whose side are you on

The agent is not on your side

The bank just wants to loan you money and make interest off you

Your lawyer is on your side l

Trust him

got this email at 3.24pm, went unconditional at 4.16pm .. a sense of urgency

Now I'm in debt

, 30 years ..

Sigh..

"Scammers impersonate big companies like banks, even sometimes mimicking their phone numbers, texts or emails. Their goal? To steal your hard-earned money.

 

 

Stay alert, protect yourself

 

Say no and hang up "

why cant I be more authentic

I still live my life to please others

To please you

I'm afraid to say "no"

simplicity is surreally sublime

Thr ability to remember is such a wonderful gift when expressed in a child...

When they can start repeating words or count numbers

... I mean. That's like what defined us in our school years right? The ability to recall facts during examinations to get that A score....

Until ....... they start remembering things you wish they didn't.

Like how you promised to bring their socks back to daycare after forgetting to throw it in the car during the morning rush to get everyone to where they need to be by the clock in time....

And so, you try your best to keep to the promise.

Small things. But in a child's world, some perceptions of time mean the lifetime to them.

A word unfulfilled is one of the greatest destroyers in a person's perspective of relationships 

Of cause, not everything that is said can be done. Sometimes it really is out of our control. And along the way of growing up, we learn to let go of things

Bith the Things that dont really matter.. and the things that do. The latter being the harder

After memory and recall: Selective forgetfulness,  is the next ability that is a useful trait to have in life.

Its not that we dont remember things,

Its that we make the active decision to not keep bringing up an event in the past.

Although it might have been painful, or sad, or life defining.

Neurons that fire together wire together.

Use it or loose it. So dont use it, and your brain will eventually lose it.

That's why the best way to not remember something is to not only not thonk about it (like trying to not thonk about the elephant in the room). But actively replacing it with something positive.

Choose to remember the good memories, 

And the bad ones will have no space to take root.

Let go, let God.

Focus on what really matters,

The inconsequential can become crippling if ruminating on when there are better things to do in life

Think about the possibilities, 

The brighter future that life beholds

In the life of Christ that is promised.

Its tough

To let go of the past

Its hard

To apologize and say sorry

But it doesnt have to be

If one considers themselves already dead.

That's what sin is.

The inability to forgive 

..and move on

Its a chain, shackles and prison...

When one comes to Christ,

We die. And there is no longer anymore ego or pride. Its okay to say sorry. There's  nothing to loose, if all has already been lost.

Or is it.

Victory comes not to the strong in their own eyes. But to those that see weakness in their being, and the need of reliance on God for strength 

Sin has no hold,

On the one surrendered to Christ.

For it is Jesus that bears our sin,

On that rugged cross on Calvary 

Chilvery 

Is dead

And only becomes alive,

When one can die to the self.

To lay down the one's own coat on a puddle for the dame to step over.

Not with hidden intentions to flirt and gain anything transactional or reward later on,

But juat because that's who the man is.

Dead to himself, so that he can live (not for others) but for Chirst himself.

Choose to forget,

The wet muddy coat.

The washing that needs to be done.

Hanging out the laundry to dry,

The folding of clothes

The cabinet of cloth.

There's more important thing to the fabrics of time

Choose to remember, 

The happy birthdays,

The celebrations,

The joyous occasions.

For we only have these few years left on earth, 

Before an obituary 

The end is near,

Even if it is 50 or a thousand years from now.

It doesnt matter

Not that nothing matters,

But few things do.

Choose to remember that which matters.

And leave out whatever doesnt matter.

Its not about accumulating more,

Its about subtracting until the bear essentials is distilled to the essence of life.

Love, joy, peace, hope

Let them win

Over pain, regret, despair and loathing

There will be a time for grieving.

Emotions are what makes us human.

Resilience comes from taking the hit.

Take as much time as you need to heal.

But eventually heal you must.

Dont wallow in pity.

For there's plenty of time for that in the grave. Dont let hell arrive on earth before it is due. Let your bones do it for you, once you have let out the last breath on earth. 

For now,

I have no time to think about such things 

For I have to get to sweeping the floor.

And vacuuming the dust,  which reminds me im not in a virtual simulation.

Have a kid,

And there'll be little space to think about yourself. But if you walk the narrow path, you'll think much much deeper about yourself. And how this world isn't all about you.... nor is is about them.

This existence, 

Its meaning

Its propagation 

Its continual

Its reason

Its joy

Somethings in life matter.

And because of that 

I've forgotten the things that don't 

water to wine

No matter how Jesus did it.

It was a miracle 

Empty ceremonial jars,

Filled with water.

And given to the master of ceremony to drink, wine.

Its like making a cup of ribeana or cordial.

A little dried powder wine or syrup at the bottom of the flask. And add some water.

Its "like" 

But that's probably not how Jesus did it.

His was a miracle.

is phone addiction as bad as porn

Seems like it

In fact it's worse, 

Because it's acceptable 

You can watch porn in public, 

But you can use the phone 

the ability to forget

The ability to forget things... 

...is a gift humans have.

One that might go away with using AI,

That remembers everything in databases.

