the degree...

i'm torn
should i just not bother about everyone else around me, and just focus on myself as an individual, study hard, get good grades, work, get money, buy a big house and a nice car.... maybe have a lovely happy family

what about others around me. should i ever care. if they aren't wiling to help themselves, then why should i?

well thats not true, i'm pretty sure that there are some people who care very much about their studies, its just that they struggle with it. language

but they've been given 9 years to study for it in primary and highschool.. shouldn't we already be on the same level of grasping it? how different a level in proficientcy and command of the language get

you cant even spell proficiency right, anyways... well it really depends who your teach was in highschool. you were blessed. coming from a town. good teachers. who actually spoke english well.

yeah my room mates laugh and chuckle when they say just two or three lines... erm.. words of english. it... amuses me to see they're jovial smiles. yet it pains my heart. to wonder if they can be helped.

didn't you ever have that dream: to just go into a kampung and sit down by the wooden stairs. and the children will rush to gather around you... sitting down, staring up in awe... as you pass down what you have.

"Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." - peter to the lame beggar

sim and naruto

something about

the sims game that teaches kids about adultery

and... owning the best of everything in this world.

and people still complain about the younger generation being too materialistic

they should go read Naruto 668.

and find out what it is to have an Attitude like Guy-sensei

haha.. okay that last part was totally random,

anyways... glad Naruto ended. very nice how it puts things from the past being reincarnated in the next generation. something that many other religions have built its self on.

when you meet someone who is oddly similar to another person you've met before in your past,

as if that doppelganger was ... a clone

of play the specific role and character of another friend you had in that old circle of friends.

something about, personalities being cyclic

In news

Finances

A greedy politician in the government will cause the destruction of a nations future.

Buying votes by bribing its citizens. A false image if wealth

Think

Finally some one on their own side of the fence has spoken out against his own people. Well not finally lah, he's been at it for some time now.

Don't just follow the bureaucracy blindly. Don't be a mute stone following the kicking tradition and laws set by men.

Matters

What doesn't concern God,
Doesn't concern me

Humans question believes

"This is how humans are: we question all our beliefs, except for the ones we really believe, and those we never think to question". - Speaker of the Dead talking to Human the piggie.

Pickup trucks

I love sitting at the back of pickup trucks. Feeling the cool breeze across face

I am bankrupt

What does it mean to be that? Totally devoid of funds? Unable to work my lecturer says..  In dept... Someone else says...

Well it made me think about love and grace.

Am I bankrupt and devoid of love and grace? No. But I would be apart from Christ.. The one true unending source of it.

Yes people might be able yo provide it... But not all the time, not in all circumstances, not in all co conditions..

Richness ( not in terms of money) is given in the fullness of it all.. Found by the one who brought everything into being. The Creator.

And because He is my Father.. Just like how our earthly father provides for us, so I know He will provide for me

God demands sacrifice

Why do gods in all religions desire.. Or demand a sacrifice to be made to them. Be it abaddon from the wicker man.

But they all demand blood to be spilled and things to die...

Our God however... Paid the price himself... Died and shed his blood on the cross.. And rose again on the third day.

No other God resurrected like that, others reincarnate or get reborn.. Not Jesus

He is a living god. One whose not defeated by death nor bound to the grave

Hence, as a living God... He demands a living sacrifice...

He calls us to give our all to him... As a sacrifice for following Him. It pleases Him. Carry your cross daily... Keep focus on Christ. Eyes fixed on that which matters.

Mucus Charging Sweating Tehory

okay so nope its not a single thing, its three

Mucus Theory
- When one has a soar throat and there is constantly phlegm (hard to spell!) being made, thne one wants to spit it out as much as he can right? (no i'm not gonna ask you to swallow it).

- what i think is this, after spitting out the yellow-greenish phlegm, prevent yourself from spitting in 1 or 2 hours. Why? because the theory is this, that phlegm contains anti-bacterial properties and kills the germs. if you spit it out too often, then the germs dont die and the mucus is always white/transparent.

-its like.. dont waste your body making goo. keep it inside you longer for a better result in healing...

Charging Theory
on phones and other devices. since now they have 500mA and 2.1Amps. or the general 1Amp.. all devices plug into microUSB which is conviniet. however, i believe that the slower you charge the phone's batteries the longer they will last (not just long term, but the moment you unplug it). why so? i duno. but i find that if i charge my moto G with a 2.1Amp output.. it dies faster than when i use a slower 750mAmp

Sweating Theory
active boys who exercise regularly sweat more easily than people who live sedentary lifestyles. its like.. if you usually go running, the momment your body start doing walking movements, it triggers the sweat glands to go crazy and start preparing for a workout. or well atlesat thats what your body is condition to think your doing to do.

and people who sit all day long at home, can walk miles without breaking a sweat, because: one, either thier pores are stuck/mulfuntioning due to the lack of use of it... or two, they sweat galnds just dont anticipate the owner to do sports. which... he isnt going to do.. becaseu he's just walking to the bus...

well this three theories are totally unsound. they have no scitific backing. and they are just written for fun.

our lil field trip

In KKWC, the boarder is shared with a housing area that seems to be put up without much concern of its effects on the mangrove ecosystem nearby. Due to the lack of education and awareness, we actually witness first-hand the young children trespassing into the KKWC boundaries to collect shell fish as a source of food. Even though the management (SWCS) as placed warning signs multiple times, it always goes missing. Same with the metal fences they erect to keep out trespassers. Police reports cannot do anything as they have no legal right to convict the trespassers without a warning sign board nearby as prove of efforts to inform them not to do so.

Our guide was greatly distressed as she called out loudly multiple times to ask them to go away but all she was answered with was a rude and arrogant remark. The young village boys just did not bother about her and continued collecting their produce. One of the children even was carrying a parang (machete).

Although personally I don’t think they are causing much harm as they were just 4 little children. The greater destruction comes from big conglomerate companies who barge into wetlands with heavy machinery costing millions of Ringgit. They are the ones who destroy nature’s wetlands in the name of development. Those who support the development of shopping malls and concrete buildings are non-other than us locals. However it is the administrative bodies that have to certify and clarify the development plans giving them the green light to go ahead with their destruction.

So rather than blaming the kids for mangrove degradation, the bigger bully to me would be the rich and greedy developers who bribe environmental consultants without integrity. Why do we willingly take “gifts and fruit baskets” which are meant to show sincerity in our joy to work with each other? It is because of the system that we’ve grown up in. Bribery is ingrained into our culture.

Which will go on to the next point of the Anti-Bribery commission not really doing its job, which would lead to a whole other discussion about their ‘contribution’ to wetland degradations.

If I were a conservation officer, the first thing on my mind on how to conserve and protect the remaining wetland areas is this: social forestry. I believe in the community to protect what benefits them. Apart from policies and law enforcement by the government. I believe that the local community around the wet land areas can do much more help. Especially in looking out for illegal loggers or poachers. Yes they may come in once in a while to collect shell fish, but this only rightfully due to them as they reap the harvest for protecting what feeds them.

                The real destroyers are development companies, and the ones that can effectively fight against them are the petitions of the local communities who base their livelihood off the mangrove areas. Take for example the little children we saw in KKWC. They do less harm than and money greedy developer would do at the minimal scale. The children are the ones who are brave and tread through the waters knowing the mangrove area as their home. Developers come in knowing nothing about the species richness and how precious the land they are trotting underfoot.

                Thus if I were an officer, I would get the locals to be involved with conservation efforts by educating them and bringing awareness. I would marco-manage wetlands and leave the micro-managing to the local communities. its not all about writing reports and paperwork, its about knowing how to live and love the forest that brings us life.

God's kindness leads to repentance

Romans 2:4

Do you show contempt for the richness of someone else's kindness towards not the deserving but those who seem fit only to receive wrath and suffering.

We meet many people along life's path. Some are so outright repulsive that you wonder how anyone can not be annoyed or irritated by his obnoxious selfish behaviour.

Yet in Christ we are to show forbearance and patience to such as these. We are to love them with the love that comes from the Father. One that could only have been imparted upon us through the Blood of the Lamb when He made the sacrifice of His Body on Cross at Calvary.

For it isn't our kindness that leads others to Salvation. But so that man may realise all glory goes back and shall always belong to the Father now and forever more.

