time and time again, waiting

"Waiting is a part of trusting",
do not live in a world of instantanity.
Time does infact prove something,
so please delight in walking the journey.

abraham waited for his son, believed in God to hold true to His word,
and it was accredited to him as righteousness. *genesis 15:6

trust and obey...
for there's no other way..
to be happy in Jesus...
but to trust and obey~

-this hymn always and an eerie ring to it,
i never liked how it was so straight to the point, almost harsh
obey is a very strong word,
but now i know, least i do not choose to follow what He says,
i obey my own flesh, and it is always my downfall.

a little Resurrection every-time i fall

Dear God,

Grace what have you done?
that i should show grace to others.
why have i been forgiven,
that i should be tested again.

you told me to repent daily,
for your kingdom is near at hand,
humanly, it seems too long a time,
with you, i find joy for each moment.

but when i dont go to you,
to fill my cup each day,
it runs dry and i get tired,
i feel like just giving up.

sometimes i snap,
and conform to my fleshly desires,
i let my guard down for a moment,
and put to failure all i have done.

i think this is the end,
its all going down hill from here,
but little did i forget,
i've given my life into your hands.

that you'll never let me go,
and turn my sorrow and shame,
into something that glorifies you,
for the victory is already won.

what satan meant for my destruction,
you made into a testimony,
what i understood humanly,
is nothing compared to the light you shone.

confessing is such a rare thing,
probably it's how the world views it,
it's a sign of weakness and defeat,
when actually it takes more than that.

as a matter of fact,
opening up is not as easy to be done,
i wouldn't say it takes a real man to do it,
i just needed the right Man to help me.

to be comforted in knowing that
you hold me in your loving hands

remind me dear Lord each day,
that the Person i believe in is not small,
but bigger than anything i'd ever imagine,
that i do not fight life alone.

i will live, by dying.
no longer shall shame and past hold me,
tough i've learnt my lessons from them,
its towards you i look forward to.

i dont know what to do for the future,
i dont want to make human plans,
i know its you who'd guide my steps,
each and every day of my life.

You died in my place so my soul will live

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?" -Jeremiah 12:5

so yeah, did i fail you God? after all that you have brought me through in life, after being faithful and proven trough smaller trials and temptations, when i face a bigger thing, why has my heart crumbled? why did i not do the right thing and seek You first before taking things into my own hands. i really thought my own understanding was more than enough to amend the problem, and i thought that you would just bless the decisions i make like a genie. like how You've always done when i was a young child.

when i was a young christian, things used to go so smoothly, life in communion with Him was a bliss and daily life was a nice stroll in the park. but i know as i grow older, the path shall be more laden with stones, and i need to keep a much more open eye, least i trip. real man never trip. even if they do they do not admit it.

but every time i fall, it is a better state than being lukewarm, cause then there is a chance to rise again, to take hold of His hand again and be pulled up by grace. to feel His touch and grip His nail pierced hands.

The blood that flowed from them is more than able to wash away my shame. i no longer need to hide my wrong, for in confession and prevalence comes a testimony that just goes to show how He aids us to sore over the storms.

Or so i taught that i was right,
to confront a man older than i.
to assume and accuse,
thank God I didn't spark a fight.

My heart was aching from harboring,
a taint cause by evil's blight.
Everything at the end of the day,
shall eventually come to light.

I taught it was my very right,
to amend wrongs with my own might,
I taught i didn't need the Lord,
I've been through this before.
It was like rowing a boat it the storm,
using my strength to reach the shore.

Little did i know how grieve a failure,
my actions would be without His counsel.
To think i should, actually blurted it all out,
i should have kept my lips shut with a suture.

Now i learn that only certain people,
can handle what i think is simple.
To not be labelled judgmental,
is more than saying 'grow up' typical.

True love disciplines a loved one,
but i was in no position or authority,
As much as i wanted to get it done,
this needed to be dealt with spiritually.

A case that involved me,
somehow was not my fight to be,
I was just a passer by,
that God may shine unconditionally.

palms 36 talks about how i actually schemed to do wrong =(
but  2 Corinthians 6:8 says

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you,

so that in all things at all times, having all that you need,

you will abound in every good work."