Unless it learns to forget things too

breathing in bed

One of the best activities to do...

james 3:1-2 teaching and the tongue

Dcmc asked me to be a Sunday school teacher...

To be a teacher in the church.

Is not something to be taken lightly.

Because those who do take up the responsibility have a higher standard to uphold.

Is it necessarily a bad thing? No. Life, without its struggles,  cease to be worth living. An easy life is not the way to the narrow door.

Thus, guard your tongue. Start there. The words that we speak out, audible.  Has to come from our minds and hearts first. Let a guardian angel stand at the doorway of our lips, so that wahtever passes through is edifying and glorifies Jesus.

Whatever is gossip and unholy, let it die In our thoughts, as we submit it to God in meditation and quietness.

galatians 5:19-21. evil and good behaviours

Galatians 5:19-21 NLT

[19] When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, [20] idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, [21] envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

https://bible.com/bible/116/gal.5.19-21.NLT

Christians don't follow laws for the sake of it (read earlier verses of chapter 5)..

We just acknowledge that certain behaviours are just results of listening to the devil

As well as doing the hard stuff like loving and forgiving is of the Holy Spirit.

That's why we need His strength and help to do so. By human means, some things are just impossible 

Romans 14 condemning others

"what kind of Christian are you to act like that????"

When that thought comes to mind.

Sigh.

A Christian is still a human, they still get angry, they still get frustrated and vent out all the dissatisfaction of life...

They're just being authentic. And we have this condescending thought that they shouldn't be acting or saying or doing something like that.

God save me.

I am in much more need of reprimand than the other person in my mind.

I am wretched.

Self control, is not for others that we should judge them if they have it or not. The only person we are accountable for this is ourselves towards God.

two sides of the coin. jesus the source of love

To love a higher power (God),

Is how we find the ability to love others (wife, kids, family, friends, enemies).

Jesus is the source of love. 

Find the source, 

And the well spring of life will bubble up flowing forevermore.

Life is all. 

I this world of experiences. 

The dark and the down trodden parts. 

The fights the anger the pain the sorrow. 

There will be no joy or peace, 

If we never knew war or sickness. 

Thank God for the good times. 

Remember Him in the bad ones. 

Holy jealousy Romans 11:11&14

Jealousy...

Always thought that that word had a negative connotation. The only line in where it is used for holiness is:

Our God is a jealous god.

But here in Romans, we read that Paul and God are trying to incite the isrealites (and anyone that has fallen away) to become jealous of those that have accepted Christ and is in God's grace and mercy.

So it is okay to be jealous... For the right things. To hunger and thirst for righteousness.

That is the thing we should strive to be jealous about.. Not others fancy car, house or family... But others obedience and walking in step with the Holy Spirit. That is something worth desiring, a life intune with God, grafted into a holy vine. 

Romans 8:5-8

There's only two wills:

God's and the sinful nature.

Whatever is not of the Holy Spirit,

Is of this world and the flesh.

There is no such thing as the flesh doing anything to please God. Whatever is good, it has to come from God.

So everything else that is no of God,

Is sinful.

There is nothing holy,

It things outside of God.

There is no such thing as pleasing God,

By doing things of the flesh.

Choose the Holy Spirit,

Follow God's will.

Die to one's own self 

Romans 3:31

We don't forsake the law because our salvation is by faith in Jesus. But in fact, only when we have faith do we truly fulfill the law.

There is no way to follow the law perfectly, by human standards and strength alone. The one and only way to fulfill it in all it's fullness is to believe in Christ first, then only are we able to do what is required by God.

That is what the law was originally for.

It was what God wanted for us.

Is what God wants.

That's why we have the law.

It's not for us to achieve a communion or to reach God's standards or access to Him or something arbitrary like that...

What's the reason we have the law?

It's because that is what God wants.

But by our human standards we will never ever achieve it. 

don't worship the stars and the moon

Was looking for this verse for some time...

Remember reading it just after NZ Spirit's Resolution festival few years back...

As if God Himself was reminding me about pagan worship that comes along with these kind of new-agey stuff. 

Zephaniah 1:5

"For they go up to thier roofs

And bow down to the sun, moon and stars.

They claim to follow the Lord,

But then they worship Molech too."

For all those into self improvement, personal development... the rabbit hole goes deep towards hocus pocus stuff like the Secret (manifestation, law of attraction), Mexican Ayahusca (phyto psychedelic) , occult Kybalion (esoteric hermeticism)...

They'll throw it funky add-ons like crystals, sages, bells and whistles, frequencies, vibrations and such...

But eventually mostly boil down to a similar concept:

"That whatever we want, comes form something within us, that is in our control. (Or well, the choice to choose whatever is 'out there' in the universe)"

Hence, yeah...

Its opposition to Christianity.

Whereby out help and salvation comes from God, and not our ownself. Through Jesus Chirst.

Its odd really.. this Christmas. His name is being mentioned less and less. As if were afraid to mention his name (Luke 9:26). Its a form of social anxiety, a desire to fit in with everyone and not be divisive..