It is God's kindness which is intended to lead one to repentance.

Harsh discipline does not lead to repentance, loving kindness shown through grace does

Relations

Part of the book "Growing deep in God" by Edmund Chan

Apologies

Why did I have to do all those things and walk away. What could I ever do to make it up to you. To come back into your embrace and feel the warmth of your grace.

Its horrible of me, irresponsible. To be given so much and yet still not cherish it. To be trusted to be loved to be allowed into the deepest parts of your heart.

Why does it always have to be the same season. Just as the trials of examinations are coming up the blissful holidays are always set just before them.

Go and move on. Go and be learned. Study and gain knowledge apart from thinking about what shouldn't be.

I too will see you. Far on the other side. As much as I want to walk together with you in the storms. It may seem i am a far off distance. Yet know that I'll never let your hand go. I've never ever intended to.

Sweet words. Oh how destructive they can be. Sweet as honey comes a little bitterness, that adds up to all its goodness. Sweet words, now how wonderful it is to hear praises.

Only if one means it.

What separates us from the rest?

I was just cycling past the road side cleaners. And wondered to myself, what makes an individual make it or break it in life?

Well.. Firstly.. What does it even mean to have "made it". It all depends on the individuals preference for that word. Some define success in terms of monetary value, others in power or fame.

Capitalism. How the world evaluates us.

What if success wasn't define like that. What if the real purpose was to live out not one's personal agenda, but sacrifice his individual life for the greater good. A cause far beyond his own life's value.

Communities. Not communism.. Like ants.

Well whatever it is. We are in the very fact moving towards a finishing line. And its not how well we start, it's how we end.

So what separates us?

Its this three E s.

Education, experiences, excellence

Education brings empowerment
Which leads to breaking out of not just poverty bondages passed down through generations but also.. The truth will tear down strong hold walls on lies.

Whatever we may have been thought in our past. Weather we like it or not... Does make us more intelligent

Unlike closing our eyes to not see something unsightly, we can't really stop listening to things we don't want to hear.

What's hear then after processed by the brain, its up to us to accept it or not. This is the part where we have the choice.

If it is a false scam and we rightfully discern it, then good for you. It it is the truth by we doubt it, then live in denial. If it is false and we think it to be true, through reasoning we'll be relevistic about everyone's beliefs. If it was true, and you knew it and accepted it.. Then you'll be set free

Experiences through encounters.
We are who we are today because of what we went through in our past. He cannot and should not say that the past doesn't have any effect in making up our characteristics and personalities. We are after all products of something created. Some say our consciousness is a collection of memories and peoples personalities.

Yet what I believe, is that although we can't chance the past, we can forget about it to focus on what is ahead. For you to he who you want to be in the future, it'll start in the choices you make now.

As you meet the right people, ( were there any wrong ones in the first place, as if we couldn't have helped someone lesser than us. Or we always had to surround yourself with people greater. Then how would one ever start off if no one wanted to mingle first. Take the sacrifice, for you have been blessed enough. For in giving, you shall receive ), the mentors, the tutors.. The ones who teach you a lesson by being so wicked, and grace through acts of revenge and hatred, mercy in unkindness and strife ..

You learn, when you choose to do so. No matter the situation.

Excellence? Hmm I don't think so. Righteousness know what the end is. Your end point. Where will you be standing once this is all over. Knowing what is ahead, helps you to keep your mind in the mission. The commission. The greater calling.

Don't get tied up in trivial side skirmishes. Time is an invaluable thing. For the end is coming.

The calling

This is really quite a good read.

http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/sex-and-the-single-woman

In our life we pass by so many people who mentor, encourage and guide us. Always being reminded at the right time about the path that we choose to walk. Yet what is it really to belief in God. What's the point of keeping pure and claiming to be a Christian. Is this a label that we strive to achieve by our own means.

The sceptic and disobedient will always be running around in circles. The same cycle. But in Christ, if one were really to give his life as a living sacrifice... That is how we'll break out of the cycle.

What I'm trying to get at is this, there is more to the life that you are currently living now by your own means by your own standards. There is more.

So much more.

You'll know who created the stars

Missing you

"Hey darling

How was your day?"

You know after watching two movies 'the awkward moment' and wolf of Wall Street.

Gosh I should have listened to my sister not to watch that second movie. Horrible.

Why did the girls have to say 'I don't love you anymore'

And btw, they're married. It's like... Movies are advocating divorce now.

Sigh..

It's NOT okay.

Lost phone

but not lost identity.

in Christ, even if i was to be put to death, satan shall have no hold over me
yes indeed i couldn't sleep last night, woke up 2 or 3 times.
kept on thinking of the possibilities and senarios and life after that,
what if i found it, what if i didn't
what if its somewhere and .. gosh, my brain.. over processed

but you know what brings peace?
God... his Word to us...

i was just sharing about seeking things for eternity not that which is material.
sigh.. walk the talk? learn the hard way? nah its just my careless foolishness

=(

but yeah, God ..

God is sovereign (He is in control)
God is love (He cares)
God is wise (Everything happens for a reason)

Jesus.. you know where exactly it is.. your omipotence, omipresence, ominscience..

sigh...

i realized i only seek God when in need.
when i want some thing.

as if... when all is good and comfortable God takes the passenger seat.

 "Do what you need to do to me Lord,
as gold and silver is tested in the crucible,
so you test my heart"

my heart, i could finally feel it last night

this.. is.... a turning point in life

love's shortcomings

love is not just looking beyond someone's shortcomings and accepting them as who they are.

love is taking the responsibility of helping the other person change for the better.

yes it isn't going to be easy, its not a breeze, it might get in the way of the current care-free life.

thats commitment

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18

i fear, that i am wasting my time.
i fear that after all this it will be in vain.
i fear that what i do will not be reciprocated.
i fear that my efforts...

sigh. GOd in you. i do not fear.

self efficacy

Topic 1. Activity 2.

Self efficacy

Is what people label others with when they see them achieving something amazing. Its a character we use to explain why others get to do such things that look like fun or success, be it climbing a mountain or owning an expensive car. Its a very materialistic worldly point of view, to believe so strongly in oneself. Dangerous too, because if "fail" to achieve the goal we set for ourselves, we tend to think it was our fault for not having enough "faith" and "trust" in ourselves.

I believe that a greater sense of efficacy is when we trust in something transcendent. Something that can never fail us, the source of our strength doesn't come from withing, for it will eventually run out if it does. It comes from without, from a source that will never run dry.

Stop trusting in mankind so much, we are not the center of the universe. know what the greater plan for your life is. There is a will for each and every individual. You will know it, just as He did. Live to love others.

If one thinks he can only run a marathon, start a successful business, win competitions by repeating the words "i am a winner" to himself countless times, look in the mirror and see himself as something he is not, walk into enemy territory, purposely set ourselves in difficult situations. seriously?

okay so thats what i wanted to write.. but i cant... or shouldn't.. because marking schemes are dogmatic

"It is to believe in oneself when the odds are stacked against him. It is usually a term used when the goal is hard to achieve. The person has to persevere and try hard to overcome the problems and obstacles in front of him. From all the examples, the pictures show things that are downright impossible for a normal person in the right mind to do. Like stunts on a motorbike, climbing an icy glacial, a cat walking in front of a row of dogs. The person has to have a lot of bravery, or is just very dull to do. Although i do believe that one can run a marathon despite whatever they physiological state of himself might be in. It is a mind game."

that was the closes i could get before ranting.

Week 2. Video 2.1 Tesco in South Korea.

1. What is the goal of Tesco?

To become the number one stall without fighting the same way as what the other competitors were doing.

2. What ideas did Tesco propose?  

To go against the flow, instead of people coming to them they bring the stall to the people. They also incorporate new up to date technology like smartphones and bar code scanning.

3. What was important to ensure that the ideas were feasible? 

The idea was possible and easy to do as it was a convenient thing that everyone had access to. People walk pass the subway, so they put their banners where there's high traffic. People commute and wait for public transports, so they have that extra time to virtually shop. Most people already have smartphones, so they do not nee to purchase a special device just to participate in this.

