dear taikor

a letter to my brother

Dear Tai Kor,

Thank you for swinging by the house over lunch time to see family, despite the busy schedule of work and the big projects on going and up coming.

The sharing of taking a pregnant lady to a hospital after an accident got me thinking about so much things. How the husband was apologizing after finding out who you are and after what you’ve done.

Paying down the deposit for non-nationals. not something anyone would do. anyone would put up security for another that could afford to pay back, but few would for someone that has little chance or no means of doing so. That is true charity. You reward is not here on earth, because it is nothing that the world could give even in all it’s richest. No amount of money could buy a heart of gold. A heart of God’s.

And there is no entitlement in who you are. “I am so big and important, while you are insignificant”. It is the weakest of lambs outside the fold, the bind and the poor that is most significant to the Shepard’s heart.

With true humilty, who you are is revealed by those that are around you. The community knows you and of you and what you do. And they tell the man, and when he finally finds out, it’s like scales falling off his eyes. He sees you for who you are. An educated, Dr.. Prof..(AP), and starts apopogizing for striking you in the face.

‘if a man slaps you, turn the other cheek’

I know of that saying. But I know of little people that have actually been slapped. To get slapped by a stranger, is a such a rare occurance.

People have asked me about seeing miricales in this day and age, saying that Jesus isn’t realy because they don’t see it happening anymore.

But if if wasn’t by a miracle that the car being you was an exper in deescaling high strung tense emotional situations, i dont know what is. If it isn’t a miracle that you would offer to fetch a pregnant woman to the hospital after being struck, i don’t know what is.

Forgiveness is a miracle.

becuase sometimes it really just isn’t a natural human thing to do so. It is a god level quality.

the incident also reminded me about dad at when confronted by Ahmad Deedat and gave his pants away, standing up for Christ. I haven’t heard of a story since then that is akin to it’s level. But now here it is.

people would normally go into a fight or flight response. especially when adrenaline is running through the veins. (which normally happens in events that have low occurances), such as accidents. (or it your friend’s case, he’s been in so much, he’s an expert, as funny or not as it is, alsmost as if one can get desensitize to truma, as much as the medical doctors have to deal with on a daily basis)

• Anxiety.

we have a certain level of aphateticness. or what it seems to be a form of. but its not true apathy, where we dissociate the emotion entirely, disregarding its right to existence. We actually have conditioned our response to such situations by years of faith in God.

We do feel it. its jsut that we dont respond to it the same way that the majority of the world would if they were thought to by the ways of the world.

i.e. if your anxious, you should hurt yourself. so that you can get attention. and attention is the thing that medicates anxiety. it sooths is when someone cares for you.

but its just a band aid over the festering sore.

to truely not be anxious anymore, is to know that one is loved first before they even demand of it. 

i love dad’s quote and advise on faterhood when i asked him for parenting advice:

“Give attention before it is demanded”

because when it is, it is normally too late.

‘you cant buy insurance after the accident’

What if something happend. “Whom of you by worring can add a hour to this life?”. Forgiving others is something, but can we forgive ourselves? The latter is probaby the harder.

(so i’ve had moments like this, its vary rare, in life when all is good)

our mind goes on a rollercoster ride of thoughts about what ifs and such “anything that can go wrong will go wrong”. so how do we deal with it when Anxiousnes comes by knocking on our door?

we open it, but when it’s invited in, it sees another Person sitting at the table, it is Jesus, having a meal in out heart. And He invites Anxiety to come in and sit down.. he doesn’t just slam the door shut and say get out. nor does He allow Anxiety to come in and take control of the place. He helps us to deal with it, helps us to heal from it. and says “DO not worry, Do not be afraid, though you walk through the fires or over the waters, I will be there”

Chirst forgives, and sets us free. CHirst is the key

From anxiety and depression. in prayer and petition submit your request to God. and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

a peace that trancends understanding.

in a world that everyone (or manybe not), well… most people that I hang out with.. or maybe not… myself… I want to be able to undersand things.

but to choose something that is beyond reasoning or understanding….

that is like…. riding a bike.

We’re not bad at conflict resolution, we just choose to resolve tense situations in the way that Jesus would. If you loved the other, what would you do? If you were in their shoes, how would you want to be responded to. Surely not aggression or shouting.