But yeah... well... I guess we can't worship two gods at the same time right. Our God is monotheistic, not allowing us polythisme. Just as how a wife has righteous jealousy when her husband might be tempted away by another woman's lustful seduction. So too should we protect the sacredness of marriage being between only one man and woman (Another particularly sensitive topic in today's world).

How to incite hate? How not to make another angry. Is being complacent and accommodating what God would ha e wanted for Sodom and Gomorrahs way of life?

Or does fire and brimstone not exist in this world of rainbow unicorns and strawberries anymore.... 

why we have the law

V11. Its clear no one can be made right before God by trying to keep the law....

Then...Why do Christians have so much laws???

Well, one thing for sure, it's not following those laws that saves us.

Nor does laws give us the Holy Spirit.

Believing in God is what's needed to put us right. Just believe, as simple as that. Belief

V19 

Q: why, then, was the law given? 

A: it was given alongside the promise (of Christ), to SHOW people their sins

That's it... that's all that the law is good for. To show us our flaws. To show our wretchedness and depravity...

There's no honor or glory in trying to obey the law.... no prestige or fame from being a law abiding person

The law is just that, to show our shortcomings. Nothing to be celebrated.

What we celebrate instead is Christ, in Him is the honor, glory and power to save us. Forever and ever. In has been, in the past, the present and days to come. So if one, wants to boast, boast in this: that it is the simple fact of believing in Christ that we're saved. Not the works of man. But God.

hard to read the bible now

getting old in age.

at 30 plus..

when i read chapters in the bible,

sometimes i dont understand what i'm reading anymore

not like how it was back then when i was younger

i could read slower, longer, and more focused

my attention span has serverly degraded to passive consumption of media

how do i train back my ability to read

and enjoy reading

fawning

Ending my "2025 no FB public post" resolution.

At the start of the year, I realized i was using social media in an unhealthy way. Hence wanted to take a break from it. But then I relaise that I really miss posting stuff that I've found so interesting and really want to share to others... this is what I enjoyed using FB for. (Not the mindless doom scrolling when i should be sleeping, habitual app checking during breaks or at the dinner table infront of the family...). Hopefully that's remediated a little more now... 😜 

So yeah. Here it is:

Word: Fawning

Never knew there was a fourth response to fear/danger: fight, flight, freeze... and fawn

Are you (forced to be) compliant or can you be your authentic self? Is people-pleasing and avoidance of conflict to appease others your go to response when an uneasy situation comes up...constantly thinking of what others will be thinking of you...

Interesting book on an unconsciously learned trauma response. And how it's not just mental, but can be stored in physical nerve memory pathways (man i still remember the rotan from school days, good times xP)

Way to overcome? Unfawning through alignment and uhh.. Never heard of this therapy before...

Somatic EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) . Using movements such as Buttefly Hug ... thankfully I got hugs and lots of heathy love growing up in the formative years.. but yeah maybe there is someone out there that can benefit from it...

Well, Noah likes hugs and pats and sayangs, so it must be something haha

Hopefully he can grow up in a family environment that allows him to express himself without the subconscious fear of being reprimanded (unreasonably). Truth should be thought, but thought in love

Another interesting point from the blinkist was "healthy anger" .. something i feel I need to learn how to harness. Always suppressed this emotion as I thought being too fiery wasn't such a Christian thing to do... least one ends up a zealot .. but yeah. Maybe there are good godly ways to express it

And also,

"Self sacrificing for the sake of others" sounds like a very Bible thing to do... (Matt 25:40, romans 13:8-10, Phil 2:4, 1 Tim 5:8, Eph 4:32, John 3:16, Hebrew 12:14, James 2:14-17, Gal 6:10, luke 12:33) .. gee.. there's a whole bunch of it eh, caring for others..... no wonder subtle characteristics of fawning might have slipped in.... but don't get them wrong or misinterpret the verses to be self-abandonment to the detriment of one's ownself.... Jesus asked us to love others as we love ourselves. If we aren't able to ensure ourself is loved first, how are we expected to love others in a healthy way?

The world nowadays (and even back then) with its new age movement will emphasize on "loving one's self" .. but they do it with the idea that that love should come from within the individual person themselves. I.e. love your(outer)self from withing our inner self. However this is now what we're thought in Sunday school. We thought that love for one's self comes from acknowledging God's love for us. And it is by His unconditional grace and mercy that we are able to deal with the fallen states of our body and esrthy condition with love. And then able to love others from that healed state.

So yeah, one pathway leads to a very individualistic, selfish, narcissistic worldview. That shrouds itself trying to look good as "self help". But in actuality it draws one further away from what the original purpose of life was made for.

The other pathway leads to life, and life in fullness and abundance. Painful, hard, not a wide open road, long, arduous, full of challenges and hardships. But that's when we grow, when we have the chance to learn to overcome. And by that become more and more whom we were originally created to be, closer and closer in relationship that will last for eternity.

cough and sore throat

Noah and I sucked fish tank water on last Thursday/Friday ... and developed cough and some throat infection on Sunday 

Two days.

Don't suck fish tank water on a siphon into the mouth :/