4. What benefits did Tesco enjoy after imposing the creative ideas?


Increase in sales, membership and revenue. Most importantly, they helped improve the lives of shoppers.

deeper- Ed. Chan cpt 3

so picked up a few lines:

a theology that cannot stand the onslaught of anguish is worthless.

we live in an age of unmitigated anthropocentric narcissism. facebook.
malcolm muggeridge: "what will finally destroy us is not communism of fascism, but man acting like God"

"beware of placing the emphasis on what prayer cost us: it cost God everything to make it possible for us to pray." - oswald chambers

that which informs the mind must also inspire the heart
-thelogical content vs contemplation

pathetic- to see God as irrelevant to life except when we are in trouble.

lebih indah dari pelangi

ku bukan melilih Tuhan tetapi Ia yang memilih ku.
Being precedes doing.

i didn't choose to come to Ums as my first choice in forestry.
God chose me to come here. and there is a purpose.
least i forget my objective.

Chirst be the center and lead me.

you know the song, indah Yesus ku Indah?
it has these lines: lebih indah dari pelangi, bintang di langit dan bunga di taman...

i study forestry. do you know how beautiful flowers are?
and to think, if i came from a kampung, heck.. from the city.. the rainbow is one of the most beautiful things i've ever beheld with my eyes.... and gosh, have you seen the stars in the night sky without light pollution? its freaking.. beautiful..

and for a Chirstian to sing.. "my God is more beautiful than all these"
amazing

God are you more beautiful than all i have in my life?
the achievements, the past, the freindships, the love, the money, the things i own, the time i have..
God... you are.. the most beautiful

Is Gender a qualitative or quantitative

value... (if not the title would just have been terribly grammatically wrong, as if my spelling was any better)

so at our first biometric tutorial we had to figure out which statements were nominal, ordinal, interval, ratio scales. then we had to figure if statements were qualitative or quantitative

there was one which went like this

"Gender of student* in a conference"
Answer: ???

so there's a big difference on
"How many Genders of students in a conference?"

and

"How many boy and girl students in a conference"

the first would be qualitative if you ask me,
the second two quantitative,

why so?
lets take an example using colored pens. blue and red.
there are 100 blue pens and 30 red pens.

if i ask:
"Color of pens in a box"
the answer would be: blue and red. qualitative (cause, colors are the best example of quality, even if they can now be counted quantitatively through scales and numerals of hue, gamma and contrast)

"Number of colors of pens in the box"
answer: 2 colors. blue and red. quantitative

"Number of blue and red pens in the box"
answer: 100 blue pens and 30 red pens.

so.. see the similarity?
if i were to ask.
gender of students, you cant answer me with a numerical value. its just gonna be male or female. not even in percentage. if i ask how many genders, then you can add in the word "two". but no more explanation than that. only if i asked how many male and female students are there, then it would be a certified genuine quantitative question/statement,

its like. menilai dan mengira.
to define a student if he was a boy or girl, one has to discern. which is a qualitative choice.
you cannot "count" a student if he is a boy or girl. cause.. there ain't such thing as 60% boy and 40% girl.

its like, jim and alee are saying that this statement is qualitative,
i) gender of students saying it is qualitative
ii) what is the gender saying this statement is qualitative
iii) how many students in the gender (male) are saying this statement is qualitative.

if it was nominal like,
1=male
2=female

1 + 2 = 3.
there is no three.
although nominal can be a quantitative scale. yet....
you cannot calculate gender

same goes with brands.
"brands of hand phones bought by consumers"
it is a qualitative statement if you ask me.
yes some might say you can count how many samsung phones are bought by people, how many sony phones, and how many nokia phones. but see the question is not

"how many hand phones in certain brands bought by consumers"
nor
"hand phone brand's bought by consumers"

a consumer cannot "buy" the brand.
he buys a phone made by the brand.

you dont buy 60%.. err.. 0.00001% of samsung everytime your purchase a phone.

you cant calculate the brand of phones bought
you only can calculate the number of phones of certain brands bought.

If I buy one sumsung phone. And Another guy buys one more sumsung phone.

There are two sumsung phones. Yes they can be counted.

But we didn't buy the brands. We both have cumulatively sumsung phones.

There is still only one brand, sumsung. It is an entity that cannot be valued numerically.

well the one we won was
"type of car driven by students in ums"
answer: qualitative
why? because there is no proper definition for the amount of cars out there. yes one can try to classify them into SUVs, 4X4, sedan, racers, hatchbacks, muscle, etc.. but the sheer amount of variety there is just makes it.. un-quantifiable. hence, why we do not classify cars into Toyota's, Honda's or Mercs.

on a side note, remember how we used to say "more water" as in, "there is more water in this bucket than the other" because, theoretically, without a standard scale we wouldn't be able to know what liters or paints are.. it would just be "alot of water" and "a little water". something like "big" and "small" .. who ever gave the right to anyone to define what is "big" and "how big must something be to be considered big" (something like the "how much good is good enough)

but because the general population agrees that 1 cubic meter or water equals to 1 liter. so thus... the fluid has become, quantifiable by weighing, err.. wait no.. but.. measuring in a cylinder.

so it should be "how many more liters of water is there in this bucket than the other"
like.. how many people are in a room. how much more people are there in this room than the next.

worse, how much hues is this chili red differing from that magenta. or is it supposed to be 'many'. i'm confused.

much= uncountable
many= countable

heck. everything can and should be quantifiable.
even thoughts. science wants to do that. science wants to put a value and number to everything around us. even.. thoughts.

back then in the past, our emotions, feelings, imaginations were qualitative.
but now which academicians doing research and surveys into everything they can lay their hands on.. statistics appear everywhere.

they say numbers dont lie. they are facts that speak the truth.
but ... they can be manipulated. and they can be honestly miscalculated.

so, what say you?
* i take it as an honest mistake, it should be, and we all know. it is a typo for "students"

unplanned

so yeah, i was supposed to fly back on monday (1st september) but then thing is when i checked the date out it read 1st October.. zzz.. doesnt oct come after august??

so thank you air asia for letting me modify my flight date for a penalty, and your phone app is so consumer friendly. monday was too near and too expensive, so i took thursday.

the extra days given were .. a blessing. its like, you know those times where you'd think it was the last day you have here. but then you randomly get blessed with some extra time. in those moments, you feel every second preciously. "living on borrowed time" . it makes so much sense to know when our end is so that we dare to do crazy stuff while we still can. but the thing is, we never know when the end of humanity is.

so yeap, enjoyed lots of dinner parties, took a poor accused child swimming, rode the modenas jaguh at the max trottle on ron97. missed so many double clashed events for commitment to certain appointments. said the right things, said the wrong things.

its going out of our daily lives that we see the point in life. experience.

so for the day i was supposed to fly back,
mom took me to paradigm to hop on at RM10 bus to KLIA2. at 2.00pm cause there was no 3.30 bus as stated in the schedule. mom had the gut feeling to call em and find out bout that.

so i bummed around, went into the apple store for a while, crazy.. so expensive.

talked to some random HK lady waiting for the bus, hopped onto it just as it started to pour. owh boy.. the rainy season is here. the bus picked up some dude waiting along the side of the road, he was drenched.

talked to the bus driver on the way, he's.. talkative, and really knows his roads. took a detour to skip a jam. reached the crazy huge mall airport.. walked around.. starring at the random international people passing by. went to a book store, read "fault in our stars" up to chapter 3. mhmm john green, i remember his videos on you tube. really smart guy. a leader of somesort too in the episcopal church. and the wy he writes.. just shows that chirstians arent boring. he.. has a really amazing mind. i admire him.

hopped on board the plane, sat beside a sabahan. talked to him about how... the younger peeps want to break away from the land =P haha.. yeah sab's been a sovereign nation. for a few days. and blablabla oil royalty, IC's given out, timber, putrajaya, blackout, opposition, etc.

arrived at the airport, realizing i did not plan nuts for what im supposed to do when i'm here. i was in KL using the public transport system so much i totally forgot sabah is... lacking in these amenities. well they have a airbus, but it only works from 7am-7pm. so yeah.... why did i book my flight so late!!

i really like taking public transport nowadays. compared to driving or asking friends with personal cars to pick me up it feels.. liberating to know one can get around without getting... snagged behind.