We grew up in a household that I’ve never heard mom and dad fight or get angry or hold it against each other for an extended period of time. When the sun sets, we don’t go to bed angry or hating the other person.

Anger is a very valid emotion, one that shuldn’t be supressed. For if it is, then we wouldn’t know how to deal with it when it finally comes. Just like the fires of LA, not having burnt for years, allowing the tinder to build up. All it needs is a spark for an uncontrollable inferno to break loose.

So have it. Have anger. But learn how to acknowledge it in a healthy way.

Its not about how big the gold chain is.

its the background that they grew up in. The gold is the world’s physical way of saying you’ll be able to be taken care of, monetary wise. However it doesn’t guarantee a happy healthy marriage. statistically the bigger and more expensive weddings are, the more probabilistic the rate of divorce will be.

• on airing dirty laundry

being different from sharing keystone formative memories in a supportive encouraging environment that wants the best for you.

if you share to the wrong people. you most likely will get the wrong advise. or if they blurt it out to others, you’ll get truma of trusting others after that.

Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added onto you.

You’re probably the most well off to do. Two well earning in govt sectors. 

• we’re not bad at conflict management v2

we know about Game Theory. or the prisoners dilemma

its always better to choose to do the right thing than that that hurts others.

because that’s how we win in the long run. life is not a zero sum game as the world puts it, teaching us to be selfish. that really is of the devil, selfishness

choose to do good. no one wins when two people are high strung and fighting constantly. especially not the kids. kids observe. we always think that it doesn’t matter to do or say whatever we want infront of children because “they don’t understand adult stuff yet”…. but how wrong that is….

0–6 years old is their formative years,

that’s probably where they learn most of the things they are going to carry on into adulthood. and if we screw it up then, it’ll take a whole lotta effort to unwind and reshape them when they are older.

But is also probably not the main thing of what your mom was trying to get it. It wasn’t so much of the what the brothers would say or not say, in terms of if they actually would or if it’s all made up in the head. The perception of others or the axiety that coems for what we think other people are thinking about us is also a valid emotion. That’s one of the key things that helps us regulate being a civil person and having a functioning society. I don’t break the law, beause it has conseuqneces kind of thing. But forcasting what the response of others would be sometimes is like trying to predict the weather. You can be good at it, but get it wrong sometimes, most of the time. We never know what the future will actually bring. if we did invite them, maybe they would have been happy. maybe not. but in the end, how you had to handle it, in this relaity that we are here. You had to lie? But you mantained the peace.

if they could see you now and how far you’ve come. Owh boy would they be jealous. but that was never your intention or goal that you’ve set out to achive, because if it was, it would have been a really shallow reason for wealth. money is more than just providing a life, it can’t. it’s just grants more opportunities and choices. often times bad choices, like depression and anxiety, and lots and lots of drugs or medication to remediate it.

what really keeps us healthy? the mind. Jesus. God, in whom all things finds themselves. their true selves.

and sometimes when we look back at things, we just laugh at it... what a silly thing to make suc ha big deal out of back then, it's nice to be older now and see things from this point of view

• on perception

everyone has a reason why they see certain things from the way that they do. and if we could only let go of our ego, and empathize with them, we will understand why they think the way they do.

if a person came from a tough background, they know the realities of poverty, and they would want the best for thier child to grow up in a life better than their own. We always want what is best for our child.

If we still wanted what is best for ourselves,

we would haven’t learnt the lesson of what being a parent is. the sacrificial love that comes, the losing of one’s self. to gain much more in this world.

• On cycling

The joy that comes from riding down the hill, the thrill. exhilaration. something you can’t buy. But it’s not that we do it for that either. It’s because, there’s a sense of freedom that comes from being able to hit the roads on another form of transport, to be powered by your own legs and not a petrol engine, to zip past cars stuck in traffic.

riding a bike, the closest we’ll come to riding horses or dragons in this modern age. when you slant the body to make a turn, you can’t do that with a car.

• recreation

too busy to go out for a hike. there’s so much to talk about that a loop around gasing hill will not do it. but oh, how nice that would be.

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