anways, called aunt cause, she's so nice. went to her house to stay a night. talked a whole lotta crazy cool stuff with her. about how its not about preachers saying "dont" anymore but how the church says, "come share openly what you face, there is no shame there is no judgment"

thats the way to go lah. ate darap. delicious

in the morning, woke up. wonderful frech toast breakfast. do you know how nice food taste when you're hungry.. or been through it.. even char siew pow in the toilet taste good k. anyways... reminds me of how Jesus said go.. without preparing.. and randomly find people to feed ya. crazy.

so yup, went to the HEP in kg E earlier today. after installing wassap on a Asus tablet which didnt have a sim. never knew it was so funky and easy to do.

at the office talked to the maxis booth guy. he helped me fix the issue of my broadband not working in my moto g. its kinda easy, settings of the APN add a maxis on with "bbnet"

then, as i was walking to the office to get my keys, some officer saw me and told me that seniors aint supposed to come back within the orientation week. haha! must be trying to aviod ragging or 'disturbance' .. but common.. look at my face! ... anyways walked to 1B. the back way.

read some crap in harris.

walked to the front of 1B to take a bus to KingFisher.. but .. it was going to seppnagar.. and dropped me off at KF sulaman.. zz well.. good thing is they guy gave me a free ride =) then i went to the opposite side and hopped on the bus to go back down south. sat beside a dude from.. sabah. talked to him a lil bout life... polytech.. hmm

walked over to HOJ. =) ah.. the bliss

Prov 16:9
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps."

biopunked

crap, just watched beautiful people from marilyn manson.
the images link so much to blame! by nihei.

... mhmm... better watch myself closely that i dont get sucked into that culture.
occult. devil worshiping. anti-Christ...

of all the religions, why choose to pick and fight with Jesus specifically?
why not buddha or Muhmhd. zzz..

satan's been upping his game since adam&eve's time.
something about torture and disfigured bodies that.. appeal to the fall mind's nature.

God... bible verse....

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Rm 12:2

alrite, recharged. gogogo....
keep on striving for the right path... dont slip.. dont slip

enlighten, meaningless meaningless! everything is!

there's something about riding a bike that grows up a guy

you realize that all the roads are connected somehow, you start to draw maps in your mind.

cause you cant rely on a GPS... reading a map. hence, my bike riding like i'm on a dragon.. or horse.. =l

BST is selling a really nice northdace bag and sjacket with a hardshell and inner fleece

something about people who like water, and mermaids... and sirens.. and how they have such playful hearts. hence, my attraction to beaches and surfing pants.

cloud atlas begins to make sense. everything's connectected. as in.. someone else might have lived your life before you. hence... theory of rebirths and reincarnations.

"stand by me" movie is.. something you want a friend to mention to you. after waling in the dark park at night... talking and reminiscing about MS-DOS and time before smartphones.

sometimse i type out things without thinking. they aren't really true, but i'd like to think they would be one day. its not prophesying, its just assumptions. written in the present tense so they.. dont really make sense or arent accurate at the moment of publishing.

like issac asimove's sci-fi... now i see why dad likes sci-fi. its like.. dreams. that eventually come true. (cant wait for mankind to go to the final frontier, space) =D

its like, when i want to be detached from this world,
at the point of giving it up for the Lord,
then the temptation comes in.. to buy more stuff, get back into hoarding and materialism.

the ALS ice bucket challenge is waking people up. from their daily mundane boring lives.

swimming

something about swimming that grows up a boy.

you jump into the unknown.
water rushes into your lungs, you feel like dying.
a hand reaches out to hold you, you grab onto it for life's sake.
you feel the confirmation, the comfort, the strong firmness.. you feel safe.

dad, thanks for teaching me how to swim when i was a kid.
and even at this age, still bringing me to the pool in KJ.

as i grow older, i realize that there's so much more to wadding in the pool like a struggling animal
the freestyle, the hydro-dynamics, the stroke... efficiency in each small movement.
you feel it more in water, with the resistance of the more heavily denser liquid
then running on land with just wind resistance (unless you ride a bike)

the alternate 3 and 5 stroke per breath,
compared to the basic single sided right breath per 2 strokes.

the slithering of the body like a serpent.. or mermaid,
and the splashing arms of the butterfly

the gliding and alternate stroke of the frog,
compared to the symmetrical leg push arm pull...
the breaths, of once per stroke or 2 exhales underwater before taking a deep one in at the surface.

or even diving.

there's something about swimming, that gives time to one to think
from the moment you strip down to bear trunks,
standing under the shower that keeps the pool crystal clear,
hot water heated up by the sun gushes out first,
and then the cold part from the underground pipes...

all the way to finished a 20 volley with dad,
sitting at the edge of the pool, chatting.. like old men.
life stories seem to come out easier after exhaustion.

there's something about swimming, that i want to pass on to my kid one day

Departures

Woke up a minute too late

I've already said my proper goodbyes the night before.

There's something about technology that makes last minute waves seem.. Indifferent.

Why is it a culture to text and wassap just before the plane flies off?

"Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again"

If I could turn back time, I would have said.... I would have written so many things.

"Bring back stories" "will be here waiting for you" and... The list can go on and on.

When will the time come to just put a full stop and ... End all of this

Imagine, if you were talking to someone... Saying goodbyes at the airport. Tears flowing down from both sides. Only to realise that, you're going to meet that person on the other side.

At the Arrival. I shall see you. Lord Jesus Christ.

wedding dress

"You look beautiful in that wedding dress"

Is what I want to say to my wife next time.... on our marriage day.

I'm sorry i cant say it to you now, I don't want to commit adultery. Not to my future wife, nor to your future husband.

Take care and... Read up 

Is the law love, or love law

We think that others put the law above love

And we ourselves put love above the law.

But when does the love we proclaim to have become law?

Or do we not realise we subconsciously do it

tower of Babel

GAHH.. so cyclic!
life is just repeating itself over and over again.

i look at families and i judge... will i ever have kids like theirs next time?
i look at relationships and judge... will i ever end up in one next time?
i look at church and judge... will i ever be a member like that next time?

why, so much.. fear of the future that has not even come to pass
why dont i just give up living the good boy life and let darkness take over.

why not enjoy the simple beauties and pleasures of life while they still abound.
why not?

i choose to live this life.
so many forbidden fruits around
God is...

God is real.

i've realized that there isnt anyway to escape life's phases.
people should go through it normally and naturally.
to grow.

a cell's processes are cyclic, an individual life's daily activities are cyclic,
societies purpose is cyclic, civilizations are cyclic.. history is.. cylic

and yet linear at the same time, moving onward .. unstop-able

doesnt give us the excuse to not live life.

cibvilizations use to rise and fall ... but they were seperated from one another
now that the world is becoming more globalized... we all will be one civilization, and when we fall.. we all shall fall together.

we built our new tower of babel.
a vast collection of knowledge, which we use as a scale to measure power,
and omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscience cloud of... inter-twined-networks..
we're building a brain, each processor a neuron, severs as grey matters, optic fibers as dendrites..

tower of babel. to prove God something. to show our pride.
to challenge Him. just as lucifer desired to take over His place, the Eternal Throne..

linguistics, language, art.. how we communicate with each other,
english shall unite us all once again, (only thing standing in its way is.. mandrin)


Genesis 11:7
The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing the plan to do will be impossible for them" 

man... doesnt want anything to be impossible nowadays.

see that line? i never should have crossed it.... again...

sounds like Jesus... He's .. the only guy i'd know who wouldn't fail.
http://elitedaily.com/dating/9-signs-man-marry/709958/

and then there's the one about guys for the girls to guess what he wants
http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/8-signs-youve-found-woman-will-marry/698381/

but i wonder how many of this 'society' conditioning does to sculpture our minds on what an ideal partner would be like.

basically, if the Potter isnt allowed to use His Hands to mold us, the clay. then.. we would be molded by something else, the god of this world.

i heard this song by relient k, ages ago when i was a kid, the lyrics only make sense to me now. again. haha.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4jRD1o1iGI

repeated mistake? yeah i would think so.

but songs like this shared by friends do grant hope
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUP7R3Onqf0

basically, let God be the one holding the hammer and chisel to make us who we are.
if we've got the foundation right, that's when the house will stand the storm.

you'll never find the perfect guy or girl to marry,
yes you trust each other, but if one breaks that trust....

only Jesus can mend a broken heart.
seriously.

back from Redang

the land of vice.

truely when God said in the darkness, the temptation is stronger. i know what that means now. i felt it. boy... is the beach life a dangerous place to go.

alrite so, i've got this idea. to become a write. i like words.. well.. not spelling them lah. but stringing them into lines that makes one ponder.

i had this idea for a ficton book back when i was younger.. like a few months ago when i was in sabah xD (hmm doesnt seem too long ago). its titled "two worlds" .. and it sipnosis is basically the same-ol-same-ol poor slum romeo meets rich expat juliet. its just that in this world is dystopia and uthopia. the earth is split into half, and one side decided to develop technology and cyberpunk things, so its pictured as grim dark, and flashy blue light strips around the concrete city scapes. something like tron, matrix and elysium mashed up together. people implanted with cybernetics, google glasses and weareble tech... then the other half is chooses to develop the opposite, biopunk. or natural magic. if it even exsist. so they are like alchemist, durids and elfs. their home is pictured with greenery and tall magnifient trees hollowed out to make living quaters for its inhabitants that take care and nurture the ecosystem keeping everything in balance... and blablabla.. something like avatar.

so the world is basically ying-yang ish.. where there's always something to complement each other in the opposite world. a good here and bad there. and the energy flows from trought the center core, cycling through the earth. like.. err.. karma ish stuff...

okay this is getting weird, just mashing up everything into a book.

lets forget that. now what i'm really interested in is this title:

"Grey's alternate ending"

why grey?
see many things i've come across so far has that word. i recently finished Dorian Grey *spoiler alert* such a lausy ending. and then there's Greys Anatomy the doctory series which as alot of sleeping around elements inside it.. truthfully i never really watched the full season, just bits of some episodes here and there..... and then theres the worse.. (which i also havent read).. Fifty Shades of Grey.

so see.. i wonder what Grey has to do with .. the s-word.
i shall not choose Grey as my english name. for i refuse to be associated with such.. debauchery.

anyways, so what would be the book about? well its about feminism, liberalism and how Jesus is relevant in all this. not in the sense that Christianity allows one to continue indulging in sin, but on how Jesus is the only way our of this postmordern world.

we have picked up a bad culture since young, growing up in a society which, by all means. gives a very wrong perception of what naturally was. be it, relationships, the church, God, haven, hell, or games.

1) the church: it is an institution made by man to peddle the gosple and make money $$$
2) God: he is a man made idea. of a force that is agnostic. maybe a genie in a bottle.
3) heaven: clouds and white robes with golden halos
4) hell: three pronged trident, fiery pit where all the fun people are
5) games: i'm earning money, gaining skills, achieving badges, talents.. i an own a farm, buy a new tractor. blah.

anwyas yeah. the trip to Redang.. thought me alot.
the cross, is where my sins are taken too, freeing me.
1) the church: if you cant bring someone to the church, bring the church to them.
2) God: is sovereign, ever loving, and ... a freindship kinda person.. with reverent awe.. and.. present in the room.. no matter how dark =l
3) heaven: eternal life starts now, not after you die. it is the tearing of the vial seperating the holy of hollies. so that all man can be granted access. to .. God.. relationship between men and God. priority number 1 of life
4) hell: despair .. due to? seperation from God. do we need to wait till we die? nope. we face hell each day on earth as long as we're not in heaven. as long as we dont pray, read His Word, eat daily bread for sustanance. ..its hell bro.
5) games:  Dota 2 is just the new generations way of playing chess. white and  black. but just without the patience of waiting for your opponent.. er.. friend to make the move first.. see thats why everyone rushes now adays.... especially when cuddling together! you gotta wait your turn bro... dont be hasty.

okay okay. sososososo. so many things to write. wait for my book! (which will most probably never come out) .. an aternate title to it would be

"a letter to my generation: adults may read for better understanding of us. warning: explicit content"

haha. so many things i want to say to all my friends around me. so i think this would do. i dunno.

random disconnected stuff ahead, have fun deciphering:
i think life is very cyclic. and unless we break it, it'll never be lived as if it was linear.
i see old people, couples, and think to myself "how sad what a waste" .. and i wonder if i'll grow up into them next time. sigh.

and the three sunday school bible stories that popped into my mind at Redang?
adam and eve being given the opportunity to eat the forbidden fruit (not tempted first)
see God. gave us the ability to choose. because He wasnts us to choose him... err.. in the sense that. we have to choose to make relationships work. if He was the only option, that would be like.. forcing us to love him. no fun at all. for us. or for Him.

people think. nah if i was in their shoes, its so obvious which is the better of the choice. "of cause i will choose God lah!" .. the returns and rewards, the state of being, ... is far better than the other option. its like football... when guys watch it they say "ah if i was in the game i would have done so and so"

but nope. i.. was put into adams position. and i lalalllalalla .FAILED!

but see, the Bible doesnt just end in genesis. it continues on!

jump forward a few hundereds of years later. comes Jesus! and the story of Peter walking on water with Him. see Chirst looks crazy, He'll call you out of the baot, the safe palce, to do the immpossible. and when your doing it, you gotta focus on Him, once you let your eyes of Him, you'll see the storm.

and you'll sink into the waters! you .. just.. start drowning.

but no worries, just shout out for help, and you'll feel this magical hand grab yours and pull you out. its like... the safest feeling ever when you're in His arms. nothing on earth can ever give you that kinda security. .. but anywayis i .. FAILED

then even after experiencing that.. theres the thrid story.
denial three times and the rooster crows. so i already had two in the bucket. if i knew i failed this one.. things are just gonna go BOOM! and God's gonna turn around and stare me in the eyes. saying "i told you so" hahaha.. nola.. he's not so mean. anyways.. yeah.. he ..he.. he gave me a vision.

i was so scared i stayed a good boy on the last night.

i think thats called Fear of God. PASS

haha. nows your turn, go share this good news, not of what you've learnt from others, but what you've experience with God Himself. have fun and enjoy your life! xD

_in CHirst the is no shame or condemnation-

woots!

To know You. I shall not fling

Don't trade in the eternal future purposed by God for something like a short lived fling here on earth. 

1 Corinthians 15:33-34 writes

"Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character. Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God - I say this to your shame"

Just as Jesus never gave into the devil when he was tempted in the wilderness. Be it hunger, security or power. So let us too take after our Lord and turn down the evil things of this earth that seek to steal our destiny away from us.

How would one know the difference of a fling and an actual legit learning experience.

Some might justify that doing 'something' is all part of the learning process.

That life was made to do this vices, to find pleasure in them and then to never repeat them again.

We wil always be bonded to our flesh desires for pleasure,

Until we finally submit to God, for He is the only one that can truly set us eternally free.

All things given by God is good, especially emotions and feelings.

Christianity does not call one to a life of border and solem dullness

In fact, it's so exciting because everyday is a struggle, a fight against the forces of darkness that seek to destroy this world and corrupt souls.

Even as the victory has already been own by Christ yet we still should work out our faith with fear and tumbling. Don't give up reading God's Word and a life of Prayer.

Don't give up the future God has in mind for you.

For it is walking in this oath that you will truly get to know Him.

And oh boy, will that journey be one of joy..... In the midst of suffering.

Don't you want to know God?

Wasn't that the reason that you live for?

Dept driven life

Is there one thing you don't agree with what your doing with your life right now?

Just read finished 'the picture of Dorian grey' by one of my most beloved authors Oscar Wilde. The ending is so.... I shall not spoil it... But I felt it was too anti climax. Maybe I've got to read it a second time to graspe it.

That aside. It made me think to come up with the autonomy up there. Why do men always have to do something in life they might not necessary believe in...doing .for example, work. Work in itself is not bad, all men have to do their part to earn his wages for buying the daily dough. But what happens when that work is at the cost of others lives?

Be thankful if you were born in a family without a dept to pay. Your father bought the house and cars and the loans are all upon him. Why take up more burden upon yourself and be bonded to this world for decades more by taking a dept on your head?

Does this sense or responsibility to pay it off drive you? Do you go to work, to school, to social circles just to ensure you can repay what ever you owe to the world. It is a horrible sense of purpose to have for living! If only people realised that the was more to life than that. More to life than just pursuing materialism, fame and power. More to life than barely surviving past each day.

Oh how much joy we often forfeit, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!

the Mask

being teachable is one thing,
not having a stand is another

being a leader is one thing,
being arrogant and egoistic is another.

being sacrificial is one thing,
trying to self justify is another.

being joyful is one thing,
feeling happy is another.

being well occupied is one thing,
being busy is another.

being in love is one thing,
being in lust is another.

being wise is one thing,
being sarcastic is another.

being mature is one thing,
being an adult is another.

we are all growing up.
not that i have already attained anything...
but what i know, life is a stage play, with so many acts
which require a multitude of mask for one to put on.

but no matter what character he chooses to play,
yet still his heart is the one and same one saved by Love.

eyebags and Daniel

i really think eye bags are caused by staring at technology,
be it the laptop screen, handphone or anything .. bright with light.
stupid theory, but yeah. truth is, sleep time flies away when one is on the laptop.

and i think guys with the name Daniel are quite outstanding.
just like the daniel in the bible who stood up against all that was around him,
they stand out and dare to be different.

and people with names starting with J and S seem to be abundant suddenly.

you scared bro?

Q: what is the greatest fear you have for christians?

A: 1) That they suffer the second generation/pastor's child syndrom
2) that they get stuck repeating a cyclic tradition thought from preacher to apprentice
3) that they become to skeptical about faith and superstition
4) that they stop fearing God
5) thay they become to accommodating, secular and accepting of worldly values, incorporating man's ideas and ideals into the framework of the church structure and leadership.
6) that church becomes just a social meeting place, like a pub.
7) that christianity becomes a religion and not a relationship, irrelevant and irreverent
8) church becomes too judgmental, condemning, unaccepting and fake

well then, lets take 3) for example. skeptical? well thats probably why this answers to this questions came out. many might see i in a bad way, but in a good way. i think all christians at one point come  to this. where there is a tinge of doubt in their faith.

which is good, it means we dont just follow blindly, and we do questioin what we believe in. when we recieve the answer we are all the more sure of what we've been living out the whole time (and hopefully will continue to do) is not just one big lie.

i read a quote somewhere that went something like this:
"the hardest and greatest change is when one realizes what he thought was truth all along, was a lie"

but yeah. skepticism helps people grow. if thy deal with it properly. after all, we are told to judge and discern what is good and bad. well.. not literally lah, but ... we should be wise and not just go with the flow.

 fear God, for it is the begging of wisdom.

Actions in silence

Do it without speaking

Strong silence, audible actions.

Now a days we live in a society that wants to speak out, everything.

Even when we help others, we do it with, sadly, unconsciously... pride.

While not totally egoistic nor deliberate, it is in our culture and natural desire to...

'Advertise' ourself as whatever we (the world ) would call ideal.

Such as being gentlemanly or polite.

Smart or humourous.

Sporty or humble.

Humility is something evasive and hard to grasp,

Because the moment we think we've attained it,

Is the very same moment we lose it again

Actions always do speak louder than words will ever do.

Jesus didn't just say 'I love you'

So go, preach with your life

For the testimony of a changed life is the greatest miracle one can share.

the Catholic Church

the universal church. thats what he kept referring to when i decided to not tell which denomination i'm from. Jesus loves them, and so should i.

today, is sunday... its been feeling like sunday for the past few days since finals were over.
and sometimes the holidays make one.. lazy. almost didn't want to bother going to church today.

but glad God drags me along =P
decided to try a different church from the usual skyline.
i remembered there was a small like shack looking church right behind 1B, in the kampung area.
woke up in time, made a cup-o-oats (gotta finish my goo before i leave sabah for 2 months), browsed a little, took a bath and walked down to St. Simon. an RC church.

okay so i come form a protestant church, not anglican, but baptist.
and i probably grew up all my 20 years there,
being born in a chirstian family, one would automatically follow parents to wherever they go and.. worship
and so... it was a nice place, alot of young bumiputeras there. sat beside a nice murut girl. talked to her a little, then service started at 10am.

well it was a bahasa service, and they have all this liturgy stuff. i... dont know very much about their traditions and rituals. like making the cross sign, kneeling down and worst of all, taking the body sacrament.

but boy did i tell you how i love the old school sound system of one speaker only. i could finally hear the voice of the masses and not just the worship team. and it was like angles. Mazmur Sahutan: Malaikat Allah melindungi orang yang takwa... beauuuutiful song.

basically in a baptist my church, we would all pass out lil small cups and bread (they can be the round flakes, square cubes or even.. gosh.. roti channai.. a few times only lah). and we'll all wait till everyone has it, holding it in our hands and ..erm... remorsing over our sins?

so i lined up, like what i remember they do in St Peter's back in ipoh. then i turned around and ask my murut friend if it was okay. she said.. yeah? haha. she's so nice and innocent. so i tried to observe what the people in fornt of me were doing so that i could err... replicate them? but when i nodded and took the flake.. okay.. Jesus body... i didnt eat it right infront of the father... who ever he is when i accidentally called him that. katekis i think. and when i went to sit down.. no one was holding the flake in their hand.. so yala, i realized i missed out the eat straight away part. dude! 1 Cor 11's been drilled into my head to wait for others.. anyways.

then this man with a red ribbon around his chest tapped my on the shoulder.
asked me if i was RC, then i knew i did something.. err.. wrong?
so i walked out with him, and he started to sternly ask me if i was RC,
if i'm baptized, if i can menyambut (take the sacraments) and blablabla..
so i found out.. only anglican's can take the sacraments in an RC church =(

sorry uncle, didn't mean to desecrate or show any disrespect.
and at a time when an older person rebukes a younger one... in public...
its darn hard not to tear up. but the joy of the Lord shall and was my strength.
steeled up and spoke apologies, calmed the guy down... and tone changed.. phweh.
shoke his hand, thanked him for being so bold to pull me out..
then he let me go back in to sit down...

gahh.... was trying to suck the water back into my eye balls.
the girl beside me apologized and said she thought i was RC.

owhhhh boy. the trick here is not to point the finger back and forth.
man up, and accept it. she didn't need to appoligize for anything.

and i feel disgusted that she feels any sort of fault,
its a church for goodness sake!

any song after that made me want to burst into tears.
sigh.. so i guess asking for a soft heart isnt the best of things to get from God =l
so after the service ended. err.. mass? i went to shake a few hands of some familiar UMS students from harmoni. then i went to see the man who pulled me out. talked to him summore and his loving wife, there were people staring and gathering around us.. mhmm.. not many outsiders go into catholic churches i guess.

then we both went over and i appologized to the katekis. He was a nice guy. gave me time to explain myself, didn't speak first but listened. i was lost for words at that moment, like.. just become dumb and blank. sigh.. i could find the word for it "i didn't mean any disrespect". he too asked which church i was from

but yeahh.... after that met the third guy, Jeffrey.. the chaiman of the church. asked about the history of it. and he too asked which denomination, after answering the two many back then, i decided i'm not going to say it anymore. so he referred it to 'the universal church' ... but i could get the hint, that they do strongly believe in other denominations (except for anglicans) haha okay i should stop.

but he did speak with love, and told me about respecting the traditions and local customs, which obviously i dont do very well... sigh.. these people here are so polite. then he gave me the illustration of an RC going to another my church and doing whatever he wanted. well... okay so i guess that wouldnt be nice.

but i didnt do it intentionally! well.. i guess this would be what iniquity is.
i didn't intentionally learn to do the 'right' things either.

reminded me of so many things.. about the GGF conference my sister dragged me to.
where reformist dont lift their hands in worship (okay my sister doesnt like me for speak as if i'm ridiculing them.... but..... i dunno.. maybe one day i'll learn to speak with love =P)

i learnt not to condemn and what grace meant from that one.

here i learn what respect of other church traditions are.
and its not 'as long as i think its right and okay for me to do' sorta thing.
learn the local customs. sit at the back and watch, not the front and put up a show.

Jesus said when one goes to a feast, sit behind first... and seriously.. i know why he says that now =P

mmhmm.. "if there's one think i know... is that i dont know what i think i know"

God, teach me 'respect' and how unity would come bout in Your church.
religion is not just another force that separates man, but ehno-denominational-centrism does.

so Jeff was the last guy then i walked out. couldn't take it anymore...
walked through the kampung surrounding it.

its a slump. gosh.. what did Jesus said when He was for the poor =(
then i looked up at 1B, the huge towering condominium (with i'm current in right now typing this),
i think about how rich we are, walls of brick floors of parquet..

D;

walked .. and walked.. and walked........
will i follow you Christ? who isn't too selfish to die for others.
i have my own life, why should i give it up to save just a few people...
you were perfect Christ, your skin must have been smooth and unmarred,
a perfect complexion and radient glory..
yet Yu gave that all up,
and left heaven...

left the throne of riches and came down to earth bellow,
just because you love me..

your not just a Savior, you're the Redeemer, Healer and Friend
thank You for bringing me to my first.. mass...

"in giving, then one will know what is living."

our weakness, a protector, the healer

satan knows our weakness,
and he uses it in the inted to destroy us.

everyone has their own battle to fight
based on the seven deadly sins.. and more
some greed for money, power or fame.
others breed deceit and jealousy
some have an extremely slightly short fuse, and blow up at anything trivial,
while yet lust is the common amongst many

if thou shall find onself in temptation,
seek to flee not fight it,just like joseph from potiphar's wife
just like how Job found that talking to friends in hard times,
accountability partners and acquaintances do help
yet know that all man are still human,
and the one one that can truly liberate is Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior


so then, what can wake a person up from his mistakes,
as much as a child being spanked by a loving mother,

what can make a man appreciate life more in all its fullness,
than to have a near death experience, once over again.

june 26, one day after my exam, i was cycling back from prayer meeting at the House of Joy in King Fisher, at the round about that goes back to UMS at a 3o'clock turn off, i was in the middle of the two lanes at 9 o'clock, when the driver from the inner lane decided to go straight.

and thats when her car met my bike,
thank God it wasn't a tragic accident,
got hit perpendicullarly and then flew into the air,
landed on my butt... it still hurts till now

she stopped the car, as i was right infront of it,
i stood up, dragged my bike to the side,
she wined down the window and ask if i was okay,
and kept repeating "do i need to go to the hospital"
how nice of her, to be so caring, if only she was a more alert driver.

but i was fine,
protected by a divine being,
who will not let me go home until i have settled my purpose here on earth.

thank you Lord.
for saving me
both physically all the time,
and spiritually too.

heal me Lord.
and use me to heal others.

"to our weakness, He is no stranger"

childlike

"lead me to the place,

where i can see you face to face,

all i want to do is worship You.."

.. what can make a grown man cry like a child,

is when he starts believing like a child

"a child seeks to know the truth, not reasons to believe a lie." -ravi zach.

why so skeptical oh my soul,

doesn't thou get weary and heavy laden?

Christ has set me free from my burden,

so rise like the eagle and smile like a child.

a man ought to have roughly three phrases in life,

being born into this world with innocents,

all man have the potential for good,

yet in this fallen society it is only normal to be corrupted.

the world's influences and pressures will persuade thee,

but though persecuted, you shan't be crushed nor abandoned.

after a child, a man grows into adolescences,

some man do and some man don't,

some stay immature some stay childish,

and owh how vast the difference is from being childlike!

for that shall only come in the third phase.

while still here at the second pit stop, many meet a companion

called rebellion

he teaches critical thinking, skepticism, tickeries, discernment,

he's a friend who shows what wisdom is to call a bluff,

to see through lies that the eyes of weariness only can do.

he's also a foe who makes the heart harden,

and oh how sad it is to lose emotions, how devastating it is to not cry.

when one feels neither right nor wrong, hapiness or sadness,

stuck in the void like a lukewarm water, be it better for him to be spat out

to the ground and face palm the earth eating dirt.

then shall he realism that there is more to life than being a friend of rebellion.

the third phase, if one would ever mange to escape the second,

holding onto the hand of transcendence,

knowing there is something far greater than oneself of anything of this world,

something divinely pure and true.

a light that shines the way and guides the path,

a love that never fails.

then oh how much the angles rejoice, and how great the Gloria in Excelsis Deo shall be

for than the man can start believing like a child again

for then the thawing of a frozen heart shall flow fourth tears of a child.

for then one shall be able to cry again,

knowing that skepticism is all but a phase in life.

and all that matters is to trust and obey,

"for there's no other way,

to be happy in Jesus,

but to trust and obey"

and eternal life shall then come upon ones life,

just as what is said, eternal life is this = to know Him and the one who sent Him.

in the fullness of His glory, one shall leave behind the old ways, and walk on to life Everlasting.

But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

do you want to be a child in the Kingdom of God?

Lewi pemungut cukai

Lewi pemungut cukai mengikut Yesus.

"Ikutlah Aku!" Maka berdirilah Lewi lalu mengikut Dia. Kemudian ketika Yewsus makan di rumah orang itu, banyak pemungut cukai dan orang berdosa makan bersama-sama dengan Dia dan murid-murid-Nya.

Amin, Helleluya.

Situasi ini telah dipetik dari Markus 2:13-17.

Ia bercerita ttg bagaimana Tuhan Yesus telah menyelamatkan seseorang yang amat dipandan hina oleh masyarakat. jikalau saya rasa diri macam serong pemungut cukai, selalu berada sekeliling duit, apa-apa pun saya pikir dan lihat, ia cara untuk menguat keuntungan je, lebi-lebih lagi skema dan tipu-helah untuk punggut lebih dari apa yang sepatutnya saya ambik.

dosa saya dalam hidup ini tidak lebih teruk ataupun ringan daripada apa yang Lewi mengalami/melakukan. dosa adalah dosa adalah dosa. tak kira bertapa besar atau pun kecil ia nya.

dan apabila kita yang berdosa ini dippangil oleh Tuhan untuk ikut dia, kata kata Yesus mempunyai kuasa. kuasa unutk meliberitasi kita dari gengaman dunia yang bermata wang. saya tidak akan marah kalau seseorang berbuat dosa, kerana kita memang di lahir dengan nafsu! saya hanya marah kepada diri saya sendiri kalau tiday menceritakan dan berkongsi Berita Baik bahawa hanya di dalam Yesuslah kita dapat diselamatkan dari dosa.

Yesus tidak memandang rendah kepada orang-orang berdosa seperti Lewi dan rakan-rakan dia. Yesus melihat kita dengan mata penuh kasih. Sayang-Nya kepada kita merentasi batas-batas dunia sehingga Dia sanggup bergadai nyaway dia untuk kita.

v17 : Yesus mendengarnya dan berkata kepada mereka: "Bukan orang sihat yang memerlukan tabib, tetapi orang sakit; Aku datang bukan untuk memanggil orang benar, melainkan orang berdosa"

Yesus, tidak mahu saya melihat diri sendiri sebagai seorang yang sudah mencapai rohani dan kemuliaan, Yesus tidak mahu saya menjadi ahli Taurat yang kat luar nampak suci tapi dalam tidak mahu tolong yang lain. hanya tolong diri sendiri je.

adakan saya akan dapat mengikuti jejak Yesus Kristus, Penyelamat saya yang telah memanggil saya unutk mengikuti-Nya?

riding on dreams

so i watched two movies,
How to Train your Dragon 2
Rise of the Guardians

when i was watching HTTYD 2, the thing that came to my mind was riding is cool. i wish i had a motorbike here =P closest thing one could get to a dragon i guess

and ROTG, talked about believing in something that is really.... erm... intangible (initially)
kinda reminds me of what faith in Christ is like, and how He protects us.

how having fear or dreams or nightmares all matter in a child's life.
how even it matter's in my life now...

poverty and prosperity

DEB is bullocks.

education is the key out of poverty.
any how can one even classify poverty based on material possensions?
what if the person is MORE happy than a wealthy rich person.

what if there was another definition from success and prosperity
than how the world would see it?

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth,
meditate on it day and night
so that you may be careful to do everything that is written in it,
then you will be prosperous and successful"

joshua 1:8

its not inter racial/ethnic issues that causes  segregation in the economy,
its the intraethnical issues. there are way too little percentage being rich
using a false education to keep the rest suppressed.

pointing the finger at the wrong enemy so as not to become a target himself.
the reason why bersih was so succesful was because it wasnt interracial conflict.
it was the voice of malaysians .. 1 malaysia. bangasa malaysia.. our true united nationality

coming against the corruption of the real enemies.
the enemy of the state isnt the rebels.
communist might have used violence back then,
but look whose using the law for their own good, unjustly now.

the ones who fear their power taken away from them
who fear exposure of all the've done wrong in the past,
digging up skeletons from the closets

those who fear change, although it is inevitable,
those who fear being corrected, being challenged,
having competition.

competition is good, it helps one grow,
helps one to asses his own flaws,
to take time and ponder on how we could be better,
how to avoid mistakes and make wiser decisions,
how to innovate and not be too above himself.

power corrupts, but the humble in heart will master it.

there are rich malays who shouldn't be allowed to misuse the DEB scheme and gain eve more shares than they need, especially since it straves out their own brothers and sisters of a kind.

and thus there also also poor chinese who should be allowed to use the DEB. not everyone in the ethnic group is rich. but they thing is we always try to help out one another, not of the same skin, but of the same heart. one malaysian,

stereotyping, prejudice, discrimination. we cant run away from it.
its innate.

we have to stand up against it, face it. fight it.

just....

"just"

the word added before or after a sentence,
that shifts the focus from 90% of what was said/written to a marginal proportion blowing up.

studying Hubungan Etnik now. i always have so much rants about how malaysia's education system to the majority is so grossly skewed and selective. time and time again they keep repeating that chinese work in bijih timah = rich. indians were in the ladang getah, and malays were "petani dan nelayan SAHAJA". no seriously, whats what they wrote in a book to university students.

i dont know what i'd be thinking if i was from another ethnic group. my chinese friends say HE just tembak the chinese whole way.... and if i would to agree with that and say that too... what difference would i be from the rest of them.

they whole idea is to to get past this obstacle and work together. but obviously, constant dronning and drilling of this ridiculous idea that we are still segregated as it was in the past, some being treated unfairly, is.... just going to keep it the way it is.

i say bullocks to history. well... propagandic history anyway.

if a man were to make the world a better place, he must as well start with himself. like.. the man in the mirror. thats what education should be centered around, improving oneself, and thus it would automatically contribute to society.

just like how we in our sin go to God, and the consequence of that is good works. for faith without actions is dead. not the other way around, where we do good to get good karma/pahala to cover up our sins or balance the scale of justice to be made presentable to God.

it is by grace we have been saved through faith, not by works, so that none can boast.

sigh. boast. just.

"just me having lunch" *snaps a picture* .. of some super awesome meal... while someone out there is dying of hunger.

"just my bro checking out his new bmw" ... yup.. probably just taking it for a test drive. cause if he bought it with his own money, ..mmhmm.. cool.

"just the church doing renovation and installing a 5mil dollar sound system" ... as the brother yuan said, ... i dont think that's what churches need.

the moment we take God out of the church, something else has to take the place on top. and if it isn't pride or power, its money. Balam.

now look here, i'm not saying that rich is bad, that hard working people shouldn't be earning their wedges,.. er.. wages .... that communism equity where the poor lazy people parasitically sucking of the people who strive for excellence is the way to go. no.

i'm just saying that, sometimes we get our priorities wrong.
sometimes we forget what humility is.

like saying "i'm trying to be humble"

seriously? announce the word from the lips and it blows up everything you've been doing. but, its jsut so sososososo hard to keep it in and do-the-behind the scenes good stuff with out announcing it out to the whole wide world. especially since there is facebook in your palm and twitter/insta/whateva technolog-thingamagiky..

the Word says, do not let your left hand know what your right hand did.
how in the zzzz should my brain split into half....

do not even bother to dwell upon the fact i did something good out of my own strength,
when all glory should go to God for the goodness he has allowed me to do,
for the opportunities and the talents He has given.
He has given, and not we have earned. nor did we aquire by eager desire and petition.

the parable of the talents.
gave 5 earned 5
gave 1 earned none.

just me, doing a rant.

Joseph from Arimathea's tomb.

the grave, or tomb.
imagine making your own coffin.

thats what Joseph of Arimathea did.
he had a hole dug out of rock!
boy was that a solid place.

no doubt it was expensive to do it too,
well, he was a rich man after all.
hah, see not all rich people are bad =P

but the part that really stuck a heart sting was this,

matthew 27:58
"But going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus body, and Pilate ordered that it be given to him"

did he just ask for a dead body? well he sure did.
he ask for the lifeless corpse hanging on that cross,
to be given to him... where were the 12 apostles that Jesus walked with,
were not they all like Peter to deny their Savior?

yet here stood up a man from a far away land,
believing Jesus as the Messiah, he really had some huge guts to walk up to a high ranking roman official and ask for a 'cursed'* body, one that has undergone the punishment of a criminal.
one that was bloody and dripping with pain all over,
one that had its flesh torn and ripped out, hanging in bits from the skin and muscles underneath.

and having be granted his desire, Joseph held..
he held the body of God in his hands.
probably one of the very few only to have had the chance to touch it.
the body that was broken and marred for us.
the body that was wounded and crushed for our sins.
so that he, and those who believe in it should be healed.



Matthew 27:59,60
"Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away"

taking the body and wrapping it in a clean linen cloth.
have you ever held a dead body in your arms?
and feel it slowly getting cold?
the heat dissipating away after the last breath was breathed.

well Joseph didn't get to hold Jesus at the point of death,
but he did get to do this, wrap Jesus.

and taking what belonged to him, a tomb.
he gave it to Jesus.

he gave it all, he gave his final resting place that was meant for him.. to Jesus.
Jesus took the place of Joesph's death.
He took the my place in Hell that was the rightful judgment meant for me in all my sins.

and rolling the stone over the entrance,
it was meant to seal it for eternity,
nobody opens up tombs that are close.

but we all the the story of Easter,
that we have a risen King, a God who lives.



oh Lord,
why do i stand in the crows mocking and jeering at You while You hung there and died on the cross,
why was i not knowing what i was doing in foolishness, yet you still cried to the Father to forgive me.
in all the pain and agony you bore, you still though of me, the one you love.
and because of you grace and mercy, i know my soul shall live for all eternity.

the grave on earth.
will be the final resting place for this physical flesh and bones,
i will however go to a place truly called home.




*curse is the man who hangs on a tree. Jesus was made a curse for us, so that the curse of death would be taken from us and unto Him.

back to the elementary

love. grace. i'm losing all of it.
i'm not seeking Jesus anymore as my source,
i'm seeking books about religion, websites about facts,
intellectual conversations, all talk

and no action.

i realize i'm not speaking out of love anymore,
that each word is forced out and carries a tone of stern harshness

and about speaking, why do i even start bringing up the negatives.
yeah its only right for people to talk when there news which is bad
but specifically pointing it out? well, it's avoidable.

people can already clearly see when things are going wrong,
they have the same thought running around in their head,
but just maybe shy or out of respect, choose not to say it.
maybe it was the they were brought up

and i dont think its called living in denial.
i just think its choosing to live above the circumstance.
to see the glint of good in the vast sea of darkness.

well, but some things need to be spoken out.
and those things not everyone can say so easily,
either because of fear of being marginalized by the majority,
the want to stay in comfort, or just clearly being blind and unable to see.

those things require not guts to speak out,
but knowing who we are when we speak out.

knowing our identity.
in Christ, i am first loved.

and thats why i can love.
its not that i'd speak out bluntly to anything because i dont care about other people's feelings.
its just that, we'd should only confront if we love first.

sigh. i should stop talking so much and learn to listen more.
learn, back.... all over again.. elementary stuff

8gb RAM and 512PenDrives

so in the midst of the exams.

i decided to cycle all the way to karamungsing.. why?
because a guy just sold me a kingston DDR3 SODIMM RAM 1600Mhz for.....

RM150!! =D wohoo!! ori price would have been ... 250?
so yup.. =) 100 bucks saved...

and... i mange to pick up two old school pendrives 512mb for 5 bucks each =D.. i'm a happy tech guy today

dreams the days of future past

so yeah, watch a pretty neat show with an interesting concept.
reminds me of what dream might be.

sometimes you stand at a certain place, with certain people...
and as if you knew what the next scene would be, it falls into place.
like deja vu.

i think i've learnt much from dreams,
especially those that are regarding events that relate to real life.
as if, they were trying to warn me of what is to come.

dreams...
mhmm... how i miss them